Solo For Two

Sasha Sedrin’s winter season tour had been ongoing for two months.Starting in late January in New York and Washington, passing through Detroit, Lincoln, and Chicago, Sasha was now heading to the final tour destination, Boston, in March. After the two-day performance in Boston, Sasha could enjoy a long break until the fall season unless invited for special performances.Whenever Sasha, who was always treated as a VIP by the theater, traveled between cities, he was provided with the best suites on trains, spacious cars for luggage, or sometimes even small planes. Each time, Sasha always requested space for three people to travel together, which naturally included Karel and Charles.For this trip to Boston, they were provided with a suite on the train. Sasha, Charles, and Karel, who disguised himself as Sasha’s secretary and followed the entire tour, enjoyed a short train journey as a family.“But Karel, is it really okay? They’re still newlyweds.”“Well, if they’re okay with it, then it should be fine.”The person most excited about Sasha’s visit to Boston was Levin.Julian and Levin, who had gotten married six months ago, had a lavish wedding on a beautiful Caribbean island and settled in Boston. Levin, who didn’t want to be separated from her family already settled in the US, had Julian leave his familiar life in England to start a new teaching career on the East Coast of the US.Levin had already reached out to Sasha while he was in Chicago, suggesting he stay at her place instead of a hotel during his Boston performances.Sasha was very happy about Levin’s invitation but also worried.“We’ll visit, say hello, and if we feel like we’re intruding, we’ll head to a hotel.”“Whatever you want.”“Levin might be fine with it, but Julian might not be.”“Well, Julian is quite henpecked… I think we can ignore his opinion.”Karel said, kissing Sasha on the cheek, and added that Sasha should do whatever he wanted without worrying about others.“You’re the star. My job is to make sure you’re in the best condition.”With those words making him very happy, Sasha quickly decided to stay at Levin’s house.When the train arrived at the station, the three of them got into a pre-arranged car and headed straight to Levin’s new home.The car drove through the city for a while before turning into a neighborhood lined with Victorian houses. As they drove further into the suburbs, the surroundings became more tranquil. The car traveled down a tree-lined road until it finally stopped in front of a large mansion reminiscent of Ludwig’s castle. Seeing this, Sasha realized how silly it was to worry about being a burden to the newlyweds. The mansion had wings on either side and a vast garden with lush green lawns.“Karel.”“Yes?”Karel, carefully holding the sleeping Charles as he got out of the car, stood beside Sasha.“I insisted on living in a townhouse. Now that I think about it… a suburban mansion like this seems nice too.”Karel just shrugged, looking at the grand mansion Sasha was staring at in awe.“Sasha!”A familiar voice called out from a distance.Levin, seemingly returning from horseback riding, rode up to them. Sasha waved his hand. Levin quickly dismounted and almost ran toward them, dressed in a well-fitting, sleek riding outfit and holding her reins.“Sasha! How long has it been? You’re here earlier than I expected.”“Sorry, did I interrupt your riding? Your outfit looks fantastic.”Their hug was long.Watching them quietly, Karel gently pinched Charles’ cheek, just enough to wake him from his light sleep. The slight whimper from Charles brought Levin back to reality, and she stepped back from the hug.“Charles! Did you wake up? Is the sunlight too bright?”Charles looked sleepily at Levin but didn’t seem to recognize her, his former nanny and now his aunt. He just snuggled deeper into Karel’s arms.Unaware of Karel’s ploy, Levin just found the scene adorable.“Is Charles already four years old?”“Yes, he is.”As Levin led the family into the mansion, they passed porters and gardeners. Levin greeted each of them with a polite nod as they greeted her.Watching this, Sasha spoke proudly.“Levin hasn’t changed at all. Even with this beautiful house and being married, she’s still the same.”“She really is.”Karel, delighted by Sasha’s happiness over small things, lightly hugged him and kissed his forehead. He also kissed Sasha’s lovely nose and lips gently.＊ ＊ ＊Two days later, on the first day of the performance.“Sasha hasn’t changed at all.”Levin spoke with concern. Karel sighed silently at her words.“What should we do?”Karel’s silence felt like an admission that there was no clear solution, causing Levin’s heart to sink.In a corner of the dressing room, Sasha lay collapsed on a leather couch, unconscious after a bout of delirium.Just before witnessing this unbelievable scene, Levin and Julian had watched Sasha’s performance from the best seats, proud of their friend. Seeing Sasha’s body creating lines and leaps on stage, Levin marveled at how the timid and melancholic Sasha transformed into a completely different person on stage.After the performance, they had headed to the dressing room backstage with a prepared bouquet and an expensive bottle of wine.And what they saw was an entirely unexpected scene.Sasha was gasping for breath, crying as if his lungs were being scraped. His body, pushed to its limits, lay haphazardly on the dressing room sofa, trembling. Karel was whispering soothing words, holding and comforting him, but it seemed that nothing reached Sasha in his state of delirium.Levin and Julian, who had arrived in the dressing room with joy, were utterly shocked by what they saw.Karel, looking at the exhausted and fainted Sasha, spoke quietly.“Sasha… was already terrified when the performance ended. He said he saw a ghost, but I don’t know the details yet.”Karel drank the water on the table in one gulp and told them to close the open dressing room door. He didn’t want others passing by to see Sasha in this state. While Julian went to close the door, Levin carefully set aside the bouquet they had brought for Sasha.“Is it some sort of aftermath from the performance? I’ve heard that sometimes great artists experience this, where they become so full of energy that they briefly enter a spiritual space.”At Julian’s words, Karel shook his head.“Sasha has performed fifteen times on this tour. This is the first time he’s reacted like this.”“Then… is he still having hallucinations? Like before?”Karel nodded quietly.“Perhaps.”When the curtain fell, Sasha had almost collapsed onto the stage, his legs giving out. Karel, who had been watching from the wings, ran out and caught Sasha, who trembled in his arms.Pointing to the audience, Sasha had told Karel, “Karel, there’s a ghost in the audience.”Sasha’s face had been very pale as he said this, indicating he was seeing hallucinations again.Realizing this, Karel had immediately covered Sasha’s eyes with his hand and carried him to the dressing room. Sasha couldn’t even take a bow to the thunderous applause of the audience.Even in the quiet dressing room, Sasha couldn’t calm down and eventually fainted. Karel gently stroked Sasha’s disheveled hair with a loving touch.“I thought Sasha had gotten much better. I believed he had completely shaken off his depression and hallucinations… But….”Levin bit her lip as she spoke.Indeed, from the time they arrived in Boston until just before the performance, Sasha had been very energetic. There had been no signs of delusions or paranoia, and he interacted happily with everyone with a clear mind. He even focused on digging anthills in the garden with Charles and listened to Karel with eyes full of trust.Levin had believed that Sasha’s mind was nearly healed, thanks to Karel’s love.“Mm….”Just then, Sasha groaned and began to wake up. Karel quickly moved to his side.“Karel, where are you?”“I’m here.”“Karel, that person is outside. Why is he here…? Karel, why is he here…?”“Sasha, it’s okay. I’m right here.”“Who is he?”Julian muttered inadvertently, and Karel brought a finger to his lips, signaling Julian to be quiet. He mouthed the words, ‘I don’t know either.’As the couple stood in slight bewilderment, Sasha suddenly clung to Karel.“Karel! That person is outside the door! He’s waiting for me. He’s waiting for me to change clothes. He always does that. When I take off my clothes, he comes into the dressing room… I hate it.”Sasha whimpered and gasped almost to the point of fainting again, and Karel kept stroking his back, trying to comfort him. But it seemed Sasha couldn’t see Karel either and continued to mumble incomprehensible things.“He’s there even now. He’s listening at the door! I can see him. He’s trying to hear me take off my clothes….”Seeing Sasha in such torment, Levin tried to reassure him with a pained heart.“Sasha, it’s okay. There’s no one outside. I checked….”Before Levin could finish her sentence, Karel gestured for her to be quiet. He whispered, “Denying the hallucination will only make it worse.”Levin nodded and stepped back.“Karel, what should I do? If I… if I don’t take off my clothes, he’ll get angry. He’ll think I’m being insolent.”Terrified, Sasha tried to undress again, despite already being nearly undressed from the performance. Karel held his wrist and said,“It’s okay. I won’t let anyone touch you.”“…Really? But he’ll knock any minute now….”And then it happened.There was indeed a knock on the door.Julian and Levin, shocked and turning pale, wondered if Sasha was not hallucinating but rather had some sort of foresight, as they moved closer to the door. Julian glanced back at Karel before opening the door, and Karel, also looking a bit pale, nodded.“Excuse me.”A middle-aged man with a chubby face and a shiny collared jacket poked his head through the slightly opened door.“What is your business here?”“May I speak with Sasha Sedrin?”“Do you have an appointment?”Julian almost blocked the door entirely with his body as he glanced back. Karel shook his head.“Of course! Though I couldn’t make an appointment in advance, I had to come and express the deep impression you made on me today, Sedrine. Oh! I’m Jean Clarkson. I have another job, but I always introduce myself as a devoted fan of Sasha Sedrine wherever I go. Especially during this tour, I’ve attended every performance in the eastern region, from Washington to New York and Boston.”As the middle-aged man, Clarkson, fumbled through his jacket for a business card, a faint voice was heard from behind.“…Duke…”Sasha murmured as if groaning and then fainted again.“Duke…?”While Julian was trying to recall, Clarkson continued in an emotional voice.“That beautiful expression! The miraculous leap! The movement that defied gravity… Ah, I truly couldn’t take my eyes off you. I dare say, Sasha Sedrine is one of the most beautiful creations on this earth! May I convey this feeling directly to Sasha Sedrine? And if possible, could I ask for an autograph inside my hat?”“I appreciate the sentiment, but I… cannot permit a personal meeting. Could you visit another time?”“Oh, wait a moment. Sasha Sedrine! Sasha! Sasha!”Julian hurriedly closed the door. One shouldn’t hold prejudices against people, but listening to a middle-aged man declare his passionate love for Sasha made Julian feel dizzy.“…Does Sasha have a lot of fans?”Julian asked, trying to appear nonchalant.“Don’t even ask.”Karel sighed as he held Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha’s head hung limply backward as he remained unconscious.At that moment, it became clear in Julian’s mind who the “Duke” was.“This can’t be. He was talking about that Duke.”It had been well over ten years, and since the person was no longer in this world, Julian couldn’t immediately recall the Duke with his sharp mind.“Julian, come here. Help massage Sasha’s hands. He must be so tense… his body is completely stiff.”Upon Karel’s request, Levin moved quicker than Julian and gently massaged Sasha’s stiff hands. Julian muttered, still in disbelief.“But he doesn’t resemble the Duke at all.”“I agree.”“What about that man could have possibly…?”Karel silently continued to massage Sasha’s cold neck. Seeing Karel’s expression harden with anger, Julian fell silent.In the past, Sasha was said to have been supported by a Grand Duke of Imperial Russia. He was the first husband of Madame Rambouillet and had been killed by peasants long ago during the revolution. Sasha had spoken of that past only once, in his own words.Karel clenched his teeth as he recalled the Duke who had molested Sasha during his youth.“That perverted bastard… Listening to the sound of clothes being removed outside the door? He waited until Sasha was undressing to enter the dressing room? That scumbag… I’m going to Petersburg right now. I’ll dig up his corpse and tear it apart to feed it to the dogs.”Levin took a few hesitant steps back, frightened by Karel’s murderous muttering. Julian, forcing a bitter smile, stood next to Levin.“In my memory, the Duke was a scrawny man with an unpleasant face. Jean Clarkson? That man doesn’t even have the same body type.”“Julian, did you also meet this… Duke?”“Yes, it was a very long time ago.”“Sasha has suffered so much. He still has memories of the past that he needs to overcome.”“Indeed. Karel, how long does a hallucination usually last?”In response to Julian’s question, Karel answered.“Sometimes, you snap out of it within a few hours, but other times, you can be stuck in the illusion for months.”“Months… You’ve got it rough.”Karel shook his head as if it were no big deal.“The quickest way out of a hallucination isn’t to convince Sasha that it’s all a lie or to force him to see reality. Levin, you tried to tell Sasha earlier that there was no one outside the door, right? But confirming what’s outside wasn’t a good approach. Even if there’s no one really there, Sasha’s mind will still conjure up the Duke’s ghost.”Levin nodded at Karel’s explanation.“Then what should we do…?”It was at that moment.As Sasha regained consciousness, Levin and Julian didn’t get to hear the answer.“…Ka…rel?”“Sasha, are you awake?”“Sorry… I lost my memory.”“It’s alright. You just fell asleep for a moment.”“…I did? I can’t believe myself. Why did I do that?”Karel gently helped Sasha sit up. Only then did Sasha notice Levin and Julian, and he began to fidget nervously.Not knowing what Sasha remembered and what he didn’t, the three of them waited tensely for his next words.“What happened to the Duke…?”“Duke?”“Yes… He came to the dressing room, didn’t he?”“Well…”‘He’s still in a state of hallucination.’ It seemed that the fortunate outcome of him snapping out of it within a few minutes wasn’t going to happen. Julian and Levin anxiously awaited Karel’s response.“As soon as the door opened, I landed a punch. He collapsed, bleeding from his nose.”“Really? Then maybe he won’t come back?”Sasha seemed visibly relieved by Karel’s words, clinging to the false hope.“Hmm…”Karel groaned.For some reason, Sasha believed that Jean Clarkson was the Duke. And the Jean Clarkson who followed Sasha on all his tours was sure to attend tomorrow’s performance as well.“Well, he’s quite… persistent.”“I know, Karel. But I never want to see him again. I thought I was finally free…”When tears suddenly welled up in Sasha’s eyes, Karel, flustered, cupped Sasha’s cheeks in his hands, gently wiping away the transparent tears with his thumb.“Shall I kill him?”“Karel!”“I’m just saying.”“No, don’t… Why should you do something like that?”“And why shouldn’t I?”Sasha hesitated, deeply conflicted, and then asked timidly.“Then… how about just cutting off his wrist?”Levin’s face turned pale in an instant.“…His wrist?”“Yes. Those filthy hands… But Karel, don’t do it because of me. Don’t return revenge. Still… it would be better to cut off his wrist. So that those disgusting hands can never do such vile things to anyone else…”“I’ll kill him.”“…Karel, what are you looking at? Snap out of it!”“…I’ll kill him.”Sasha shook Karel’s shoulder, trying to snap him out of his rage, but as Karel remained consumed by anger, Sasha finally slapped him across the face.Though a bit mad, they still cared deeply for each other.Watching them, Levin groped for Julian’s hand beside him.“Sasha is one thing… but was Karel always like this?”“Hmm, he wasn’t like this at all as a teenager. Who knows? I didn’t know him entirely, either.”A while later, the four of them finally left the dressing room.On the way home, Sasha, exhausted, fell asleep in the car. Karel, sitting beside him, quietly stroked Sasha’s hair, offering his shoulder as a pillow.As Levin observed them, he recalled what Julian had whispered earlier.‘One possibility is… war can change a person internally, and since the war ended, it’s been one of the most actively researched topics. We call it PTSD.’Julian had emphasized the importance of clinical observation.‘Some scholars, sitting at their desks, spend every day fantasizing and believe that what happens in their minds is the absolute truth. This leads to situations where mentally ill patients are given medication or locked up, making them even crazier. In my opinion… Karel isn’t exactly normal either. Still, it seems Karel knows the most correct answer to treating hallucinations. Could it be the power of love? Or the power of clinical practice?’Karel had said that denying Sasha’s delusions and forcing him to face reality wasn’t the best approach. So wouldn’t helping Sasha overcome his delusions from within be the right way?With that in mind, Levin began to ponder what the best method might be for Sasha to safely get through this hallucination and completely overcome the memory of the Duke.＊ ＊ ＊“So, Levin, what you’re suggesting is… that we put on a play?”“That’s right.”Levin nodded firmly.Hearing laughter from outside, the two of them looked out the window. Charles was running around like an excited puppy.Karel’s gaze returned to Levin.“That would inevitably involve Mr. Jean Clarkson, wouldn’t it?”“If he comes to the venue today, I plan to ask for his cooperation. If he’s a fan of Sasha, he’ll help us.”“A play about getting revenge on the Duke…”Karel crossed his hands and fell deep in thought.Sasha had experienced many episodes of delusion. There were times when he was convinced that Karel had married Rambouillet but still kept Sasha as his mistress, and times when he was tormented by the fear that Karel might be taken back to prison or the battlefield at any moment. But there were also delusions that brought happiness. Sometimes, Sasha would regress to his childhood, seeing visions of his mother and feeling comforted, or he would mistake Charles for a young Karel and enjoy taking care of him.These delusions could be either bad or good. However, after a certain point, Sasha had stopped having hallucinations related to past trauma, which had given Karel some peace of mind.But now, as if mocking Karel’s relief, a past event he didn’t know about had resurfaced. The problem was, he didn’t know how to cover up a past he wasn’t familiar with.Levin’s suggestion, in this context, didn’t seem like a bad idea.“Alright. But Sasha is quick-witted. He might only see what he wants to see when he’s in a delusional state, but if we’re sloppy, he’ll catch on quickly. And if he finds out we were all trying to deceive him, he’ll be even more hurt.”“I understand that as well.”Just then, they heard Sasha calling for Karel from the guest room on the second floor.“He’s calling for me. I’ll take Sasha to the venue early for rehearsal this afternoon.”“So about the play…”“What should we do?”Levin cautiously sought agreement, and as Sasha’s guardian, Karel readily gave his consent.“Once the script is complete, please let me know as well.”Relieved by Karel’s approval, Levin nodded.＊ ＊ ＊As soon as his conversation with Levin ended, Karel hurried upstairs to the bedroom and perched on the edge of the bed. Sasha, who had called for Karel, was rubbing his sleepy eyes. Karel playfully trapped Sasha beneath him and kissed his cheek as he asked,“Is there any part of you that particularly hurts?”“…I’m not sure yet. Touch me.”Karel rolled up his sleeves and began to gently but firmly massage Sasha’s body with his large, warm hands. Sasha let out a groan and let his head fall heavily onto the pillow.The reason Sasha had urgently called for Karel as soon as he woke up after sleeping in from the exhaustion of the performance was precisely this. A few years ago, a light massage that had started by chance to relieve Sasha’s chronic muscle pain had since become a routine part of their tours.Karel moved down to Sasha’s feet, pressing down on his slender ankles and calves before carefully feeling his knee bones, which were smaller than Karel’s fist. The skin was smooth and soft, thanks to the habit of hair removal for performances. When Karel, pleased by the texture, gently stroked Sasha’s leg, Sasha let out a moan.“Do you like it?”“It tickles.”Sasha squirmed, laughing. Even such a small movement seemed endearing, and Karel kissed Sasha’s ankle, which he held in his hand.After coming home last night and falling into a deep sleep, Sasha fortunately didn’t seem to be troubled by any hallucinations or voices. Perhaps being with Karel made him feel that the Duke wouldn’t bother him.As Karel massaged Sasha’s thighs, which were naturally revealed as he lifted his legs, he also reached for Sasha’s lower back and buttocks. The muscles in Sasha’s well-toned buttocks, firmed by ballet, relaxed into soft, elastic flesh when not tensed. When Karel squeezed Sasha’s buttocks, half out of his own desire, Sasha let out a pained moan.“Ow!”“Did that hurt?”“Yeah, that hurts.”“Really? Why does it hurt?”“It’s because I was tense yesterday. When I’m tense, my butt hurts. Especially the upper part… Maybe my balance gets thrown off. Ow… why did you slap it?”Sasha turned around in surprise. Karel nonchalantly replied,“That’s punishment for slapping my face yesterday.”That slap had been to snap Karel out of his rage when his pupils were dilated in anger. Sasha gazed at Karel with a look of injustice.“……”Sasha had assumed that Karel wouldn’t remember the slap. It seemed that Karel’s desire to slap Sasha’s buttocks was more about pent-up frustration, but Sasha didn’t protest.During their tour, the two had agreed not to engage in sexual activities due to the strain it put on Sasha’s body. As a result, by the end of the tour, Karel often confessed that he felt like a monk on a difficult path. He had since adjusted somewhat, but just two years earlier, Karel had been so afraid of sharing the same bed with Sasha during tours that he would stay awake all night. Considering the many days they spent apart in their twenties for various reasons, it was surprising how they managed to endure it.Despite his obvious frustration, Karel kept his promise. Even while giving Sasha a massage, despite his evident arousal, he didn’t make any advances. Now, noticing how visibly Karel was already aroused, Sasha felt guilty and sat up, asking,“Should I take care of it with my mouth?”Karel hesitated briefly at Sasha’s offer but then shook his head with a resolute expression.“It won’t end with just that. You know that.”It was true.Two years ago, feeling sorry for Karel, Sasha had allowed him to rub against his buttocks without penetration. But Karel, persistent and insistent, had worn Sasha down over three hours until, in the end, Sasha had to give in completely.‘Even after that, it still went on for three more hours.’Sasha had felt very wronged, thinking that if it was going to turn out that way anyway, he shouldn’t have agreed to anything in the first place.“So, it’s better not to start at all.”“But…”“You need to put on makeup later. If you do it with your mouth… your lips will get hurt.”Suppressing his disappointment, Karel spoke to Sasha.“Just hold on a bit longer. The tour ends tomorrow.”“I wasn’t planning to pounce on you the moment the tour ends. I’ll let you rest for a few days.”Hearing this, Sasha smiled and suddenly kissed Karel on the lips.Karel, momentarily stunned by the surprise kiss, hesitated for a moment before slowly raising his arms to pull Sasha into an embrace. Their lips, soft and warm, met, and as they gently nibbled on each other’s lips, they naturally intertwined their tongues.When the long, lingering kiss finally ended, Sasha was slightly out of breath. Karel, as if wanting to consume all of Sasha’s breath, rubbed his lips against Sasha’s and once again pushed him down onto the sheets. He freely caressed Sasha’s slender neck, well-defined back muscles, and narrow waist.Though the two were hidden under the covers, the sounds of Karel’s caresses and Sasha’s breathless moans were clearly audible.Just then, there was a small knock from outside.“Who is it?”“Dad? Sasha. Wake up.”It was Charles who slightly pushed the door open and came in. His body was covered in grass stains from rolling around on the lawn since morning. Charles was startled when he saw the two of them entangled together and asked,“Why is Dad bothering Sasha?”