Sleeping Princess

 

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. I turned to the side, expecting to find my alarm clock, but what stared me in the face was a pile of junk. Slowly, my mind started to come back to me as I recalled that I stayed at Mae-chan’s house. The events of yesterday flooded back to mind as all the turmoil of our feelings finally came to the surface.

“Everyone…”

I whispered as I reached my hand towards the ceiling. The room was warm, and I wished that everything that happened was just a horrible dream. One that I could just wash away from existence and weave our family into one without these problems. How… I wished wishes came true like in fairy tales.

“Hm?”

My phone cried out, causing me to look its way. It was pretty late into the night, and I couldn’t imagine it being mom messaging me. Reluctantly, I looked at my phone that was charging on the wall. A single message was from just the person I expected… The hard worker that stayed up far too late on most nights and got up way too early all the same…

“Mari-san…”

I sat up from my futon and looked over at Mae-chan. She was sprawled out like a fish out of water as she slept peacefully. I stood up, but before leaving I put the blankets back on her. She snuggled closer to them as she continued to relax in her dream world.

“I can’t thank you enough for being there for me, Mae-chan.”

I whispered before I snuck out of the room and made my way outside. It was 3 in the morning, and I shouldn’t be up at this time, but Mari-san’s message was only a few minutes ago. It was simple, clear, and a tad begging.

[Hey, I want to say something… so… could you email me back?]

That was all that was on the message. So, I stepped outside into the cold air and called her. The wind blew, catching my long shirt in the wind. I didn’t have any other clothing, so Mae-chan let me have a comfy shirt of hers. It was nice while walking around the house, but clearly, it wasn’t winter wear. After a moment, the phone connected causing my stomach to tense slightly as Mari-san answered.

“Madoka-san… did I wake you up? Sorry if I did…”

“No, I woke up and just happened to see your message, Mari-san…”

 

 

I paced around for a moment as the line was quiet. It was clear that we both wanted to say something but neither of us wanted to be the first to… say it.

“Mari-san… I… I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know where to start, so I went back to that. My mind began to race a mile a minute as the events of yesterday played out again and again in my mind. I told mom my feelings, Mari-san confirmed them… but mom denied it all… and Hana-chan suffered the most, seeing her family being torn apart. So, the only words I could say was…

A hollow, “I’m sorry.”

“No… I’m sorry. I should have talked with Ayumi sooner… no, I should have confessed to her the moment I felt the same way about you two years ago.”

I sighed.

“…It’s too late for that now, I guess.”

I murmured.

“Listen to me. This needs to be said… you’re not leaving your school or friends. I… I made sure of that last night. Ayumi and I are going to chat about everything… and I’m going to tell her everything…”

“Mari-san… you’ve already told me that before.”

I held the phone closer to my cheek as I whispered to her.

“Mari-san… I really do love you… I know my feelings aren’t fake… like mom said. I believe everything you’ve told me up until this point…”

I confessed.

“But the fact of the matter is… there’s too much between you two, and… and my mom was right about this… I can’t be there until you two figure things out…”

I knew my words were hurting Mari-san, but they needed to be said. She needed to be pushed to figure out what she needed to move on… or fight for what she wanted.

“Mari-san, you need to express how you feel to mom. Can’t you see that she is willing to lose everything for you?"

Mari-san was silent on the other end and I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. So, I pushed forward, giving her the biggest push, I could.

“You need to find out if she’s truly in love with you… or if she’s in love with the idea of you, Mari-san.”

“… I know what you mean, Madoka-san.”

I think Mari-san and I were on the same page. Mom was certainly in love with her lover… but it's clear that the reason they got together wasn't of the best intentions. Their love had always been perfect on the surface but lacking on the inside. They both needed to explore if their relationship was worth salvaging and come to an understanding that there is something between them… or if everything is superficial and if they are willing to destroy everything they made for the last two years…

As much as I wanted to be a part of it… I couldn't. Because this was actually a battle between the two in a relationship. Of course, I am the main component because of what happened in the past… but I wasn't able to make any changes between them… because everything was between them.

“Mari-san… please do your best to figure things out… because right now… I’m lost.”

I admitted.

“I don’t know what to do, Mari-san. My mommy hasn't been the same ever since my coma. She's changed, and… only you can get through to her. Can't you see that… she'll listen to you… and only you right now?"

“… You’re right. Yeah… you’re right. Listen, Madoka-san… there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you… since speaking with your nurse the other day…”

Mari-san’s tone of voice was forceful… stern even, and it took me by surprise. As if something within her opened up and she was ready to… do her best to express herself.

“I love your mother, that is true.”

Mari-san declared.

“When we sat at that park after your coma and I told you that I loved her… I wasn’t lying. I do love Nakagawa Ayumi.”

I nodded softly as I listened to her express her feelings… clearly.

“She’s an amazing person who is obviously hurting and is too scared to let go… and I never wanted to hurt her. I’ve… always wanted to make her happy…”

I nodded with a slight smile. Mari-san sounded like a heroine in a way even though that was all from my own perception. She sounded as if she was understanding her own feelings…

Even though deep down inside… it hurt hearing this. Madoka, the me who I tossed away that fateful night in the dark field… was hurting.

“But…”

Mari-san cut through my pains as she spoke forcefully.

“When you woke up from your coma… I couldn’t stop thinking about you… and that led to me showing my feelings for you. Making you feel uncomfortable, and all the misunderstandings between us that come from it. I couldn't let go of the brief past we made before your coma.”

 

 

I could hear her take a deep breath as she calmed her body. Gently, she continued.

“As time went on... It came to me that my feelings for Ayumi aren’t… as strong as they are for you. You truly are special to me, Madoka-san. You… are incomparable to your mother and I don't think you realize that.”

“Incomparable?”

That word struck a chord in me. As I would always measure myself up to my mom… even after finding out about what happened while I was in my coma…

 

 

Mom was always greater than me. The angel I looked up to all these years was still beaming from above… and it was hard to break that idea. But… to hear it from Mari-san, someone I respect… and still loved was like breaking down a brick wall around me. It was loud and defiant. I… had to stop measuring myself up to mom…

“Madoka-san… if you want to move on and find someone to make you happy… I won’t stop you because I want you to be happy.”

She was clear with her feelings.

“But know that I… I have feelings too, and… they don’t always line up with what you want me to do. That means... I don't think I can give up on you that easily in my heart.”

"M-Mari-san..."

"Wait... let me finish."

It felt like she put her finger to my lips, stopping me from continuing. This was Mari-san... showing her true feelings as best as she could. Mari-san sighed as she continued.

"When Ayumi and I come to an understanding... if this causes our relationship to break apart… then so be it. If we somehow bring it back and resolve our problems… then that's fine. I... I believe that it was meant to be that way if that's the case. But... what I want you to know is…"

She confessed in a whisper.

“I don’t think… I’ll ever stop loving you, and I’m horrible for that.”

“Mari-san…”

I waited for a moment. I didn’t know what to say so I closed my eyes and cleared my mind.

“Thank you… for being so honest with me. Thank you for... telling me what's in your heart.”

I could hear her chuckle from the other end of the line. I think… I needed to hear a voice that reassured me tonight. I… I needed to hear Mari-san’s resolve.

"I'll give you two time to chat. I… I don't know if I'll be home tonight either. I… I don't feel right being around mom, and… I'll tell you two what I plan to do after school."

I said as I looked at the cloudy sky above.

“That’s fine, I understand. Your mom is getting a ride to work from Mary-san, and I’m taking Hana-chan to school today.”

It would seem that mom wanted to discuss things with Mary-san about… her telling me of her plans. That was between the two of them, so I shrugged it off and latched onto another thing Mari-san said…

“Oh… ah… I wanted to chat with Hana-chan after school. Would it be okay if I take her with me so we can chat?"

“Sure, just tell me when she’s ready, and I’ll pick her up. Ayumi doesn’t want her taking the train alone… you know.”

I thought about it. Mom didn’t want her to go to school alone until after I woke up. It seemed I was having a bigger effect on Hana-chan than I even realized. It made me feel… all the more guilty. Not only that, but Mom and Mary-san were taking each other places so mom didn’t have to be alone with Mari-san…

"Madoka-san..."

Mari-san spoke up after a brief silence.

“There is a side of me that does love her, Madoka-san. Over those two years, I've seen sides to her that do matter to me. But…"

She stopped for a moment and confessed.

“Maybe if things started over and the way we got together was more natural… I would like to think things would go back to normal… but it wasn’t like when I met you, Madoka-san.”

She confessed.

“I’m able to chat with you openly… because you make it that way for me. I see what I want in a partner…. and it’s very important to me that I have that. I’m… tired of lacking what I want.”

I thought about what Mari-san looks for in someone. Just like her late husband, she wanted someone to draw all these sides out of her. Something that my mom doesn’t do. Mom is the one that seems to want and want… she takes and takes, but that doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. Mom… was just raised in a way that she feeds on needing others. Something Mari-san yearns for in her own way. Mari-san… wants someone to pull at her, take what she wants them to find… as I do.

“You should get back to sleep, Madoka-san. I’ll figure this out, I promise. But don’t worry, you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying in Jinda High School.”

She giggled.

“I mean, it was my idea that you’d go there in the first place.”

I was awestruck by that realization. Could it be that Mari-san wanted me to go there… to find someone because she knew my sexuality? It would make sense because she tried to set me up with Yuko-chan in the past too. Mari-san just wanted me to be happy. Even she yearned for me. But as it sounded in our conversation, Mari-san was tired of waiting and she planned to pursue her own version of happiness…

But it’s not that easy, and I’m sure she knows that.

“You really are… a demon, Mari-san.”

I teased.

“Hehe… Goodnight, I’ll see you later.”

“Night, Mari-san.”

She hung up, and the cold wind caught my hair once again. This was an unusually cold winter, and I doubt that things were going to get any warming as the days went on…

“Time for bed…”

I snuck back into the room and lied down. Mae-chan was still asleep, and she was super cute as she did it. She snored lightly, just enough for her to sound like a cute bear growling.

“I do still love her… but I don’t see a world where it works between us.”

I whispered as I held my pillow.

 

“I’m not ready for another chance at a relationship either right now… but it hurts too much to think of Mari-san. But… but maybe it would be for the best to just move on. For our family to… move on.”

As I thought about all the scenarios on how this could end, I closed my eyes and faded back to sleep.

 

---

 

Despite me waking up in the middle of the night, I was awake first. Gently, my eyes opened as the sunlight broke through the curtains. Despite the mess of the room, it had a beautiful glow as I watched it from my futon.

“Time to get ready for school.”

I figured I got up a bit too early. Mae-chan’s alarm didn’t go off yet, and I was naïve enough to assume that was because my body already decided what time to wake up by routine…

But I was wrong…

When I checked my phone everything became clear.

“Mae-chan, wake up!”

“Eh?!”

Mae popped out of bed, her hair a complete mess. It all dawned on me why there wasn’t an alarm…

It’s because Mae-chan doesn't care! I threw her clothes at her and started putting mine on right where I stood. Still, in a daze, Mae looked at her phone and began giggling.

“Wow, it’s late Mado-chan! We’re going to get scolded if we don’t get there in time.”

“No duh! Let’s go, let’s go!”

Before I knew it, we were rushing out of the house. I was pulling Mae-chan along as we ran to school.

“Why didn’t your alarm go off?!”

I screamed at her.

“Because I don’t have one, Mado-chan!”

She screamed back, playfully.

“You idiot! I don’t want to be late!”

I complained as I let go and began sprinting. Before I knew it, Mae-chan and I were both back to our physical days. She ran in front of me, I began to outrun her, she caught up, and I pushed past her. Suddenly, it became a race as we pushed past the school gates. I wasn’t sure who won, but we made it right in time

“See you at lunch, Madoka-chan!”

Mae-chan said cheerfully.

I waved as we both bolted to our classrooms. I ran into the classroom, and everyone was already there. It felt strange knowing I was one of the last students to walk inside like this. When I looked towards my desk, Sophia-san caught my eye. To my surprise, there were a bunch of girls around her.

“Ohhh, so it is true?! You were on stage with Taylor-sensei!”

A student with her hands on her hips excitedly asked. All Sophia-san did was shrug like she was disinterested in the conversation.

“You two looked sooooo cute. I didn’t know you were… like that though, Conway-san. You… ah… never struck me as someone who was… you know, gay.”

Another girl said as she poked fun at the shark.

“Oh, please…”

 

 

Sophia-san harshly said under her breath.

“So, she’s not your biological sister? I mean… if she was you two wouldn’t be doing crap like that together… right?”

Brazenly, another girl poked into Sophia-san’s life. All kinds of questions were flooding her, and Sophia-san looked like she wasn’t able to keep up. Okabe-san stood on the side because a few girls took over her seat. I walked over. I could see the ivy-head was annoyed at all the sudden attention her rival was getting.

“She’s like the class princess now. It’s… annoying.”

Okabe-san complained as she turned to me.

“I don’t know why those two were on stage that day… I watched the video online. Do you know how many views it racked up in the last day? 6 million… I… I can’t believe I was a part of that.”

I could see a hint of distaste in Okabe-san’s words.

“Believe me, you did a good thing, Okabe-san.”

I tried to give her a sense of accomplishment, but she looked at me with shifty eyes, like I was trying to trick her or something.

“Oh yeah? Conway-san looks like she’s having a field day playing 20 questions with all the girls in our class.”

Finally, the English woman exploded from her seat.

"Okay, everyone! I'll answer more questions later! So please… ah… settle down!"

Sophia-san erupted although not like her normal self. She seemed more contained as she stood up. The shark looked at me and walked over, causing the other girls to open a pathway for her to get to… me.

“Madoka-san…”

She put her hand on her hip. I could tell she was holding something in, but she took a deep breath and asked.

“W-Would it be possible if you could stay over at my place tonight… I need to talk to you in person… like… bad.”

I was a bit shocked, and the class watched me as I… answered her question.

“Sure… but I need to chat with Hana-chan after school. Ah… do you think you could pick me up at the shopping district around 7pm?”

The shark nodded, causing her hair to wildly fling about.

“That’s fine… I just really need to talk to you about something. Something… very important.”

Before I could ask, a few more girls raced into the room. They weren’t here for her big eruption earlier, so it was expected that they’d continue the 20 question game when they arrived.

"Hey, Conway-san! Is your ahh… girlfriend working today?”

A few girls walked in the class asking her. It seems they went to the nurse’s office to question her but couldn’t find Taylor-sensei. I started to piece together what might have happened…

Could it be that Sophia-san… told Taylor-sensei her true feelings and… wanted to chat with me about it? 

It came to me that... Sophia-san needed me alone to tell me the truth of what happened between… them.

“No, she’s not working today. She took today off. Linda has school, and she can’t be here all the time.”

Coldly, she answered as she sat back in her seat. Soon after, Takanaki-sensei walked in, and all the excited girls had to sit down and deal with the school day like normal. There was a heavy cloud over us lately… and it seemed the trouble wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

After a while in class, Sophia-san and, to my surprise, Okabe-san both let out a large sigh at the same time. This was an effect of how taxing our days have been lately…

 

 

 

The day went on, and lunch finally came by. It was me, Mae-chan, Sophia-san, and Yuko-chan all sitting together. This group has become a staple lately, and I was beginning to expect this of everyone in a way. Even Yuko-chan wasn’t as nervous as she used to be around Mae-chan and the shark. Sophia-san was poking at her food. Mae-chan and I bought our lunch from the cafeteria today, and Yuko-chan seemed to have been offered lunch from Takade-san. I take it she probably made too much to give to Saya-san at school. That girl… certainly loves Saya-san.

“Is everything alright, Sophia-san?”

Mae-chan asked as the shark continued to pick away. It was like she was pulling specks out of the sand. A useless endeavor. Finally, she spoke up.

“No, Mae… I… I feel terrible.”

She confessed as she looked at our group. There seemed to be a lot going on in her head as she looked like someone put a dumbbell on her back and forced her to walk around with it strapped to her all day. Whatever evil monster could do that kind of thing to Sophia-san, it was certainly taking the last of her strength away.

“Did you talk with your… ah… Taylor-sensei?”

Yuko-chan asked as she nibbled at her food.

“Yeah. I’m… I’m going to chat with Madoka-san about it after school… But let’s just say… it’s… exhausting… Linda… is exhausting.”

“Sophia-san!”

A few girls from our class came up to her. They seemed to be in a good mood as they jumped to chat with the newfound celebrity of Jinda High School.

“The word around the school is that you and Taylor-sensei crashed the STARS concert. We even watched it online. Was this like a roundabout way to say you like girls?”

Sophia-san looked visibly upset as she looked at our classmates with contempt. She looked as though she was going to jump at them and start attacking them with her teeth.

“Wow, good job! It’s kinda cool knowing a celebrity. I bet you and Linda look so cute together! Next time she’s here, can we get a picture?!”

They teased. I was about to step in but my childhood friend did it first. She put her hands on the table, stood up straight, and looked at the three girls.

“Will you girls piss off?”

 

 

The three of them backed up quickly. With Mae-chan looking like the girl that will punch your lights out, they were immediately in fear as she put one hand on her hips.

"Can't you see Sophia's annoyed? You've been harassing her all day. If you girls keep it up, I'll give all of you a black eye! Then you won't be laughing!"

With a stomp of her feet, she caused them to back up further.

“Get! Get out of here already!”

Mae threatened. Afraid, they all rushed away like roaches when the light is shined on them. Even I was surprised by Mae-chan’s ability to protect her friend at a moment's notice. It went to show the kind of person Ma-chan was. The students at the other table looked our way briefly. Tired, Mae-chan sighed deeply and sat down. With her eyes closed, I could see my childhood friend cooling off. She… looked a bit guilty doing that too, and that just showed me how pure-hearted Mae-chan is.

“…Thank you, Mae.”

Sophia-san said as she took a deep breath as turned back to her friend.

“Thank you… so much. I… I just need a break.”

Yuko-chan chimed in as she set her food to the side.

“Conway-san… y-you… really are exhausted, aren’t you?”

The shark tried her best to stay strong, but her shoulders fell as she nodded to the ghost. I reached out my arm and took Sophia-san in my hands. She seemed to not be upset about what happened with Taylor-sensei. She appeared to be overwhelmed and I wasn't sure why. I assumed that she and Taylor-sensei had a fight, but the more the day went on… I wasn't sure if that was the case.

“It’s a joke…”

Sophia-san sighed as she picked at her meal. Eventually, she pushed it to the side, not hungry because of all the emotions swirling in her.

“No problem, Sophia-san. I won’t let anyone bother you without going through my fist. That’s what your senpai is for. Got to protect my cute underclassmen."

Mae-chan added, light-heartedly.

“Oh, shut up, Mae!”

Technically, Mae-chan was her senpai and Sophia-san was supposed to respect that, but clearly, she wasn’t in the mood to… or ever. The rest of the day went by rather quickly, to my surprise. The hype died down and less people circled around Sophia-san in the afternoon classes. My guess is they heard that the blue-haired second-year student was going to beat anyone who goes near her up. I guess having delinquent-looking friends has its benefits.

The day was finally over. Immediately I made my way towards the spot Hana-chan and alwaya meet up at. I reminded myself that I was going to be picked up by Eleanor and Sophia-san after my chat with Hana-chan at 7pm. So, I made my way to the spot where we usually meet.

“Onee-chan!”

Hana-chan cried as she pushed into my stomach. I held her tight. It felt like a lifetime since I'd seen her even though it was only one night. I could see tears in her eyes as she rubbed her nose against my jacket. 

“Onee-chan, I missed you.”

 

 

She whispered as she dug her nose into my side. She began to giggle and it brightened my mood slightly.

“I missed you too, Hana-chan.”

I took her hand, and she lit up like a Christmas tree. Together, we made our way to the train. I had to think about how I was going to approach this. I planned to enjoy some quality sister time with my Hana-chan as we discuss how our family will go about our problems.