Chapter Volume 8 6: Looking for something to be passionate about.
After passing through a street lined with accessory stalls, they came to a street lined with bustling bars. On the other side of the open door, visitors can catch a glimpse of a minstrel playing lute, men drinking and singing merrily, and women leaning over to pour a drink. As Monica was looking at that scene absentmindedly, Felix looked at her.
"Are you hungry?"
Monica shook her head, but then Felix turned his attention to the end of the street.
"Then, shall we proceed straight to our destination store?"
There was no hesitation in Felix's steps. Apparently, he had done deciding on what kind of store he plans to drop by.
"…Um, what kind of store are we going to?"
"That will be for you to see when you get there. But I'm sure you'll like it too."
Evidently, they had to walk a bit to get to that store.
What kind of store it was exactly for a member of the royal family like Felix had to sneak out of his dormitory to visit, Monica wondered. Judging from Felix's behavior in the House of Madame Cassandra, he seemed to be accustomed to visiting brothels. She even saw Felix waving in a friendly manner at a young girl who was standing in front of a store when she was saying, "Baron!" to call him out.
"Baron" was probably just his alias in this place.
While at school he looked so well-behaved, his conduct appeared unrestrained and carefree—is that how the royal family behaving, she wondered.
Even so, Monica couldn't shake the small feeling of discomfort in her heart for some reason.
"Your… I mean, Eig."
"Hmm?"
"… Are you having fun when hanging out at night?"
"Do I look like not having fun right now?"
Felix blinked his golden eyelashes, which didn't match his black wig, and tilted his head slightly.
Monica hesitated just a bit, then opened her mouth.
"You appear to look like ‘having fun.'"
At Monica's words, Felix closed his eyes once, then opened them. For a moment, the expression on his composed face disappeared and was replaced by a smile on his face as if he had given up on everything.
"Maybe you're right."
Felix affirmed Monica's words vaguely, tilted his head up to stare at the sky. Even the stars at night in this brightly lit city don't look too pretty, he still squinted a little, trying to find it.
"…A friend of mine once told me."
Still looking up, Felix muttered quietly.
"‘I wish you could find many things you can be passionate about that you like, you enjoy, not for anyone else, but for yourself.'"
Every time Felix uttered each of those words, his white breath blended into the darkness of the night. Just like a fog.
"Since that day, I've been searching for all this time, whether it's things I'd love, I'd enjoy, or I'd be passionate about."
"…did you find it, in this city?"
"I did. And it was the place where we're heading to."
That answer alone had proved how little interest he really had in the glamorous nightlife. Maybe strutting proudly through the exciting nightlife and spending time with beautiful women was not something he wished.
Still, among that many forms of entertainment, he was looking for things he'd be passionate about while pretending to enjoy it, even it was just for appearance… but somewhere in the back of his mind, he let out a sigh and thought, "This is not what I want". Nevertheless, for the sake of his friend's wish, he was still looking for ‘something that he'd love.'
"Sooner or later, when I become king, I will lose my freedom. When that happens, I won't be able to hang out like this… so only this time I can be "me", even if only for a short time."
Monica bit her lip and wondered if she should express the doubts that were welling up in her heart. Depending on the circumstances, doubting his reasoning could be considered disrespectful—and ending up with her head decapitated would be a natural thing.
Still, Monica wanted to know the truth. What was Felix really thinking?
"…Do you still want to be a king, even though you know you'll lose your freedom?"
"Do I want to be a king? …I guess you're a bit wrong about that."
Felix shook his head slowly then looked down at Monica. The expression drained from his composed face, and his jewel-like blue eyes lost their sparkle.
"I have to be king."
Yes, being born into royalty and aiming to be king is a natural thing—a feeling that Monica will never understand.
The topic of the succession to the throne is a very delicate one. So having someone doubt him might lead him to get an insult saying that he's not fit to be a king.
That's why Monica bowed deeply to Felix.
"I-I'm sorry for asking you such a rude question."
"I don't mind. Honestly, I'm glad you're taking an interest in me. Especially since you've been surprisingly indifferent to me."
"Ueh!?" Monica yelped out unconsciously like a frog that had been hit by a carriage.
What Felix said has a point. Although Monica had some consciousness for Felix, it was as a target for her protection, not for the individual himself. At most, he had an amazing body with a golden ratio in her mind.
As Monica lingered in silence, breaking out in a cold sweat, Felix put his finger on her chin to lift her downcast face.
"If you feel sorry for yourself, then you should tell me about yourself next."
"A-A-About myself…?"
"There are so many secrets surrounding you."
Monica's face tensed up. Her biggest secret was the fact that she's Monica Everett, the Seven Sages, the [Silent Witch]. She thought she had managed to keep it hidden until now, but perhaps Felix had figured out Monica's true identity?
"Like you would appear in the place wherever I present. Entering the secret old garden where you can't enter without a key, witnessing my escape from the dormitory, and now… here you are."
The reason Monica was able to enter the closed old garden was because of her spell. The reason she witnessed Felix's sneaking out of the dormitory at that exact moment was because of Nero's help. And now, the fact that Monica was standing here was because of Lynn's help.
…And all of them were things that can't be done by an ordinary student.
Felix took Monica's pale hand and placed it on his own neck. And Just like he had warmed her hand earlier, he tried to warm Monica's hand,
"When I realized you were following me, the first thing that crossed my mind was you were an assassin who wanted to kill me. But when I put your hand on my neck like this earlier, your fingers never tried to strangle me. After all, anyone who seeks an opportunity to assassinate someone would think of this as a chance."
Monica paled immediately, realized Felix was testing Monica's response at that time.
"Since you didn't do anything because it was a crowded road, then how about now when we're on a deserted road? If you were planning to assassin me, you can do it now, whether to strangle or cut my neck."
"I-I would never dare…"
Monica quickly denied it, and Felix simply nodded, "Yeah, I know." But, to her disappointment, he said plainly.
"You're not an assassin. If you were, you'd have killed me by now."
"…………"
"Whatever your purpose is, you are far too suspicious to have been hired by anyone. I don't think you're an enemy, but you're too unreliable to be an ally. That's why I've been treated you as an interesting pet."
"Pe-Pe… Pet!?"
Looking at the flabbergasted Monica, Felix chuckled mischievously.
"Now we're just fellow night outers sharing the same secret."
He then extended his index finger and flicked it against Monica's forehead.
"And did you realize it? You could have made a good deal in this situation, like ‘if you didn't want me to find out that your night out, you'd do what I said.'"
"…It's just that…well…t-t-there's nothing in particular that… I want from you."
After winning the chess match from Felix, she had requested him to stop calling her Little Squirrel. But, since Monica had given up and let him called her by her name, there was nothing more she wants from Felix.
"……I don't have anything that I want from you, nor I expect anything from you… really."
"Yeah, I've known that much after spending together in the past few months. That you never expect anything from me."
Felix turned his back on Monica and walked a few steps ahead of her. Then, without looking back at Monica, he suddenly said.
"Well, that's might be comforting but also a bit lonely."
Felix started walking slowly while Monica followed behind quickly.
Feeling bad about standing next to Felix, so she walked diagonally behind him with her head hanging down, but he entangled his own fingers with hers before starting to walk again.
And to Monica's confusion, Felix said.
"I told you before, didn't I? I'm looking for things that I like and enjoy. I do enjoy playing you out, so I'm not going to pry into who you are. So why don't you give me more attention?"
"Ha… Playing… me…?"
"Oh, let me correct that. I'm enjoying playing out with you."
"You just said "playing me"… "me"…"
Felix dragged Monica, who was making muffled grunting noises, by hand, then looked ahead before giving a particularly cheerful voice.
"Look, the store we're looking for is in sight."
Even though she knew she was being deceived, she looked the way he pointed out and saw an old brick house. Hanging from the door was a small lamp and a wooden plaque, with the orange light from the lamp illuminating the words on it. And engraved in the unadorned plate were the words "Porter Antiquarian Bookstore" in rugged letters.
"Now, Monica. Let me tell you something. This store is my favorite place."