Shadow Slave: Possibilities Without Meaning

The look of utter confusion seemed to last on his face for too long as the young woman noticed.

"Why the hell are you so confused?! I was told that you control the knight."

The woman shouted, telling Aldric off.

The complete shift from the shy girl asking for Bael to something that he would expect a boss to say to his subordinate was jarring. 

And she was certainly not his boss.

Giving him no time to react, she continued. 

Placing her hands on her hips, she leaned forward with a hard expression. 

"Where is he?"

Seeing her sharp eyes bore through him, a sudden pang of anxiety spread through his nerves. 

The confidence that he gained from knowing all that he did regarding the future of their world gave him a subtle certainty when dealing with characters such as Nephis and Sunny.

However, interacting with someone unknown with such a demanding personality numbed his confidence. 

'Calm down. Why am I so anxious?'

Like a trigger, the sudden rush of anxiety immediately sent a rush of memories and images that were associated with the terrible feeling. A feeling that he thought he had overcome and buried.

That cold, rainy day in the orphanage. As the condensation of early winter clung to the weathered double-glazed window. The cold walls permeating the winter's breath.

When he arrived in this world as a splintered entity and inhabited the body of this world's Aldric, he accepted his origins relatively easily. However, what he could not accept was his future. 

What it actually meant to live in the world of Shadow Slave. 

It was that day that he learned exactly what a panic attack was. 

Erratic, short breaths that left as quickly as they came. A weight so heavy on your stomach that it felt like gravity was pushing you down. Sweat burning to surface through your skin. A feeling of lightheadedness and nausea.

The sheer terror as everything that he digested as fiction to indulge himself in suddenly became alive and real in front of his very eyes. 

Every challenge. 

Every struggle.

Every death.

It was comparable to growing up. 

Like when a child grows up viewing all of the world's issues through a third perspective. And then coming to the sudden epiphany as they grow older that they will have to make a life for themselves in the world of adults. 

It was here that his inferiority complex formed. 

After seeing Sunny and Nephis have such potential and strength but still struggle so much, how could he possibly compete in a world like that? How could he possibly survive?

Sunny with all his shrewdness and Nephis with all her willpower and determination. What could a lost soul who didn't even have the right mindset for the world of Awakened do? Compared to the lackadaisical upbringing that he had, where one's biggest worry was what to have for breakfast.

What he didn't realise was that Sunny and Nephis were perhaps the worst people to make comparisons to. After all, through fate or their own choices, they often dealt with the biggest challenges that the dream realm and nightmare spell had to offer. Challenges that regular Awakened didn't even think to have existed.

But in his self-pity and depression, the thought did not cross his mind. 

Spending the rest of that day staring at the pelting rain through the aged window, as each ephemeral droplet of water slipped past him. 

He spent days in that mindset. Weeks as he attempted to adapt to the world. Months as he tried to make something of himself in this new world. 

The thoughts of the memories in the body he gained conflicted with his core beliefs and knowledge. 

But it was hard and, most importantly, it was lonely. 

There were no siblings, friends, or parents. Nothing familiar in this broken world. 

Just himself in an orphanage filled with strangers. In a siege capital surrounded by strangers. In a world that did not care for him.

He truly was alone.

But there was simply nothing that he could do but to move forward. 

No one was there to save him, after all.

While others may have clung onto people such as Sunny, Cassie, or Nephis, the only people they recognised in this world. Aldric could not. 

While he felt inferior and lacking compared to others, his inherent pride and ego did not disappear. No matter his situation, it didn't sit right with him to bend down for someone else. Or at least, that was how he justified it to himself. 

And it was in that time of depression and anxiety that he developed the mindset and the goal that would get him out of his situation. 

He took that first step.

A goal of rejecting the familiar but alien world that he found himself in.

A mindset of absolute sovereignty, self-efficacy, and self-sufficiency. 

While he could not develop this character and mindset over a lifetime of experiences and successes that would act as proof to build his identity, he had to expedite the process. 

It was here that he deluded himself into believing that he was inherently special in his circumstance. That he was better than Nephis and Sunny. That he would survive what was ahead and thrive. 

And what he used was his wealth of knowledge to justify his mindset. 

Giving birth to a fragile superiority complex that clashed with his inherent deep-seated inferiority.

So while he approached the world with a subtle ego and a hidden confidence of knowing things hidden to everyone in the world but him, it was the unknown that triggered his anxiety when he was at his lowest. 

In his spiral of apprehension, Aldric did not recognise that the reason behind his panic attack was because of an unknown variable in the form of a woman berating him regarding his apostle. 

And that was the source of it, the unknown. 

If Effie had acted in a similar way, he would have been fine with it and could joke around or deal with it accordingly. But in this instance, he couldn't. 

It was being confronted by someone he didn't know, and while he didn't always react this way when dealing with the unknown, like when he was sent to his first nightmare, these pangs of anxiety showed themselves randomly in times of stress. Like when he had spent those first few months stuck in the caverns close to the Hollow Mountains. 

This subconscious feeling was what drove him to challenge the Undeworld's Torment in the colosseum of the Dark City. An attempt to prove to himself that he was not overly reliant on the future that he knew and that he could deal with unforeseen challenges.

With these feelings suddenly re-emerging, Aldric's heart sank even further. Before he entered a feedback loop of negative thoughts, he centred his mind.

Gripping his palms tightly and relaxing them in intervals, he tried to convince himself.

'Calm down. It's all in the past. Look how far you've come.'

He thought as he tried to steady his breath.

Thoughts of his achievements and accomplishments rushed through his mind like a calming breeze. Proving to himself that he truly changed and made it work.

From an outside perspective, the Singularity's achievements and victories may be attributed to his many facets and abilities. 

His aspect of darkness. 

His attribute of intuition and instinct.

Maybe his attribute to defy fate and pave his own path. 

Or even his knowledge and foresight.

However, whether he knew it consciously or not, [Tranquil Core] and its predecessor [Clear Mind] are what allowed him to reach so far.

The attribute was what gave him the mental space to think just beyond survival and beyond the present towards the future. It gave him the peace of mind to trust in his capabilities and hard work. The bandwidth to think beyond his needs and to his wants and goals. Numbing his inner thoughts of self-loathing and quieting his inner critic. 

It was the force that steadied his blade hand in moments of duress.

Not just calming his mind and nerves during battles but also bolstering his mental strength. Strong enough to not crash mentally during battle.

After all, it is said that your biggest enemy is often yourself. 

Looking forward at the apparent fan of Bael, he tried to focus on what she just said. Hoping that she didn't see his moment of weakness.

But the expression on her face showed that she did.

The woman leaned back apologetically, noticing just how uncomfortable the supposed owner of the Black Knight was. 

It was not the first time she had ever come across too strongly to someone, but even she recognised that his reaction was way too strong. As if she had triggered some kind of memory. 

"My bad. I didn't mean to pressure you so much."

She spoke as she meekly rubbed the back of her head in awkwardness. As if she was caught bullying someone.

She looked at him with a soft expression, confirming if the supposed owner of the Black Knight was alright.

Regaining her composure, she focused on her next words. 

"I just want to thank the knight for saving my life during the siege. I owe him everything."

A face of absolute passion and gratitude fell over her face as she whispered.

"I was supposed to die there."

While Aldric heard what she said, he was not in the right mindset to analyse her intentions, so he took her words at face value. 

Composing himself fully, he responded. 

"He's indisposed at the moment. That battle really did a number on him."

The woman's sharp face melted into a heartwarming expression. The same expression a mother would form at the mention of her child. 

'What is wrong with her?'

Aldric did not know how to react; he was rendered speechless. 

She whispered in a loving voice. 

"So that's his name!"

As a red hue spread over her freckled face. 

'Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this girl?!'

Aldric's thoughts were expressed on his face vividly, indicating what he was feeling and thinking to the girl. 

'I really should explain myself better.'

The woman thought to herself.

"My name is Marielyn. I was a healer during the siege, or at least I was supposed to be."

She said, her voice sounding less confident as she spoke. Shaking her head at an errant thought, she continued. 

"I was a dead woman. When two Spire Messengers invaded the healer's tents and found us, I gave up. What could I possibly do when I was surrounded by two Fallen-ranked creatures?"

She looked down as she spoke. Reliving the memory.

"That was until he showed up. Like a stream carving through stone, he weaved between the Fallen creatures with fluid precision, every strike of his blade rippling with purpose."

She said earnestly with a look of reverence and adoration. Describing the Black Knight like a figure out of myth. Regaling his every action with descriptions of valour.

"And after exhausting all his strength to protect us, he carried us past the weird sunbeams into the spire."

While Aldric understood her gratitude, he could tell that there was more that she wanted. 

"You're welcome. I know it was a tough battle for all of us. Good job on surviving."

Aldric spoke out with a half-smile. Or at least he tried to in his condition. 

It sounded good in his mind until he saw her face. 

Twisting into a look of awkwardness and mild annoyance. 

It was clear that he said something wrong or at least was the wrong person to say it.

'Is she cringing? Was my smile that forced?'

Aldric thought as he felt unsure about her reaction. 

"I don't want to hear that from you."

She retaliated brutally. 

With a sharp look on her face, she ordered.

"Until Bael is feeling better, I will be around you until he shows up."

'Just who exactly is she?'

Aldric thought.

He knew the next few days were going to be a massive headache. 

----------

Marielyn, or Lyn as she liked to be called, trailed around him. Always within visible distance as he ate and went about his day. It was getting ridiculous with the fact that they weren't sleeping, so Aldric simply invited her to eat with him and talk. 

It seemed she was not the only person that wanted something from him, as the numb-sounding, rimmed-glasses-wearing girl that answered his question during his recruitment speech joined him to eat. What they discussed was something to talk about another time.

Now he was in his room as he deliberated on his next move.

His citadel of choice. 

While there were many to choose from, he was more so limited to regions in a geographical sense rather than citadels.

As many citadels in the same region are close to each other, there is not much of a point deliberating each one separately when they were within a day's distance. This was the nature of expanding in the dream realm. Similar to villages being close to each other. 

The Chained Isles was the best choice to make. It was the region that he knew the most about, as well as being the region of choice for his second nightmare. 

The Sanctuary of Noctis would welcome him with open arms due to his fame and Special Strategic Asset designation.

From knowing about the dangers first-hand to the true value of the Noctis coins and the obsidian knife, as well as knowing about the demeanour and character of Saint Tyris. It was a logical decision.

"The Chained Isles truly is the perfect place for me."

However, his body language did not match the assuredness of his statement. 

Tense shoulders, sweaty palms, and an irrational feeling of anger and annoyance.

But Aldric was feeling anything but logical. 

His inferiority complex surrounding Sunny tore through any rational thought.

"Forget trailing behind that rat like a puppy scrounging for remains." 

He spoke to himself. Openly insulting Sunny. 

It was not that he disliked the guy, but he felt comfortable talking about him this way. After all, he knew more than just the current Sunny but also future renditions of him.

And his life was pretty pitiful at times.

However, following Sunny was just not on the table. He was not close with the young man. And why would he want to put himself in the position to trail behind Sunny? 

Looking at the large map of the dream realm that was projected onto the wall, it was time to make his choice. 

"No Song domain, so nothing to the left of Godgrave."

He zoomed in to the east of the map. 

"Nothing too close to the Chained Isles but close to Bastion."

While Sunny was fine isolating himself in the Chained Isles, Aldric had an organisation to manage and a job to do.

"I choose you."

Aldric said as he looked at the remaining location. 

**********

Thanks for reading. 

How are you guys doing?

Longest chapter ever. 2.7k.

So, where did he choose?

Who exactly is this 'Marielyn' and what does she want with poor Bael?

I love all the names you guys offered for the organisation. Imma cook something up.

Something I want to focus on this volume is the character development/arc of Aldric. I don't want him to be a vehicle to tell the story like regular fanfics but a character himself. With his own flaws ,weaknesses and development. He is not perfect. I've hinted to it before but now I want to focus on it. I hope that it comes across well that there is more to him than a person sent to the world of shadow slave. 

Apologies for the yap, I don't really like explaining the story much as I would rather show you than tell you but this had to be mentioned. 

Angel_of_Damnation mentioned posting the fanfic in the Shadow Slave discord. I'm not on discord so I don't understand what it would require. Any of you are welcome to post it if you want.

See you in the next one.