Savior’s First Lady

***

…And as always, bedtime came.

After cleaning up from dinner, Eden went to his study for a while.

‘He always ensures I don’t go near his study. Maybe he needs his own space.’

In the dream, Eden reacted really harshly and coldly when I tried to snoop around his study.

I decided never to touch the study again. Respecting his boundaries was my way of repaying him.

‘Anyway, he’ll probably sleep in the study again tonight…’

I assumed so and took a bath before putting on my nightgown.

I went downstairs to bid him goodnight, and there he was, sitting on the living room sofa, reading a newspaper.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I will.”

As I was about to say goodnight, Eden tilted his head and looked at me.

“You’ll sleep in the study, right? If you bring out the bedding and pillows, I can wash them for you tomorrow, and then…”

“Who would prefer to sleep in a study? Surrounded by things that could be the stuff of nightmares.”

Eden’s voice was a tone lower.

“Oh, you don’t like it? Haha, I thought you preferred it there. Then, I’ll prepare the guest room for you. It’s small, but it has a bed and…”

“…You just said the guest room is small.”

“Then I should sleep in the guest room. Right, that makes sense. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Bryn. Sleep wherever you want.”

“Excuse me? Then you do the same, Sir Eden. I’ll… since the master bedroom has a large bed with sheets already on it.”

Eden folded the newspaper and looked directly at me.

“Let’s do that.”

“…”

Wait a minute. Why is this conversation heading this way?

‘So, you want to share the master bedroom from now on?’

Did I understand that correctly? Where did I mess up in my speech?

“Shall we go in?”

Eden said quietly.

“Right now? It seems a bit early to go to bed…”

“To create a proper household, shouldn’t we frequently use the master bedroom?”

Eden’s lips curled into a smile.

Oh no.

‘This means he wants to have a proper marital relationship, right?’

That moment had come.

‘He’ll find out I’m a virgin!’

Which means…

‘He’ll realize this whole marriage is a sham!’

Should I confess now? My mind felt like it was at war.

But today, Eden was lenient about the difficult money matters. He even managed to retrieve our living expenses.

So tonight, I didn’t want to do anything that might make Eden angry again.

“Well, um. I need to prepare, so please come up in about ten minutes. Fifteen would be even better. See you soon!”

And I was doomed.

It was more blatant than just saying, “Let’s do it.” That wasn’t my intention at all.

***

I looked at myself in the powder room mirror and then stood up.

‘Calm down. It’s nothing. You’ve already done it in the dream. It hurt a bit the first time, but you could handle it.’

I tried to steady my nerves as I left the powder room. Eden was already leaning against the bed.

My face instantly flushed with awkwardness.

“I won’t bite. Come here.”

I walked to the bed like a doll being pulled by strings.

The four-poster bed was a fixture of the house. The sheets were white and silky soft.

Eden, sitting on it, looked like a picture.

He had bathed and was now wearing gray pajamas and a flowing silk robe…

‘Not just handsome, but beautiful.’

A beauty that was hard to become immune to.

“What’s so frightening?”

Eden took my hand.

In the dream, Eden and I had our first intimate encounter three months after our marriage.

That first encounter was absolutely the worst.

‘What kind of husband gets disappointed that his wife is a virgin?’

That was us.

When we first made love, Eden realized that “nothing had happened” the night I supposedly invaded his bed.

***

“If that’s the case, we didn’t need to get married.”

Eden said to me at dawn.

That was all. He neither got angry nor pushed me away. He just spoke in a calm tone.

But to me, it felt like he was blaming me. Like he was saying he wouldn’t have married a woman like me if he didn’t have to.

Already feeling depressed and anxious, it was only natural that my stress exploded.

“I’m sorry. I had nowhere to go, no other way. I was so scared, and I didn’t know what to do…”

I cried my heart out. Eden looked down at me.

“So, it’s natural that you fear me. I pressured you into marriage.”

Back then, Eden was always inscrutable and a bit cold.

From then on, for months, Eden treated me politely but never touched me.

As the seasons changed twice, and we only had intimacy a couple of times a year. By then, our relationship was distant enough.

I swallowed hard.

“…I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

“Do you remember that night at the inn?”

Eden said.

I flinched. That night, of course, referred to the first night Eden and I shared a bed.

“What did I do to you that night to make you so afraid of me?”

There was a faint self-mockery in Eden’s expression.

“Don’t worry. I have no intention of holding a trembling woman. Using the master bedroom together is enough for now.”

…That’s a misunderstanding.

‘No, I can’t let history repeat itself like in the dream!’

Eden can be scary sometimes, but not in that way.

“Sir Eden!”

I grabbed Eden’s collar and pulled him closer.

“Isn’t it normal for married couples to talk a lot?”

“Perhaps.”

“Then, how about we start exchanging secrets about each other from today? We should get familiar through conversation.”

“You mean revealing our pasts?”

Eden’s face, now closer, showed a slight grimace.

“Yes. Something like that. Even if the pasts anger each other, we listen with a generous heart.”

Eden’s expression turned severe.

He grabbed my chin and looked straight into my eyes.

“Did you get into trouble besides the Burke case? Who is it? Is there some young man you need to pay off?”

“What kind of expression is that? Young man?”

“That scoundrel had the audacity to be single. Thinking about what he said while being interrogated about my wife…”

I really didn’t want to discuss Burke in our marital bed. It was repulsive!

In the end, I shook my head and turned away. I flopped onto the bed and pulled the sheets over my head.

“Are you regressing, or have you gone mad?”

“It’s just… let me confess something first. No matter how angry you get, don’t kick me out, especially not when I’m just in my nightgown. At least give me time to put on some clothes if you get mad.”

“How serious can it be?”

“So, that night… nothing actually happened between us.”

We didn’t sleep together, and you didn’t harm my physical or mental purity.

I’m sorry you had to take responsibility, but maybe we can just pretend we had an accident and move on.

Let’s live happily ever after, shall we?

So many words flashed through my mind.

In the end, I lowered the bed sheet and let only my eyes show. Then I spoke as if the words were being forced out of me.

“I’m… actually a virgin.”