Sakura Unhinged

"Hokage-sama!"

Leaning back into his chair, the Third Hokage takes a deep breath of smoke from his pipe. Letting the silence settle, he slowly exhales the smoke from his nostrils, "Kakashi, I assume they've passed?"

Kneeling in front of the desk, Kakashi lowers his head, "They retrieved the bells and managed to use teamwork, but I think this team in particular is a liability."

Giving Kakashi a measured look, the Hokage turns around to gaze out at the village, "Kakashi, they've exceeded all expectations including my own. Asking for more is the same as denying reality. It's your team. It's your responsibility to fill in any holes. Take it slow, D-rank missions can buy some time for you to fill in any inadequacies."

Looking up exasperatedly, Kakashi sighs, "It's not a lack of skill or knowledge Hokage-sama. It's the girl, Sakura Haruno. She's willing to take risks far beyond what is reasonable."

Chuckling, the Third Hokage removes his hat and gently lays it on his desk. Ignoring the pile of papers still left unread, he admires the village in the midday sunlight. "Kakashi, with the times, tactics and ideology inevitably change. The cycle of leaves never stops and each leaf will find its own unique way to illuminate our village for the next generations. If you think that the risks are too high, fix the issue. Don't try to nip it in the bud."

"And if the issue persists?"

Losing the slight smile, the Sarutobi Hiruzen takes another hit from his pipe, "If the issue persists and she can't be controlled, she will no longer be your problem."

"Anbu?"

"Perhaps."

"I see. Well, it's too early to make any real observations."

-_

"Kenta! Did you kill the cat?"

"Huh? No, I haven't seen him in days!"

"Don't lie to me young man, your father found the cat buried in the backyard!"

"It really wasn't me! I didn't do it."

"Oh yeah? then why is there dry blood on your shovel?"

"It wasn't me! When would I even do it?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe when Mommy and Daddy are sleeping?"

"That's a lie! I know you guys play games in your room without me every night! It was you! You just don't love me anymore!"

"Kenta, we love you, but you can't kill the cat and lie!"

"It's okay, I don't need you anyway! Auntie Uno says she'll play with me!"

"Auntie Uno? You mean that night worker Uno Manami?... Come here Kenta."

Skipping home, I ignore the squealing swine my neighbors have been trying to replace recently. Do I feel guilty? No, I just euthanized a cat that was dying from deadly poison. I even saved their family from the clutches of the local hoe. Remember Inner Sakura, predators are bad people. 

"Humph, whatever! I don't care as long as Sasuke-kun isn't involved!"

Entering my home, I dash upstairs to my room. D-ranks start tomorrow and I still have training to plan. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Sighing, I hold my smaller forehead in annoyance. Although being tall feels good, Naruto sounds even now that he's shorter. 

"It's me, Sakura."

"Hmmm, you may be right. Kakashi-sensei would never stand like that!"

Squinting at him, I look up to find Sasuke hiding on a tree branch with his arms folded and eyes closed.

"Sasuke-kun is so handsome!"

Snorting, I look around the training ground only to find a scroll standing vertically in the middle of the field. Glancing at my idiot teammates, I dejectedly walk over and pick up the scroll. Of course one of them couldn't see a bright red scroll in the middle of a green clearing and the other was busy pretending to be indifferent.

Opening the seal, I read the mission contents. One weeding mission, one find the missing pet mission, and one delivery mission. Naruto can't buy groceries, Sasuke can't be alone with Naruto, and I don't want to find animals. Massaging my temples, I trudge back to the team. 

"Naruto, we're weeding this morning. I'll drop both of you at the location first. If I were you, I'd use the transformation jutsu and shadow clones to get it done quickly."

"What about you?"

Ignoring the lost-looking gremlin, I toss the scroll to the emo edge lord, "I'm doing the delivery first, we might be late otherwise. If you finish before I get back, start looking for the cat in the scroll. It's hairless so we want to find it during the day. There will be no fur but there should be plenty of witnesses."

Dropping down, Sasuke raises his nose disdainfully, "We can get to the weeding mission without your help. Won't you need to regroup after to catch the cat?"

Giving him the best one-eyed glare I can manage, I bend down to his height, "My deliver is on the other side of the cat's owner. Splitting up helps cover more land, and with Naruto's clones, you should be able to sweep your area and meet me on my side. The goal is to complete the missions before noon."

"What's the big rush Sakura-chan? We're supposed to be a team dattebayo!"

Feeling my headache get worse, I mechanically turn to Naruto, "Working as a team is great, but we don't exactly get stronger by weeding together. We can practice after, for now, let's not fail our first missions because I was late, you are blind, and avenger over there prefers to sleepwalk." Maybe I should prioritize a healthy sleep pattern. Staying up to practice the body flicker is worth my time, but will this give me wrinkles earlier?

-_-_

Strutting down the roof line, I casually scan the streets. Hearing multiple Narutos screaming through a street not too far ahead, I flicker down the ground before inspecting the alley. Grinning at the softest landing yet, I freeze when the ground starts moving from underneath me. Moving my left foot, I see a pink and hairless head glare back before yowling. Guiltily placing my foot back over its head, I look around.

Making eye contact with a horrified elderly couple, I freeze. I start sweating as the husband pushes the wife behind him. I'm really not a bad person. Giving him a pleading look, he glances at my feet and back repeatedly. Cursing Kakahsi's only good eye for being expressionless, I gingerly take one foot off before grabbing it and taking off the other. Reaching a stalemate with the couple, the wife timidly points at the cat. Squinting, I hold it away from them. Frowning the husband steps forward threateningly. Looking down at the frightened cat, I look back at the righteous-looking denture lobbyists.

The old flesh bag already has half a foot in the grave and is still getting in my way. Pursing my lips under an ungodly amount of masks, I suddenly spread my arms out, flailing the cat like a ragdoll. Seeing the wife grab the husband in fear, I smirk in satisfaction. Suddenly shuffling towards them with my arms akimbo and the legs spread wide, I start screaming.

"Ooga! Ogabogaogabogaogaboga!"

Watching them scramble away in a panic, I put one hand on my hip and the other dangles the cat in front of me. Starring accusingly at the wide-eyed feline, I snort as it purrs. It's a good thing I look like Kakashi right now. A good student must always imitate the teacher.

-_-

"Mah, it looks like Sakura-chan found the scroll. I wonder if they'll finish the missions by tonight. Who knows, maybe they'll become responsible shinobi and get promoted to chunin as well."

Pulling out a copy of the latest Icha-Icha Paradise, he lounges under a large tree. Giggling, he turns the page, "Hokage-sama should be fine as long as they don't imitate me."