Running Away From The Hero! (Remake)

#16 Their story: A certain villain’s story.

“I’m gonna die……”

My entire body aches.

The fight with the Sword Heaven was alright, but the problem was Sir Reia who came running in with sparkling eyes afterwards.

“Or was it my mouth that was the problem?”

Boy did my mouth work very hard yesterday.

When I realised that this encounter with the Sword Heaven wouldn’t end cleanly at this one meeting I mashed up some lines I remembered my fellow disciples saying, made up some reasonable-sounding line to fool the Sword Heaven that ‘thus everything until now has been my sword!’

Was the problem that I worked too hard. When Sir Reia asked “what do you think of my life when you see my sword!” that mouth of mine automatically replied “the life of a spinster.”

“Damn that was scary.”

A seriously angry Sir Reia was scary.

The sword I got from the imperial family was broken in a single strike, and from there all I could do from her second strike onwards was dodgerolling on the ground.

Her Highness intervened just as I was about to actually die so I managed to survive, but all the muscles of my poor body which overworked itself dodging the attacks of a swordsmaster were screaming bloody murder.

“But at least it was a fairly decent conclusion.”

I managed to make the skies of the sword, the man respected by all swordsmen of the continent, the Sword Heaven, call me a bastard little shit.

Once that spreads, without even having to go very far at all, the knights of the imperial court will come chasing after me because I used cheap tricks against the Sword Heaven.

“Now the most important thing is……”

That the reason I had to fight against the monster that was the Sword Heaven was the princess’s petty revenge for me making her eat sandwiches with cucumber and carrot!

…Yeah no that’s bullshit. I need to get out of here as fast as I can.

The imperial palace is truly a place where no man can survive.

Bringing in the Sword Heaven just to screw me over, the scale of this prank was just way too massive.

What if the princess got salty again and brought out the Sword Disaster or Sword Star next time?

Unlike the Sword Heaven who had the qualities of a gentleman, the Sword Star was famous as a trash, while the Sword Disaster was renowned as a battle lunatic and rabid dog.

Neither would do something as needless as not using magic power until the very end and fight their opponents with pure swordsmanship like the Sword Heaven did!

It is said that the monk should leave if they do not like their temple, and since I do not like the imperial court I should get out of here.

“Or do I need to leave the organization first?”

And so having finally managed to take my sick leave cum holiday I went to report to the contact from Howling within the castle walls to tell them I wanted to quit this job, but the answer was negative.

The reason being that I was the closest agent to the imperial family so I couldn’t be removed.

And.

“Damn it… the organization knows me too well.”

I wanted to run away immediately but I started thinking it over again once I saw the numbers on my paycheck.

There are more 0s on it compared to when I was working as an instructor, which paid quite handsomely in its own right.

And not just one, but two 0s.

I checked again just to make sure Treasury wasn’t duping me with units, or whether this was silver instead of gold, but it is gold.

That’s the organization that can call itself the strongest evil organization in the thousand-year history of the empire for you.

They know how to handle people too damn well!

“With this much money……”

Combined with the separate salary I get from the imperial palace, I think I can continue paying for the money sink that is the bat project.

“Hmmm… what is this feeling of déjà vu?”

It reminds me of my past life where the next month after the god if impulse purchases descended, I’d have to work my ass off to pay the credit card.

I’m in the situation where the dwarves are demanding massive amounts of money despite them saying they weren’t even sure what they were making so I was honestly unsure of whether to call the project off or not!

“Kghh……”

The end of my dream project, the bat project, or escape from the imperial palace where my life was at risk.

The former would let me live the future comfortably, the latter would let me live today at ease.

Meaning.

“If both paths lead me to regretting something no matter what……”

Then.

“I need to pick the future.”

The idea of those only living in today being strong only applies to protagonists.

Thus people like me who is always unsure of when I’d cork it must prepare for the future.

Why else would I be digging secret escape tunnels and laying traps at the evil organization!

Isn’t this all for the sake of surviving when everything gets f***ed over?

“Well, I guess… I suppose I’ll just have to endure by teasing Sir Reia.”

I’d only be in the imperial palace for 3-4 years anyway.

Afterwards I’ll return back to my instructor job and teach kids.

And in order to do that.

“Any further promotion is dangerous.”

If I got any closer to the imperial family the organization will order me to stay put in the imperial palace.

So I need to stay as discreet as possible, like a dead mouse.

…Was what I was thinking.

“Congratulations, Ast. You’re a real noble now.”

Immediately after I came back from vacation, I got promoted to Baron.

***

“Ah…… that was a thing too, wasn’t it?”

I scowled slightly as I read through the letter that had been presented before me.

The maids already disposed of annoying tea party invitation letters and the like so I rarely got any letters, but sometimes I did get important letters like this one.

[Save us, Your Highness.]

The moment I opened the letter I was shown someone begging for their life with tear stains dotted throughout the page.

“What to do?”

The cause stemmed from before Ast fought the Sword Heaven.

It was during one of Ast and I’s regular strategy games.

“Now, drop magic bombardment here.”

Reia started panicking as she saw the special bombing fall on the designated point.

“Uh? De, defend!”
“Mm, nope.”

The new special bombardment that Ast had successfully added to the strategy chess could not be blocked by ordinary magic defenses.

“…Hm?”

It can’t be blocked. The first one to use it wins.

Meaning.

“The moment it’s stolen that’s literally the end?”

If this was used in an actual war, the enemy would undoubtedly incur significant casualties.

And if the enemy had something called a brain then they wouldn’t leave it alone considering said casualties.

They would definitely analyze the attack they received and prepare against it.

“Hmmm……”

Honestly, the way this bombardment works is actually very simple.

It’s simply a matter of producing water, simply freezing it and dropping it from high altitudes.

And the magic barriers that specialise in blocking magic projectiles can’t deal with the ice’s physical mass and break apart, it isn’t that there are any other special magics or techniques involved in the process.

Meaning, if the theory is known, then anyone can replicate it.

“Is the conclusion I’ve come to.”
“Very well, Your Highness.”

And after sending off a curbstomped Reia to the corner, crying despite merely being a stand-in, I said my thoughts to Ast who was leisurely brewing tea.

“Is that all?”

Having developed a taste for tea I reached for the teacup, only for Ast to pull it away with a puzzled look on his face.

“It is but… would Your Highness like some as well?”
“That was yours?!”

It should be a matter of course for him to offer it first to his master, as I scowled at Ast bringing his teacup to his own lips, he grumbled but started brewing another cup.

“Of course I’m brewing it to drink myself. Of course it’s mine.”
“What kind of butler drinks tea by himself right in front of his master?”
“This butler right here.”

At the way he so matter-of-factually said so, even the great I was completely lost for words.

“It’s done, Your Highness.”
“Mm, good.”

I took in the scent of the steaming tea and took a sip.

Slowly. As I savoured the taste and smell of the tea that thawed out my body, I thought rationally.

“Hm…… so you’re really not in your right mind after all, Ast?”
“Of course not? Just how many people with perfectly sane minds as I have exist in the palace?”
“Go and apologise to all the animals in the palace first.”
“Less than human?!”

I smiled lightly as Ast complained.

“Ah, I nearly forgot about it. What I asked you just now. Is that really all you have to say on the matter?”
“Of course, Your Highness. I created a new bombardment that not even the imperial army had thought of, is there really a need for me to come up with the answer to defend against it as well?”
“That’s true.”

Ast’s exact position within the imperial palace was an ambiguous one, but he was first and foremost my personal butler.

His duties were my education, assistance with my duties, and basic bodyguard.

Asking him a question for the military would not be right.

“So should I hand it over to the army?”
“The empire has many talented people so they’ll find it sooner or later.”
“True.”

And so our conversation ended easily like that.

But the day afterwards, it seemed that the researchers in charge of devising strategies and tactics did not have an easy day as we had.

[We can’t even. It is unstoppable. Please save us, we received an imperial edict to find a method to defend against this magic bombardment, but our useless brains cannot find a way to do so.]

“…What do you think, Reia?”
“I don’t think these people are useless……”

When I gave Reia the letter, she made a troubled expression as she read through it.

“Is it that difficult to do?”
“it is unless your everyday knight is at least at my level.”
“That’s true.”

They’re words from someone who experienced it personally.

If a swordsmaster, and one as skilled as Reia was the one saying so, I understood how dangerous that bombardment was.

“Hm…… they’re requesting for Sir Ast, but would Sir Ast really go?”
“Never.”

This letter finished by saying that they wanted to meet the creator of this bombardment.

Whether it was simply to meet to solicit advice, or get revenge for the one who gave them such a hard time, but either way they were strongly requesting for Ast.

“This entire incident came about because Ast said it isn’t his problem, after all.”
“Although strictly speaking, Sir Ast is right just this one time.”

A politician in politics.
A soldier in the military.
A bureaucrat in bureaucracy.

Each of the three divisions in the imperial court had their own role and should focus on their role.

I had no intention to deny what Ast had said on that matter.

“But the cause is Ast.”
“That’s true……”

But the one who created all this in the first place was Ast.

He could have just stayed still, but to beat me he created this weird bombardment.

Meaning, Ast was the first one to invade other people’s scopes of work.

“Ast’s holiday… ends tomorrow, right?”
“It does.”
“Would he go if we sent him out tomorrow?”
“He’d never do so?”
“Probably?”

He would never move at just a command from me as his master.

If I wanted to send him over, I’d need an imperial edict at least.

“Then I just need to give him justification.”
“Huh?”

Even though I brought in gramps… the Sword Heaven I still failed to get one back at Ast.

Then… let’s take this opportunity and get revenge.

“If Ast has no reason to work as my personal butler, then I just need to give a reason to do so.”
“Is there a way?”
“Yep. All I need is a pen and paper.”

I quickly wrote out a reply to the letter.

At the same time, I wrote another letter to be sent to Father, the Emperor.

“This should be fine?”

And finally, I completed another letter to be sent to Human Resources.

“Reia, tell the maids to deliver this letter. As fast as possible. It needs to be completed by the end of today.

I needed to finish everything by the end of the day.

So I could make Ast start working the moment he returned tomorrow!

“Is this really all we need to do?”
“Yep. To be honest the title of butler is that kind of thing.”

Despite being able to divide the people in the imperial court into one of three lines of work, politics, bureaucracy, and military, a butler is the exception as it can be put into any of the three.

“A butler’s primary duty is serving his or her master. Depending on what the master does, the work of a butler can also change.”

If the master belongs to the military, they need to know military law.

If the master is a bureaucrat, they need to know how to deal with bureaucracy.

Same if the master is a politician.

Reducing the workload of the master and helping them out with their work is the role of the butler, after all.

“And so if I enter the military then Ast will naturally come along with me!”
“I, I’m a knight, Your Highness?”
“Mm. I know the knight orders operate separately from the military. But Reia, you’re my bodyguard! Therefore from tomorrow onwards, you too, are a member of the military!”
“Ehhhhh?!”

I grabbed onto a shocked Reia and hurriedly finished writing up the documents.

As officers in the military needed a title of nobility at the very minimum, I decided to take this opportunity to give Ast the title of Baron.

Although I might field some complaints, this was something the people in the R&D department, arguably some of the most important people in the military, had desperately requested.

Stopping this essentially meant that they were opposing the military faction.

And that was how Ast’s unprecedentedly fast promotion was decided on.

“Ast should have less complaints with this much, right?”
“It is the dream of all commoners to become a noble, after all.”
“That’s true. And it’s a baron title, which is an official title of nobility, after all. Even if he doesn’t have any land, it’s still a very good reward.”

Just a single day.

That was how long it took to complete the documents to make Ast an official noble.

Although I did overdo it a bit, with this Ast shouldn’t have any problems working in the military, either.

“Was what I stupidly thought at the time.”

When I turned my head slightly, I could see Ast rolling and screeching all over the floor.

“I don’t want it! What did I ever do! I just want to stay an honourary knight! Honourably! I don’t want to be a baron!”

As I watched Ast throw a tantrum like a child on his first day back, I couldn’t help but sigh.