Running Away From The Hero! (Remake)

#13 Their story: A certain villain’s story.

Let’s be serious here.

The opponent is the Sword Heaven.

The pinnacle of swordsmanship, a grandmaster that all swordsmen admire.

While it is unfortunate that there are many nutjobs who wish to fight such a person, I am not included among those lunatics.

So I’d judged that the best thing to do was pretend to be decently serious and decently lose, and leave a decent good impression on him.

But that damn princess saw through my plan absolutely perfectly.

‘If you don’t fight properly.’

Why was it that I could perfectly understand what she was saying by the movements of her lips alone.

‘If you lose… you understand?’

And the paper she was waving in her hand as she said so was a marriage certificate with my seal on it.

Of course, it’s not one I had made or commissioned myself, but one she had made instead, but it’s recognized by the empire as an official seal of identity.

I don’t even have any seal that looks like the one she’s holding out of the seals I own.

A seal that I didn’t even make is considered official.

Moreover, this is a fake identity I’m using now, isn’t it? But what can I do, it’s official!

‘Damn it all.’

I’d already kicked up a storm of complaints, but the person in charge said that orders had come directly from the imperial family so he didn’t have a say.

I’d gone and complained to the princess as well but all I got back was a satisfied smirk.

Feeling good about being yelled at, it was the moment where I wondered whether the rumour that all nobles had degenerate personalities was true or not.

Well, unless the emperor gets a gunshot to his face it’s not like that document will actually have any effect, but the moment that it gets registered will be the moment I start receiving nightly visits from assassins.

“You son of a biiiiiiiitchhh!”

And thanks to that, I managed to achieve the feat of getting the famous Sword Heaven, the model swordsman and renowned for keeping his cool, to call me a son of a bitch.

“I didn’t have a choice either.”
“Lies!”

No, I’m serious.

The cause of all this is that evil princess giggling away over there!

To think that this evil child is only ten years old.

One way or another, the future of the empire is going to be bright indeed.

“In my entire life… never have I been so ridiculed as a swordsman!”
“I’ve never been ridiculed like this over a marriage certificate.”
“Why do you only say such foolish things!”

My word, the poison that had been working its way through his body was quite an expensive one, notwithstanding the fact that I had been carrying it around Her Highness.

Yet despite his age he was swinging his sword around much too freely.

I didn’t think that this old man that even had the title Sword Heaven would be sneakily using mana……

Was it the organisation? Was there corruption within the organisation as well!

Was the reason that even a high-rank paralysis poison was being so ineffective because of military corruption?

Damn it, to think there would be military corruption here as well!

“Kgh!”

Ah, that’s probably not it.

Judging by how his colour is looking progressively worse, the lack of effect seems to thankfully be due to the Sword Heaven’s resistance to poisons rather than military corruption within the organization.

Then let’s try stalling for more time.

“Are you really going to continue acting like such a coward? Did you not say you were a swordsman just now!”
“Didn’t I say that I was a swordsman because I wielded a sword? I just simply meant that I was a man holding a sword.”
“You, you little!”
“Oh dear, it seems that you’ve misunderstood something, why are you getting angry over your own misunderstanding?”

I taunted him as I threw the daggers I’d picked back up.

I currently had 22 daggers left.

The majority of them were to be used as hidden weapons so they couldn’t deal any major damage, but they could stall for time.

“Oh really?”
“Huh?”

If that Sword Heaven hadn’t started using magic, that is.

“Excuse me, but as long as the opponent does not use magic, I shall not either. Are you not going against the principles of those who bore the name of Sword Heaven?”
“Indeed. But I am not fighting a swordsman right now, am I?”
“Huh?”
“You said it yourself, did you not. You call yourself a swordsman because you wield a sword, but are not a swordsman as I understand. My horizons have been broadened thanks to you. Indeed. A mugger doesn’t call himself a swordsman because he’s holding a kitchen knife, now does he?”

With an evil grin and snicker, a green aura started to escape the Sword Heaven’s body.

A technique using magic power to eliminate toxins circulating the body through the skin.

A technique that can only be used if one understands their body perfectly and can manipulate mana perfectly as well.

A technique that someone like me needs to get the hell away from the moment I see it!

“Your Highness? I surrender. I overstepped my boundaries!”
“Hm? The one who made gramps cross his own line is all you isnt it, Ast? It’s alright. Gramps isn’t a dangerous man. He won’t kill you.”

Those words just now.

That’s my own educational motto so I know perfectly well what that means?

Not going to kill you also has the other meaning of doing literally everything else but killing?

“Indeed, young man. Do you think I’d go and kill a youngling with a bright life ahead of him?”
“Could you please put away your killing aura first?”

As if he’d already cleared away all the poison in his body, now his sword glowing with the light of sword ki was aimed firmly at me.

“Would the Sword Heaven really cut down someone who surrendered?”
“I am hesitant to leave you alone because I have no idea what you could get up to even if you surrender.”

Ha, just how much of me had this old man seen.

That he knows that fact so damn well?

“I’ll throw away my sword.”
“S, Sir Ast! Don’t throw it! I’ll take it myself! I’ll take it back myself! Although I dunno about Sir Ast’s sword!”

No, my sword was also bestowed on me by the imperial family as well, and you aren’t going to take that back too?

So was only one’s own sword important to a swordsman!

‘Hang on.’

All of a sudden I had the perfect scenario playing out in my head.

“Your Highness, can we really not end this here?”

Unlike before, the Sword Heaven continued to attack me even during my conversation with Her Highness.

With this I knew very well just how much my standing in his eyes had fallen.

Wait… standing, had it even existed at all?

“That’s not very like you. You need to see it through to the end.”
“So I’m going to act like myself, then, Your Highness?”

I had three daggers left.

I’d used all the knives in my right shoe, and only had one remaining in my left.

The sword bestowed on my by the imperial family was already rolling around in the snow.

So, three daggers, one hidden blade in my left shoe, and Sir Reia’s sword in my hand were all the weapons I had.

But with this, no, just one single weapon, I could overturn this scenario in an instant.

“Do you think anything will change even if you take a stance now!”

Having sent all pretense of good first intentions flying away to the Andromeda galaxy, I gripped the sword with both hands as the Sword Heaven came charging at me, but swordplay was not my objective.

“Kyaaaaahhhhhh!”
“Mm?”

At the same time the Sword Heaven deflected my last hidden blade and dagger, Sir Reia let out an ear-piercing scream.

What they saw was me holding what one would call a trashy stance.

Raising the sword high into the air at face-level, and exaggeratedly sticking my tongue out were the key points of note.

“S, Sir Ast… what are you doing. Seriously! What do you have against my sword!”

Sir Reia looked at me with eyes full of resentment and tears as she tried to approach me, but the moment she stepped forward I very flamboyantly flicked my tongue.

Flick.

“Kyaahhhhhhh! Stop it, stop it!”

“What kind of perverted……”

Sir Reia frantically backpedalled and the Sword Heaven looked completely lost for words as he watched the two of us.

And I looked at those two and said.

“Sir Reia! If you do not defeat the Sword Heaven, your favourite sword with be dirtied!”
“You really!”
“Now what kind of bullshit is this now……”
“Haha… ahahahaha!”
“Your Highness! Don’t just laugh and please stop him!”

Two stupefied swordsmen and a ten-year old child laughing so hard she was crying as she watched the scene in front of her.

To someone out of the loop it could look like a very heartwarming scene, but if the people in question were the imperial family’s greatest lunatic the First Imperial Princess, the empire’s youngest swordsmaster, and the Sword Heaven acknowledged by the entire continent, that would be quite the problematic situation.

“Ast, you really are the best.”

The imperial princess raised a thumbs up as she went back to cracking up. Seeing her, Sir Reia realised that no help was coming from that quarter, and glared at me with the most bloodthirsty aura I had ever seen in my entire life so far at the imperial palace.

“Enough with the jokes and leave my sword alone. A swordsman’s sword represents the swordsman himself. What Sir Ast is doing is nothing less than humiliating me directl… I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I was wrong, Sir Ast! So please, please anything but that!”

Shff.

When I loosened my belt slightly, pulled my pants forward and moved to put the sword down my pants, Sir Reia who had been emanating a bloodthirsty aura immediately withdrew in tears.

“N, no! How, how could you do such a cruel thing!”
“You really……”
“Oh ho, now don’t you be getting any closer to me, either. Unless you want to see a swordsman’s favourite sword getting sullied.”
“Sir Sword Heaven!”
“Oh ho… this……”

Even for the legendary Sword Heaven this would be a first.

If the owner of this sword had been a man, the moment I put it in my pants would be the moment that place of mine would have been cut off, but this sword was Sir Reia’s.

It was Sir Reia who was oddly simple and pure so that bullying her was so fun.

As someone who competed with Her Highness over who could bully Reia better, I could attest.

The moment this sword was dirtied, Sir Reia might never pick up this sword ever again!

“What kind of bullshit scenario is this…….”
“You seem to be hunting for bullshit quite a lot. Have you learned no curses other than bullshit?”
“Then I’m assuming you know a great variety of curses.”

Of course.

I came from the country with the highest internet use in the world, in an era of new insults with an all-purpose language?

I am the person who could show the people of this world who knew no better insults than the classics, an entirely new world when it came to curses.

“Indeed I do.”
“Your Highness, shouldn’t you really fire that little shit? Just how in the world did he even get into the imperial palace before he was your personal servant? If he was a servant then he had to come by recommendation, so just which household was it that put his name forward!”

Which household, it’s the evil organisation.

My specs of being as good as I am at swearing is a positive in an evil organization.

“Uuuw… but… haa… he’s funny.”

At the words of the imperial princess who could no longer laugh anymore due to it physically hurting, the Sword Heaven turned to the sky and screamed soundlessly.

It seemed like he was shouting ‘just how has the empire come to this!’ or something along those lines.

“Excuse me, but I want to quit as well. I carry at least five resignation forms on my person every day as I work. And I frequently submit at least one of those, with the latest version of the form to the palace’s HR department.”
“Why the latest?”
“Because a certain someone always shreds my resignation forms the moment I hand them in.”
“You brought it on yourself.”

How mean. Just because it’s someone else’s problem.

I want to hurry back to the organization and get on with the sweet job of instructor as soon as possible!

Not in this imperial palace where I could lose my head at a moment’s notice!

“I’m sorry, Sir Sword Heaven!”
“Ho, hoho……”

Sir Reia picked up a short sword out of the blades fallen on the ground, and threatened the Sword Heaven as she emitted sword ki.

“Oh ho, aren’t you going to fight properly?”
“No, this is already… not embarrassing at all! So please not my White Night(白夜)!
“Fufufu. Now that is a very good sword. Protect the empire’s sun. Become a white night so the dark nights never come! How beautiful name fit for such a famous sword. But white things are always the easiest to dirty. Depending on your actions, Sir Reia, your White Night might not be white anymore.”
“Ughh.”

The sword ki on the short sword slowly turned into sword aura.

How dare a swordsmaster not use sword aura, and in front of the Sword Heaven to boot, one of the five titleholders of the sword!

“Sir Reia.”
“I’m sorry. But White Night… is an important part of me.”
“I know that, but……”

Reia was biting down on her lips and the Sword Heaven had an awkward air about him as the two faced each other.

And soon enough.

“As I thought……”
“It’s been truly a long time since I’ve had to use sword aura.”

Sword aura began to form on the Sword Heaven’s blade as well.

The Sword Heaven was one who was evaluated based on swordsmanship alone, and for that reason the people who had succeeded the Sword Heaven title often had little magic power but were solely dedicated to their swords, but nothing said that those who inherited the Sword Heaven titles lacked in magic power.

But officially, the Sword Heaven was not a swordsmaster.

This was a situation where the Sword Heaven had brought out his sword aura that he had deliberately hidden in order to fight the prized female knight of the empire, the Sword Princess!

“Damn it, I need to work on inventing popcorn.”

Thankfully I did know how to make popcorn.

As long as I had dried corn kernels, oil or butter, and a pinch of salt even I could make it relatively easily.

Although unfortunately I couldn’t make caramel or soft drinks, popcorn is still the best spectator snack.

I should probably ask the chefs at some point whether there’s a tea that could potentially go well with popcorn.

Just as I thought that.

“Uh?”

Feeling as if time had stopped for a moment, I realised.

I had made an unbelievably huge mistake.

Because I had no mana, what I had focused the most on was my dynamic vision.

Those who could use magic could drastically strengthen their physical abilities, and swordsmasters, those at the peak of the path of the sword, could move at speeds that surpassed my limits.

That was the first mistake.

“I got it!”

The sword in my hand, White Night, vanished.

It was unimaginable.

It was basic trickery. Pretending to fight someone else, and make me put my guard down.

It was a very basic skill, but the person who had used it was none other than Sir Reia.

That was my second mistake.

That I had never thought of the possibility that Sir Reia would use her brain to blindside me.

That because of Her Highness’s and my bullying, she too, had slowly been changing!

“Now then, you need a beating.”

My third mistake was that no matter how much of an asshole I had been, the one titled Sword Heaven would actually outright attack me while I was unarmed!

And my final mistake.

“Damn it.”
“Huh?”

That I was forced to reveal all my hidden cards in front of that damn princess.