rule two

Will woke up bright and early with a smile on his face. Today would be the big day. The day he'd blow up a house. As with the other days, a servant knocked on his door after he woke up.

After following the servant to the big rose, Will was met with the sect leader, like always. Only today, not only did Ranna arrive, but Yan Qingxue did as well. Will was glad to see her still here. He'd gotten invested in her never leaving for some reason. Well, she seemed in a good mood, so he was probably in the right.

The sect leader began speaking once they all arrived, looking at the Ranna and Yan Qingxue duo.

"Alright, since Will has already created a personal cultivation method, I'll guide the two of you, today."

She turned to Will, bringing out some books and objects from her storage ring.

"As for you, Will, here are the beast taming resources you asked for. If there's anything you don't understand, just let me know."

Ranna looked at Will fearfully at the mention of beast taming. If the tamer was like that, then what the hell would the beast be like? Her imagination was running wild with gross monstrosities and all of them were scary.

Yan Qingxue was still stunlocked at getting personal cultivation guidance from the sect leader.

Will was the one that broke them out of their trances. He brought out the bomb he'd made with Sarah last night, showing it off to everyone.

"Hey, wook at this bomb me and Sawah made!"

Everyone looked at the bomb. It looked way too nice for something a toddler put together.

The sect leader spoke first.

"By Sai Re you mean your sword?"

Will nodded.

"Yup! She calls herself a genius fow a weason!"

That Will had a talking sword was already news enough to Yan Qingxue, but that it had knowledge of bomb making was even more of a shock.

Ranna wasn't really surprised after all she'd seen of Will.

After showing off, Will put the bomb away and got to book tapping, embedding the two books that he was given.

They were both quite interesting. The first one was about how to borrow the power of a tamed beast, allowing the tamer to make use of one of the beast's abilities. It didn't allow the user to become strong just by taming a strong beast, though, only to replicate an ability at a level relative to their own strength. Though stronger beasts would usually have stronger abilities, that wasn't a rule or anything. There were a lot of big strong things that just smacked things around with raw strength, after all.

In Will's case, he could replicate that super-speed thing his snake did. Now that he was thinking about it again, he decided to finally give the snake a name.

He sat down and thought. Snake. Snakey? Ski? Ski lodge? The words "Ski lodge" made him think of the word "Porridge" for some reason. He didn't know why. But he liked the name "Porridge". He'd go with that.

<~Hey, can I call you "Porridge"?~>

The word "Porridge" wasn't in hisses, so his sentence sounded like "hss sss hiss Porridge".

The link had translation, so the snake, much to its confusion, knew what porridge was. It didn't really get why Will would want to call it that, but it didn't really care.

<<~Sure, I guess.~>>

<~Great! Nice to meet you Porridge!~>

<<~We've already met, but sure.~>>

<~Hey, Porridge, what abilities do you have?~>

Porridge thought about it.

<<~I can do that thing I showed you where I go fast, I can bite things… I know how to swim. I can eat things. I think that's about it.~>>

Will was pretty sure a lot of those weren't replicable abilities. Eating things, swimming, biting, those were just, like, actions? Not really special abilities or anything.

Wait, no, biting. Biting was a special ability for a snake! Would that work for this technique? He wasn't sure.

<~You don't mind if I copy them, do you?~>

<<~No? Go ahead.~>>

Nice! Now he could go superspeed! Not as fast as Porridge, but still!

He moved on to the next book. It was about recalling and storing beasts. Apparently, beast tamers had a special space to store their tamed beasts and bring them out from. Will followed the instructions and looked at the beast space.

And was immediately disappointed. There was no way in hell Porridge was fitting in here. As the book had said, this was a place capable of storing even big beasts. Porridge was not a big beast. Porridge was a titan.

Well, that sucked. It seemed he'd only be able to rely on Porridge outside of the sect.

While he was thinking about porridge, he suddenly had an idea. Could he teach porridge his cultivation method? Sure, Porridge didn't have hands, but the hand wasn't really the important part of the "placing a hand on the corpse" part. Then again, the stretches wouldn't be as good without limbs. He decided to get a new one for Porridge to use.

He waited for the sect leader to be free (since the other two could get qi deviation from the slightest thing and get hurt from it) and asked his question.

"Hey, do you have any cultivation methods that would work without wimbs?"

That was a weird question. A very weird one. Was it about the snake?

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but beasts can't cultivate the same way we do."

Well, that was very true in Will's case at least, considering nothing could cultivate like him, but he knew it wasn't the case for regular cultivation methods. He already knew Porridge could cultivate Harmony With Nature, it just wouldn't be as good without limbs.

"Don't wowwy about that. Just teww me."

The sect leader decided to be indulgent to the childlike Will. She thought about what method would be closest to possible for a snake to practice.

"I suppose it would be the Moonflower Scripture?"

That sounded cool. Will was interested.

"Can I have a copy of the manual?"

Once again, the sect leader decided to be indulgent.

"Sure."

She brought out a talisman and burned it.

"Someone will bring it over soon."

Will was excited. He decided to check out the other things he was given while he waited.

One of them was tamed beast food, and the other was a big pet bed. Neither of them were at all useful. The pet food wouldn't even work as a small snack, and the bed wouldn't even fit Porridge's head. Well, he was pretty sure things sized big enough for Porridge weren't common if they even existed.

It didn't take long for someone to arrive with the manual. They walked into the big rose area and handed it to Will after the sect leader gestured towards him, sparing a curious glance at Yan Qingxue as they left. Will embedded the book and checked it out.

The literal was gibberish. The intended motions weren't possible for a snake. But the vague conceptual meaning? Those could definitely be done by a snake.

The method was a spiritual cultivation method with a sliver of body cultivation mixed in. It involved consuming poison and cycling spiritual energy in a certain way that would both neutralize the poison and refine the spiritual energy into high quality qi.

It seemed like it may have interesting ramifications for a snake. The manual said venom would work, too, so could Porridge just drink its own venom and cultivate this? It probably wouldn't be dangerous, since venom normally only worked in the bloodstream. Though venom didn't normally smoke when it hit the ground, either.

Will decided to give it a shot.

<~Hey, Porridge, I got a cool thing for you to try.~>

<<~What is it?~>>

<~It's something that'll help you get stronger.~>

<<~Sounds good.~>>

<~Great, then I'll send it over the link, now.~>

Will sent the version of the technique he'd devised for snakes over.

<~Give it a shot and tell me how it works.~>

<<~Alright. I'll try it now.~>>

Will waited at the edge of his non-existent seat for the results. After a few minutes, he finally got them.

<<~It worked well. I feel a little stronger already.~>>

<~That's great!~>

Will excitedly shared the news.

"Master! Porridge said it worked weww!"

The word Porridge wasn't in the language here, so it was another hard to pronounce nonsense word to the people here.

The sect leader looked confused. Who said what worked? Was "Porridge" the snake? How would a snake cultivate the Moonflower Scripture? Sure, it would be the best one for a snake, but that was just a "what if" thing! A snake shouldn't be able to actually cultivate it! She decided to just give up and accept it.

"That's great to hear. I hope to meet little Porridge someday and see."

Will shook his head.

"Not wittle. But sure, you can see him at some point."

The sect leader ignored Will's antics and went back to teaching. Will decided to cultivate to pass the time. He brought out the bear he brought out at the banquet and placed his hand on it. Once it 'pop'ped, he began his new and improved again stretches.

And everyone's attention was instantly drawn to the scene. Why was there fire? Was Will burning? It didn't look like it. Was it safe to have that much fire in a grassy field? It didn't feel hot, so maybe. No one quite understood what was happening.

Will finished his cultivation quickly, feeling a large strength boost afterwards. He turned to the side, seeing only Yan Qingxue still paying attention to him, this being her first time seeing the grotesque movements Will did.

After he was finished, the sect leader sent the others back and pulled him aside.

"Alright. I'll drop you off near Chen Jun's house. Just don't get caught, and come back if you notice danger, okay?"

She remembered something and continued.

"If you see anything incriminating, make sure to collect evidence."

Will nodded, glad the sect leader was going along with this.

With the details ironed out, the sect leader had Will hop on her sword and set off.

They arrived quickly at a big mansion.

"This is a house of a friend of mine. Chen Jun's house is right there."

She pointed at another mansion a bit away.

As she turned towards Will to say "be safe", she was suddenly confronted with the complete lack of Will. She was quite confused.

Will had gone into stealth mode. And with the sect leader's confused searching, any anxiety he had about being caught disappeared. If even the sect leader couldn't see him, there was no way Chen Jun would. He uncloaked to reassure her.

"I'm hewe."

The sect leader turned to the voice, finding a newly appeared Will. Was she going insane? This kid was way too confusing. She decided to just ignore it.

"Be safe, Will."

And she set off into the house, as Will recloaked and headed to his destination.

After a minute, he reached Chen Jun's annoyingly big house. It had a high wall surrounding it, with a great archway seemingly making said wall pointless.

Walking up to it, Will discovered that the wall was not pointless, as there was some kind of barrier here. Will decided to try the wall instead.

Moving around to the side of the house, he unsheathed Sarah and stabbed the wall. Sarah cut through it with relative ease. He moved her around in a circle, creating a circular hole, and crawled through.

After crawling through the hole, he found himself at the side of the house, with a side entrance close by. It was probably assumed the wall would be enough to stop intruders, since the door was unlocked.

As he stepped inside Sarah spoke.

<>

Will nodded.

Will walked around looking for the stairs. After walking a bit, he suddenly noticed the complete lack of anyone here. He hadn't thought about it when he made the plan, but any staff being here would've messed the plan up, since he'd end up killing a bunch of innocent workers. Luckily, that wasn't an issue, so he could bomb with no remorse.

He soon reached the top floor, placing the bomb very centered, since he could tell where the center was thanks to his map. And with that, he was off.

Detonator in hand he headed outside to leave. Then he saw Chen Jun. He was walking through the entrance after waving a hand weirdly at the forcefield thing.

And he had a woman beside him. Not his fiance, of course. She was still at home. Wait, not home, the sect leader's house. She didn't live there, he did. Well, he was making her live there, kind of, so…

Point was, woman not his fiance was here, and he couldn't bomb the place because of that. Which sucked. He decided to follow them for now. Maybe the woman would leave at some point soon and he could kaboom it then.

Shortly after Chen Jun brought the woman inside… she fell asleep? Why did she fall asleep? And where was he taking her?

Will followed as Chen Jun carried the woman's body to some stairs leading down into a basement. Then to a large vault door looking thing. He unceremoniously dropped the woman on the ground, opening the huge vault door and picking her back up to head in. Will followed.

It wasn't that hard to follow him in, actually, since the door was huge and he had to drop the woman again to close it. In the room Will saw a really spooky book, a layer of darkness surrounding its form. There was a noise, too.

It had these high pitched screechy beepy buzzy noises that sounded almost computer-like. Along with those was a sound like a deep booming drum, played in almost even intervals, and a noise like mumbling without words.

As soon as they entered, Sarah started freaking out.

<>

But Will ignored her. Because he understood the sounds. And… was it complaining?

"•|°Oh my goooooooddd. Stop bringing me women! I don't eat women! I don't want women! I eat goats! Goatsss! You fucking idiooot.°|•"

<>

"•|°Every fucking time with you! Get the fucking memo already! I don't eat women! I've zapped you literally every time you bring a woman, why do you not understand!?°|•"

Chen Jun pulled out a knife and raised it to stab the woman.

Sarah, thinking Will might be planning a diversion to escape, gave her thoughts.

<>

He flicked up the cover on the detonator and pressed the button.

KABOOM!!!

Chen Jun dropped the knife in surprise at the sudden noise.

"What the fuck was that?"

"•|°Ha! You get what you deserve, you fucking bastard!°|•"

Chen Jun rushed to open the vault door, not even bothering to close it behind him. Will could hear his words from all the way down here.

"My house!!! Where the fuck did my house go!?"

Wow, it really blew up his whole house, huh.

<>

Will turned around and began closing the vault door.

<>

Will finished locking up the room, and started walking towards the floating book.

<>

Will stood before the book, and deactivated stealth.

"•|°I'm so hungryyyy… huh? Who is this kid? How did a little kid get here? Where did you come from?°|•"

Will had a brilliant idea. He was told to gather evidence, right?

Well, how about a witness?

"•|°Hey, would you be willing to testify as to all the people Chen Jun killed?°|•"

The book seemed to move slightly with how startled it was.

"•|°Whoa, what the fuck? How are you speaking this language?°|•"

<>

Will was honestly a bit shocked himself. Those noises weren't something he should be capable of making. How was he doing that?

Apparently the Universal Linguistic Knowledge Database was even more universal than he thought. Since it somehow had knowledge of how to make sounds that would normally be impossible to make. Cool.

"•|°So? Would you?°|•"

"•|°If that bastard suffers, I'm all in.°|•"

Then the book realized something.

"•|°Wait, I'm assuming you want me to testify in human language? Sorry, but I don't know human language.°|•"

That was a conundrum, huh. He hadn't thought of that one. Wait. Book. Automatic Universal Linguistic Knowledge Database Accessor better than he thought. He felt like he had an idea.

"•|°Do you know what's written in you?°|•"

"•|°Yeah? Why?°|•"

"•|°Do you have blank pages?°|•"

"•|°A ton of 'em.°|•"

"•|°Can I write in them?°|•"

"•|°What do you wanna write?°|•"

"•|°I'm gonna write a complete guide on how to speak the language here.°|•"

"•|°I guess I'll let you try at least.°|•"

Will tried to get the Automatic Universal Linguistic Knowledge Database Accessor to access the database and get the full guide of how to speak "human language" in magic darkness book language. It worked and he copied it all. The book flipped to an empty page, and Will exported the whole thing into it.

The book then knew how to speak. Not drum computer noise mumble, but speak actual words. It tested it out.

"Is this right?"

<>

<>

"Will you testify to the crimes Chen Jun committed?"

"Hell yeah I will. I hate that guy."

<>

Sarah thought about it for a moment. If someone sacrificed food she couldn't to her everyday and never anything she could, she'd probably be pissed too.

<>

"Can I put you in a storage ring?"

"Yeah sure, just give me a moment."

The book closed and the dark energy faded away.

"Here you go."

Will put it in the ring with no problems.

Next he had the woman to deal with. After opening the door so he could leave, he picked her up, and held her close while activating the stealth pattern as big as he could, so she wouldn't mess up the spiritual energy. Next, he headed out, running past a confused Chen Jun still wondering how his house disappeared.

Will could truly see the devastation now. And it looked like nothing. The whole house was just completely gone. There was ash on the ground, a bit of melted metal here and there, a knickknack or two too covered in ash to be recognizable… It was crazy.

But Will didn't need to stare. He needed to leave. He headed to where he made the hole, hopping through without dropping the woman. He ran over to where the sect leader was as fast as he could.

When he arrived, he hid the woman behind the wall by the gate, out of sight of Chen Jun, and uncloaked. The guards at the gate saw him and immediately let him in. He grabbed the woman and headed to find the sect leader.

He didn't know where the sect leader would be, though, so he just yelled.

"Master! I got the thing you wanted!"

The sect leader paused her dinner, wondering what the thing she wanted was. The only thing she asked for was… evidence? Will got evidence!?

She politely told her friend she had to go meet Will, and headed off. When she saw the unconscious woman in Will's arms, she was ecstatic.

Then she realized how bad it was to be ecstatic over an unconscious woman. Well, it was evidence against that little Chen bastard, so of course she'd be overjoyed.

Upon seeing the sect leader, Will immediately spoke.

"Caww a meeting immediatewy, the cwimes are sewious."

"What are they?"

"Sacwificial wituals."

The sect leader froze. Holy shit. That was worse than she was expecting. That was definitely a reason to call a hearing.

She immediately brought out a stack of talismans, burning them all. Then, she had Will step on her flying sword and set off.

They soon arrived at a large building, with almost all of the people that he saw in the viewing area at the third trial present off to the sides. Someone came over and took the girl from Will to check her condition and wake her up.

The sect leader brought Will over to the big chair at the far end, having him sit down next to her.

After a few more minutes, Chen Jun was brought over, restrained by the sect leader's friend, who he recognized from the glimpse he saw of her at her house.

When Chen Jun saw Will, his eyes were full of rage.

"You fucking bastard!!! You're the one who took my house, weren't you?!"

Will did not confirm or deny the accusation, just smiling brightly. Chen Jun felt like he was about to cough up blood.

After he arrived, the meeting started. And immediately someone spoke before the sect leader could.

"If this is about what happened at the banquet, then please let go of the matter, already. The answer will not change. Chen Jun lost more face than he did damage to your little disciple's."

The sect leader shot the annoying man a glare before speaking.

"I've called you here today to allow my disciple to reveal the evidence she's uncovered about disciple Chen Jun."

There was some whispering among the crowd at her words, wondering what the "evidence" may be. Then, the woman who Chen Jun planned to sacrifice arrived.

The sect leader spoke to the woman.

"Would you please tell everyone what happened before you fell unconscious?"

The woman seemed a bit confused and disoriented.

"Well, I was walking with Chen Jun in his house, and I fell asleep suddenly. After that I don't remember."

Someone called out.

"What exactly does this prove, sect leader? Where is the evidence you speak of?"

The sect leader had expected more than that. She looked to Will, and was both reassured and felt her stomach drop at the look on Will's face.

Will hopped up off the chair and stood in the middle of the room.

"I'd wike to call to the stand…"

He brought the book out from his ring, opening it to signal to it to wake up.

"The book Chen Jun sacwificed women to!"

There was shocked and confused muttering throughout the room, the sect leader looking on in complete confusion.

Everyone was confused. Was this really Chen Jun's book? Was he really sacrificing people to it? And if he was, why the hell would it testify against him?

The book began speaking.

"Hello. My name is…"

An ear-piercing brain-hurting noise rang out, everyone at least flinching at the horrible noise.

"I've known Chen Jun for a year now, and I've hated him for almost all of it. When he first found me, he sacrificed a small goat to me. I gave him a gift. I love goats. They're delicious. He brought me another. I gave him a gift again. This went on until one day, he brought a man. I don't eat men. I zapped him. The next day he brings a woman. I zap him. I don't eat women. Then he continues bringing fucking women every other goddamn day! Every single fucking time I zap him, and every single time he brings another. Fucking. Woman! Gaaaaaah!!!"

Everyone was speechless. Especially Chen Jun, who had never once heard the book speak even as he fed it the women it supposedly didn't eat.

One of the elders shouted out.

"How do we know this book is telling the truth?"

The book turned to him. Which was a weird move for a book to do.

"Shut the fuck up you fucking geezer."

Did this cursed evil book just call someone a "fucking geezer"? What was even happening at this point? Why was a book even talking in the first place?

The sect leader decided to try and put an end to the madness.

"I think we've heard enough, don't you all agree?"

Most people did agree. Evil book or not, the thing seemed to hold real animosity towards Chen Jun. It felt pretty genuine.

"Alright, if we're all in agreement, then we'll hold the execution tomorrow."

Suddenly, Will was contacted by Porridge.

<<~That thing you gave me was great. I feel like I'm about to become a Stormbringer Serpent already!~>>

Will had a really funny idea.

"Wait!"

Everyone looked at Will.

"Since I bwought the charges, it's only faiw I decide his punishment, wight?"

Even if the punishment the kid gave wasn't good enough, they were already planning to execute him, so they decided to indulge the kid for now.

<~Porridge, would you like to have one last "fight" before you level up?~>

<<~Sure, I guess. I'll head over, then?~>>

<~Great!~>

Will turned towards Chen Jun and pointed at him.

"I chawwenge you to a duel! Your opponent will be my pet snake, Porridge! Use whatever means you have at your disposaw."

"Will, are you really sure about this? Aren't you worried your snake might get hurt?"

The sect leader felt like making a snake fight Chen Jun was just a recipe for a dead snake.

"Don't wowwy, it's big."

As much as the sect leader didn't like the idea, a lot of the elders wanted to see it. Mostly those who wanted to see the tamed beast of the sect leader's disciple get trampled. She decided to give in.

"Fine. Chen Jun, do you agree to this proposal?"

Chen Jun smirked. He'd get to trounce this brat's pet, and get off scot-free? Of course he'd accept it.

"I agree!"

The sect leader sighed.

"Alright, then we'll host it in the main arena midday tomorrow."

Will thought about it. That wouldn't work. Porridge was too big for that.

"Could we do it outside the sect? Porridge won't fit othewwise."

The sect leader didn't expect Will's tamed beast to be too big to get inside. But didn't she already give Will the manual on how to put a tamed beast in the beast space? Just putting it in the beast space and taking it out at the arena should be easy.

"Will, just use the manual I gave you and store it in the beast space."

Will shook his head.

"Too big. Doesn't fit."

Doesn't… fit? In the beast space? What kind of snake is too big for the beast space? Even dragons could fit in there!

"Will… what kind of snake is Porridge?"

Will smiled brightly.

"Cowossaw Wightning Snake."

Chen Jun's face went pale.