Romantic Gangster

#34

“Was it the first time those bastards came today?”

“Yeah. Did you hit them?”

“Yeah. I gave them a few punches and sent them away. Do guys like that come often?”

“Not often, just sometimes. Most of them are drunk, but every time I hear them say weird things to me, I really hate it. Thanks to you, I felt satisfied this time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So when you took those people out, I was thinking about telling you not to hit them, to just let them go… but I didn’t.”

“You did well.”

Hyun-joon had thought Ji-woo might say something like “Do you go around beating people up? That’s why people call you a gangster,” but there wasn’t even a hint of anger in Ji-woo’s voice.

Hyun-joon glanced sideways, secretly observing Ji-woo’s hands as he fiddled with them while speaking softly, his soft-looking cheeks, and his plump-looking lips.

He wanted to hold his hand, touch his face… and even press his lips against Ji-woo’s. How warm and soft would they be? Although he had never done it before and didn’t know if it would be good or not… he vaguely thought about wanting to kiss. In movies, they would gently turn the other’s chin to face them, look deeply into their eyes, and then kiss…

Wow, is this what they call the timing for a kiss?

Timing or not, it wasn’t the situation to try such things, but the thought of pressing his lips somewhere on Ji-woo wouldn’t go away. Hyun-joon secretly, and sometimes openly, took in every part of Ji-woo’s face that he wanted to touch, waiting until work was over.

“It’s really cool today. It’s completely autumn now.”

Ji-woo took a deep breath as they left the convenience store. Hyun-joon glanced at him and casually wiped his hand on his pants before asking nonchalantly.

“…We should do that pheromone thing today too, right?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“…Wouldn’t it be better to do it weakly for a longer time rather than just briefly in front of your house?”

“Is that so? Well, I guess doing it for longer would be better?”

Good, he asked. Hyun-joon casually extended his hand towards Ji-woo.

“Contact.”

“Ah…”

If it weren’t for the school nurse’s gracious advice to make ‘contact’, his love endeavor would have failed long ago. Thinking he should definitely send flowers on Teacher’s Day next year, Hyun-joon soon clenched his molars as he felt the warm sensation spreading through his hand. Maybe because it was the hand that had properly turned him on before, just touching it made him almost get hard. The feeling of Ji-woo taking his hand first, rather than him grabbing it, was driving him crazy.

“…”

“…”

As he gently grasped the hand that had come into his, Ji-woo fidgeted as if something was uncomfortable. Then he lifted their hands and started changing how they were holding hands.

“Ah, this is it. Is this more comfortable now?”

“…Yeah.”

What Ji-woo had chosen was to intertwine their fingers. The feeling of their fingers interlocked tightly was clear. It became more comfortable to walk while holding hands, but his heart was in chaos. Just from intertwining fingers, he liked Ji-woo ten times more.

Since realizing he liked Ji-woo, all of Hyun-joon’s calculations had lost touch with reality. Even the smallest things made his heart swell ten, hundred, thousand times, and if he received even a tiny thing, he wanted to give everything he had.

Even though he was treating Ji-woo with calculations that could never exist in reality, he didn’t regret anything he was giving. He just kept thinking that he wished Ji-woo would openly strip him bare. It would be even better if he really did strip him.

“Did you release your pheromones?”

“Huh? Ah, not yet. I’m doing it now.”

“Okay.”

Hyun-joon, who had been walking as if on a date, forgetting the reason for holding hands, came to his senses at Ji-woo’s question and released his pheromones very weakly. He couldn’t tell if the warmth he felt in his body was due to the pheromones or because Ji-woo was gripping his hand a bit more tightly.

“It feels so good… When I smell your pheromones, my mind really becomes more at ease.”

“…Seems like the teacher was right. She said it had effects like calming or stabilizing or something.”

“Yeah. Your hand is so warm too. Is it because of the pheromones? It feels like the warmth is spreading to my body.”

…Why does he say such things so seductively? Am I a trash for hearing it that way? No, I’m not. Saying his hand is warm and that warmth is spreading to his body, isn’t that a seductive thing to say? Hyun-joon looked away, trying to prevent another unfortunate erection as he walked.

“Hyun-joon.”

His heart sank suddenly. Just from hearing his name called. No, this wasn’t an emotion that could be described with words like ‘just’.

“Isn’t holding hands uncomfortable for you? If it’s uncomfortable, we can let go for a moment.”

Ji-woo seemed to be saying something, but the voice calling his name kept echoing in his head, making it hard to hear clearly. Uncomfortable what?

At that moment, the strength in Ji-woo’s hand started to fade. Feeling like the fingers might slip out from between his, Hyun-joon came to his senses and quickly grasped the hand firmly again.

“Why?”

“I thought it might be uncomfortable for you.”

“No, it’s not uncomfortable. Hey, if I’m uncomfortable, I just let go. I can’t force myself to hold on. I’m holding your hand because it’s fine.”

“I don’t just want it to be not uncomfortable, I want you to feel good like I do. Like how I feel good because your hand is warm. Would I get warm too if I release a little pheromone?”

Your hand is warm even without pheromones. No, you’re just warm all over. You might think it’s autumn now, but to me, it’s spring. Even when everyone else goes crazy about spring, taking flower pictures and wandering around, I don’t know why I’m thinking about something I’ve never properly experienced before, but I don’t know. You just feel exactly like that to me. Warm, making my heart flutter so I can’t sleep… and fucking beautiful.

Mushy words he had never thought about before bubbled up in his heart. It felt cringeworthy and unfamiliar, like he might go crazy, but lately, whenever he looked at Ji-woo, these ticklish words kept piling up – the kind of words that only crazy people who had given up on being human due to love would spout easily.

He couldn’t understand or believe it, but it seemed he wanted to say such things to Ji-woo. That he was warm and beautiful just as he was.

“You’re… warm even without releasing pheromones.”

Hyun-joon managed to pick out one sentence from the many things he wanted to say that wouldn’t make Ji-woo let go of his hand and run away, and spoke as calmly as possible. Compared to what he really wanted to say, this was a low-level statement to voice out loud, but because he knew what meaning he was putting into it, even that was embarrassing.

“Really? That’s a relief.”

Ji-woo smiled brightly and lifted their joined hands. Just seeing their fingers tightly interlocked made Hyun-joon’s lower abdomen flutter. It seemed like he would have to do that thing again as soon as he got home. Apparently, once wasn’t enough.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to try, can I do it?”

“What is it?”

In response to Hyun-joon’s question, Ji-woo swung their joined hands back and forth. It looked just like a child’s action, making Hyun-joon let out a laugh mixed with a sigh.

“Hey, what’s with the arm swinging in front of something you want to try? You could have just done it.”

“It’s something you can only do when holding hands.”

“Why didn’t you do it holding hands with Choi Young-jae?”

“Young-jae wouldn’t like it. And I don’t really want to either.”

“Why?”

“Maybe because we’re too close… I just can’t imagine it.”

Watching Ji-woo shake his head, Hyun-joon placed his hope in their tightly interlocked fingers even at this moment. He liked that Ji-woo was holding hands with him so casually now, when he wouldn’t even do it with Choi Young-jae.

It could be interpreted as being possible because they were less close, but it didn’t sound that way to him. Things you can’t do because you’re too close are usually harder to do with people you’re not close to.

Ji-woo might not realize it, but it seemed he was clearly categorizing Hyun-joon and Young-jae differently. Putting him in a different place from a close friend who gives you goosebumps just thinking about holding hands… He was dying to know exactly where Ji-woo had placed him. Surely he hadn’t put him in a category like nutritional supplements or something.

Vitamin C for antioxidant effects, lutein for eye health, calcium for bone health, Hyun-joon for pheromone calming.

Even while knowing it was a ridiculous thought, he felt that Ji-woo might actually do something like that. He had some unique aspects, and unlike his appearance, he could be quite decisive. Thinking back to when Ji-woo had firmly tried to leave him alone in that barren school, believing he had adapted, made his heart sink again.

“Ah, right. I agreed to work at the pool hall on Saturday.”

“Really? At what time?”

“I’m planning to go at ten.”

“In the morning?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, I have to go to work on Saturday too. Even if I finish early, it’ll be evening.”

A feeling of regret spread at the exact overlap in time. Yes, this wasn’t irritation, it was regret. Regret at not being able to go with Ji-woo when he worked.