Rom-Com Zombie Apocalypse

The sun had risen, because apparently the universe didn't give a shit about our problems. It was time to face another goddamn day in this never-ending nightmare.

I yawned so hard my jaw cracked, I'd been awake for the last three hours because, of course, my shift was the last one. Because why the fuck wouldn't it be?

Now, we had to figure out what to do today. Outside was… well, probably still a zombie-infested hellscape.

It's not like they all decided to take a day off and go to the beach or something. No, they were definitely still out there, shuffling around, groaning, and generally being a pain in my ass.

I jolted Elliot awake with a not-so-gentle kick to the leg.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. Your turn to deal with this bullshit."

He groaned, rubbing his eyes like he'd just been woken up from the best nap of his life.

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to stop being a lazy ass and help us figure out how not to die today," I snapped.

Alex stirred on the floor, her hair a messy halo around her head. She looked like she'd been hit by a truck, which, honestly, was a mood. "Do we have to move? Can't we just… stay here forever?"

"Yeah, because that's a great plan," I said, rolling my eyes. "Let's just chill in this room until we run out of food and water and start eating each other. Sounds fun."

Elliot sat up, stretching like he was in some kind of fitness commercial. "Alright, alright. Let's get moving. First things first, washroom break."

Great. Just what I wanted to do first thing in the morning: trek to the fucking washroom in a zombie-infested school. But hey, when nature calls, you answer, even if it might get you eaten.

We grabbed our weapons, because apparently, you can't even take a piss without arming yourself these days, and headed down the hall. The washrooms were just around the corner, thank God, because I was not in the mood for a cross-country expedition.

The girls' washroom was a depressing little rectangle of tile and grime. The walls were that weird off-white color that made you wonder if they'd ever been cleaned, and the floor was sticky in a way that made you regret every life choice that led you here.

There were three stalls, one of which had a door hanging off its hinges, and a row of sinks with those crappy metal faucets that either sprayed water everywhere or didn't work at all.

Alex and I shuffled in, while Elliot went to the boys' washroom across the hall. I splashed some water on my face, which did absolutely nothing to make me feel more awake, and stared at my reflection in the cracked mirror.

I looked like shit. Dark circles under my eyes, hair a tangled mess, and a general aura of "I'm so done with this crap."

Alex leaned against the sink next to me, looking equally wrecked. "Do you think we'll ever get out of here?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. But if we don't, at least I won't have to deal with homework anymore."

She snorted, which was a nice change from the usual doom and gloom. "Silver linings, huh?"

"Yeah, well, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for those," I said, drying my face on the least gross-looking part of my sleeve.

Elliot poked his head in a minute later, because apparently personal space was a foreign concept to him. "You guys done? We need to figure out our next move."

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming," I said, grabbing my broom. "Let's go save the world or whatever."

As we headed back to the room, I couldn't help but think about how ridiculous this all was. Here we were, three teenagers, trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with nothing but a crowbar, a broom, a baseball bat, a flashlight, and a whole lot of bad decisions.

****

We gathered in the hallway outside the washroom, sitting on the floor like a bunch of kids at a really depressing sleepover. The fluorescent lights flickered above us, casting weird shadows that made everything feel even more ominous. Not that we needed help with that, zombie apocalypse and all.

Elliot crossed his legs and leaned back against the wall, looking way too calm for someone who'd just woken up in a world gone to shit. "Alright, brain trust. What's the plan?"

I groaned, rubbing my temples. "Do we have to do this right now? Can't we just sit here and pretend everything's fine for, like, five more minutes?"

Alex shook her head, her face serious. "We need to figure this out, Mira. We can't just stay here forever."

"Why not?" I shot back. "It's cozy. We've got floor seating, questionable hygiene, and a constant sense of impending doom. What more could we want?"

Elliot ignored me, because of course he did. "Okay, let's brainstorm. What are our options?"

Alex started ticking things off on her fingers. "We could try to find more survivors. Or look for supplies. Or… I don't know, build a fort?"

"A fort?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Are we five? Because last I checked, cardboard boxes and bedsheets aren't exactly zombie-proof."

"It was just an idea!" Alex said defensively.

Elliot jumped in before I could roast her further. "What about the radio? Maybe we should try listening to it again. There could be new messages."

I snorted. "Oh yeah, because the last message was so helpful. 'Hey, everyone's dead, good luck!' Real inspiring stuff."

"It's worth a shot," Elliot said, ignoring my sarcasm. "We don't have a lot of options here."

"Fine," I said, throwing up my hands. "Let's waste more time listening to a broken radio. What's next? Should we try to communicate with the zombies through interpretive dance?"

Alex frowned. "That's not a bad idea."

"It's a terrible idea!" I snapped. "What is wrong with you people? Are we trying to survive or audition for America's Got Talent?"

Elliot held up his hands in a peacemaking gesture. "Okay, okay. Radio first. Then we'll figure out the rest."

We sat there for a while, throwing out increasingly ridiculous ideas. Alex suggested we try to train the zombies like pets, which I immediately vetoed. Elliot floated the idea of setting traps, but when I asked him what kind of traps, he just shrugged and said, "I don't know, like… bear traps or something."

"Bear traps?" I repeated. "Where the hell are we supposed to find bear traps? This is a high school, not a fucking hunting lodge!"

"It was just an idea!" Elliot said, sounding offended.

"Your ideas suck," I muttered.

After what felt like an eternity of pointless arguing, we finally agreed on a plan: listen to the radio again, then head to the upper floors to scope out the situation outside. It wasn't exactly groundbreaking, but it was better than sitting around debating the merits of zombie domestication.

We grabbed our stuff and started making our way up the stairs. The upper floors were eerily quiet, the kind of quiet that makes your skin crawl. Every creak of the floorboards sounded like a zombie sneaking up on us, and I swear I almost had a heart attack when Alex accidentally kicked a loose tile.

"Nice job, Grace," I said, glaring at her. "Way to announce our presence to every zombie in a five-mile radius."

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking embarrassed.

We finally reached a classroom with windows overlooking the front of the school. Elliot peeked out first, then froze. "Uh… guys?"

"What?" I said, pushing past him. "Did you see a zombie wearing a funny hat or something?"

But when I looked outside, my jaw dropped. The parking lot was empty. Like, completely empty. No zombies. No shuffling. No groaning. Just… nothing.

Well, not nothing. There were still the family-friendly bloodstains splattered across the pavement, because apparently the universe thought we needed a reminder that this wasn't a dream. But the zombies? Gone.

"What the actual fuck?" I said, staring out the window. "Where did they all go? Did they have a zombie convention or something?"

Alex joined us at the window, her eyes wide. "This is… weird. Really weird."

"No shit, Sherlock," I said, still trying to process what I was seeing. "Zombies don't just disappear. They don't have, like, zombie jobs to go to. They're supposed to be here, being annoying and trying to eat us!"

Elliot frowned, his brow furrowed in thought. "Maybe they're following some kind of pattern. Or… I don't know, maybe they're attracted to noise or movement."

"Great," I said, throwing up my hands. "So now we're dealing with zombie scientists? What's next, zombie lawyers?"

Alex giggled nervously. "Zombie lawyers would be terrifying."

"Yeah, because they'd sue us for surviving," I muttered.

We stood there for a while, staring out at the empty parking lot. It should've been a relief, but instead, it just made me more anxious. Zombies were predictable. They shuffled, they groaned, they tried to eat you. But this? This was fucking weird.

"Alright," I said finally. "Let's not get too excited. They're probably just… I don't know, taking a zombie coffee break or something. We should still be careful."

Elliot nodded. "Agreed. Let's keep moving and see if we can figure out what's going on."

As we headed back into the hallway, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong. Zombies don't just disappear. And if they had… well, that probably meant something even worse was coming.

"Note to self," I muttered under my breath. "When the zombies vanish, start panicking."