Rogue of Taurus

Livia woke alone and sat up. She brushed a hand over her mussed and frizzy braid. She could get through one night here. First, she’d eat dinner, help clean up, and then sleep. In the morning, she’d be gone, even before breakfast.

Livia slid off the bed and wandered to the top of the stairs. There was a second set of stairs that led up to another floor. The sound of laughter drifted down from the rooms up there. In contrast, the house’s ground floor was silent except for a soft chatter in the kitchen. Livia looked down and found that Corvin was lying on the couch in the living room. His hazel eyes were watching her.

“Come down here, Liv,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”

Livia ran a self-conscious hand over her hair and descended to the ground floor. She stood in front of Corvin. She expected him to sit up. Instead, he opted to remain reclined on the couch. He gestured with his chin to the opposite couch. “Sit over there.”

Livia sat.

He spoke in a monotone voice as he pretended to look at the ceiling. She could see that he kept one eye on her, though. “Our last conversation in Caesarea was…heated.”

Livia crossed her arms over her chest and looked away, knowing there was no good response.

Corvin spoke lightly. “We can’t escape each other here, so… let’s clear the air?”

“I’ll be gone by morning, Corvin,” Livia said.

Corvin’s face snapped toward her. “What?”

“I’ll leave tomorrow morning when the snow clears.”

Corvin laughed. “Livia, we’re in Montana. When it snows, it snows. So the road won’t be open for ten days at least.”

“Ten days!” Livia screeched.

A hush fell over the kitchen, and Livia felt an uncomfortable shame settle in her chest, but she was so angry. “I’m not staying here for ten days, Corvin,” her voice was hushed but no less furious.

“After Christmas, we could ask some snowmobiles to come out—” Corvin said.

“Why not now?” Livia snapped.

“Because tomorrow it’s Christmas Eve, Livia,” Corvin explained, gaze on the ceiling again, voice emotionless.

Livia rubbed her temples.

“Now, my family doesn’t know about our last conversation,” he said. “But they believe you are still upset with me about Salina.”

“Why haven’t you told people?” Livia grumbled. Arik hadn’t hesitated to blab the second he broke up with her.

“Because I hoped you’d cool off and we could have a productive conversation about the situation.”

Livia remained silent. This was her opening. She should jump at the chance to fix her mistakes, to confess her fears. But, instead, she was frozen.

“Have you told anyone?” Corvin asked.

“No.”

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” Corvin pressed.

“Because I didn’t want to. Whose business is it?” Livia asked.

“Maybe Gaius’? Justin’s?” Corvin suggested.

Livia rose to her feet in a panic. “Is this conversation over?”

“If you want it to be,” Corvin answered.

Livia fled up the stairs. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall. She wouldn’t force herself to face Corvin, but she did have to face herself because tomorrow was Christmas Eve. There were young children involved. She didn’t want them to have a bad Christmas on her account. Livia recognized she wasn’t being fair, but it was one thing when that only affected Corvin. It was another when it would start affecting Corvin’s siblings on Christmas. She’d been the young kid who’d had a disappointing Christmas. She didn’t want to inflict that on other people.

So, Livia took a deep breath and worked at reconciling her emotions. What did she even want from Corvin? Three days ago, she knew exactly what she wanted. Now? Honestly, she felt like she’d regressed to the Livia of two years ago—wanting to be alone, being irrational and unfair during emotional discussions, and feeling angry all the time.

Livia realized with a sinking feeling that her trauma had reared its ugly head again. It’s slipped past her notice because she’d done so well these past few months and probably because she was trying to repress something. Livia let her mind wander over the past several days and searched for an explanation. Finally, she realized it wasn’t what had happened with Salina. It was what happened with her Mother. Her insidious lies had reached inside Livia’s relationships and started polluting them. Lucas interrogating her, Hyrum’s overbearing vigilance, and Gaius’ refusal to accept her match papers.

These indirect conflicts were non-violent, so she doubted herself. Even calling them conflicts made her furious. That was why she felt no relief when she learned the truth about Salina. It hadn’t been the real problem. Her mind was too occupied dealing with this pseudo-conflict with her Mother. Livia closed her eyes as shame engulfed her. Corvin hadn’t deserved any of her wrath. She owed him an apology.

At that moment, Epiphany poked her head into the room. “Dinner, Liv!”

“Give me a minute.”

“Okay,” Epiphany retreated. “You know where to find us.”

Livia took a couple of deep breaths and wended her way down the stairs and toward the kitchen. Her eyes drifted to the corner where Corvin—his back turned to her—spoke with his mother. Corvin’s fingers dug into curls at the base of his neck, clearly displaying his gorgeous back muscles.

Livia almost smiled. She considered noticing her attraction to Corvin a step in the right direction. The past had loosened its grip on her the tiniest bit, allowing her to be open to other emotions.

Aurelia caught sight of Livia and reached out to touch Corvin’s arm. Corvin’s voice stilled. They were talking about her. Livia was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and looked away. Her eyes connected with Epiphany’s, who had waited for Livia to come down. Epiphany smiled and gestured Livia over. Livia accepted her invitation, walking past Corvin and Aurelia to the kitchen entrance.

Epiphany spoke to her in a warm and easy tone. “Some of the family left yesterday. Before the storm hit. Azurea was nervous about being snowed in with a newborn, so she and Jonas left.”

The chatter of Corvin’s family was a loud hum in the background. Epiphany led her through the kitchen, where they filled their plates in a buffet-style line.

Epiphany pulled Livia to sit down next to her at an empty spot at a table. There was a table for the kids and one for the adults. All of Corvin’s siblings were at the same table as Livia; Verity and Prudence sat across from her. Livia glanced around the room. Corvin sat with his parents, looking somber.

Epiphany spoke again. “Corvin called Hyrum. They put him on speaker since both Mom and Dad wanted to hear. Corvin was so angry. Really let him have it. Hyrum only responded by saying we’d find your things in your trunk.”

“I can’t imagine that made Corvin less angry,” Livia murmured.

“No,” Epiphany agreed.

Livia observed as she ate. Prudence and Verity couldn’t stop asking questions about Santa and the presents. Epiphany answered with an amused smile dancing around her lips.

Livia was going to spend Christmas with these people. She had no gifts with her. Hadn’t even purchased one for Corvin yet. She didn’t know when she planned to do that. All she knew was that she hadn’t yet encountered an item that spoke ‘Corvin’ to her.

Would Corvin think she hated him? Did Livia want him to think she hated him? That might make everything easier in a weird way. If he were angry at her, it would be easier to keep her distance. Keeping her mouth shut and hiding the entire ten days would be more comfortable. Livia sighed. She had to redirect herself from thinking that way. She’d recognized that she needed to make an apology, and she needed to follow through. She’d worked hard on allowing herself to get close to people. She couldn’t let herself return to how she’d used to be.

Livia insisted on helping Alia and Mel clean the dinner dishes. They accepted her help and washed dishes silently until Prudence came up and begged Alia and Mel to play.

“We can’t, Pru. We have to clean up,” Alia said.

Prudence stomped her feet and cried. “Please.”

Melanie sighed. “Pru, stop.”

That only made the tantrum worse.

Livia nudged Alia gently. “Go on, I’ll finish up. I don’t mind.”

Alia and Mel hesitated and then ran off with a sniffling Prudence. Livia faced the sink of dishes alone, but she savored that. She finished putting the plates in the dishwasher and started it. Then she turned to the pile of pans.

She plugged the sink and filled it with soapy water. She slid the first pan into the water when Corvin strode over.

“Mel and Alia are supposed to do this—” he said.

“They are helping Prudence,” Livia said.

Corvin pulled up his shirtsleeves to his elbows, revealing his forearms. Livia’s eyes took in the sight of his well-formed muscles. “I’ll help,” Corvin said.

Livia turned to the water and started to scrub the pan. “That’s not necessary,” she said.

Corvin did not listen. He pulled the dirtiest pan from the counter, put dish soap on it, added a little water, and scrubbed in the empty sink beside her.

Praying she’d remain civil, Livia closed her eyes and inhaled. She almost cursed. Corvin smelled like fresh laundry again, reminding her of their first meeting. The way he’d cradled the back of her head in his palm.

She’d been injured and scared.

Livia mentally shook herself out of the memory. She needed to find something else to think about. Her traitorous mind settled on the memory of their last kiss. The way his passion seared through every inch of her slipped past every defense she’d ever erected to keep herself safe. Then left her aching for him to do it over and over again.

Livia inhaled a shuddering breath and let her mind sink into the past. It was safer there currently. Besides, they were just memories. They couldn’t hurt her, could they? Why was she so bothered anyway to remember that moment? Hadn’t it been a good thing, Corvin helping her?

“You okay, Liv?” Corvin asked easily as he rinsed his pan off and set it aside. He held his hand out for the pan she was scrubbing. She handed it over, and he rinsed it. She grabbed another one, and Corvin reached over her to grab his own.

His body leaned close to hers, and his shoulder brushed hers. Livia inhaled again, but she remembered that aching moment in the kitchen at Cornelia after she’d washed flour out of his hair. She wondered if she’d ever stop thinking about kissing this man. It had been two years…over two years…since he’d come into her life and changed everything.

The sound of Corvin scrubbing his pan brought Livia back to reality…mostly. The smell of fresh laundry was still in her nostrils. She’d been so young then. Livia had felt a lot older and more responsible than her peers. She’d known she was strong and capable. And she’d loved her family. She’d known her Mother wasn’t perfect and accepted she was sometimes a bad Mother.

But there was a security in that they were still all together. Managing that had taken a lot of hard work and sacrifice that Livia took pride in. It was also true that Livia’s mother got better as life improved. Livia had believed that if she’d worked hard enough and made life perfect, her Mother would be perfect too.

An ache centered in Livia’s chest. She missed that belief. It was wrong, but it had made her world feel safe and had made it possible for her to love her imperfect family. Now, she knew the truth about herself and Caesarea, but her family was broken. She didn’t even know if she could trust Hyrum anymore. He’d sent her up here deliberately in a snowstorm.

Corvin rinsed his pan off. He spoke softly, “This might be a nice time to tell me what’s on your mind.”

Livia froze. Not only was he right, but it’d be a nice distraction from thinking about her family. Livia grasped onto that mental momentum and drove straight in. “Corvin, I’m punishing you for things that aren’t your fault, and I’m sorry. I’m in the wrong here.”

Corvin stopped scrubbing his pan and looked at her, surprised.

Livia continued, “I’m just…so many things happened at the same time, and I acted in a way that was completely unjustified.”

Corvin looked thoughtful. “You had come to talk to us about something, hadn’t you? Then you were still upset when the chaos surrounding Salina settled down.”

“Right,” Livia nodded.

“Because something else had gone wrong,” Corvin said.

Livia looked at him, panicked, realizing that she’d opened up a conversation she didn’t want to have. She turned back to scrubbing her pan. “It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow.”

“That’s a change of topic,” Corvin mused.

“I think we should wait until after Christmas to discuss everything. We should make an agreement.”

“An agreement?” Corvin asked. “What sort of agreement?”

“I don’t want your family to remember us fighting on Christmas,” Livia said.

Corvin put another clean pan to the side and reached for the pan Livia had. “So, does that mean you want to pretend we’re still dating? Am I allowed to show you affection, or am I forbidden?”

That was a big question. “Does your Mom know?”

“Not yet. I also had the plan to tell them after Christmas.”

Livia grabbed the last dirty pan. Corvin waited while she scrubbed it.“What were you talking about then when I came down?” Livia asked.

“Why Hyrum has completely lost his mind.”

“I’m mad at him too,” Livia admitted. The fact that Corvin was so upset about Hyrum validated Livia’s emotions.

“Understandably,” Corvin said.

Livia inhaled as their mutual anger created a sense of unity between them. The feeling was nice, blunting the sharp edges of her emotional upheaval. It allowed Livia to be blunt with Corvin.“I don’t feel emotionally stable right now, Corvin,” Livia said. “So I need you to be patient with me.”

“I can do that, Liv,” Corvin said, easing the pan from her hands, rinsing it off, and then putting it on the counter to dry. “Will you answer my question?”

Livia said, “I don’t want to do anything new. I want things very basic.”

“Alright,” Corvin said. “We'll keep things simple.”

Corvin place a light hand on her back. “Thanks for helping with the dishes, Livia. Why don’t you go up and rest a bit more? We’ll do the rest of the cleanup.”

The corner of Livia’s mouth quirked up at how he raised his voice for the sake of his family. He removed his hand from her back, and Livia turned to go upstairs. She was grateful for the civility and kindness.

Her phone was ringing when she stepped into the room. Hyrum’s name flashed on the screen. She cursed at him before she answered. Hopefully, that would prevent her from doing it over the line.