Rogue of Taurus

Livia had endured a lot of emotional pain, but the pain she felt now left her breathless. She paced back and forth frantically as if she could walk off the pain. There was a ceaseless throbbing in her chest, a knot in her throat that made it hard to swallow. Time seemed agonizingly slow, but it only seemed like an instant had passed when her phone started ringing an hour later. It was Corvin.

Livia, of course, ignored him. She didn’t want to hear Corvin apologize to her and say he had other obligations in his cool Patrician tone.

Livia pressed her hand to her chest and dissolved into a torrent of sobs. Her door opened, and a frantic Caecilia came in and grabbed her shoulders.

“What’s happened? Are you hurt?”

Livia shook her head.

“What happened?” she repeated.

Livia couldn’t calm herself enough to speak. Caecilia put an arm around Livia and made Livia rest her head on her shoulder. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out,” Caecilia said.

“Salina is pregnant,” Livia managed.

“Oh,” Caecilia said, releasing her. “That shouldn’t be this upsetting…unless.”

“She says Corvin’s the father—”

Caecilia frowned. “Oh no. That…are you sure you have the whole story?”

“What else is there to know?” Livia demanded.

“That seems so…not quite right. Why would Salina hide it long enough for him to date you? He’s been away. When would they have gotten together? The summer? She’d have told him before he started dating you—it makes no sense.”

“She was pregnant, Cil, and meeting with Corvin and Lars—”

“So, Corvin and Lars know, you know?”

“Yes.”

“Have they called?”

Livia didn’t answer that question. Traitorously, her phone rang at that very moment. She didn’t recognize the number.

“Who is that?” Caecilia asked.

“I don’t know,” Livia said. “I don’t want to answer it.”

Caecilia reached out, picked up the phone, and answered. “Hello? Caecilia Fabius speaking—”

Pause.

“Aurelia! Yes, this is Livia’s phone. She’s unavailable right now, but can I leave her a message?”

Caecilia made a few noises as she listened. “I’ll tell her that. Thanks for calling. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the information.”

“Was that Corvin’s mom?” Livia asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Caecilia said. “Corvin’s not the father. They haven’t figured out who the father is yet. Salina’s being evasive about the answer to that question.”

“Of course, they would say that,” Livia said.

“I…actually believe her. There are too many questions the other way, Livia.”

Livia turned on her, angry. “It’s not that complicated, Caecilia! They slept together this summer. She thought the pregnancy was work stress. She finally put it together and made Corvin meet with her. It’s over! We’re done!”

“Let’s remain calm,” Caecilia said.

“No!” Livia yelled. “There’s nothing to be rational about, Caecilia. I made a stupid mistake. I decided it was worth taking a risk, and I was wrong. Now, it’s time to move on.”

When Livia said this, an unnatural calm came over her. A numb acceptance of her awful situation. She wasn’t upset anymore, but something inside of her shut down. Part of her was grateful, and another part was afraid the part of her that had just died would be gone forever.

###

The following day Livia got an email from Corvin. She blew out her breath in frustration, but part of her recognized he still cared. So, even though Livia braced herself to disbelieve whatever Corvin said, she devoured every single word he wrote.

Liv,

Okay, I get it. You don’t want to answer my calls. But I need you to know some things. Salina is pregnant. However, the babies are not mine. There are two. Twins. Salina and I have not had a relationship for over three years. She went to New York and did IVF with a non-civ donor’s sperm, hoping she could use the babies to manipulate me into marrying her.

I respect the fact that you need time to process things right now. Let me know when you are ready to talk. I love you and can’t wait to hear your voice, to feel you in my arms again.

Livia stared at the email in disbelief. Corvin couldn’t be serious. This story was almost too insane to be true. Except she could see Salina doing it. Desperate. Conniving. Manipulative.

Livia stared at the screen. Corvin left out the part about what he had said to Salina? Did he tell Salina he’d take care of her? Did he say that his relationship with Livia wasn’t that important? That he was excited to adopt two children?

She shouldn’t respond, but she had to know. So, Livia tried to text him, but her fingers were shaking so much as she typed that she pushed the button to call him.

Corvin answered right away. “Livia?”

Livia wanted to hang up, but his voice stopped her. It felt so good to hear his voice. It rose goosebumps on her forearms. A knot of emotion caught in her throat.

“Liv?” Corvin asked.

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call—”

“I have the time to talk to you,” Corvin said. “It’s okay.”

Livia was gasping for air. How was she supposed to get words out?

“Did you get my email?” Corvin asked.

“Yes. I—” Livia’s brain froze, and her words dried up. This was the worst way to have this conversation. Seconds passed away in silence. Livia knew it wasn’t very long, but it felt like ages.

“Did you read it?” Corvin prompted.

“Yes.”

More silence.

“Hun, are you still upset?”

“Yes.”

“What can I do for you?” Corvin asked.

“I didn’t mean to call.” Livia tried to explain. “I t-tried t-to t-text.”

She couldn’t even speak right. Her breaths slammed against the back of her teeth, eking forcefully from the back of her throat.

“Do you need me to come to you?” Corvin asked.

“No.”

“What did you want to text me?” Corvin asked.

Livia should hang up. The gentleness of his voice shouldn’t draw her in. Her question escaped whole, but every syllable held the weight of anguish she’d felt since she last saw him. “Are you going to marry her?”

“No, Livia. I’m not going to marry her.”

Sometimes between her question and his answer Livia had started crying again. “Why not?”

She could hear Corvin inhale and exhale before he answered. “Because two children cannot change the fact that she’d make me absolutely miserable.”

Livia asked, “But what about the children? What’s going to happen to them?”

“We told her to give them up for adoption. Or find a different husband. I refused to capitulate to her manipulation,” Livia could hear the frustration in Corvin’s tone.

Livia took a deep breath. “Maybe you should marry her.”

“Why would you say that?

“There are two babies that need you more than I do.” And though Livia loved hearing his voice, she feared being close to him again. She didn’t know if she could trust him. How could she know if he was telling the truth? She feared she’d believe him because she was desperate to be with him. Then she’d find herself deceived again. It was so painful the first time. She didn’t want a repeat experience.

Corvin’s voice was tight. “I am not taking responsibility for Salina’s choices.”

Livia whispered. “I’m going to go—”

“Wait—”

She hung up the phone.

Corvin immediately texted. Are you leaving Caesarea? Where are you going?

Livia didn’t respond. Could she believe Corvin? IVF? New York? When she finally brought herself downstairs to eat, Caecilia was waiting for her.

She was bursting to share the news. “Lorin made an announcement.”

Livia eyed her. “What type of announcement?”

Caecilia turned her computer toward Livia and pushed play on a video.

Lorin’s face appeared weary. “There have been…many rumors about the health of my niece Salina Antonius the past several weeks. Unfortunately, the strength of those rumors and her unconventional choices requires a public response. We decided that we needed transparency and honesty to move forward in any constructive way. Salina does not have a terminal condition. She is not having a nervous breakdown. She does not have thyroid cancer. However, she is pregnant with twins. The father is unknown because she was impregnated via in vitro fertilization at a clinic in New York with an anonymous donor’s sperm. I, her parents, and her close relatives did not approve of this action. Her actions were not financed with House funds. I will take the children into custody upon birth unless other arrangements are made before their arrival this March. Thank you. We’d appreciate your support at this critical time.”

Caecilia was aghast. “I’ve watched it three times and still can’t believe it! She went and got pregnant all on her own! It’s so…insane!”

“Is this what Caesarea does to women?” Livia asked.

Caecilia gasped. “No! No other person in Caesarea has done something like this. So, Salina bears the blame entirely.”

Livia shook her head. “This community created that person.”

Offended, Caecilia cried, “That’s not fair!”

Livia walked out of the kitchen. Livia should feel relieved to find out Corvin hadn’t lied to her. She should be ready to run straight back into a relationship with him. She should be ready to trust him again. She waited momentarily for the rush of relief, for her hope to return. Instead, she only felt exhausted and empty. She was so tired of being hurt. The only way to avoid getting hurt was to be alone.

###

That night, Hyrum came to Livia’s room. She was trying to pull herself back together emotionally. She rested on the bed and listened to her favorite music.

“Liv, Corvin is downstairs,” Hyrum said.

Livia turned off her music and turned away from her brother. “Tell him I won’t see him.”

“Why not?” Hyrum asked.

“I just won’t,” she insisted.

Hyrum glared at her. “It’s not his fault, Liv. He did nothing wrong.”

Livia didn’t answer and refused to yield. It was unfair, but she didn’t care.

Hyrum left, and Livia felt herself relax. She let her guard down too soon. Corvin peered around her door frame a moment later.

She gasped and jumped off her bed. “What are you doing here?”

Corvin’s unreadable look was back. “Hyrum said I should come up.”

“That’s not what I told him,” Livia cried.

“You didn’t answer my text. I worried you ran off somewhere.”

“I didn’t.” Livia glared at him. “Maybe I should have….”

Corvin was clearly frustrated. “Livia, do you think I’ve deceived you in any way regarding Salina?”

“No.”

“What do you believe then?”

“She manipulated you. That’s how she is….”

“So, are you angry at me?” he asked.

Livia didn’t know how to answer that. She wasn’t as angry at Corvin as at the entire situation. Frustrated that she didn’t know what she needed to do now. Did she leave Caesarea? Did she stay? What was the best way to keep herself safe?

“No,” she shook her head.

Corvin raised a doubtful eyebrow. “You aren’t angry at me?”

“Not at you.”

“But are you angry?” he asked.

Livia turned away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. “This conversation is pointless.”

“We received papers from Justin today—”

Livia jerked her gaze back to him. She hadn’t checked her email. She’d been trying to avoid Corvin contacting her that way. Had Leon notified her too? She was startled at how quickly Justin and Leon had gotten the papers to him. It hadn’t even crossed her mind to contact them and tell them to stop.

Despite everything, she wondered. She was curious about what Corvin thought of them. Woven into the curiosity was a tiny thread of hope. It felt good to feel something besides anger, pain, and despair.

“And?” Livia whispered.

“They were very interesting,” Corvin said.

“Do you agree to them?” Livia asked, still curious.

“No, but I’d like to fix that.”

Livia’s curiosity disappeared like a snuffed candle. She should have known not to hope. She pulled a cold imperiousness around herself as a shield. “Not negotiable.”

“Not negotiable?” Corvin mused. “Then why were they sent as a review for feedback?”

Right. He was right about that. It was supposed to be negotiable. Livia flushed as she realized she sounded like she didn’t know that.

“It doesn’t matter anymore because I think….” Livia gulped. “I think we should break up.”

“Because of the Salina thing?” Corvin asked. “Even though you believe I didn’t cheat on you?”

“I don’t have to explain it to you,” Livia snapped.

Corvin was silent for a long time. So long, Livia hoped he would give up reasoning with her and leave.

Instead, he said scathingly, “Do you think you’re doing those babies some favor? Sacrificing yourself to give them parents that hate each other? That I’m going to crawl back to Salina’s arms now that you’re out of the picture?”

“I think the fact you already don’t agree with what I sent over means that we’ll never resolve our differences and—”

“You’re right; we won’t. Not if you keep refusing to talk to me,” Corvin said.

“I don’t want to talk,” Livia said in a shaky voice. “You won’t understand. We’re too different. I don’t belong in Caesarea. I don’t belong with you. I don’t even know how to be a proper patrician.”

“Livia, we can help you with that—”

“No! No! I don’t want help. Because I’m going to turn into my Mother or do something crazy like Salina because this place is so….aggravating and confusing and…and…and it’s not safe!”

“Livia,” Corvin asked calmly. “What makes you feel unsafe?”

“Everything!” she cried. “So, I’m done.”

“Livia, can we talk—”

“No, leave!”

“Livia, please—”

“I said to leave! Leave now!” she screamed.

Corvin opened his mouth to argue. Then he took a deep breath and closed his mouth. His lips pressed into a thin line, then he turned around and walked out of her room.

Livia walked over to shut her door and saw Hyrum standing in the hallway. His eyes connected with hers. Livia hesitated. His chin lowered, and his expression was disapproving. She closed her door and locked it to shut him and Corvin out. She wanted to be alone.