Reroll

I look up from my phone… all three of us this time. Ed and Betty… well, Ed and Jim, they're in their old bodies, as am I… are in a copy of the sound booth, with three desks, three bookshelves, three character sheets… yeah.  Oh yes, and we're surrounded by sheets of roaring flames a few feet from the booth.

This place is quite familiar… but we haven't died.  Ed and Jim are still sleeping, so I walk over to the sheets and find mine… ah. There's a “four” in the level box now. I suppose we always did handle leveling during long rests… and we defeated a plethora of traps plus Charlie. Yay for XP.

…I hold off on actually signing, though. I walk over and wake Jim and Ed, “Good news! It's level up time, and we apparently keep up with wealth by level automatically.  I might suggest Hats of Disguise for both of you; yes, you can just cast Disguise Self, but the spell only lasts a bit over half an hour at this level.” The Hat, on the other hand, lasts until it's changed.

Ed gets up first, “Ooh, I'm me again… and naked… umm…” he covers himself with his hands.

Jim sits up, “Ah, man… I liked the… where are we?” Jim doesn't bother with modesty.

I shrug, “No idea, but it's my third time. The area reflects wherever I died… or in this case, was resting… and has the stuff I’ll need for making a new character… or in this case, leveling up. You have your own sheets; it’s done when you sign… and no, the sheet won't let you cheat; I tried that before.”

Ed and Jim both shrug and get to work.  

Ed comments on my suggestion, “Nah, no Hat of Disguise, at least not until the Greater version is affordable. It's a first level illusion effect, and the save DC sucks.”

Jim chuckles, “Yeah… ten plus the spell’s level plus the minimum attribute modifier needed to cast the spell means it has a DC of just eleven. A commoner-1 will make that half the time with no investment in Wisdom. It sucks.  The Greater hat works based on Alter Self, though, and doesn't have a save.”

“Those sleeves of yours are good for this…” Ed adds.

I let them do their homework, and now that they're doing it, go ahead and sign mine… interestingly, the burning world doesn't vanish until after both Ed and Jim sign theirs; it seems we're tied to each other.

When the world fades back in, I’m holding my phone again, sitting down, and my phone says it's still midnight.  I continue messing around on it for the rest of the night, while Ed and Betty sleep, waiting until everyone wakes up before getting my new gear on and praying for my spells.

They prepare theirs as well, and when we're done, Ed asks a very reasonable question, “How do you feel about running away?”

Betty considers, “What, you mean like finding someplace out in the country where we can just interact with everyone online when we're not cloaked in illusion?”

I consider, “We'd need to hide out in a city morgue for a while, cover up a few deaths, and steal the associated identities… but it's doable.”

Ed rolls his eyes, “I was thinking a bit farther; a South American country with lax border policy where nobody expects you to have ID in the first place.”

I think for a minute, but Betty answers first, “Sounds easier than explaining this,” she slaps her backside, which wobbles slightly, “to my parents.  And beats getting killed like Kenny.”

I glower at her… but she has a point, “I'm game. Let’s go. I call shotgun.”

“Nah,” Betty responds, “you're driving my van. You don't need to sleep….”

I nod, “Fair point.  Let's go.”

We head to the dining hall, each of us gets a very big meal (of things that will keep…), and stuff it all in a Handy Haversack of Betty’s (it’s a backpack that can hold FAR more than it should, and is easy-access to boot), head to our dorms, collect everything we want to keep, then head to the parking garage and squeeze everyone into Betty's big blue van: A bit rusty, but it runs.  The animals fit in the back, and as none of our clothes fit us anymore we have very little to pack: Our phones, wallets, laptops, keys, toothbrushes, a few keepsakes… it all fits.

And it's a lovely day for a drive.

We head south down the interstate, making sure to drive carefully and not attract attention from the police (we don't match our IDs, after all).  It's a long way to the border, and we stop about every six hours for gas, taking turns filling up on our credit cards (we don't expect to pay them off, so it doesn't matter) and buying out their supplies of dry goods (while we can persist forever on Dream Feast, it's nice to munch), soda, and beer (water we handle via the Create Water cantrip).

I find food doesn't taste like anything anymore. Drinks either. That's… an annoying downside of being undead. But I can live with it.  Well… unlive with it?  Whatever.  It's fine.

About twelve hours into the drive, I start hearing some moans from the back… soon followed by some rocking and wet slapping sounds.  I just pull over and take a walk for a while, letting Ed and Betty get it out of their systems.

When midnight rolls around, though… the world gets warm, I smell sulfur, and the road is replaced by a wall of fire ahead of us.

And I'm me again.  Naked, but I'm getting used to that.  I look back and… yep, Ed and Jim there too… although given that Jim's sucking Ed off, I don't think they've noticed, yet.

I shuffle past them, and see a table in the back with three character sheets, blotters, inkwells, and bookshelves.  I consider while Ed grunts.  What killed us? We were fine.

Not coming up with anything, I just shake my head and get to work, this time going with a lawful-neutral Psion//Monk with Kung-Fu Genius to get Intelligence to AC, taking that one web expansion to the Expanded Psionics Handbook to get the changeling's Minor Change Shape… simpler than the way I was doing it with Kitsune.  All good saves, and Psionic powers can be manifested without any displays with a simple concentration check. I do nab Necropolitan again, and this time nick Faerie Mysteries Initiate for the intelligence to hit points option.

I wait for Jim and Ed to finish, then ask, “Any idea why we're rolling up new characters?”

Jim licks his lips as he swallow Ed's seed, “Did we crash?”

I shake my head, “Nope. Smooth sailing, the road was fine.”

Ed slaps his forehead, “We retired.”

I crinkle mine, “Come again?”

Jim sighs, “I get it. What do you call it when a character rides odd into the sunset, with the intent of never returning to a life of adventure?”

Oh. I get it, “We left play, which we can't do. Great.  Well…” I point to their blank sheets, “Have at it.”

And they do.  We all fill out our builds, sign our sheets, and the red world fades out….