Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 85.

"God, how do I get the mortal I like to return my feelings for him? I possessed the corpse of his ex wife but he still won’t love me for some reason."

“I see. And when you say you possessed the corpse of his ex-wife, what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Isn’t it pretty obvious?”

“No, which is why I’m asking.” Looking at her I naturally had an idea, but I didn’t want to believe it.

“Well, I killed his wife in front of him by embalming her body while she was still alive. After she was dead I gutted her insides and removed all the bones in her body. I removed enough flesh from inside so I could comfortably slide my limbs inside and wear her corpse like a suit. I became his loved one, but he still doesn’t love me for some reason.”

“I just can’t understand why that is. When I initially asked him why he couldn’t return my feelings, he said it was because he couldn’t love anyone but his wife. So it was only natural that I would come to the conclusion that I needed to become his wife. When I became the woman he loved he still didn’t love me. It’s completely irrational, don’t you think, God?”

I squinted my eyes listlessly and said, “Huh? Uh, yeah. Completely irrational.” You, that is.

“Right! I’m not in the wrong here, he is. He should love me.”

“So I presume you look like his wife right now, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.”

“So? What can I do to make him love me?”

“Uh, well... maybe he doesn’t like you because underneath his wife’s flesh you still have the appearance of a different woman-”

She interrupted me before I could clarify what I meant, “Oh! That’s it, God! My original appearance is the problem, isn’t it? So what you’re saying is I just need to skin myself THEN wear his wife’s hollowed-out corpse suit. If I do that he’s sure to start truly seeing me as his wife.”

“Wait. I didn’t say that. I was talking about your-”

SLAM! 

“… shitty... personality…”

“Don’t just run off before I can explain everything!” It’s obviously because his wife isn’t bat shit crazy the way you obviously are. Who the hell embalms a husband’s wife alive in front of them and expects them to fall in love with the perpetrator after wearing the corpse as a bodysuit?

Whatever, at least it’s not my problem I guess. I shook my head, extremely thankful that the wife recently dumped on me out of the blue was only stab happy and not crazy to the point of wearing another woman’s hollowed-out corpse as a bodysuit.