Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 76.

“God, how do I capture and fuck my paralysis demon? I can't ever quite get a good look at him nor can I move while paralyzed.”

“Simple, set up a heavy weighted net above your bed and a dildo machine that turns on when your eyes stop REM sleep. The dildo machine turning on results in the net dropping and trapping the paralysis demon with you on top of your bed. With it stuck in position, the dildo machine thrusting away will penetrate the paralysis demon’s ass, thus allowing you to fuck him senseless.”

“Oh, that was much easier than I expected. You really think such a simple plan will work though?”

“Definitely. Paralysis demons are really stupid after all.”

“They are?”

“Yeah.”

“But God, that doesn’t solve everything. I still want to get a good look at my paralysis demon. If I can’t move how am I supposed to do that?”

“Make a recording that plays when the dildo machine starts. The recording just needs to say ‘If you let me move I’ll turn the machine off and let you go.’ After it compiles and frees you of your paralysis, just go back on your word. If you want to you can even have a strap on hidden under your pillow and shove it into his mouth. If you do that he won’t have the chance to paralyze you. He’ll be too shocked by the cock down his throat.”

“That’s pretty smart. As expected of a renowned degenerate God. You’re an entire level above those other degenerate Gods. I didn’t initially believe the rumors I heard about you, but you’ve really got a solution for everything.”

“I’m not a renowned degenerate God.”

“You’re not?”

“I’m not. Whatever rumors you’ve heard aren’t true at all. I’m an upstanding honest God well respected by everyone in heaven.”

“Pfft.” She squinted her eyes and averted them to the side.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing much. But… an upstanding honest God who’s well respected by everyone is being called Daddy by a TikTok influencer?”

All my dignity immediately shattered to pieces. Ugh. My heart. It hurts.

“You… saw…”

“Of course. Where do you think I heard about your amazing services? That chick calling you Daddy in that video went viral after all.” I’d avoided watching it at all costs.

“No. It can’t be.”

“It did.”

I covered my eyes with my left hand wanting to hide in a hole. I absolutely didn’t want any other Gods to see that video. If they heard her calling me Daddy like that I’d never hear the end of it.

“Do you want to talk about how that video makes you feel?”

“Shut up and get out. Don’t try to reverse our roles.”

“Tch. Fine. But anyway, thank you, God. If things work out well with my paralysis demon I’ll give you a shout out in a TikTok.”

“I’d rather die than receive a shout out like that.” I don’t want any more publicity lest I get even more consultations booked.