Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 72.

“God, how do I become a loli?”

“Plastic surgery. Just have a surgeon suck out some of the unnecessary fat in your chest or just chop them clean off with a sword and you should be set.”

“What? That’s too simple and I’ll still be too tall to be considered a true loli. Being flat isn’t good enough for me. I need more than that. I want to reach the pinnacle of lolification so I can lure unsuspecting guys in and call the cops to get them arrested. I want to ruin their lives and slap the worst possible offense on their criminal record so they’ll be scorned by society for the rest of their lives. If they’re not cornered to the point of wanting to commit suicide, it’s not nearly enough. Only if I can pass for a true loli who can personally end every man’s life simply by having them touch me inappropriately will I be satisfied.”

“You’re a real piece of shit, you know that? Can’t you just settle for fake rape accusations or something? Wouldn’t that achieve the same thing?”

“No way, they could try and fight the accusations through the legal system, but if it’s with a loli, there’s no way they can get out of it no matter how much money they have if the evidence against them is overwhelming. They typically let their guard down more when it’s a naive looking loli which also makes it easier to get more damning evidence to convict them. When the one luring them in is a well-endowed woman, they’re a lot more cautious. There may also be people who take his side to defend him as well. But when it’s with a child, it’s guaranteed that no one’s going to take his side.”

“Haaaaaaah.”

“What’s wrong, God?”

“Nothing.” As humans say, another day, another dollar.

“Well, if you’d like to lolify further than that, you could always find a kid and cut off their arms and legs. With a touch of alchemy, you can become a Frankenstein chimera by cutting off your own limbs and replacing them with theirs.”

She paused momentarily before her eyes gradually lit up.

“That’s it! That’s perfect! I’ll be able to achieve the perfect height for a loli with your suggestion. How did I not think of this myself? It’s so simple, but it’s ingenious.”

“But you know, you’re going to kill an innocent child in exchange.”

“Who cares about some random child? If it just takes one child to fulfill my dream, that child should be thankful that they’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do so.”

What did I really expect from someone who wants to ruin men’s lives by branding them with the tag of a pedophile to force them into suicide?

“Thank you, God. I need to go find a kid with the loli arms and legs that match my skin tone the best now.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get out of here already.”