NOVEL NEXT Consultation 58.
Consultation 58.
I scrutinized my client closely with an intense glare as she returned it with an unreadable expression.
After not saying anything for quite some time she finally opened her mouth and asked with a dribble of saliva leaking out the corner of her mouth, “God, can I haz cheeseburger?"
I stood up from my seat, approached the door to the room, and opened it. I calmly peeked my head out around the corner and screamed out, “Who let this dumbass cat meme chick in here!”
The catgirl behind me questioned cluelessly, “Cheeseburger?”
I turned around and looked at it the way one looked at a vermin.
“Haz cheeseburger now?” She asked with an unchanging derpy expression.
“Is that all you can say?”
“Burger cheese.”
“Changing the order doesn’t count!”
“God haz burger. Me burger can haz?”
“No, you can’t haz cheeseburger!” I started pulling on my hair in frustration.
I’m a God. A God for fuck sakes. Why and how did this insufferably stupid cat meme chick book a consultation?
“Cheeseburger!” She cried out with an angry look on her face like she expected me to understand.
“I don’t haz one!” Ahhhh! My IQ is dropping, her stupidity is contagious.
“Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!”
I’m seriously going to lose my shit. I can deal with crazy bitches, but not stupid cats. Especially the meme ones!
“God haz me Cheeseburger!”
Who can I blame for my suffering? Memes? No, it would be humans who made this particular idiotic meme. Humans were a mistake. Yeah, a mistake. As for them being Godkind’s future hope?
I glanced at the cat again, “Heh.”
When I see the abomination they’ve spawned, I really begin to question it. Even as a God who knows what the meaning of life is already, I can’t help but start second-guessing myself at times. This stupid meme catgirl is enough to make me face an existential crisis.
“Cheeseburger nyaow!”
“I don’t have a freaking cheeseburger! Get that through that tiny brain of yours, you furball!”
I started banging the side of my head against the doorframe in frustration.
Is it fine if I kill the organism that evolved into cats? If only I was a lower-dimensional being. Only then would I be able to live in a universe without these cats if I did that.
“Cheeseburger!”
“Fine! I get it! I’ll haz the cheeseburger in a second!”
I was at the limit of what I could put up with. I bit the bullet, took out my phone, opened the Goder Eats app, then placed an order for teleportation. It was best to just foot the bill and take the loss this time than try arguing with this stupid furball.
It cost 5 whole Godcoins. That was about a twentieth of what I made in a day damn it. And it’s going to this stupid meme catgirl of all things? Ugh. My heart bled a bit when I pressed the button. The instant I pressed it, a piping hot cheeseburger suddenly materialized in my hand.
My client’s eyes popped out wide and locked onto the cheeseburger in my hand. I waved it from side to side and her eyes followed along closely. Her guard rose higher when I took a step backward into the hallway. She bent her legs up and pulled them away from the ground as she perched herself on top of the chair in a cat-like posture. She was ready to pounce.
Once I confirmed I had her attention, with gritted teeth I tossed the burger in a parabolic arc down the hallway. She leaped off the chair she was seated on and ran on all fours desperately chasing after the cheeseburger.
When she passed me and rounded the corner, I stepped back inside the room and shut the door behind me.
It cost me 5 Godcoins, the equivalent of 500 Godents, but my sanity was worth it. With a sigh, I comforted myself as such and returned to my seat prepared to deal with whoever my next client turned out to be. Being a God really wasn’t easy.