Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 145.

After I uncovered Goddess Untitled’s intentions, I took a nap. I was exhausted. Being locked inside this stuffy cell with nothing to do was mentally draining. I couldn’t imagine how she’d been able to maintain her sanity while locked up in here for so long.

No, perhaps she’d already long lost her mind. I hadn’t been here long, but even I was already starting to lose it.

...

Several days passed by with just the two of us locked up together. With each day that passed by, I gained more appreciation for how incredible her mental fortitude was.

If I didn’t have the short conversations with her in this solitude, I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever keep myself together.

...

Weeks passed by and I began to wonder just how long I’d have to remain in here. I never did find that out from the God of Shitty Taxation. 

During these weeks, Goddess Untitled had popped into my cell a few times. Despite her words saying she’d take her time breaking me, rather than breaking me, ironically enough, she was becoming the one thing keeping me together.

…

Months passed by during my life of imprisonment and I found the only thing I looked forward to these days were my conversations with Goddess Untitled. Recently thoughts of what my two wives were doing while I was locked up like this also occasionally passed through my mind.

Somehow… I actually missed them a bit. Getting stabbed and being constantly on edge all the time when I returned home was bad, but in comparison to being locked up in this prison, it looked heavenly in comparison.

Being stabbed a few times didn’t even sound too bad right about now. Something was clearly wrong with me to think that, but I couldn’t help it.

…

When I opened my eyes today, I wasn’t met with the usual ceiling I’d grown accustomed to in the last few months. Instead, I was met with Goddess Untitled bending over my bed and looking down at me curiously.

“It’s about time you woke up.”

“What do you want now?”

“I’ve made up my mind.”

“You’ve made up your mind? About what? Requesting the old fart to let me go?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“To break you,” she calmly stated with tranquil eyes.

“Break me? What are you going on about? You said you’d slowly break me, but contrary to your words you’ve been keeping me together over the last few months we’ve been stuck in here together.”

“Well, it just unexpectedly turned out there was no need to slowly break you. That’s all there is to it. If you kept it together, it’s simply because there wasn’t anything major I needed to change. I was a bit surprised. I dragged things out for months, patiently waiting for something I disliked about you to appear which would require some tweaking, but there wasn’t anything for me to complain about.”

“Huh? No. I mean, come on, there’s got to be a lot of things to complain about.”

“Oh? Are you trying to question my tastes?”

“Hell yeah I am. You have horrible taste in men if I’m supposed to be your ideal.”

“Then… since you think you don’t fit the bill, I’ll get on with breaking you until you agree.”

“Wait. What? What do you even mean when you say you’re going to break me? You say that, but I don’t get it at all.”

“It means continuing where we left off before, duh.” She winked at me with a grin, placed a hand on my cheek, and tilted my face toward her as she leaned in closer. She didn’t even tease me with a chance to escape this time. Unlike the last time where she stopped right before our lips touched, this time, she went all the way. She nibbled on my lower lip then slipped her tongue in. Her tongue wrapped around and constricted my tongue like a snake. There was no escaping once she latched on.

Her saliva was strangely sweet and addictive. The more that flowed into my mouth, the more lost I felt. Five minutes passed by quickly in a daze as my mind blanked out. She pulled away then crawled on top of me.

With the short pause, I regained a bit of clarity.

“I’m a married man. I can’t do this. It’d be like betraying my wives’ trust if I do this with a Goddess I’m not married to.” More like, I’ll be murdered several times over by them. I’m already walking on pins and needles with Goddess Husbandos after what happened with Goddess Grandparents. Adding a third one to the mix? I shivered at the thought of it. It would only end poorly for me.

“Hehe. Haven’t you figured it out yet?”

“Figured what out?”

“You being married and resisting like this is what really gets me off. It’s a shame your wives aren’t here so I can see their frustrated faces as they watch on powerlessly while I have my way with you without them being able to do anything to stop me.”

“Can we please talk about this?”

“Talk about it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if you really want to talk about it…” She stuck her hand between her chest and pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper. She held it out in front of me and let it unroll itself. It was the marriage form that the God of Shitty Taxation had filled out and left behind. All his information had been erased and she’d already filled out everything with our information. She’d already signed it.

“If you sign this, you won’t have to worry about betraying your wives’ trust by doing this with a Goddess you’re not married to.”

“There’s no way I can sign that!” I can’t take on a third wife! I’ll die! I’ll seriously die this time you idiot! At least Goddess Husbandos knew Goddess Grandparents beforehand, they were friends. Bringing home a Goddess who neither know anything about… I don’t even want to imagine what will happen!

“Phew. It’s a relief you didn’t agree.”

“A relief? You mean you actually don’t want to marry me?”

“It’s not about whether I want to or not, there isn’t another choice for me to guarantee my escape from this prison. I’m naturally going to marry you. It’s just that I get to have more fun now since you didn’t agree.” The sinister smile on her face told me I was solemnly fucked now.

“More fun… what are you planning exactly?”

“Well… a tiny bit of… torture. Heheh. The fun kind though.”

“Uh… I’m not very good with torture. Can we play a different game? How about something that doesn’t involve pain like nine-dimensional mental chess instead? I’m pretty good at that.”

“How about some good old nine-dimensional sex until you’re begging me to stop so you can keep your hand steady while signing the marriage form instead? I bet you haven't tried that with either of your wives before. Just letting you know now, I won’t be stopping until you sign it.”

“Can I have a bit more time to think this over?”

“Nope. You either strike while the iron's hot or you get fucked by me right now. Those are the only two options.”

“What if I say I’ll sign it?”

“You will?”

“Uh… yeah…”

“Hmmm… alright, here you go.”

“Huh? That easy?”

“Yeah, if you can sign it… I suppose so.”

“No problem.” Yes, I caved. I’m just a weak little Lower God who does not enjoy pain. A Supreme Goddess’s torture was not a joke I could take lightly.

She handed me the document. I bit my finger to draw blood, then placed my finger just over the line then… froze.

It wasn’t that I’d stopped. Rather, I couldn’t move my finger any closer. A familiar pressure had locked me in place.

I looked up over the edge of the paper and saw a wide smile on her face.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you going to sign?” She raised her hand and touched her lips with one finger while she looked down at me sadistically with a mysterious blue glint in her eyes.

I wanted to open my mouth and retort, but my lips were sealed. One minute they were sealed by her lips, the next, they were sealed by her stupid authority.

“Oh, you’re having second thoughts after all? What a shame. It looks like you don’t want to make this easy for me.” The grin on her face grew wider.

You bitch! Who’s making things difficult for who here! I mean, I weighed my options and knew there was little chance I’d hold out with a Supreme Goddess torturing me, so I figured if the end result was me eventually caving anyway, it was the best to just give in early. How the hell was I supposed to know she was messing with me and never had any intention to let me easily sign it?

I never had a choice from the start. She would have done this no matter what I said.

“Maybe you secretly wanted it to turn out this way.”

Speak for yourself!

“Then… this will get a bit intense so try not to die in too many branches~ at least not too quickly~”