Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 143.



Consultation 143.

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“Hey.”

“...”

“Hey.”

“...”

“Answer me.”

“...”

“It’s so boring.”

“...”

“I want to talk.”

“...”

“Are you ignoring me?”

“...” Obviously, catch a hint, you idiot.

“Hey. Hey. Why are you ignoring me?”

“...”

“God Waifus, do you mind if I call you that?”

I do mind, so please don’t. I absolutely don’t want anything to do with you.

“If you don’t talk to me, the next time that old fart shows up I’ll request for him to bring your first wife and get him to lock her up in the same cell with you. I’m sure that will provide me with some relief from this unending boredom.”

When I heard her threat, the color drained from my face. She had too much power. I only now realized how little leeway I had to go against her. All she had to do was make a little request from that old fart and the time I spent in here would become much worse.

“Still not talking? Well, I guess I’ll just need to get your wife in here after all. I’m quite curious what sort of reaction she’ll have when I tell her about all the unspeakable deeds we’ve already done together while locked in this dark cold prison with just the two of us.”

“Don’t slander my name! We’ve done nothing at all! We’ve been locked in our cells this entire time, when could we have ever done any unspeakable deeds together?”

“Haha. So you finally talked again. You sure are stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn.” I looked over to her cell and retorted.

She rolled her eyes and said, “So? What’s with the silent treatment you’ve been giving me all this time out of nowhere?”

“It’s nothing.” I turned away a continued blankly staring at the wall.

“Did I say something that bothered you?”

“No.”

“Liar. You’re obviously bothered by something.”

I peeked at her from the corner of my eye and noticed an impish smile had crept onto her face.

“Could it be that you're concerned about what I said before? The thing about having a thing for Lower Gods who are younger than me?”

“Nothing of the sort.”

“Hmmm… how suspicious.”

“It’s not suspicious. You’re just trying to interpret it the way you want.”

“Am I really though? You started giving me the silent treatment right after I said it.”

Why the hell do women have to be so sharp?

“No, I’m giving you the silent treatment because I’m annoyed that I was locked up because of the stupid request you made.”

“If you paid all your taxes you wouldn’t have been targeted. It’s not my fault you didn’t. Don’t try blaming me for your own incompetence.”

Ugh. She hit me right where it hurt.

“Says the incompetent woman who’s been trapped inside a tiny little cell for an eternity.”

“Heh. Trapped inside a tiny cell? Not quite. I’m trapped inside the prison, not the cell itself.”

“Sure there.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Not even a bit. I’ll believe it when I see it.” I’d already tried to break out of the cell, but I’d failed miserably. It was 100% escape-proof.

“I don’t feel like getting up right now though. I’m too tired.”

My confidence rose a bit. It sounded like an excuse. She was just trying to put up a tough guy act.

“Too tired? You just don’t want to admit that you’re more incompetent than me, right?

“Hmph. You better hope I don’t find the energy to get up. If I get up, don’t blame me for what happens.”

“Oh, I’m so scared. I’m shivering in my boots.” I was being petty trying to get her mad because I couldn’t avoid talking to her like I wanted to and because I’d been dragged here as a result of her request. 

“Haaaaaah. I was trying to be a bit nice since you just got here. But it seems my kindness will be interpreted as weakness. It looks like you’ll need to get a better understanding of who’s the top dog in this prison.”

“Ooooo, big words from such a pitiful Untitled Goddess locked up in a cell.”

I eagerly awaited her failed attempt to break out of her cell. When she falls on her ass I’d be the first to laugh.

She rotated on her bed, then let her bare legs lazily droop down over the edge one at a time. She slowly rose to her feet then approached the metal bars of her cell.

She calmly raised her hands up and grabbed onto the bars. Her expression turned serious, her eyes suddenly widened and she tried to pull them apart.

I watched on bemused as the bars remained completely unphased.

Her strength was gradually drained away before she inevitably slumped down to the ground with a tired expression on her face.

“Hahaha! You sure talked big about being the top dog, didn’t you? How embarrassing.”

A creepy smile that sent chills down my back crept onto her face.

“Like I said before, I’m just a bit tired right now. If I had something motivating me maybe I’d be able to muster enough strength to break out.”

“No amount of motivation is going to get you out of there. Whatever these bars are made of saps away our Godly powers. Before these bars, we’re effectively as powerless as mortals.” I stood up from the ground, then lied down on the bed in my cell. I felt much safer now that I’d confirmed she really was stuck in her cell unable to escape. As long as that was the case, I could rest easy.

“Hey.”

“What… is it?” I asked doubtfully when the origin of her voice came from directly behind me. Why was I doubtful? Well, that was because the bed was along the left wall, not the back wall. For her voice to be behind me meant… bad things. Very bad things.

I broke out into cold sweat.

“Did you honestly believe after I’ve been trapped in this prison for so long that I wouldn’t have at the very least secretly figured out how to escape that cell?”

She was acting just now? Are you kidding me!

I slowly turned 

“As expected, when your face transforms from one of relief to terror, it’s too cute.”

“H-How did you get in my cell so easily?”

“How? Who knows? Maybe it’s magic.”

“Magic? Is this some sort of illusion then? Are you actually still in your cell and just messing with me?”

“Heheheh. Who knows? Why don’t we test that?”

She crawled onto my bed then climbed on top of me and pressed down on my chest with her hands. “Do I feel like an illusion to you?”

I shook my head unable to say a word as a result of the pressure weighing down on me. She really was a Supreme Goddess. This suppression from the aura she exerted was more than enough proof.

“So? What do you think I should do to this disrespectful little Lower God?” She asked me with a smirk and sharp eyes.

I couldn’t move my body at all. It wouldn’t budge an inch.

“Oh? You can’t even speak or move in my presence?”

What do you think!

“Hehe. This is why I love Lower Gods. You’re permitted to speak.”

The pressure weighing down on me subsided a bit.

“Get off of me!”

“Get off of you? But I just got on you.”

“Can you please just get off of me?” I tried asking nicely.

“You made me expend a lot of energy and now I’m too exhausted to get up.”

“You don’t look exhausted at all!”

“It doesn’t show, but I am.”

“Liar.”

“Anyway, since I’m already here I’ve got to properly teach you a lesson. The top dog in this prison is me, I’ve got to ingrain that into your body.”

“I-Into my body? What do you mean?”

“I asked you before, didn’t I? What should I do to this disrespectful little Lower God? I was being serious you know. Should I maybe break every bone in your body a few times so you learn your lesson?” She said such scary words with a nonchalant uncaring smile on her face like it meant nothing to her.

“Please spare me from that.”

“Then, whatever should I do?”

“You could just let me off with a stern warning, can’t you?”

“A stern warning isn’t very fun though. I’m a firm believer people don’t learn their lesson without some physical stimulus.”

“I’ve learned my lesson. I really don’t need any physical stimulus.”

“Should we maybe do that?”

“That… what do you mean by that?”

“The thing that happens after you drop the soap. As I’ve been cooped up in this prison, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve been able to do that. I was trying hard to hold back because I was worried about breaking the toy I only just got, but since it’s so undisciplined, I guess I have no choice~”

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Soap? No, nobody has even dropped any soap. How can you do what comes after someone has dropped the soap when the soap was never dropped?”

“Oh. I suppose you do have a good point there.”

“Right? There’s a certain order to things you need to follow.”

“Yes, you’re right.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief when she removed her hands from my chest. However, that relief was short-lived. She pinched her top, stretched it out a bit, then stuck her other hand in and pulled something out.

“Why the hell do you have soap on you at all times hidden there of all places!”

“Reasons.”

“What fucking reasons!”

She extended her hand out over the side of the bed and let the soap slowly slip off her palm.

“Nooooooo!”

I looked on desperately wishing to reach out and grab it out of the air, but she’d only released enough pressure on me to talk.

I was forced once again to watch powerlessly, unable to resist the domineering oppressive might of the Supreme Gods.

“Were you that against seeing soap waste? Then you’re free to move now. Hehehe. Catch it if you can.”

With her words, the force restricting my body immediately subsided.

Right as the soap passed by the edge of the bed, my hand shot out. When my fingertips came into contact with it, hope filled my heart. But the next instant, a delicate hand casually clasped onto my wrist and locked it in place. The momentary glimmer of hope I had was ruthlessly snatched away as quickly as it came.

I looked up at Goddess Untitled and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I said you could move and to catch it if you can, but I never said I wouldn’t interfere.”

“Since the soap has already fallen…” She licked her lips, pressed my hands down against the bed, and bent forward. Her face drew close, her eyes shut halfway, she exhaled a warm breath directly in my face.

Her body was hot and I could feel two soft fleshy mounds pressing down on my chest.

Just when I’d lost all hope and resigned myself to the cursed fate of dropped soap in prison, she paused her advances.

“Well, I suppose this should be enough of a lesson for today. After all, I only just got a new toy to play with, it’d be a shame if I broke it too fast. I’ve got to slowly enjoy breaking you down before I completely break you.”

In a flash, she was gone. Her face, so close I could touch it, was instantly replaced by the ceiling.

I dumbfoundedly raised my head and confirmed she’d returned to her cell. With Goddess Untitled back in her cell, I was finally able to let out the breath of air I’d been holding in the entire time.

It was hard to tell who I was scared of more. Her, or Goddess Husbandos. Suddenly, her suggestion to request for Goddess Husbandos to be locked up together with me didn’t sound so bad.

At least I can resist Goddess Husbandos to an extent. With her, I’m turned into a cripple unable to move or talk just from the pressure of the suppressive aura she exuded.


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