Reincarnated as a Phoenix

<Can you smell that Dermak?>

<Yeah, it's really close. That brings back some memories>

'Urgh... It's the first thing in the morning, have some consideration for the sleeping animals'

Back in the nest, I wake up to the sound of my stupid parents chatting about something, I have no idea what about though. I'm in the nest with Minos in my bird form, brother is still asleep.

<Good memories, Dermak?>

<Of course my dear>

These two are getting chummy together and father is even sitting on mother's lap, this is making me want to puke. What a horrible sight to wake up to.

"Oh, come on! There are innocent eyes in this cave you know!"

[<Minos is sleeping. -User- is not innocent>]

'Aesa, you need a mute button. This isn't your conversation, shoo'

<We're only hugging Ikarus>

<Your mother is right, there is no nasty business going on>

"That's not the poin- forget it, I can't win against you two. What is even so interesting that you have to stain this bird's eyes?"

I'm not against acts of romance. Back on Earth, I was a hopeless romantic myself until I had a bad experience with someone and decided it wasn't worth the hassle. That's a story for another time though. As for this situation, I just would prefer not seeing my parents being this chummy and having to wake up to such a sight. It's definitely not out of jealously or anything like that, I swear!

<Humans are trespassing in the forest, little one>

<Yeah, the smell is giving me and your father happy memories>

"Wait, are the mage and the captain back already!?"

I should probably give some context; the two humans got a message sent from a knight on a wyvern saying they needed to get back to the capital as soon as possible. The message literally came roughly an hour after we ate that stew, that was two weeks ago perhaps?

I still haven't received the punishment promised and I doubt Leone will ever forget about it, I really hope it isn't them now. Please God, don't let it be that evil battlemage.

<No little one, this group of three reek of human alcohol>

Ah good, that's some needless worry gone. Thinking about it, I forgot to mention something really important that the mage helped me with before she left. Basically, long story short, I can now easily change form without help. When I'm in bird form, the choker attaches itself to my leg, in human, still on my neck. All I need to do is inject some magic and it works like a charm!

Unsure on the magic she actually did on it but it doesn't make up for her personality being terrible even though it helps.

Going back to listening to my parents.

<They might be called... Erm... what do humans call criminals again Dermak?>

<Bandits darling>

<Ah, that. They’re definitely bandits, they smell dirty, that does bring back that funny memory>

<I know darling, that was a really fun and terrifying time>

A group of bandits have wandered into the woods? I could try and handle them and get loads of EXP but I don't know if I can take the risk and stomach killing another human.

"Wait a second, you said the bandits' reek of booze?"

<Yes, little one, it's really potent and strong>

I've now decided, I'm taking the risk. If they stink of alcohol, that means they will be drunk and hopefully easier to handle.

That's not what you thought I would say, is it?

I'll be honest, everything that was just thought of is bullshit, I really want that sweet, sweet nectar. Alcohol, is like literally, the best thing humanity has ever done since forever. I can't let my intentions be known since I know mother will not agree to me drinking.

"Where da the bandits at? I want to train myself and rid these woods of the vermin"

<Ikarus... I know you too well... what's your true intention?>

<Your mother has a point>

Damn it, she does know me too well. It's time to be a master manipulator and lie my arse off.

"Honestly mother... I'm scared. I'm worried what might happen to Minos if humans we aren't friends with start wondering around these woods. It's not safe for him"

'Buy it, buy it, buy it!'

It takes her a second to contemplate an answer, maybe father being on her lap is distracting her?

<Oh... fine then. You do make a good point...>

'That actually worked!?'

<...But don't think you're going on your own Ikarus, I'll be watching your battle from a distance and will get involved the second something goes wrong. This is different to your training with the mage and the knight, there is danger involved>

This damn overprotective lizard, I wanted to get wasted! Now I've got to go deal with these humans and not get my reward, who cares about EXP when alcohol is at stake? She won't let me drink, I know it!

I really can't blame her to much though, we can't afford to have another incident, the humans will only accept so much. If another city burns down, it might mean war. The entire fate of the world rests on my shoulders, this isn't stressful in the slightest at all. The alcohol would have calmed my nerves as well.

<Darling, why not have littlest one join her as well? It will be good training for him as well>

Seeing that father brought up Minos, the lie I said about him is partially true though, I do worry for him but even I doubt three drunken bandits could do anything. He's also got even stronger and bigger since I last gave an update on him. Oh, he's just woken up as well, that's perfect timing. I haven't done this in a while.

'Status, let's see how much this pisses me off this time'

[Name: Minos | Species: Dragon | Level: 29]

[Health 1,500/1,500]

[Stamina 3,250/3,250]

[Magicka 1,500/1,500]

'Twenty-nine!? Forget it, let's just move on. His stamina seems to be where most his points go, I guess it makes sense considering how energetic he gets'

"Cu?"

"Don't worry Minos, I'm just watching you, that sounds weird... anyway, back on topic to the bandits"

Mother after pondering for a little while about Minos finally comes to her answer.

<Oh, fine then. Why is my adorable Ikarus and cute Dermak so good at convincing me?>

Adorable? That makes me feel nauseous. Don't be calling father cute, I know what happens when you do.

__________

'There they are!'

I'm currently gliding in the air above the forest and below me, I can see three men asleep in little fur tents located in a small camp partially hidden under the trees. Minos is flying alongside me as well.

"Minos, I'm going to talk with them first. Keep your distance when we land and don't attack unless I call your name, okay?"

"Cu"

Good, he didn't question me, this shouldn't be that difficult.

"Oh... one last thing, if we have to fight, don't kill any. You can hurt them really bad, just don't finish them off"

"Cu cu"

I know it's a little selfish but I'm not sharing this potential EXP with Minos, I actually have an ability that gives me more for humans. Since he doesn't have it, it would be wasted. Actually, scrap that, this isn't selfish at all, the little shit already gets tons more EXP then me, this is completely fair.

I can't help but notice his size again once he replies as well. Honestly, give him a few more months or maybe half a year, brother will probably become the same size as me or even bigger. It's unfortunate that my little brother will be bigger than me but I don't want to be the size of a dragon so I'm content about it.

I'm getting distracted again, we've got work to do. Let's go kick some bandits out of our forest!

Landing together a small distance away from the campsite, Minos stays behind while I go towards the camp. While I'm walking towards the camp, I start thinking about the situation ahead.

'What to say, what to say... If they're actual bandits, then they probably won't listen to reason, right Aesa?'

[<Affirmative>]

'I'll try to check their stats beforehand and depending on if they're high or not, I'll decide then. I don't have enough info right now'

[<-User's- mindset is correct>]

'Mindset is correct? Was that compliment system?'

[<Negative>]

'Don't be such a tsundere, you love me really'

[<Negative, -user- is being stupid>]

'Yeah yeah'

Now that I'm at the camp, I take a look behind me and see Minos hiding really well in the bushes clearly knowing how to keep hidden. I shouldn't be surprised he knows what he's doing, he's a natural born hunter after all. Damn that father of mine!

'Focus Ikarus! This isn't the time to get pissed at father'

Ahead of me at the camp, I can see an extinguished fire pit off to one my sides, the other side has a couple of chests on a small cart that looks like it can be pulled by a human and ahead of me in the middle is the three sleeping bandits.

'Urgh, this reeks of booze and puke'

There also happens to be loads of empty bottles scattered about on the floor, presumably from alcohol.

'I wonder... should I just not take the risk and just kill them while their sleeping?'

[<Aesa likes -user's idea>]

'You're supposed to tell me off for saying something like that! I know it makes sense but I still want to avoid killing unless I have to for the time being. Wait a second, you just referred yourself as Aesa!?'

[<-User- is imagining things. G.A.P knows of no such thing>]

'But you just did! Oh, forget it, I can't focus with you around'

Why is this bloody system so distracting? Let's try and get back to the sleeping bandits. I've been standing here for a little while and they're still sleeping, they obviously must have drunk a stupid amount last night to be sleeping this long into the day. I'm going to try and wake them but I'm unsure what to say.

'Why am I overthinking this? I'll just be my usual non-obnoxious self and try and make this funny'

So, with a deep breathe, I knew how I planned to wake them.

"*Inhaleeee*... WAKEEE UPPP!!!"

The three bandits hear the screaming voice and slowly start pulling themselves up out of their fur tents. They also happen to see me as well.

"Urghhh, my head"

"*Yawnnnnnn*... The hell is that?"

"I'm not the only one seeing it?"

'Status'

[Name: Ryder | Species: Human | Level: 44]

[Health 2,400/3,000]

[Stamina 1,400/1,400]

[Magicka 0/0]

----------

[Name: Vikram | Species: Human | Level: 17]

[Health 700/700]

[Stamina 999/1,000]

[Magicka 0/0]

----------

[Name: Edwin | Species: Human | Level: 22]

[Health 1,100/1,100]

[Stamina 1,099/1,100]

[Magicka 0/0]

'The higher-level bandit's health isn't full, that reminds me of something, wasn't mage Leone's health never full as well? I doubt it's because of alcohol since the other two healthbars are okay'

[<Affirmative>]

'I still should try and be careful here, even if they don't have magic and the higher-level guy has a debuff, I still shouldn't mess about'

Then, literally a second after that thought, something stupid came to mind. I can get serious sometimes but I really don't like to.

"Hehe... Howdy partners! Ya'll strangers are trespassing on these here parts. I understand ya like to wet yar whistle but it'll be best if ya lot skedaddle and hightail it out of here"

{<*Sigghhhh*>}

For some reason, my mind went to the old-style western films where the sheriff chases the outlaws out of town. I also have to point out my cowboy accent is beyond terrible, even I'm ashamed of how bad that sounded. Aesa as well found it unbearable.

"That's... a strange creature"

"Boss, I think the bird is braindead"

"Yeah... it doesn't seem the brightest"

'Braindead!? I know that accent was bad but still, braindead? I should get serious now'

Shaking my head and letting out a small sigh, I get serious and talk to the bandits again. They've also all managed to get up and are standing now.

"*Sigh*... look, you three people have wondered into a place you clearly don't belong. It will be for the best if you leave before something bad happens"

"Is this bird trying to scare us away?"

"I think so boss"

"I doubt it's any good at fighting, it's probably too fat and slow to do anythi-"

As soon as the last guy said that, I immediately imagined up a small fireball at the end of my beak and shot it towards him. The ball of fire quickly flew through the air and made contact with the bandit hitting him in the chest.

...

'What the hell system!? That just one hit him! I only wanted to give him a little scare'

[<-User- needs to put less magicka in fireball>]

If it isn't obvious yet, I don't like being called fat. It's not even like I have a big breast, I'm just an elephant sized eagle. Everything is perfectly in proportion so any bastard who calls me fat deserves to be hurt, I didn't expect the fireball to kill him though.

'How much magicka did I put in that?'

[<30%>]

While the bandits regain their composure at seeing their comrade die, a small grin appears on my face or whatever a grin on a beak looks like. I smile because that used less magic than I thought.

"That fucking bird just killed Edwin"

"Should we attack or run boss?"

"We're gonna slaughter it, we can't let his death be in vain"

'They still want to attack? I've still got seventy percent left; this is gonna be a walk in the park!'

Both the remaining bandits both grab their swords which were alongside their tents and charge towards me. While they were doing this, I ready another fireball but put less magic in this one.

I released the fire aiming at the lower levelled bandit but was quickly surprised by something while he still was approaching.

'What th- he blocked it?'

The lower levelled bandit used his sword to block the ball of fire and it disappeared causing zero damage. This pissed me off so I plan to do something that can't be blocked.

"Muhahahaha"

As I was laughing like an evil maniac, I prepared my super all powerful wonder weapon, das flammenwerfer ja!

I started to spray the stream of fire still coming from my beak at the bandit, this time, there was no chance he could block it.

"What the-"

"Vikram, NO!"

While I was roasting the bandit, the higher levelled one was a lot closer than I first realized and swung his sword towards me. My smile would quickly go after this.

"Argh!"

Just before I took the hit, I jumped back and cancelled my magic but it still wasn't enough to fully avoid the hit. A deep cut had been made across my breast from the tip of his sword, it hurts quite a bit.

"I got you, you damn stupid bird! This is for Ed and Vik!"

Trying not to give me a chance to recover, the bandit comes in again for another attack but this time, I'm not even thinking about using magic. It's time to return what I know works best, kicking power.

I swing my leg using all my strength at the attacking bandit and he senses what I'm doing. He tries to block the attack but it is meaningless since the kick is too powerful.

"Urghhh!"

The bandit gets thrown a short distance away onto the ground from the kick.

'Status'

[Name: Ryder | Species: Human | Level: 44]

[Health 1,179/3,000]

[Stamina 1,357/1,400]

[Magicka 0/0]

'A thousand damage? My kick really is effective'

"Urgh... damn it"

The bandit is visibly looking pissed off and is struggling to get up off the floor, that impact definitely broke some bones, maybe even both his legs. This fight is over.

"Stupid... bird"

"Are you going to keep up your insults or beg for your life? I might spare you if you're nice about it"

While I'm walking over to him, a small grin appears on the bandit, he clearly found what I just said funny.

"Aha... I'd rather die than beg to a chubb- Argh!"

The second he says that, I kick him hard in his stomach and he gets pushed away from me again.

"*Sigh*... is this the quality of bandit in this world? If you’re gonna insult me, at least go for something a bit classier then chubby or fat"

Oh, my kick killed him, didn't even realize it. All three of them are dead now as well.

'Status'

[Name: Ikarus | Species: Phoenix | Level: 21]

[Health 2,311/2,500]

[Stamina 2,258/2,500]

[Magicka 333/1,500]

[You currently have 4000 unused points]

'I'm so freaking happy, I've gained eight levels in just one fight!'

[<-User- needs to stop bleeding. Health is slowly dropping>]

'Ah, right. How do I stop it though... fire! That might work'

Using some of my remaining magic, I focus my fire on the wound trying to seal it up, similar to how medieval soldiers used to cauterize wounds with swords and metal objects, only I'm not using metal, just magic. Since my magic can't actually harm me, I thought this could work out with no ill effects.

[<-User- has stopped bleeding>]

'That actually worked!? Sometimes, my genius even frightens me!'

[<-User- used brain effectively>]

'You are in a very complimentary mood today; I'm starting to like this side of you system'

[<...>]

I think even Aesa is getting bored of my personality, I should try and cut down a bit. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll get serious when I need to, what's the fun in being serious all the time?

Then, without realizing I forgot something, something approaches from the bushes.

"Cu..."

Damn it, I'm such a terrible person, I got so caught up in that fight I completely forgot to call Minos to come in and help me. He sounds so depressed.

"I'm so very sorry Minos! I got so distracted from battle that I forgot about you. If you'll forgive me, I'll let you have any money these bandits have lying around! Ah... maybe don't snitch on me for what happened and what I'm about to do as well"

"CU!!"

Brother is definitely cheered up now and I've probably got him on side.

'Hehe...'

Seeing that mother didn't interrupt that fight, I can't afford to pass on this opportunity since she might not be watching. I see an unopened bottle of alcohol on the floor and bend down to pick it with my beak.

...

"IKARUS!"

The ground starts to shake from the dragon language but the dragon can't be seen anywhere, I knew she wouldn't let me do this!

"For FUCK SAKEEE!"

I just wanted a drink, why is that so much to ask for?