Reborn in Mushoku Tensei

The sound of rain against the window brought me back to that fateful day—the day Rudeus saved me. Even now, I can still see the determined look in his eyes as he stood before me. He didn't flinch, didn't falter, and didn't judge.

"I don't deserve to be saved," I thought as I watched him, this boy—no, this young man—who single-handedly held this family together, who saved me, a maid, and my unborn child.

How had it come to this?

I fled the capital years ago, leaving behind everything I knew. I wasn't running just from my past but from the weight of my own shame. Paul's offer was a lifeline, an escape from that world of noble cruelty. He needed a maid and a midwife, and I knew I could fulfill that role.

But the truth? The truth was, I took the position because of Paul.

It wasn't just our shared past that drew me. Paul was the first man to ever lay a hand on me—not as a noble's conquest but as something… different. After enduring so much at the hands of those vile lords, I told myself that my first time with Paul had been, in its own way, decent.

When I arrived at the Greyrat household, I convinced myself I would serve quietly and move on. But as I watched Paul, happy and expectant with Zenith, I couldn't stop the aching void within me. Seeing Zenith's joy, her love for him, I wondered: What if that were me?

When Zenith gave birth, I stood at her side, acting as midwife. It was an honor and a privilege to witness new life, but when I saw the child for the first time, something about him unsettled me.

The baby didn't cry immediately. He looked at each of us—Paul, Zenith, and then me. And when his gaze met mine, it felt like he saw through me, saw every secret I'd ever buried. I shivered under that knowing stare. For a brief moment, I thought he might be stillborn or dying. But then he cried—a loud, piercing wail that shattered the tension in the room.

His cry felt… rehearsed, as though it was meant to reassure us. I couldn't explain it, but it unnerved me.

I brushed the thought aside. He was just a baby.

As Rudeus grew, that unease lingered. He was too perceptive, too self-aware. He carried himself like someone far older than his years. And yet, despite my fears, he seemed drawn to me.

He was always kind, always gentle. He would smile at me in a way that made my heart ache. Did he pity me? Did he somehow know the truth of my past? Every time I looked at him, I felt as though my pain and guilt were reflected back at me.

But then he would do something so simple—like reach for my hand or lay his head on my lap—and I would feel… comforted. I hadn't known warmth like that in years. I told myself it was foolish to feel such things, but I couldn't stop the tears that welled up in my eyes whenever he held onto me, as though he were telling me it was okay to let go.

One day, Rudeus caught me off guard. "Lilia, can you teach me swordplay?" he asked, his face bright with curiosity.

For a moment, I froze. I hadn't touched a sword since my days as a soldier. But the way he looked at me, so full of hope… I couldn't say no.

"Alright," I said, picking up a wooden training sword. My hands felt foreign holding the weapon again, but as I watched him clumsily mimic my stance, I couldn't help but smile. Teaching him reminded me of simpler times—of watching a child take their first steps.

In those moments, Rudeus became more than the son of my employers. He became someone I cared for deeply, someone who unknowingly helped me find joy again.

But that joy was fleeting.

I ruined it all the day I gave in to my desires.

It started with frustration. Hearing Paul and Zenith's love echo through the halls at night, I couldn't stop myself from remembering my first night with him. Watching Rudeus only made it worse—he reminded me so much of Paul. His smile, his determination, his kindness.

I told myself it was harmless, but deep down, I knew. I knew I loved Paul. And that love led me to make the worst mistake of my life. I seduced him. I betrayed Zenith, and I betrayed the family that had given me a home.

When I discovered I was pregnant, I felt the world crumble around me. There was no way to fix what I had done. I planned to leave, to disappear, to live in solitude with my child. I didn't deserve forgiveness.

But then Rudeus intervene

I'll never forget this day Tears welled in my eyes as I shook my head. "I've ruined everything. I don't deserve to stay."

I didn't understand how someone so young could be so wise, so compassionate. He didn't condemn me or look at me with disgust. Instead, he gave me hope—a chance to believe I could still have a future.

Looking at Rudeus now, I realize how much he's changed my life. He's more than just a gifted child. He's my savior. And for that, I'll always be grateful.