Reborn: From Nothing

Octavia POV:

Cass left this morning. He didn’t say where to, and nobody in the house is able to tell me. All that he left behind was a note. Everything important to him is gone, but that list of stuff is small anyway. He also took a lot of money with him, but that is only a fraction of what is at the estate. He thinks of the people he leaves behind in his own way.

I was putting off reading the note. This is the first time he ever left a note before he left. I am scared to read what might be in here. But I must do it eventually. I tear open the letter.

‘Octavia,

I have been hiding something from you since that day that everything changed. I appreciate everything that you have done for me, but I don’t think you should live this lie anymore. I am not Cassius.

I was born in another world. In that world, I was human scum, a complete failure who made everyone’s lives around me worse. I died in my mid-20s, leaving behind nobody who cared about me. Don’t feel bad about this, it was deserved.

Next thing I knew I was beside Cassius as he was just born. I watched Cassius as he grew old, learning the language and customs of this world beside him. I reflected on the failures of my previous world by looking through his eyes.

Then I realized I could impart my knowledge to him. This was the reason behind his rapid growth in magic and arithmetic. I was convinced that my purpose in this world was to look after and support him.

As I supported him, I slowly came to love him as my own son. I had successes in my world, but none of them gave me as much joy as he did. I thought of Cassius as my own son to the truest extent and loved him more than anything else.

When he was stabbed through the heart by that man, I despaired. I awoke after that event convinced that he lived through it. I looked for him in the yard but couldn’t find him. Then when I looked into the reflection of the pond I realized, I was now in Cassius’ body.

Cassius died that day; he was killed by the man from Amidonia. When I realized this, I was depressed beyond imagination. The pain of losing the boy I thought of as my son hurt more than any torture man could conjure. I would do anything to take his place, anything.

But I couldn’t. I searched for answers, answers as to what this was all for. Then I came to my conclusion. I came to realize that I was brought to this world to kill that man at all costs.

I didn’t wish to hurt you. Cassius loved you, and I liked you too. You are a bright and good kid; you don’t deserve to be hurt. More importantly, Cassius would have never forgiven me if I did you wrong. That is why I attempted to distance myself from you, but I couldn’t kick you out without hurting you. It was a paradox.

I thought you would eventually get fed up with me and leave. I underestimated how much you truly cared for Cassius. Giving you this information was the last resort, but it can no longer be helped.

There is another letter to be given to Livius within this envelope. It asks him to adopt you and give you a good life. I am truly sorry for everything you have been forced to experience until now, good kids like you don’t deserve to be hurt as you have. Let us never see each other again Octavia.

I have only one request. Forget about me. Forget about the man who pretended to be Cassius. Hold the true Cassius dear in your heart. Shun the bastard who stole his body. You need to be the one who carries his memory after I die in war.

-A Pretender’

I see now, this does explain everything so perfectly. Have I been blind?

He has been completely different since that day. I thought it was because of the trauma, but this explains it too. It explains it even better.

What does this mean? I have no clue. I thought I could devote my effort towards helping my friend…

There is only one person I can talk to about this.

I leave the estate to find a man in a stop very familiar to me now. Every day he has food and drink ready for me when I arrive. I show him the letter while he makes me eat. The old man enters his thinking pose, he likes to rub his long beard when he does this. His brown eyes are always cloudy, yet there is something beneath them that is special.

“Do you know why humans avoid regrets, Octavia?” I didn’t want to talk about this, so I gave him a hollow response.

“Please tell me.”

“Regrets get in the way of pursuing what is good. When men attempt to walk forward, the chains of regret pull back on their feet. They think ‘I can’t do this, other men started before me. I will never be the best because I didn’t start sooner. They regret their failures in love and decide not to love again. Regret steals away what is good.

We thus tell people to overcome or let go of regrets. This is easier said than done, even if we push them out of our thoughts, they linger in the back of our minds. That is why we avoid regrets; we try to stop the problem before it arrives.

People often forget why they avoid regrets. Believing that simply avoiding regrets is what they must do to find happiness. But a life avoiding regrets is often mediocre.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask. Why can’t we just get to what I want to talk about?

“I can see it in your eyes, you are considering giving up on him, aren’t you? I can understand why, you have been chasing a lie after all. But I ask you, will you be content living the rest of your life never truly knowing the new Cassius? You thought of yourself as a family to Cassius even if not by blood, does he not do the same? By your logic you are family… if I thought you wouldn’t reach this conclusion one day, I wouldn’t have said what I just did. If you don’t chase after him if you don’t come to understand the truth behind Cassius deeper, will you regret this?”

Everything he said I felt deep in my heart. In fact, I probably knew all of that already somewhere. I spoke my feelings to my mentor,

“I don’t want to regret not understanding this person who wrote the letter. But will speaking to him heart-to-heart change anything? Will getting to know him change anything? If I do become a friend or family to him, what good will that do if it just hurts me? Will moving on to something else be better? I don’t know… I am so confused…”

“We are all confused Octavia. Many questions will only be answered with time. All you can decide now is what shoes to wear when walking the path of life… Answer this Octavia, think hard on our new Cassius. What do you think of him?”

I already knew what I thought. From watching him every day until now, I knew.

“He is in pain… Tremendous pain. All alone in a world he despises.”

“Who will save him?”

“No one…”

“Octavia, when you believed this man to be our Cassius, you wanted to save him, didn’t you? Has this truly changed?”

“It has not… in the end, it hurt me to see him suffer. Thinking about him being a different person in that doesn’t change anything to me.”

“Then what will you do?”

What do I want to do…

There is no easy answer. The one I want to say is to run away. Find a new life. Forget about Cassius and be happy. I so badly wish to run away from this mess. I know I will suffer if I walk down the path in front of me.

But I know, if I run away from this now, I will regret it forever. Monsters surround themselves with other monsters. A monster is what that person is becoming, if I chase after him, I will walk a path surrounded by danger I can barely comprehend.

No, that is no reason to run away. I have had assassins in my life before. I have been surrounded by strong people all my life. I have magic, I will push myself harder than Cassius and become strong enough to pull him out of hell with my bare hands.

“Old man, this changes nothing. That man is in Cass’ body. He is living his life for Cass’ sake in his own twisted way. In my eyes, he is truly Cassius now. That is why nothing has changed. I will save him.”

“That’s my girl.”

Why was I hesitating? With the time I spent hesitating, I could have been getting stronger. I leave the city walls with the old man, and we train magic until sunset. He is a genius, so training with him is easy and he makes the lessons understandable.

After training, I bring him to the estate and introduce him to Theophania. He introduces himself as my tutor which she has reservations about. In the end, they manage to get along.

We will set out for Irrylia on foot tomorrow, leaving the estate to Fabiana alone. She offers to hire a carriage, but I turn her down. I feel bad for her and the guards, they once served a happy and lively family at this beautiful estate. Now it is just a shell of what it once was. Livius is paying the bills now, but that doesn’t change much.

This was the first long trip I went outside the city that I can remember. The scenery is quite beautiful. Theophania can’t walk too far, I am in decent shape, but I get tired after a while. The old man doesn’t get tired whatsoever. He is really mysterious.

I burned the letter that Cass gave to me, I already committed it to memory, and it would trouble him if anyone else read it. I kept the letter to Livius close to me.

It takes only moments to lose someone you hold dear. That is why you must make haste in showing your love to them. The old man told me this, and I realized that I had been missing something in my life. I have certain behavior towards someone dear to me.

“Theophania, I am always taking you for granted. I should pay more attention to you and what you do for me. I love you like the mother I never had. Thank you for what you do to me.”

I tell her this beside the campfire on the first night. All this time I’ve been focused on Cassius and his family so much that I forgot about the person caring for me all this time.

“I truly underappreciate you too much. I love you, mother. From now on, please treat me like a daughter. I know this is asking too much, but I would really appreciate it.” I add on timidly.

I look away from her when I say this. I’m a little embarrassed and scared she will respond poorly. But I must say this anyway. Contrary to my fears I receive a warm embrace. Warmer than anything else I have felt before.

“Of course, you are a daughter to me… I love you too, Octavia. You will always have my entire heart… always.”

I almost cry at this, but this is nothing for me to cry for. I will shed tears when my quest is over. For now, I will make sure Cassius has a warm family to return to.

The walk to Irrylia is quite slow, but it is fun in its own way. Theophania leads most of the conversations. She has gotten more comfortable talking openly after my conversation with her. The old man and I are both introverted, so we mostly follow along.

While we walk the old man often goes on long rants about magic. That is the only time he’ll start a conversation. Apparently, he is fully committed to being my tutor, I am really grateful for that.

Still, I feel like something is missing. I know what that something is. It is Cass, I can’t help but feel melancholic in his absence. Someday, that will change. I can put up with it until that day comes.

When we arrived at Irrylia Livius cleared his schedule immediately to make room for us. Apparently, he thought Cass would be here too. He was not neglectful to us, treating us just as well as he would if Cass were here.

He read the letter with a sorrowful look on his face. It seemed to talk about him joining the war and how he wished him to help me. I could understand if he turned down the request, but he enthusiastically went along with it.

“If my godson asks this of me then it will be done.”

“G-godson? Is that true?” I was thrown off.

“I hadn’t had the opportunity to tell him yet, but it is true. Octavia, I will take care of you from now on. First, tell me about yourself.”

I told him all about my life with Cass so far, his family’s death, and my resolve to help him one day. He looked into my eyes quite deeply after I spoke of this for some reason, but then he nodded his head.

“I am certain that you will succeed, Octavia. I shall help you to the best of my ability. Now, introduce me to your companions.”

He spoke very firmly. Despite this, he was also remarkably kind, I could tell. He kind of reminded me of Marcus, except Marcus was much quieter than him.

“This is my tutor… I don’t know his name; I just call him old man. This is my adopted mother, Theophania.”

I just realized now that I never asked the old man his name! I really am rude, aren’t I?

“Haha! I am fine being a nameless old man! Just keep calling me that!” This was the first time the old man spoke loudly, but he found this to be hilarious.

“You two are both welcome in my estate, be at home,” Livius responded to them.

Theophania graciously accepted the offer and took my things to my room. The old man said he slept better on the streets and walked out for the day, promising to come back tomorrow for my lessons.

That night I took a much-needed bath and relaxed with Theophania on the couch. I drifted off and fell asleep on her not long after. She didn’t mind.