Reborn: From Nothing

When I wake up, I’m in a place I’ve never seen before. But it has a familiar feeling. Ah, it’s a temple prayer room. Aquila must have taken me here for treatment.

I sit up and look to my side. There was a woman there, she was pretty old, probably 60. She is wearing white robes and has a star shape on her neck. She put down the bucket of water she was carrying and approached me.

“Hello, your teacher went out shopping. She should be back before long. I am Marcella, an acolyte here at the temple.”

“I see.” I feel weird, in my chest.

“Don’t worry, you collapsed to exhaustion. You are all fine now. I hear you fought somebody quite strong. But you are so young.”

“I’m not a kid.”

She giggled a bit and started stroking my hair.

“It’s ok to be a kid you know. Someone so young fighting to the death. I can’t help but think it’s tragic. It’s ok to let adults fight your battles when you’re young, ok?”

Fight to the death? Did I? Ah, I… I killed someone. There is someone out there who suffered in their final moments. There is someone who will never eat, sleep, smile, laugh, or cry again because of me. There is someone who is dead because of me.

I…

I vomited off the side of the bed. Marcella didn’t bat an eye at this, she just stroked my back telling me to let it all out. I hated being treated like a kid. It sucked considering how old I actually am.

Why am I feeling bad for killing that man? He is everything wrong with the world. He is a scumbag, he deserved to die. He was going to die anyway, I just happened to be the one to do it.

Eventually, the vomiting stopped. When that happened the acolyte simply grabbed a new bucket and an old rag and cleaned it up. When she was doing that, she got to talking.

“Don’t worry about this, we deal with the sick all the time. Stuff like this happens every other day.” She takes a short break to pause and think. “I can’t imagine what you are going through, but we will always be there for you. Come to a temple at any time and we will listen and help.”

She was acting kind. Even as she cleaned up vomit. Processing emotions definitely wasn’t my strong suit. Maybe talking to them would… No fuck that. I have seen people like her before, they say, ‘Open up’ and ‘I’m here to help’ and they just laugh at you inside. That’s what everyone is like.

“Not interested,” I reply.

“That’s ok, everyone hesitates. But someday I hope you’ll come through the doors of a temple with an open heart.”

This is standard religious bullshit. They get you in with empty promises and then you leave with an empty wallet. My parents took me to a priest before and all they did was give pet phrases about love and kindness that were worthless in the end. Telling me to turn to a God I have no proof of existing.

And why would I turn to a god for help if it was never there for me when I needed it? If a God is truly omnipotent then it could have stopped me from suffering. No, if a God is omnipotent, it is then the cause of all things, that God would be the reason for my suffering. God would have made the conscious choice to cause my suffering. God would be my enemy.

And if humans were deserving of love and kindness then they wouldn’t dunk my head in toilets, they wouldn’t mock and belittle me at any chance they get, they wouldn’t spread lies about me, they wouldn’t steal, they wouldn't start wars, they wouldn’t… they wouldn’t take away the people I love the most.

I take a deep breath and push aside the feelings. All I can do now is move forward. I walk out of the room against the protests of the Acolyte and enter the main hall. There I find Aquila talking to a man, probably 35-40 years old.

He is wearing a uniform you would expect from a high-ranking military, with no weapons on his belt. He looks at me with an indifferent gaze and asks a question to Aquila. She responds while looking at me.

As I get close, he speaks to me, “So you are the one who killed Toutos. Good job, the people of the Aenis Kingdom owe you. If you hadn’t gotten here in time he would have gotten pretty far before I caught him. Well, it’s to be expected of Marcus’ kid.”

He spoke praise to me, but the indifferent look in his eyes didn’t change. He also seemed to have absolute confidence in getting him. I feel like I recognize him from somewhere, he is probably just one of the people Cassius met in the capital or something like that. He does give off a strong impression.

“This is Ozias, he is a member of the military. He stopped by to verify the body and give details on the reward. I will tell you about that later though.” Aquila spoke. For some reason she seemed more reserved than normal. Her usual cocky mannerisms were nowhere to be found.

“Well kid, I imagine I’ll see you again. Don’t neglect your training, we live in troubling times for the weak.”

“Then I should say the same to you.” I playfully jabbed at him. But to be honest, his condescending attitude kind of pissed me off.

“I suppose so.” He responded. He seems to not have cared about that comment at all.

He left soon after. Aquila gave me more details about the situation. Apparently, the money from the bounty will be shipped to my home later. The guy that I met was named Ozias, he has no last name nor a village he identifies with. He rose the ranks of the army out of nowhere and is one of the few people in the kingdom said to be Marcus’ equal.

Apparently, he is a very mysterious person overall. His name comes from one of the kingdoms to the west. But despite that, he joined the army of the kingdom during the war. He is also said to be unphased by anything. As well as a master of martial arts and magic.

An equal to Marcus huh? I can see why he is so cocky. But that person has nothing to do with me.

I’m still recovering my stamina from that fight, so Aquila took the reign of the horse and let me rest my body against hers. She seemed to tell that I was holding back some feelings after looking at my eyes.

“Don’t worry kid, killing gets easier after the first time you do it. You got the first one over with… That’s the hard part.”

“Thanks for that.” I didn’t forget that she was the one who set this whole thing up.

“No problem.”

When we got back to the estate, it had been about two weeks and a half weeks since we initially set out. The reward money was already there. Ozias works quickly it seems. Though we did take our time on the way back.

At the estate, there was also a young girl. With familiar black hair and red eyes. She had a dark look on her face. She simply stared at us as we entered the living room.

…

Aquila didn’t seem interested in being here, honestly, I wasn’t either. But I knew problems would arise if I didn’t stay. I sat down and Fabiana brought me some juice. After staring for long enough, she spoke up.

“You have another scar; this one is on your neck.”

“I suppose so.”

“Any other new ones?”

“No.”

This is awkward. I’ve gotten worse and worse at talking to her as time goes on. Just like with my parents, we are drifting further apart, understanding each other less and less. That is what time does, I guess.

“What did you fight this time?”

“A… A Giant Tarantula.”

“You are lying. I know who you fought. I just wanted to see if you’d come clean to me.”

“Well, I’m coming clean now I guess.”

“Whose idea, was it?”

“Mine.”

“That’s a lie too. I asked some people who were at the guild and overheard you.”

“So, what if it was her idea?”

“I’ve told you before! She is a bad influence! You’ve only continued to become colder and more distant since she came!”

“What does it matter who I fought, what I fought, or why I fought? That’s my decision to make.”

“The Cassius I know would not choose to kill someone if he didn’t have to. You defend people, not hunt them.”

“I suppose you don’t know anything about me anymore. I have been preparing to hunt someone for 2 years.”

“I suppose so. I just didn’t think you’d experiment your killing potential on someone else.”

“Then you were wrong. Besides, that person deserved to die. If you’d seen the crimes he committed you would say the same.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t. What I’m saying is this reckless disregard for your life. This hatred and bloodlust. It’s not like you.”

“What do you know about me?”

“Nothing, because you keep pushing me away. I want to help. Just like you helped me when I needed you.”

That wasn’t me. But… but I can’t tell her that. What do I say? I don’t want to hurt her. If I did then Cassius would…. Ah, what does it matter? Cassius is dead. Hanging around with this kid won’t bring him back. It will just cause me problems. Something about what happened recently has changed my perspective. Compared to killing someone, telling a kid to fuck off feels…. Tame. I respond by saying,

“I keep pushing you away because I don’t want you around. I never asked to be stuck with you. That just happened, and now look what I’m stuck dealing with.”

“wha…”

Shock came across her face. Tears into her eyes. Her body shivered and she started breathing heavier. As if it were the only thing she could physically do, she got up and walked away.

Should I feel bad? Why the hell would I? Why am I even fighting with some kid anyway? This is such a waste of time.

Tired of all of this I go to bath and think about the recent transpiring.

I will rise to tier 4 soon. This, however, was built on the foundations of everything I knew previously. I made no remarkable breakthroughs with either dagger skills, mana capacity, or magic techniques. I thought tier 4 from tier 5 would be a difficult hurdle, but going on from here will probably be much more difficult.

I will likely need a change of perspective, like I experienced with Aquila. Maybe I should search for new books and new experts too?

Ah, fuck it. This is a problem for tomorrow. Regarding Octavia, that was probably for the best. I can’t kick her out of here as long as she has nowhere to go. I probably can’t find that place for her. But eventually, when she realizes she can’t change me, she will find a new life on her own.

In my old world, everyone gave up on me eventually. People stopped trying to change me, stopped believing in me, and stopped supporting me. They realized the futility of it. I even gave up on myself. The only exception was my parents. But, if they saw me now, I’m sure even they would give up…. I’m sure of it.