NOVEL NEXT chapter 37
Misaligned by just one button
“Hey, Ayana.”
“What is it?”
I hear Ayana’s voice right next to me, almost clinging to my body. Sitting deeply on the sofa in front of me, Ayana is positioned between my spread legs.
Having nothing particular to do since coming home, I decided to fully rely on Ayana as I declared. When I say I decided to rely on her, I simply wanted to touch Ayana, so I am embracing her from behind as she sits like this.
“Are you not tired?”
“I’m not tired at all. Or rather, it feels like I’m relying on you, Touma-kun.”
Ayana is completely entrusting her body to me.
“Shall we just say we’re both relying on each other?”
“hahahaha, yes. Touma-kun, you can hold me tighter if you want.”
“In that case, I won’t hold back.”
I tightened my embrace just a little. As I put more strength into my arms and brought our bodies even closer, I could feel Ayana’s warmth and scent all over me. Running my hand through her silky hair, I could feel not only the pleasant texture but also its glossiness, truly beautiful black hair.
“Touma-kun, is something on your mind?”
“……………”
To tell the truth, my heart skipped a beat. It’s true that I said I could rely on her when we were out in the town, which is why I’m relying on Ayana now. However… truth be told, there was one more reason.
The inexplicable scene I witnessed when I met Iori, it felt like I was suddenly shown a scene from the original game. That scene shouldn’t exist anymore; Ayana had already dispelled the darkness she carried in her heart, so that kind of scene shouldn’t exist anymore.
“Ayana, you’re amazing. You notice things right away.”
“Of course. I’ve been watching you… Touma-kun, all along. How could I not notice?”
She held the hand that was embracing her. It gently but firmly enveloped me, bringing me comfort. While holding Ayana, enveloped by her kindness, I continued speaking.
“I saw something I didn’t want to see. Even though I know it’s no longer possible, it still vividly felt like it could happen.”
From Ayana’s perspective, what could she be thinking? Even I… to be honest, my thoughts are not well-organized. Was that scene a mistake, or did I really see it? I’m not even confident about that.
“You seem to be enjoying yourself.”
That voice resonated directly in my mind. This voice, it’s familiar… more than that, it’s a voice I’ve been hearing all along. It was the voice of the person I love, the existence now in my arms—Ayana’s voice itself. It was a voice that seemed to endure pain, burning with longing.
“I saw something I didn’t want to see… something so difficult to put into words. That’s why I don’t know how to convey it to you. Is that it?”
“Ah…”
“I see.”
There was no sense of confusion in Ayana’s words; in fact, it sounded like she was somewhat understanding.
“Touma-kun, I sometimes have dreams.”
“Dreams?”
“Yes.”
Ayana, who was sitting between my legs, stood up and changed her position to sit beside me. Leaning against me, she rested her head on my shoulder.
“I dream of the other me who suppressed her own feelings and took revenge.”
“That is…”
It was the world that Ayana was supposed to walk in the game originally.
“Next to the me in that world, there’s Touma-kun. The two of us are laughing and seem happy… but I, the Ayana in that world, my heart isn’t laughing. It was a world where I kept regretting and being crushed by whether this was right, whether this was the best path.”
In the fan disc depicting Ayana’s revenge, the final ending showed Ayana and Touma holding hands, but there was also a function that left a message implying what would happen if Touma found out about Ayana’s actions.
Including myself, the players who played that game only know up to that ending. What happened to Ayana and Touma after that ending, no one knows, and it’s a story that will never be revealed. The world that Ayana saw is probably beyond that, the world beyond that ending.
“I am here saved by Touma-kun, but… the me in that world is still suffering, trapped in the past. Not just me, many people are still unhappy… It makes me realize how blessed I am in this world.”
“……………”
To avoid that fate, I faced Ayana… so if she can smile now, that should be something to be happy about. But if everything doesn’t go well and it turns out that way, I don’t think I can forgive myself.
“Touma-kun, I think… it’s pointless to dwell on such thoughts… but, even so, I believe there was a future where the me in that world could smile. If that’s said to be me now, so be it, but I can’t help thinking about it.”
“Ayana…”
Even if I surrender to revenge, what remains is only emptiness, and ultimately, I will be the one suffering.
“Fufu, since it’s about dreams, there’s no use worrying about it. I am me, this world is this world. I will live to protect the present moment I can spend with Towa-kun, believing that it’s something important.”
“…That’s right. Exactly.”
If, there are countless things like that. But the world we live in is the present. A world where Ayana and I spend time together, a world we’ve won by overcoming resentment, hatred, and sadness. hahahaha, what was I even worrying about?
“Towa-kun, you’re looking better.”
“Yes… Ayana is truly amazing.”
Ayana shakes her head at that.
“At that time, Towa-kun saved my heart. So, if there’s darkness surrounding Towa-kun’s heart, I will try to dispel it. I think that leads to the words of being happy together.”
“Ah…”
Being happy together, indeed, I said that.
Not just one supporting the other, but both helping and supporting each other… That is the form of happiness that Ayana and I aim for.
Ah… I’ve thought this countless times, and I feel it countless times too.
“I truly love Ayana.”
A feeling towards Ayana that never fades, only grows stronger.
“I also truly love Towa-kun.”
And then Ayana and I shared a kiss, just by touching. Thanks to that, my heart felt lighter… Ayana seemed satisfied, seeing my expression, and nodded as if things were okay. And then, she said this.
“Towa-kun, but… if, hypothetically, the me from that world was in front of you, what would you do?”
Well… I’d probably want to do something. Regardless of which version of Ayana it is, I want her to keep smiling forever.
“Ayana, are you pushing yourself too hard?”
“Huh? I didn’t mean to, but did it seem that way?”
Ayana managed a smile somehow to cover it up at Towa’s words. Towa hugged her, saying it’s okay. They then spent a blissful time together, reaching the peak of happiness as they welcomed the night. Watching Towa sleeping beside her on the bed, Ayana’s heart once again lost its color.
“…Towa-kun… Do I… have the right to be by your side…?”
At night, there’s something that doesn’t stop… tears. Despite the reasons, this body that has brought despair to many is tainted. Ayana couldn’t help but wonder if it’s okay for her, in her tainted state, to be by the side of the one she loves.
“I’ll offer you my utmost cooperation. But, think carefully. Bringing suffering to others will inevitably come back to haunt you in some form. If you’re prepared to endure that suffering, you can come back to me once more.”
With that advice, Ayana made up her mind. This is the result… she now fully understands how weak she truly is.
And once again today, she falls asleep shedding tears. Gasping for air in agony, her heart wearing down day by day… How much more can she endure? With fear in her heart, Ayana falls asleep again today. Yet, even in those days, she dreams.
“…This dream again.”
That world is similar yet distinctly different from the world she’s in.
“…Me and Towa-kun.”
In that world, a different Ayana and Towa, smiling genuinely, were shopping. Seeing them, Ayana felt a twinge of jealousy toward her genuine smile. And there, unexpectedly, was the figure of Iori, who shouldn’t be there anymore… They seemed truly happy in their conversation.
“They seem happy…”
She thought that from the bottom of her heart.
Ultimately, no matter how much hatred there is, one cannot find happiness by causing unhappiness to others. Ayana showed a dry smile, realizing that this crumbling heart is the price she brought upon herself.
Turning away from the three who seemed happy, there’s no point in envying their happiness. Enduring this pain is inevitable. After all, she’s the only one in this dream, and her voice will never reach anyone’s ears, no matter what miracle occurs.
“That’s right… You can’t be saved… You mustn’t be saved.”
Iori, sinking into a murky sea, looked up at Ayana… Today again, Ayana woke up from her dream with regret.
“!?”
In the dream, Towa, who seemed happy, suddenly looked in her direction without realizing.