Real Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

5/7 Early Afternoon

Dammit I need to stop getting distracted. That's it. I was leaving Redridge and I was going to get back on track in Duskwood. I fully faded my sight, touch, and smell. The result was blindness and numbness across my whole body, with only my sense of hearing left to observe the world. With that done I teleported to Vanessa, who was traveling along the road. I heard snippets of conversation between her and her walking companions.

Vanessa was reassuring her companions that Otto, actually Tony, was entirely sedated and would serve loyally in the event of a fight, even if only to save himself. As the voices moved into the distance, I faded back into view and regained my sight. Remembering that worgen and wolves stalked these woods and assuming ogres didn't have a very sweet scent, I went ahead and kept my sense of smell at zero. That's just a win-win.

I summoned Prudence/Lillibeth, and for a short time we tried to figure out a way of sending the body into my inventory without resetting her progress. Alas, it was not meant to be. When it seemed that I'd managed to put Prudence away at the exact moment that Lillibeth left, I checked my app and got nothing. Prudence was gone from the character sheet. I asked Lillibeth to summon her as a piece of "worn" equipment and she managed it, possessing her at the exact moment she appeared. 72 hours. Ah well. Maybe Mary could take care of it once she was captured; I kinda wanted Lillibeth to keep practicing possession so she could get better at it.

The floating brunette spirit was still startlingly gorgeous, and a part of me hoped that the reward on The Hermit would somehow let me get my hands on her directly. It said all female undead would be able to have and enjoy sex, after all.

She made herself nearly invisible after a chilly feeling kiss on my cheek, and the only thing left was her small but glittering necklace. We flew over the ogre mound, her silently, me with fluttering wings. The ogres were lazing about for the most part. A few were grudgingly patrolling the fence under the watchful eyes of overseers. Many were gathered around a large cauldron where a stew was being cooked. It seemed to be full of animals who had been skinned, gutted, ripped apart, and tossed in the stew. I saw several spider legs and a few handfuls of grain drifting around as well, presumably for variety.

The area around the cave was covered with weapons, clothes, and chewed bones. It made me think of some of the worst bachelor pads I'd ever seen, but around the time I was making that comparison in my head I realized that unlike the games, this was not a mono gender species.

The ogre women were just as big as the men, maybe slightly bigger, though I suspect the extra size was mostly flab. A few of them had long shaggy hair, but their builds were similar. Some had a bit of femininity in the face, enough to look like the least appealing residents of a trailer park, but many looked exactly like someone had bolted flabby breasts, mercifully contained in a leather hammock, onto a male ogre.

I was mildly surprised to see three humans, two men and a woman, chained to large rocks near the entrance of the cave. They seemed to be working with wolf hides to make crude ogre sized loincloths. The obvious explanation was that they were slaves, maybe kidnapped, doing a task the ogres didn't want. I'd need to look into that later. I might be able to use them, and if not it would just be neighborly to help.

The ogres were strewn haphazardly, and any that were congregating were doing so around some obvious activity like eating or staring at the fire. A few were brawling with one another, which drew a few onlookers. Lillibeth and I selected one that seemed isolated.

"Alright," I hissed at the small floating amulet beside me, "you go for that one over there, the one staring at the sky. He… wait, she, doesn't seem to be doing anything much, so if she gets up and goes into that corner there, probably nobody will question it. I'll meet you there."

I huddled in a crack between two rocks, my small draconic body nestled comfortably, when the ogress wearing Lillibeth's necklace approached. I'd ordered her to be careful with this. As much as anything else, we were planning on exploring Lillibeth's powers. Any actual captures or progress inciting war with the undead would be a useful side effect, at least initially.

"Hello pretty dragon." The ogress looked down at me, seeming faintly confused as to why she was here. "Why you here?"

"To talk to you," I checked my amulet, "Em. I think you're a very special ogre." Her eyes widened when I knew her name.

"Are you a magic dragon?" Bit of a redundant statement there, Em.

"Yes. I'm the special chooser dragon. I can make ogres stronger and more special."

"Ooh, me! Me! Pick me!" I already did, Em, keep up.

"I don't know Em. I can only do it for ogres that love me."

"Em can love puny chooser dragon!" Good start. I didn't think it counted though.

"Then don't say you can. Say that you already do."

"Em good at that. Em love you puny dragon! You is pretty dragon, very smart sounding." Excellent. I checked my app, watching her profile.

"Keep going. Tell me you love me until I tell you to stop."

She did, and when she said it and really meant it, she grew. She got a few inches taller, and her muscles seemed to grow until they were clearly defined through the layer of flab. She sure as hell didn't get any prettier, but I was for once not looking to turn a woman into my harem girl.

The idea of going all in on reshaping her into a beautiful big titted bimbo amused me, if for no other reason than because she already had the IQ, but that was not what I was doing today. Even if I ever did it, it would be nothing but a little joke for myself. Knowing the demand for necklaces, I didn't think I'd ever be able to spare one for something that silly.

"You can go now. You are chosen. I will call upon you in the future!"

"Thanks chooser dragon! Me use new specialness wisely!" She ran off and immediately got into a fist fight, leaving me and Lillibeth behind.

"Well that went well." She nodded. "Do you think you could do it again?" She cocked her head, considering, then nodded again. Communication talent informed me that she had tired herself out a bit, but not too badly. I was guessing that even with as stupid as Em probably was, Lillibeth had needed to apply pressure to get her to swallow a whopper like that. Seriously? Chooser dragon? That's what I came up with? I should probably start planning this kind of thing out better.

We repeated the process two more times, one with another female and one with a male. The other girl had elected to go and seduce a male ogre she was sweet on, which I averted my eyes from the moment I realized what was happening, and the male had gotten into a brawl of his own. Things were going well.

The problem came when we attempted to recruit someone a bit more important. Lillibeth had noticed that one of the two headed ogres seemed to be in charge of the slaves. She decided to try to take him over, to make releasing the slaves easier. Unfortunately, two headed ogres are not only smarter, they are also actually two separate people. When one head was tenuously grasped by my lovely spectral companion, the other noticed that he was acting oddly almost immediately. He also asked about the impossible new jewelry his conjoined twin had gotten somehow. When the possessed head's suspicions were raised, his defenses went up and Lillibeth was ejected. An alarm was raised and a meeting was called where the ogres were all given a garbled retelling of the story, in which it sounded like a flying necklace had attacked the slave master and attempted to strangle him into obedience. It was so poorly explained that Em and the others didn't even connect it to their own recent experiences.

Lillibeth was getting exhausted, especially after being pushed out by that last one. "Good start Lilli, let's get out of here." I took off north, heading to Raven Hill. I wanted to see if Abby's shack was still a haven. I'd come back for more ogres tomorrow; I had one plan left to try before sending my stupid new compatriots to start picking fights.

••••••••••

Mezzo made his way through the warrens, climbing over and muscling through his thousands of siblings. Ever since he'd been summoned, he'd started getting a bit more respect. He was head and shoulders taller than any other imp he knew about, except a few fel imps. Selling your soul to a titan like Sargeras was a chump's game, though, so even if they were bigger Mezzo was coming out ahead. Master Erich was alright, he'd decided, though naturally he didn't want the boss knowing about that. An imp who couldn't bitch about his overlord was hardly an imp at all. He still shook his head at the fact that so many imps hadn't understood that.

Anyway, time to go and act like he wanted to sell his soul to a titan. He popped off his necklace as he left through the southern gate, heading towards Zelena's ranch. It grew when he did, till it was its natural, unreasonably large size. Sure it would look proportional on a human but who gave a horntip about what would fit humans?

Zelena Felwhisper wasn't officially a recruiter, but any imp who kept his ear to the ground knew what she was really doing. Oh sure, she probably really was a felsteed rancher, but she could have set up anywhere and she chose right here, next to a free imp warren. Well, as free as any demon settlement; if Sargeras really wanted them he could probably clap his hands and start making examples until the rest of the warren fell in line. Wasn't worth his time though; he'd get a few hundred grumpy wild imps, and that was basically nothing to the legion. A handful of ambitious, willing imps sent along with some quality horses though? Mezzo could respect the hustle. Had to put on the simper though.

"Hello? Helooooo!" He called out tentatively after knocking on the front door of the little home she'd built. He got an answer quickly enough, with the towering figure opening the door and looking down at him. She went from mild annoyance to interest when she saw his necklace, a purple stone on a long leather strap.

"And what have we here, little man?" She smiled. It was a predatory smile by mortal standards, but to a demon it was basically just a confirmation that she was interested. Looking at her, she seemed basically like what a human would like. Her chest had those blobs on them, her waist was thin. Her short lilac fur wasn't thick until it got to her legs. Humans would be into that, right?

"Hey. Uh. So. A mortal warlock tried to summon me, don't worry, he's dead, but before I got back I managed to snatch this off of him. I think it makes the wearer smarter and faster, but I don't know. All I'm really sure of is that it's got magic to it, and I'm not going to get a fair price for it anywhere. You seemed like the person most likely to be able to give me a decent price who wouldn't just kill me for it. Deal?" Mezzo did his best terrified servile minion face. Everyone who worked in the service industry for any length of time had one.

She seemed to revel in having control over Mezzo's fate. She closed the door behind him, sealing him into the hut with her. "Oh, I wouldn't kill you for it, would I?" She drew a short curved sword from her belt. Mezzo was pretty sure she was just making him shake, but he wanted her to think he bought it. If he died here, unlike back in Azeroth, he'd be dead for real, so making his voice quiver with fear wasn't any trouble. "I told people I was coming to see you." He squeaked "That I was gonna sell something. If I don't come back people will know you killed me."'

She leaned down and traced the edge of her blade along his cheek, "I suppose you're right. No need to be unreasonable. I could introduce you to an officer you know. You'd be put in command of other imps with a gift like that, and it sounds like you are smart enough to not embarrass yourself."

"N-no. No I don't think I want to join. Thanks."

"Aww. What a shame. We could use more smart imps like you. I suppose I'll just pay with this, then." She opened a bag and brought out a few small beads of fel iron. She handed Mezzo two of the smaller ones. An insulting amount. This was a big magic rock, he deserved a chunk of fel iron the size of his fist; at least. She snatched the necklace and popped it around her neck. "Alright. Buzz off. Remember my offer, little imp."