PokéLove

Courtney, still wearing her hazmat suit, sits on my left on a park bench, and Serena sits on my right. We just finished explaining my medical diagnosis to her, and now we sit in peaceful silence as she slowly processes it.

 

The novelty of the helicopter landing here has worn off, though we’re still getting a few strange looks from some people. Particularly those in the middle-aged women category. What isn’t helping is the fact that Courtney is dressed…like she is.

 

“I’m sorry,” Courtney says, startling both Serena and me out of our thoughts. “For what happened to you. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.” Someone must have wished it on me. “I also apologize for not being able to help more, but I’m not the most socially adept.”

 

I wave her off with my left…yeah. “It’s fine. I’m somewhere in the same league as you for that. I just…feel exhausted. Not physically, just…emotionally.” I let my arm rest to make my point.

 

Serena purses her lips and looks between us. Satisfied with herself, for whatever reason, she pulls out her phone and begins typing something. I try to ignore it and give her privacy, but it’s really easy to track her finger movements. I catch the word ‘adoption’, and I really contemplate giving her my opinion on that subject.

 

Not right now. Won’t spoil the mood. It’s neither the time nor the place for such a conversation.

 

“I have a place I think we should visit. Do you want to try?” That was ambiguous as hell, but I don’t think of Serena as one to do me harm.

 

“Sure,” I reply, and Courtney just nods. Standing up, Serena beckons both of us to follow her, and, after sharing a short glance, we do. Whatever she’s planning must be good…maybe. There’s zero basis for that claim.

 

We walk through the winding streets with Serena glancing at the map from time to time. Every time we cross through an alley, I notice Courtney’s hand go to her waist, only to grasp at air. Compared to Lumiose, these alleyways look pretty nice.

 

In fact, in Lumiose, the most common sight is actually seeing the taxi drivers themselves battling people. If you don’t pay the fare, then they take you to a back alley and battle you. It’s a strange practice, and I don’t really get the reasoning behind it, but we have it.

 

We’re eventually led to a nice…eh, house. It looks like a house to me. Two floors, wooden walls, planters in the windows. It has a nice rustic feeling to it. An easy target for arson if anyone was feeling criminal or a Charmander had the sniffles. What do I know? There could be bricks underneath. Any building inspector that saw this wouldn’t let unreinforced masonry just sit there.

 

Enough about the house, Serena’s knocking on the door!

 

A woman opens the door with a tired look on her face. I can tell she’s still youthful, but the stress of…something has caused her to age rapidly to the point where I can see the lines on her face. It also looks like she’s not getting nearly enough sleep with the bags under her eyes. Serena, why are we here?

 

In answer to my dwindling patience, Serena greets her with, “Hello, ma’am. We’re pokémon trainers here about the Eevees. May we come in?” Eevees? Plural? I mean, I wouldn’t mind being buried alive under a pile of fluff, but I don’t really see the intention.

 

Second, are we being charged? Eevees are notorious for being an expensive pokémon to train as they’re rare to buy, they run away in the wild, and almost half of their evolution requirements require an expensive stone.

 

The woman sighs. “You’re the third group today.” We don’t really respond to that except for some awkward shuffling. “Well, come inside.” She stands aside and gestures us in. It’s a slow process as the entry way is cramped, and we’re each wiping our shoes. Especially since Courtney is kind of stuck in her hazmat.

 

We’re led to a parlor of sorts where there appear to be eight Eevees playing around.

 

“Gwark!” Courtney makes some noise like a strangled bird as one jumps off a nearby couch onto her face. Serena has a much easier time as she lets her Fennekin out to catch the attention of two more.

 

I turn back to the tired woman. “Excuse me, but my friend brought me here without informing me of anything. Could you please explain…this—” I gesture to the growing Eevee pile on Courtney’s face, except for three— “to me?”

 

The woman’s head jerked towards me before slowly falling in exhaustion. “I’m sorry. I thought you were aware.” She saunters up next to me, continuing, “My husband and I were never able to have children.” I resist the urge to jerk my head towards Serena. “But, we had two Eevee’s—a male and a female—and we decided that they would be our family.”

 

I mean, pokémon are a part of their trainer’s family, but I guess that’s one way you can interpret it.

 

“As you can probably see, our Eevees had children of their own. Imagine our surprise when we found out that they were having octuplets.” I’d say it was not surprise they were feeling, but rather it was horror.

 

She continues her spiel, “Raising even just two pokémon is expensive enough, ten is too much. My husband has been working extra shifts just to pay for food, but it’s unsustainable. We, unfortunately, had to put them up for adoption.” I have several comments to make, but I also possess the control needed to make them.

 

Like if they could have children, they would’ve needed a better paying job in the first place. Or the fact that none of the eight pokémon have been adopted yet despite Eevee being extremely popular amongst trainers and children alike.

 

It looks like she can read the second question off of my face, at least. “We had a few…conditions for the adoption. First, you had to adopt all eight at once. We didn’t have the heart to split them, but after watching 200 trainers leave from that, we’re rethinking it. Second, all eight have to like you. So far, the maximum we’ve had on one person is five, and it’s your friend suffocating over there.” She points to Courtney who has accepted her fate as a bed for the five Eevees and is laying flat on the ground, unmoving.

 

I think she’s still alive. One is sitting on her face.

 

Looking closely at the one nestled betwixt her bosom, I see its nose twitching. It’s not being perverted and sniffing her, I think. It might need to sneeze.

 

My hypothesis is proved correct about seven seconds later, as it jumps off of her to sneeze on the ground. Then…it looks at me.

 

It slowly stalks towards me, sniffing at my feet as I remain absolutely still. Stopping, it looks at the other Eevees sleeping or playing with Fennekin. “Eev!” It calls, beckoning the other pokémon. Each of them stop what they were doing, much to Courtney’s relief and Fennekin’s disappointment, to come over and sniff me as well.

 

Courtney’s fate fresh in my mind, I brace my weakened body as much as possible as the pile of pokémon jumps onto me, still knocking me backwards. In a normal case, I would use the Octillery Arms, except for two things. One, we are in someone’s house, and they cause property damage as a side effect. Two, these Eevees mean no harm.

 

Through the wall of heat and fur, I just barely look up and see the absolute joy filling the woman’s face at the prospect of all eight liking me. If I could stand right now, and have a little more dignity, I would probably make some internal comment on being the chosen one.

 

But right now? I’m thinking about how to explain to her that I am currently very poor.