Please Stop The Pope

1. I’m back, but…….

   Something is definitely wrong.

   Very badly, too.

   “Mr. Shi Yu Kim?”

   “Yes.”

   “I hope you’ll bear with me, even if it’s inconvenient. The Bureau’s regulations require a number of verification procedures for returnees.”

   “Oh, yeah, whatever you’re comfortable with. By the way, returnees must be pretty common to have such regulations, right?”

   “Hahaha…… Not quite that common, but it’s in place because we average over 140 incidents involving returnees every year.”

   I’m dizzy.

   To be honest, I’m even more dizzy than I was the day I first fell into Eden.

   At least Eden was a world I didn’t know, but this is Earth.

This is Earth, my home, the place I was so eager to return to.

   Since when did Earth change like this?

And what is this place, the Special Investigation Unit of the , for?

   There is only one piece of information I know about this place right now.

   It’s the basement of a building located ‘somewhere’ in South Korea.

   So here’s how it happened: I was feeling dizzy in Yeouido Hangang Park when I was approached by men in suits.

   They started asking me questions, and I’ll summarize the conversation as follows.

   -They’re from the Ministry of Ability Management.

   Me: Yes? From where?

   -You’re the guy who just returned to Earth, right?

   Me: And?

   -We’ve been informed, and we expect you to cooperate. Failure to do so will result in criminal charges.

   Me: ……Yes?

   -Will you stay with us for a moment?

   Me: ???

   And that’s where we arrived.

   Of course, this isn’t a dark, dingy basement like a torture chamber or prison.

   There are small, cute flowers and potted plants everywhere.

   There’s a cute teddy bear that I’m not sure whose taste it is, and an air purifier humming away in the corner.

   It’s more like a child’s playroom than a torture chamber.

   It was clear that whoever was in charge of the interior had tried to break the dark mood somehow.

   “So, let’s get back to the story, shall we?”

   The man in front of me was named Kim Dong Shik.

   He introduced himself as the head of the second team of the Special Investigation Ministry of the Ability Management Department.

   I nodded at his words and slowly opened my mouth.

   “Now, where was I?”

   “Well, I was doing an internet broadcast in my spare time, and I got a mission, and the person who gave me the mission turned out to be a god named Limen, and as soon as I got the mission, I was kidnapped to a world called Eden, and after going through various things there, I returned to Earth after ten years…… That’s about it.”

   Hmm. I think we’re done with that one.

But Mr. Dong Shik’s eyes still shone with interest, and he kept asking questions.

   “You said that you lived there for ten years, so what did you do in that world?”

   “What do you mean by that…….”

   “Simply put, it’s some kind of professional activity. We need to know what you were doing there so we can help you settle in.”

   The country helps returnees adjust.

   It really does seem like the world has changed in a weird way.

   He asks me what I do for a living, and I tell him because it’s not that hard.

   I nodded slightly, then said, sounding a little tired.

   “The Pope.”

   At those words, Mr. Dong Shik’s typing, which had been diligently tapping away on his laptop, stopped.

   “……?”

   “I said I was the Pope.”

   “Oh, I see.”

Tadadak.

   At my obvious answer, Mr. Dong Shik nodded and started tapping away at his typewriter. But after a moment, he stopped.

“You spent ten years as Pope in a world called Eden, and then you returned…… phew.”

He couldn’t hold back the laughter that burst out.

   “I’m so sorry. I certainly didn’t mean it as a joke. Anyway…… that’s why you were wearing your priestly robes; I thought you looked so good in them.”

   “Well, I understand. If I were in your shoes, I don’t think I’d be able to hold back the laughter.”

   “I’m usually in charge of investigating returnees, and this is something I never get used to, whoops.”

   “I guess I’m not the only one with an unusual job?”

   “Sure. Just last week, we had a returnee with a pretty unusual background, though he wasn’t the Pope like Mr. Shi Yu.”

   I asked, unable to contain my curiosity at that statement.

   “May I ask what kind of returnee he was?”

   “Normally, no, but I’ll tell you specifically. He was the Continental Unification Emperor’s…….”

   What. That’s quite a powerful returnee…….

   “He was a eunuch. He was a very favored eunuch.”

   Not …….

   Wait a minute.

   “A eunuch can’t be…….”

   “I’m afraid so.”

   “Oh, no.”

   “That’s too bad. I heard he was a pre-marital purist.”

   “Oh, my God.”

   All this time, I’d been thinking how unfortunate I was that I’d gone to the other side, but I decided to stop thinking about it.

   I’m sure there are plenty of people worse off than me.

   Anyway.

   We chatted lightly and broke the ice, and from there, we chatted a bit more.

   Along the way, I’ve been pretty diligent in my quest.

   From the time I hand-picked the heads of the demons to the time I ascended to the papacy, right before I returned to Earth.

   I didn’t want to hide the story.

   It was fun to be able to tell my story to someone in Korean.

   I also wanted to finish my interview quickly so I could go see my family.

   After about an hour, Mr. Dong Shik finished writing the report and nodded his head in satisfaction.

   “Thank you for your diligence in the investigation. I was able to finish it quickly thanks to your cooperation.”

“Thank you for your efforts.”

   “Well, now that you’ve gotten the important formalities out of the way, let me tell you a few stories.”

   I nodded silently at Mr. Dong Shik’s words.

   Then, Mr. Dong Shik carefully continued.

   “The first thing I have to tell you is about your family, which is something you’ve been wondering about, and that is that your younger brother and sister are both living in Seoul in very good health. Your paternal grandmother is…… traveling in the United States.”

   Hearing that, my vague anxiety vanished.

   Yes, I knew it was true.

   I knew my siblings would be fine, no matter how the world changed.

   The same goes for my grandmother. I was a little embarrassed that she was traveling to the U.S., but it wasn’t strange because she had always loved traveling abroad.

   She’s always been a very eccentric person.

   Still, it’s a relief to finally hear the news.

   Let’s wait and see.

It’s been ten years, so I’m guessing In Wook will be 27 by the time I see him…….

   “The second piece of news I have for you may come as a bit of a surprise, but it’s not uncommon for returnees. Mr. Shi Yu, you spent ten years in the other world, didn’t you?”

   “And?”

   “On Earth, five years have passed since Mr. Shi Yu’s disappearance. The year is 2033, and Mr. Shi Yu’s age is 27, not 32.”

“……So, if what Mr. Dong Shik is saying is true, then I’ve only been missing for five years on Earth?”

   “I’m afraid so.”

   Dong Shik nodded his head slightly as he drank his water, and I looked at him and smiled weakly.

   It was bad enough that I had changed like this in ten years, but to actually change like this in five?

   What the hell had happened to the earth in five years?

2.

   According to Mr. Dong Shik, the returnees are divided into three classes.

   First. Regular, which includes returnees who did not acquire abilities in the other world or lost them during their return.

   Second. Unusual. For those returnees who have gained abilities in the Otherworld, but whose abilities are not threatening.

   Finally, the Disaster tier is reserved for returnees who have gained abilities from the Otherworld and whose abilities could wreak havoc on society.

   When I first heard the story from Dong Shik, I naturally assumed that I would be classified as a Disaster, the third rank.

   After all, I still had an enormous amount of divine power.

   But instead, I was categorized as a Regular, the first rank.

   The reason was simple.

   The measuring machine, which was never wrong, had failed to detect my divine power.

   As a result, I was a returnee whose powers had been extinguished between dimensional travel.

   Thanks to this, I was free.

   -Regulations dictate that Regulars are to be sent home after a basic investigation. You can stay here if you want, Shi Yu, but I’m sure you’d like to see your family, so we’ll take you home ourselves, and starting tomorrow, you’ll complete the Returnee Adaptation Program conducted by the Department of Returnee Management, so we’ll see you tomorrow.

   With those words from Mr. Dong Shik, I was able to return home.

I went home to my family’s house in the city of Gwangmyeong, Gyeonggi province, which I had never been to before.

   “Your siblings are living in Room 906 of Building 107. Please come out here by 10 a.m. tomorrow morning.”

   “Thank you.”

   “Bye then.”

   Boo-boo-boo-.

   The employee from the Department of Efficiency Management who had brought me here left just like that, and I turned my back and looked up at the apartment.

   An apartment located near the station.

   It was the first time I had ever seen a place other than the villa where my three siblings lived.

   It was only when I saw this apartment complex that I realized I was really back on Earth.

   This is the view of Earth that I really wanted to see, rather than the wyvern-ridden Mapo Bridge.

   “Ha.”

   I exhaled loudly and stepped into the building and onto the elevator.

   They said they’d educate me on how Earth has changed in the Returnee Acclimation Program starting tomorrow, but for now, let’s just focus on the reunion.

   It’s only been five years, so my brothers’ faces should be the same.

In Wook is 24 years old, and our cute little one, Si Yeon, just turned 10. Well, maybe her face has changed a bit. You never know with little kids.

   From what I hear, he still doesn’t know that I’m back.

   I’ve tried to call him dozens of times since my identity was confirmed, but I’ve never gotten through.

   It’s 4 pm, so I doubt he’s sleeping.

-Ding! We’re on the ninth floor.

   This is the most nervous I’ve been since I’ve been back.

   I take another deep breath and stand in front of the door with the plaque that reads 906.

   I carefully pressed the doorbell next to the door.

   Ding dong.

   A moment later.

   “What the hell?”

   To my surprise, nothing happened.

   Maybe he’s not home?

   Let’s try pressing it again.

   Ding-dong.

   Still no response.

   What should I do? I saw a cafe in front of the house, so I’ll wait there…….

   -Who is it?

   It was then.

   From beyond the silence came the voice I had been waiting to hear.

   Even though the sound quality of the intercom was not very good, I could recognize that it was In Wook’s voice.

   I wondered what I should say.

   I hesitated for a moment, then spoke as calmly as I could.

   “Hey, it’s been a while. How are you?”

   I thought that In Wook would recognize my voice.

   But I was mistaken.

   -……Ah, this is so annoying. I woke up in the middle of the night to find…… Mr. Just go away. We don’t believe in God. Ha. Call security or something. At this point in time, you’re knocking on doors and evangelizing.

   “No, I’m not here to evangelize; I’m here to…….”

   -Mr. Change out of those weird clothes and tell other people about it. If you don’t go now, I’m calling the police. Do you understand?

   With those words, I heard no more voices.

   I lowered my head and looked at the clothes I was wearing.

   A black priest’s robe, unadorned.

   I hadn’t changed clothes since I came to Earth, so of course I was wearing this.

   “Haha.”

   Yes, one can be misled by clothes.

   It’s a happy day for me to return to Earth, so I’m willing to give it a pass…….

   Bang, bang, bang!

   “Hey! Open the door?”

   How dare you not recognize me?

   I recognized the voice at once, and even if you’re really scared, you’re too scared.

   How many times did I knock on the door?

   Bam!

   Finally, the closed door opened, and I slowly looked forward, trying to keep a straight face.

   And there it was.

   “…… Are you going to hit me in the head with that?”

   My brother, In Wook, who was holding a metal baseball bat, was looking at me with a dumbfounded expression.