Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 36

When I shook my head, the health teacher blinked as if he had just witnessed something unexpected.

Then, placing a finger on his lips, he began murmuring seriously.

“…Could it be that you’re not getting enough oxygen to your brain? Is there an issue with the respiratory connection?”

What is he even talking about?

I gave him a look of utter disdain, and only then did he signal to Sena.

What does he think he knows about me to act like this from the beginning?

It annoyed me a little, feeling like he’d gained insight into the fact that I only relented because it was Sena.

“Well, it’s just… it doesn’t seem like you’d do that kind of thing. But whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

Sena, who hesitantly stepped into the hospital room, glanced at the teacher still sitting with crossed legs on the chair behind me.

That person has such an unnecessarily old-fashioned air about him.

Just his presence behind me creates this aura that makes it hard to ignore.

“…Are you planning to stay here the entire time?”

“Why not? I’m your attending physician. Don’t mind me; I’ll just sit quietly.”

He replied so casually that Sena, unable to say anything further, shifted her gaze to me.

The clarity in her eyes quickly dimmed.

She pulled a chair closer to my bed and sat down, radiating a gloomy energy.

“Hmm. I said we’d see each other often, but I didn’t think it would be the very next day—and in a place like this, too.”

True enough.

To be honest, I didn’t think you’d come.

I thought Ariana would be the first to rush in.

Where is she, and what is she doing to be so late?

“…How did things end up like this? I’d feel a bit sad if it were my fault. Should I have carried you in instead of just covering you with the blanket that time?”

I doubt it.

I’ve been gradually falling apart for a while now. Even if I had done something differently yesterday, the outcome wouldn’t have changed.

It’s just that until now, I’ve been forcing myself to look away.

I’d convinced myself this was how things were—optimistic that while I might creak, I wouldn’t completely break.

That’s what I wanted to tell her.

But I had no way to convey it, so I just blinked.

Sena, noticing my difficulty in communicating, turned to the health teacher for help.

“…Excuse me, isn’t there a way to fix this?”

“Ugh, really. Such a bother.”

Grumbling, she furrowed her brows but still rummaged through the shelves before handing me a pen.

Then she sat next to Sena and held up a board in front of me, clearly taking my limited mobility into consideration.

“You can move your right arm, can’t you? Write it here.”

My right hand trembled slightly, but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t write.

I carefully moved my hand and began filling the board.

I kept it short to avoid overexerting myself.

[It’s not Sena’s fault. It’s just that, as always, I was careless.]

Of course, my handwriting wasn’t as neat as usual, so it ended up looking like a child’s scrawl.

I thought she might laugh at it, but instead, Sena seemed more sympathetic, her gaze filled with pity for my trembling hand.

Her compassionate stare prickled at my fingertips.

She always becomes strangely tender whenever it involves me.

Just because my hand trembles a bit, she looks at me like she’s my mother or something.

“You speak well—no, I should say you write well.”

[Are you mocking me?]

“No way. I just… it’s pitiful. …Does it still hurt a lot?”

Sena’s calm gaze swept over my body, following the lines connected to me.

There were at least five or six IV drips—quite a lot, admittedly.

Because of those, I probably look even more like a proper patient.

Although I don’t feel as much pain as I did earlier, so her concern feels a little exaggerated.

Maybe I’m just the type who doesn’t feel a sense of crisis unless I physically experience it.

[I’m okay for now. The painkillers are kicking in.]

“Is that true? Really?”

“…No. They probably won’t work anyway.”

Sena’s gaze sharpened again.

Couldn’t she play along, just a little?

This isn’t helpful at all.

I shot a mildly reproachful glance at the health teacher, but all I got in return was a small laugh, as if to say, “Isn’t this ridiculous?”

“See? I can never believe what the Lady says about herself.”

[The pain really has lessened, though.]

“That just means you’ve gotten worse. If your condition hasn’t improved but the pain has subsided, that’s a bad sign.”

[How about leaving the room?]

“No. Judging by how you’re speaking, it seems like I need to stay to act as your interpreter.”

I should’ve kicked him out right away.

He’s more meddlesome than I anticipated.

In the end, all he accomplished was heightening Sena’s distrust of me.

Feeling suddenly drained, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh.

Whatever Sena interpreted from that, her voice grew low.

I’m not in pain. I’m really not.

“…If it’s not my fault, do you have a chronic illness? Was your usual condition because of that?”

[I think so. To be honest, I don’t know much about my own body. This is the first time I’ve ever been properly diagnosed.]

“I may not know much about medicine, but I can tell the Lady is indifferent to her own health.”

[I’m not that bad.]

“No. If I’d dragged you to the infirmary the first time we met, maybe you wouldn’t have hated me so much, but we also wouldn’t have gotten closer.”

If she’d done that, our relationship probably wouldn’t have progressed this far.

While I was thinking this, the surprisingly harmonious duo of caregiver and teacher began lamenting missed opportunities.

“Exactly. If we’d caught it earlier, there might’ve been a quicker way to treat it. Such a shame.”

“…Is it that bad?”

“It’s not good. If we’d left it alone, she probably wouldn’t have made it past a month.”

Sena’s face darkened.

It must have been a shocking statement for her.

What’s so shocking about someone who’s already dying, dying a little earlier?

She must think that if she can just keep me alive somehow, everything will be fine someday. Unfortunately, I don’t share that hopeful outlook.

“How could you not know, even with insight magic? I feel like I want to die now.”

[Why? Don’t die.]

“…If the Lady recovers, I think I’ll manage to survive.”

[Goodbye. You were a decent person, Sena.]

“Your resignation is way too fast….”

Giving up quickly on what’s impossible is the survival strategy of the weak.

Even with all her dramatic words, I knew Sena wouldn’t die.

She wasn’t like me.

No matter how hopeless the situation, she’s the kind of person who doesn’t give up—someone who finds a way, a bright and resilient soul.

In contrast, the one most similar to me is Ariana.

From her mask-like demeanor to her thorny attitude and the softness hidden beneath, we have an absurd number of things in common.

It’s unfair.

Honestly, I want to return to my room right now.

Just staying here deserves some praise, doesn’t it?

I conveyed my thoughts in a written sentence.

[It’s fine since you came, even if it’s late. It’s not like I want to die, you know.]

“Yes, you’re here now. After collapsing, you were discovered by a maid and brought here, weren’t you?”

[I don’t think the process matters much.]

“It does matter!”

When she suddenly shouted, my body flinched reflexively.

The sound reverberated in my ears, like vibrations seeping into my head and echoing.

I wish she wouldn’t yell so loudly.

My senses were particularly sensitive right now.

I looked at Sena with such feelings, and even she seemed startled, lowering her head.

She whispered a small apology.

I hadn’t expected an apology.

Silence lingered in the room until she spoke again.

“…You will recover, right?”

That was something I was curious about as well.

It’d actually be easier to cope if there were no hope at all.

The health teacher nodded at Sena’s question.

Apparently, I wasn’t going to get the answer I wanted.

“Of course. Now that you’re here, I won’t let you die. Though you’ll be hospitalized for a while.”

[How long are we talking?]

“At least… six months.

And if your condition worsens, it could take longer.”

Six months.

A laugh escaped me.

If this was the case, a month-long prognosis would’ve been better.

Six months trapped in this infirmary.

On top of that, the professor was footing the bill, so I couldn’t even use money as an excuse.

This was the worst-case scenario for me.

Unwilling to let things slide, I quickly moved my hand to write.

[Can’t this be replaced with periodic visits?]

“There’s no way.” “Of course not.”

Their overlapping voices of refusal sounded even more resolute.

At this point, could they acknowledge something?

I might die before the treatment is even finished.

With a momentary pause, I mustered strength in my hand again.

[A prolonged stay is too much for me. I have personal reasons, among other things.]

“Warton? Is it that woman who’s against your hospitalization? If that’s it, don’t worry. I’ll go kill her right now.”

[No, it’s not that, so please don’t kill her.]

Why was her guess so dramatically off the mark?

I quickly denied it, not wanting to witness the two people close to me embroiled in a deadly confrontation.

“…Then what is it? Convince me properly.”

At her words, I hesitated, pondering my response before deciding to write down the truth.

I was tired of making excuses.

Maybe living honestly for once wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s not like she’d believe a lie anyway.

[It’s hard for me.]

“…?”

[It’s hard to be anywhere else. Really, very hard.]

“…Why?”

[Do you want to know?]

“…I think I already do.”

Like before, Sena’s eyes filled with tears, and she clenched them shut, lowering her head.

Whenever I say things like this, she reacts in a similar way.

So you’ve seen someone like me before.

Who was it?

If it’s someone your age, maybe it was family.

Given the extreme trauma responses and obsessive tendencies, the ending probably wasn’t good.

…Did they commit suicide?

With one simple deduction, the gears misaligned in my mind seemed to click into place.

I’m truly sorry, but I don’t think that’s entirely bad.

“I’m sorry, but no. That’s already the minimum time we’ve estimated. Discharging you now would be suicidal.”

[Then may I ask for one favor?]

“Go ahead.”

[I enjoy crafts. Could I have some scissors, paper, glue, and a knife?]

“That much is fine, but… why?”

Sena grabbed the health teacher’s arm as if trying to crush it.

Her eyes, brimming with tears yet bloodshot and glaring fiercely, were locked on him.

She trembled violently, breathing heavily. It must’ve hit a nerve.

Is that what I looked like in other people’s eyes?

It’s not a pleasant sight.

Despite squinting at her, I continued to write with my pen.

I didn’t feel the need to comfort her.

Instead, I planned to prod at her wound, making it sting more.

In the end, when it comes to being in the same position, I’m no different.

What could I not understand with such a subject as this?

“No… No, you can’t.”

[Sena.]

“You can’t… Absolutely not…”

[Sena, please? I’ve already made concessions.]

“…….”

[If you don’t give me anything, I really don’t know what I might do.]

I might even kill myself.

It’s not even that hard, just a little pain and determination.

“Why? Why does it have to be this way?”

[Because there’s nothing else. There’s only one option, so what else can I do?]

“Haha… Haha… Hic… Yeah, it’s too late…”

It was too late long ago.

Still, you’re not too late, so don’t worry.

The Remia you’re dealing with was already too far gone the day she last saw Hans.

If Sena’s at fault for anything, it’s the misfortune of having encountered me, bloodied and broken.

To blame her for that would be overly cruel.

“So, what’s the conclusion? Is it okay to give it to her?”

With Sena sobbing again and me staring blankly, the health teacher glanced between us before speaking in a tone completely out of place for the grave atmosphere.

“…….”

“I’ll make sure to supervise so it doesn’t get out of hand. Don’t worry.”

Then, she added matter-of-factly.

At her words, Sena raised her head to look at the teacher.

I hadn’t explicitly mentioned self-harm, but she seemed to have picked up on it.

It didn’t seem like she intended to stop me either.

Should I be grateful for that?

“If you knew, shouldn’t you try to stop her?”

“As long as she doesn’t die, it’s fine. People need an escape sometimes.”

“You’re insane.”

“Even I think so.”

Though Sena’s gaze wasn’t directed at me, it still stung my chest, as if she was watching someone truly insane.

The teacher, however, seemed completely unbothered, nodding in agreement.

Unnecessarily self-aware.

“Still, I’m probably the only one who can help Remia get better. Only a crazy person can understand another crazy person.”

Her last words were especially ridiculous.

What’s worse is that they were all true.

Not a single word was wrong, and that made it even harder to swallow.

Sena’s frozen expression, her mouth slightly agape, said it all.

It seemed I’d found myself an unusual, eccentric, and practical attending physician.

Even if I didn’t like her, the implicit permission made me feel oddly relieved.

Yeah. This is right.

This way, I won’t die.

I’m so scared of dying that I cling to life desperately.

I must be pretty easy to handle, yet this health teacher was the first to figure that out.

That only a crazy person can understand another crazy person.

It’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard.