Chapter 36: hmm
Chapter 9: Something every ninja should know
Five men dressed in black moved through the woods to the edge of the clearing surrounding the shrine. They huddled together and looked over the darkened shrine. Even with its lights off they could see it clearly thanks to the moon.
"Remember, there are ninja in there. We need to be careful." One of the men whispered.
"Is this a good idea?" Another asked.
"It has to be done," the first one said.
"What if the ninja are awake?" A different man said nervously.
"It's three in the morning, I'm sure they're all asleep."
"You're sure of that are you?" An amused voice said from the tree branches just above them.
All five of the would be assassins gasped and looked up. There was an adult sitting calmly on a tree branch with a book in his hand. Near him on other branches were three identical blond boys, all well hidden.
"Even in a nice quiet town like this we do still post a guard just in case." He snapped shut his book and put it away. "I don't suppose you'd like to just give up now?"
He was answered by a shout and a throwing knife.
The knife came nowhere near him. In the blink of an eye he was on the ground in the middle of them. A few punches, a couple kicks and it was all over. All five of them were unconscious. The three kage bunshins jumped down and looked upset.
"No fair sensei! I didn't get the chance to do anything!"
"Don't complain Naruto, it won't always be that easy. I just wanted to see for myself the level of the opposition."
Looking at the prone bodies he snorted. "They weren't much."
Beneath his mask Kakashi frowned. "No, they weren't, and that's what scares me."
"What do you mean? Isn't that a good thing?"
Squatting down near a couple of the unconscious men he nodded to them. "Look closely Naruto and tell me what you see."
Not understanding Naruto looked them over not sure what he was supposed to be looking for. "I just see five men who came here to attack Shizuku and got beat up instead."
"You're not looking underneath the underneath Naruto." He reached out and pulled up a jacket one of them men had on. "These men aren't in ninja gear or in any sort of armor. They're all wearing different kinds of work and casual clothes. Look at their weapons," he pointed to them. "A couple short swords, a couple axes, some throwing knives, and even a couple kitchen knives and cleavers. Now what does all this tell you?"
Naruto shrugged. "That they're not ninja or even real soldiers, they're probably just civilians who used whatever they had."
Kakashi nodded. "That's part of it, but it also means something else that is very troubling."
"What?"
"It means these men were very likely volunteers rather than members of an organization."
"How can you tell that?"
"The kunai and shuriken you have in your pouch are they better or worse that the ones Sasuke or Sakura have?"
"They're the same, I bought them in the same standard everyone else does." Though I had to pay about three times as much.
Kakashi nodded. "While many ninja have personalized weapons all leaf ninja use the same basic kunai and shuriken because they are an organizational standard. Groups that work together closely will invariably develop certain common traits. But none of these men dressed alike or even brought the same weapons."
"So?"
"So that would indicate they were assigned the job or volunteered for it and provided what they thought they would need themselves."
"I still don't see what the problem is."
"If these men were volunteers or assigned this job at random even though they apparently hadn't worked or trained together that suggests there was a large body to select from doesn't it? Up until now I'd thought this was a small group of religious fanatics. What if we're dealing with something much larger?"
Naruto thought about the implications and didn't like them. "It doesn't matter; I'll keep her safe no matter how many people threaten her."
Kakashi nodded. "Yes we will," he grabbed two men and tossed one over each shoulder. "In the meanwhile I have something to take care of." He looked over to the Naruto he'd been talking to. "I'll handle this part on my own."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm just going to ask them a few questions," Kakashi said pleasantly.
The clone looked calmly back at him. "You're going to torture them."
"Only if I have to, and only as much as I have to, we need some information and time isn't on our side. A lot of what a ninja does isn't pretty and isn't glorious, but it's necessary."
"Let me watch," Naruto said in a deathly serious voice.
"I don't think this is something you need to see yet."
"It's necessary for a ninja though isn't it? It's something I'll have to learn about eventually right?" Naruto demanded. "I know you don't like to teach me anything sensei, but just this once why don't you make an exception?"
Kakashi saw the look in Naruto's eyes. It was a look he'd seen many times, but never in anyone so young. "Why do you want to learn about torture?" Kakashi asked quietly.
"No special reason," he said with a false smile. "Just thought it might come in handy someday."
Several times Kakashi had wondered just what was there beneath that mask he used. Naruto played the happy idiot well. So well in fact many people accepted the persona without question. But Kakashi was nothing if not observant. He'd watched both Naruto and Sasuke very carefully and had serious concerns about both.
He suspected that both boys were being consumed by rage and a desire for revenge. Naruto hid this while Sasuke didn't bother to. Every now and again Naruto would let his mask slip and reveal something very scary. Of the two of them Naruto worried him the most because he was so determined to keep his true nature hidden.
"All right," Kakashi answered. "If you really want to see that's fine, pick up the other three and follow me."
Naruto nodded and three clones picked up three men before following Kakashi deeper into the woods away from the shrine.
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"Hi there!"
The man slowly opened his eyes. He found himself staring into a masked face with some crazy hair and one eye covered up.
And the face was upside down.
It took a moment for him to realize he was the one upside down. He looked about and saw he was tied up and being suspended over a small stream. "What… what's going on?"
"That's my line," Kakashi told him. "By the way my name is Hatake Kakashi and I'm a ninja from Konoha. Who might you be?"
The man clamped down his teeth and stared back defiantly.
"Not going to answer my questions, eh? I understand, and I want you to know I respect your loyalty to your comrades." Kakashi released a rope he'd been holding in his right hand.
The man fell into the water below. Caught by surprise he'd been gasping and had not thought to hold his breath. As soon as he hit the water he took in a mouthful of water and started to choke. His instincts took over and he thrashed about trying to free himself. His arms and legs were bound tight though so it was all just wasted motion.
The air left his mouth and nose and the water poured in, he could feel the water fill his nose and throat as he tried to breath. Terror filled him as all he could see was murky water. Then just as he thought he was really going to drown the roped around his ankles tightened and he was hauled up out of the water.
As his prisoner coughed and gagged Kakashi patiently waited. There was no point in talking until the man had a chance to recover a bit. When the coughing passed and he was breathing normally Kakashi spoke. "But while I admire your loyalty I have a job to do. I need you to answer all my questions and answer them truthfully. I promise you that if you do that you won't be harmed. If you don't I can't answer for what may happen here."
"You… you can't do that, I'm a citizen of Fire country."
Without a word Kakashi let go of the rope again.
This time the man managed to take a breath and shut his mouth. That didn't stop the water trickling in through his nose though. And before long he could feel his lungs aching. He finally opened his mouth and the water came in again. He struggled like a fish on a hook but couldn't get his head out of the water. Again just as it seemed he was really going to die he felt himself being yanked up out of the water.
Watching cough and gag and then desperately breathe in the air Kakashi knew this wouldn't take long. Very few people could last any amount of time under torture. Unless you were someone trained to endure pain and who was willing to die. (Like a ninja.)
"I am a representative of the Lord Hokage on a mission and charged to complete that mission by whatever means necessary. I am not answerable to you, your village, or even to the Fire Daimyo himself. The only one I must answer to is the Lord Hokage. And if I have to kill a few pieces of garbage like you to protect my client I will. Now, let's try again, who are you?"
"My… my name is Jibo."
"A pleasure to meet you Jibo. Now please tell me who you are working with."
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Naruto watched as Kakashi dropped the man into the water for a third time. It was interesting watching Kakashi go. Whenever people had hurt him it had always been with anger. Watching someone inflict a measured amount of suffering without even a speck of anger was definitely different. Naruto watched and listened as the man began to talk about everything he knew. He required no more dunkings, his spirit seemed broken. Is that all it takes to break someone? He thought contemptuously. He thought off all the beatings, all the threats, all the cruelty he'd been forced to swallow at so many hands. If he were the sort to break so easily he'd have committed suicide long ago.
When Kakashi finally had all his answers he knocked the prisoner out and brought his soaking wet body over to a tree where he was tied up and gagged. Kakashi then went and retrieved another prisoner. He had tied each one to a different tree a good ways from here. They would have no chance to talk to each other or hear what their friend had already answered. Each prisoner was tortured, their answers expanded his information and either confirmed or called into doubt what he'd been told.
Naruto found the lesson very instructive.
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Through all this the shrine remained under the watchful eyes of Naruto's clones. By the time Kakashi was done the clones who had accompanied him dispelled themselves giving their original all the information.
The real Naruto woke up knowing everything that had happened. He crawled over to Sasuke and Sakura and shook them awake.
"What is it Naruto?" Sakura asked in a bleary voice. Looking out the window she saw it was still pitch dark outside. "Geez, what time is it?"
"Was there a reason you woke us up dobe?" Sasuke asked.
"Yeah teme, we had visitors during the night and we're going to have more of them this morning."
Sasuke came fully awake and looked very interested. "What are you talking about?"
"Kakashi-sensei will explain everything but we need to get up and get ready."
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A few hours later it was morning and he sun was up above the horizon. Shizuku and Sakura were the only ones still inside the shrine. Sakura hadn't wanted to be here, she'd wanted to be outside with Sasuke-kun and the others. Kakashi though had ordered her to remain here and keep an eye on Shizuku.
"Will it be all right?" Shizuku asked nervously.
Sakura nodded her head forcefully. "It will be fine; Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke-kun, and even Naruto can all take care of themselves. And I'll make sure nothing happens to you." Despite her smile she was filled with doubt. Cha, I'm the weakest and sensei knows it too! That's why he's keeping me out of the way.
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Outside the shrine Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto all waited. For once the two teammates wore similar expressions; they both had looks of eager anticipation. Kakashi was standing there calmly reading his book. With or without the mask it would have been impossible to know what he was thinking.
Naruto suddenly turned to him. "One of my clones just dispelled, they're coming, and they should be here pretty soon."
Kakashi slowly nodded. Naruto's shadow clone technique was really useful in all sorts of ways. He closed his book and put it away. "How many of them are there?"
"I counted a hundred," Naruto said.
"You can a count that high?" Sasuke asked.
"Shut up teme," Naruto grunted.
Kakashi sighed. "Just remember, we just need to stop them. Don't use lethal force unless it's necessary.
Naruto noticed Sasuke shake a little. "You afraid bastard?"
Sasuke looked at him with a rare grin. "I'm shivering from excitement dead last."
"Well this should definitely be exciting," Kakashi said.
About ten minutes later they saw a long line of men approaching them. About half of them wore leather jerkins covered by coats with badges pinned to them. Each of them wore a short sword similar to the ones two of their prisoners had used. The rest of the crowd approaching them wore different sorts of out fits and carried a wide variety of weapons ranging from axes to spears to swords and even sickles. They came up to the edge of the clearing and stopped. Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke were all standing there calmly.
One of the men who wore a badge spoke up. "I am captain Hotaka, commander of the Hikedo police force. We've had word of an incident last night."
"That's interesting," Kakashi noted. "Especially since no one's contacted the police about what happened here this morning."
Hotaka frowned but pressed on. "Mayor Binya has decided that it would be best to leave the priestess's safety in our hands."
"Really? He went to the trouble of hiring us in the first place because he didn't trust his own police force with protecting her."
"The mayor has since had a change of heart," Hotaka told him. "We realize we have wasted your time and apologize for that. We will still pay for the full cost of your services, but we'd like you to leave now."
"I am afraid that would be impossible," Kakashi said. "My team and I were dispatched here to complete a mission and that is exactly what I intend to do."
"Your mission is over now; we'll take care of the girl."
"Her name is Shizuku!" Naruto said angrily. "If you're going to talk about her at least use her name!"
Sasuke looked over in surprise while Kakashi gave no reaction. "I am afraid you don't have the authority to cancel this mission," Kakashi said. "I think it would be best for you and your men if they turned around and left."
"I can't do that," Hotaka said and placed a hand on his short sword.
That appeared to be a signal as behind him weapons were drawn and readied.
"Stand aside or me and my men will use force," Hotaka said.
"You and your men are welcome to try."
At a signal the men shouted and ran forward.
Chapter 10: Whatever it takes
The men all gave a shout and came on, weapons ready. As they did so Naruto's jumped down from the nearby tries among them. Instantly everything dissolved into one wild melee.
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Three men with badges and short swords were on Kakashi at the start. These men were strong and healthy and from the way they moved it was clear they'd had at least a little practice with their swords. From the looks in their eyes it was also clear they were deadly serious about reaching their target.
For someone like Kakashi all that meant very little. The challenge for him wasn't in defeating these men but in doing so without seriously injuring them. In a blur two fists smashed into unprotected faces while the third was hit in the side of the head with a kick. All three attackers went down in under three seconds.
Despite this show of strength and martial skill other men came at him with swords and axes, desperate to bring the Jonin down by sheer force of numbers. Kakashi had no doubts he could handle any number of these people, but they did get between him and his students.
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Sasuke was surrounded by four men, all of them at least a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier and armed. The Uchiha was smiling, his heart was pounding, and for the first time in years he felt really truly alive. Here was a chance to actually do something, to fight a real battle against a real enemy.
The man in front of him screamed and swung an axe aiming to split his skull in half. Too slow, Sasuke stepped forward into the arc of his swing and delivered a pair of rabbit punches to the man's kidneys that doubled him up. He had no chance to do more as someone else stabbed at him with a spear.
A single chop of his hand broke off the metal head. Grabbing the wooden staff he drove it forward through his opponent's lax grip. The butt end of the spear slammed into his stomach. With a loud, 'oof' he fell over clutching his belly.
From behind two more men came at him with swords swinging. These two had enough sense to come at him as a team. As one stabbed the other tried to get behind him. Sasuke was forced to dodge and jump back as the second man's sword came close to cutting him. For civilians they were pretty fast.
Then something strange happened. For no reason he could see they slowed down. Not only did they slow down he could see just where they were aiming their strikes. Taking out a kunai he blocked one attack and delivered a kick to the side of the man's knee. He went down in a heap and wouldn't be standing, let alone fighting again anytime soon. His friend ran in stabbing at Sasuke's chest. The move was ridiculously obvious as Sasuke could see it coming. He easily dodged and delivered a punch to the side of his jaw that ended the fight.
Four men lay at his feet unconscious or otherwise disabled. It was just as Sasuke had always known it would be, they were no match for him. He waded into the crowd eager for more battle.
Oblivious to the fact his sharingan was now active.
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"Come on!" Naruto screamed. His fist slammed into a man's chest and he could feel ribs break. He was the Kyuubi, his speed and physical strength were greater than they should have been, as was his ferocity. The man he hit cried out and dropped his sword backing away from him. Naruto didn't hesitate; he delivered a punch that busted open the man's mouth and sent blood and teeth flying. With him down he looked around for someone else to fight.
He and his clones were cutting loose, fighting with a wild abandon. Naruto was discovering that he really liked fighting. He actually enjoyed bloodshed, the sight of it, the metallic smell of it, it was wonderful! This is what I was born for! He thought as a punch slammed into a man's back, bringing him down without warning. I'm the Kyuubi and this is my nature! In the midst of fighting he found an odd sort of peace. He didn't have to pretend to be something he was not; he could let his nature come out. He could show them the monster he was slowly becoming. Normally he was surrounded by nothing but lies and deception, everyone pretending to be something else, himself included. On the battlefield though you got to see what someone really was.
All through the fighting he had held back from using lethal force as Kakashi had instructed. He wanted to kill though, wanted to see and taste more blood. He wanted to be buried in that wonderful scent. But he held back. He couldn't reveal too much of the real him, not yet. So he looked around for someone new to fight.
And by chance saw two men who had gotten behind them in the confusion and were kicking down the shrine's door.
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They could both hear the sounds of the fight raging outside. The two girls had locked the one and only door and covered the windows. They both waited in silence as they heard but did not see what was going on just outside.
Without warning the wooden burst open, shards of wood sent flying from the broken lock. Two men with leather jerkins and badges rushed in with swords drawn and murder in their eyes.
"Get behind me Shizuku!" Sakura cried and gripped a kunai in both hands while putting herself between the intruders and her client.
This was it, this was the moment she had strived for, worked for, learned all the ninja rules for. She was in a life and death situation, she was acting like a real ninja.
And it was only at this moment that she had a horrible epiphany; she was scared. These two men wanted to kill her. They didn't give a damn who she was or if she was the girl best suited to be with Sasuke. All they saw was an enemy they had to get through to reach their objective. Her heart was pounding and she couldn't keep her knees from shaking. Somehow during all the years at the academy as she had focused on her pursuit of Sasuke and on being the best in academics she had never thought about this side of being a ninja. That was absurd, that anyone could spend years striving to be a ninja and never once wonder about the reality of a life and death fight. Such violence was the reason ninja and ninja villages existed.
Yet whenever she would imagine herself going on missions her thoughts always revolved around her amazing Sasuke with her skills. The idea that one day she would have to kill or be killed never really registered.
Until now.
As the men came at her howling she was half a step too slow. Her fear led to hesitation, and her hesitation led to what she feared. With her kunai she managed to deflect one of the swords, but was unable to get out of the way of the second. Her eyes widened as the tip of the second blade went into the soft flesh just below her right shoulder and sunk in deep.
"Aaaaaah!" Her cry of terror belonged to a twelve year old girl, not to a ninja. She jerked back and the sword came out of her. Pain engulfed her shoulder as her right arm no longer wanted to work. She saw and felt the hot blood flow from her gash and darken her red dress.
"Sakura!" Shizuku called out.
As Sakura stumbled back the two men did not hesitate. They did not offer her a chance to surrender or say a word they came on wanting to finish her as quick as they could and take care of the priestess. I'm going to die! Sakura realized with a sudden clarity. All those book smarts she prided herself on, all the good looks that were so important to her, none of them mattered now. She was too weak, and now she was going to pay for it.
"Stop!" A voice screamed from the door. Before her eyes there was an orange blur. Just as the two men were turning to face their new attacker she saw a glint of steel. She stood there and just watched as Naruto slammed one kunai into the side of a man's throat all the way to the handle. In the same instant the kunai in his other hand went into the side of the other man's skull with an audible, 'chunck' sound that was exactly like when a kunai when into a wooden training post.
The man with the kunai in his head dropped to the floor and jerked and flopped around like a fish until he went still. The one with the knife through his throat dropped his sword and clutched at his bleeding throat. Naruto pulled out another kunai and viciously began stabbing the man in his chest. He didn't just stab him once, or twice, he stabbed him and stabbed him and stabbed him. Even after fifteen of so, with him lying motionless on the floor in an expanding pool of blood he kept right on stabbing, a huge smile on his face his eyes alive and filled with an immense joy.
"Stop it!" Shizuku screamed. "Naruto for the love of kami stop!"
Hearing Shizuku scream Naruto jerked to a halt with the kunai halfway down to another stab. He looked and saw the horror on Shizuku's face. His own face and clothes were spattered in blood. His weapon and his right hand were drenched in it.
The smile and the look of excitement faded. Naruto refused to break eye contact with her. "I did what I had to." As if coming out of a daze he looked around the shrine and hurried over to Sakura. He pulled out some gauze from one of his pouched and bound up her wound.
Shizuku kept a fearful distance and never took her eyes off of him.
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The fight lasted roughly five minutes. The final outcome was never really in doubt. When Kakashi entered the shrine and saw what was there he cursed himself for letting his guard down. He'd been confident that he and the two boys would be more than a match for a hundred civilians. Because of that confidence he had very nearly lost both one of his students and their client.
"Naruto-kun saved my life, and Shizuku's too." Sakura said
Kakashi nodded. "I'm proud of you Naruto; you did exactly what any good ninja should. Your use of deadly force was proper and necessary. You defended your comrade and your client, when we get back I'll put in a special commendation in your file." Kakashi decided not to mention the fact that one of the men killed had obviously been savaged beyond any possible need. Ninja had to be willing to kill without hesitation, but to commit such butchery suggested a violent and uncontrolled nature. That was extremely troubling, but this was not the time to try and deal with it.
"Thanks sensei," Naruto replied and turned a gentle gaze to Sakura who was lying on a mat. "I'm just glad I got here in time to help Sakura-chan and Shizuku." You're worthless Sakura! Shizuku almost died because you couldn't even handle two civilians. You call yourself a ninja? The first time we go against other ninja you'll be dead in thirty seconds!
Seeing the look of concern in Naruto's expression Sakura smiled back warmly.
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Sasuke had not realized he'd activated his sharingan until Kakashi told him. Kakashi had promised to begin training him in its use as soon as they got back to Konoha. Sasuke wasn't sure what a non Uchiha could show him about it, but he would take whatever instruction he could get. When he had entered the shrine with Kakashi he'd been surprised to find the two corpses there and Sakura lying wounded. He'd assumed he'd be the first to score a kill ion the team, but Naruto had beaten him to it. Sasuke had sent Naruto one single respectful nod, surprised Naruto had shyly nodded back understanding.
It looked like Naruto really had grown up since the academy. He was obviously a much stronger ninja than poor Sakura. He was willing to admit that the dobe was deserving of some respect. But while he respected what Naruto had done he had no doubts about his own continued superiority. If not for Kakashi's order he could have had a dozen kills, and now that his sharingan was active he would only grow more and more powerful.
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As Kakashi watched over Sakura Naruto quietly approached Shizuku. She eyed him with worry but did not turn away or try to leave.
"Do you not like me anymore?" Naruto asked directly, his voice low to keep his words just for her.
The eight year old girl looked up at him, his face and clothes were still bloody. The bodies were still lying on the floor. The shrine had been desecrated, whoever became the next priestess would have to spend weeks performing purification rituals.
"I… I still like you niisan," she said just as quietly. "And for saving me and Sakura I thank you. But… but…. you…" her voice began to shake.
"I killed," he said. "I did what I had to. You heard Kakashi-sensei, it was what any ninja would do, I'm even getting a commendation for it. There was nothing wrong in what I did."
"But you killed! Those men are dead now. Don't you feel any sorrow? Any regret?"
"No, they'd have killed you and Sakura without a second thought. When it's us or them I chose them."
"How can you be so cruel?" She asked sadly.
"It's cruel world out there," he told her. "Maybe you didn't notice because you've been stuck in a shrine all this time. The men who came here all wanted to kill you. I did what I had to; my team did what we had to. Would it have been better if we hadn't?"
She looked down. "Maybe," she said so very softly. "It hurts me to think I am the cause of all this."
"Don't say that Shizuku-chan! None of this is your fault! The only people to blame are the people who want to kill you. Don't start blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault."
She looked up at him. "Why do you care so much Naruto?"
"Because you're a friend!" He nearly wailed. "Except for one other person you are the only one to be really kind to me. You've become a precious person to me and I would do anything to protect you!"
And a slight smiled appeared. "Thank you niisan, that means a lot to me."
"Sorry to interrupt," Kakashi said and joined them. "There is something we need to discuss." He was looking at Shizuku.
"What is it Kakashi-san?"
"I think it would be best if we were to all leave here now, you can return with us to Konoha."
"Leave?" Shizuku said startled. "But I am the Priestess of the Spring; I have a duty to perform. Besides this is my home."
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the only duty you have here is to be sacrificed. There is something you need to know…"
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Flashback
Jibo was coughing up water. "Ple… please no more, I'll tell you whatever you want."
Kakashi nodded. "All right, first thing, how many people are in your organization?"
"About half the village," Jibo said.
"If you'd like to go for another swim…" Kakashi let the rope slip and bit and Jibo jerked towards the water.
"It's the truth I swear!" Jibo cried. "I started with a few people, no one really knows who. But over time more and more people joined. About half the village knows including the whole police force. We do what is necessary for the village to thrive. If we don't come back tomorrow you'll be facing a lot more men who'll be ready to do whatever they have to."
Kakashi got an uneasy feeling, he believed him. "If that's really true then why did Binya send for us?"
"The mayor is part of the half that doesn't know. The people who aren't part of it have no idea who is or how many we are. Binya didn't know who he could trust so he just acted on his own as mayor, using village funds to hire all of you."
"So what you're saying is that roughly about thirty thousand people are a part of this conspiracy?"
Jibo nodded. "And all of us are committed to doing whatever it takes."
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"So you can see our problem," Kakashi said. "I decided to stay here to see what sort of response we would get when the original five men didn't return. Given what we faced I'd say we really are up against a massive number of people. Ninja can do a lot, but even with me here the four of us cannot face thousands. The only way we can ensure your safety is to take you away from here."
"I am sorry Kakashi-san, but I cannot do that. Whatever the danger I have a sacred duty to perform, I cannot abandon it, I will not abandon it."
"You do understand that if you stay here I cannot guarantee your safety?"
"If you and your team wish to leave Kakashi-san I will not blame you. But I cannot go."
"If you're staying then we're staying too! Right sensei?" Naruto said.
Though he looked pained Kakashi nodded. "I will do everything in my power to protect you and carry out my mission, that is the way of the village hidden within the leaf." If we make it out of here I am definitely getting some hazard pay for this!