Percy Jackson and the Curse of Lust

I shut my eyes and breathed in deeply. I know I'm being biased, but there really is no better smell than the ocean's salty tang.

Cracking my eyes open, I stared off of a crowded wharf. Calm waters lay beyond it, and beyond those, a great orange bridge towered into the sky. It took all I had not to laugh like a maniac. Just being this close to the sea was making me feel fantastic.

Unfortunately, those feelings were not shared. I heard a sudden batch of cursing behind me. Someone grabbed my hand.

Artemis huddled next to me, gripping my fingers like a lifeline. I sighed.

"Did somebody walk too close again?"

"A funny look!" she said. "It was a man over there! He looked at me like he wanted to eat me up!"

She pointed at a guy walking with his back to us now, somewhere in his twenties and wearing a San Francisco Giants hoodie.

"That doesn't mean he's a monster," I explained patiently. "It just means he was checking you out."

Artemis was dressed like an average — if slightly un-stylish — teenager. She had on camo pants and a tank-top Valentina loaned her. She was just as pretty as ever, but her expression split in a grimace as I informed her she'd been ogled.

"Monster or not, you ought to stab him at least once," she said imploringly.

I thought about it. "Only if he does it a second time."

This mollified Artemis slightly. She stepped further away from me, although she maintained her grip on my hand. Her head swiveled non-stop, trying to track every single pedestrian on the crowded sidewalk. Her fingers tensed every time a new person passed her blind spot. If I strained my ears, I was sure I could hear her heart beating.

"Relax," I told her gently.

"What," she said, "do you think that I am trying to do?"

The Artemis wasn't taking her punishment all that well. Having her powers sealed made her feel vulnerable. When we arrived in the city, it only got worse. Paranoia was gnawing at her, turning her into a wreck.

I spotted the others coming toward us. I was glad for that. Hopefully, Artemis could relax a bit more with someone else to help watch her back.

"Any luck?" I asked.

Clarisse was wearing a new 'I Heart SF!' t-shirt and Lou had found a snow-globe with a replica city inside that filled with fog when you turned it over. But when I asked the question, they shook their heads.

"Regular boats don't go that far," Annabeth said. "Only cruises. And those need tickets reserved in advance."

"Could we just trick a few mortals?" I asked.

Look, I didn't feel good about snagging an innocent family's spot on a vacation liner, but if that's what it took, it would be for the greater good.

"Maybe," Annabeth said. "I'd prefer something smaller, though. Your powers would be able to speed up the trip that way. Cruises take nearly a whole week to reach the islands. And if Echidna were to catch up, mortals would be caught up in it."

"Something smaller would be better?" Valentina checked.

"Yes," Annabeth said. "Lighter and more maneuverable. Easier for the current to push."

"You mean exactly like that?"

Valentina pointed to the edge of the wharf. It was hard to see what was over there at first, because mortals were clumped up snapping photos with their smartphones. I craned my neck. Finally, I spotted it.

An honest to gods pirate ship was pulling into the wharf.

All of us stared, not knowing what to say. Except for Artemis. She was looking at the rest of us like we were the strange ones.

"It is just a boat," she said. 

"A pirate ship," I said. "You know, the kind that sailed the seven seas? The sort of boat Jack Sparrow would ride? Something straight out of the sixteen hundreds?"

"So it's a touch out of date. What of it?"

"Never mind," I told her. "You're right."

I was not in the mood to explain five hundred years of maritime advancement right then. With me in the lead, we approached the edge of the wharf.

"Ahoy!" shouted a man in the crow's nest wearing a skull bandana over his head. He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Landlubbers spotted dead ahead! Ready the cannons!"

"Hold your fire!" shouted a voice from the deck.

The dude up top sounded like a genuine pirate, the kind of guy to have survived for decades off salted ham and rum, but this voice was different. It was young, feminine, and full of authority. I picked out a girl standing at the bow with her hands on her hips. The moment the ship drew within a few feet of the wharf, she hurled herself across the gap, landing firmly on the wooden planks.

She grinned at us, baring pearly teeth that stood out against her dark skin. 

"I thought I would find you here," she said.

She wore a frilly white shirt with a low-cut collar underneath a red coat that hung to her ankles. Her black boots came halfway up her calves. On her head, a triangular pirate's hat displayed the Amazon logo like a skull-and-crossbones. Her black hair was pulled forward over one shoulder. I spotted a sword holstered at one hip, and an old-fashioned pistol strapped to the other.

"Hylla?" I asked incredulously.

Reyna's older sister brushed her hair over her shoulder. "It seemed like you guys needed a bit of help. So I thought to myself, why not save the day?"

"What are you doing here? Don't you have an international conglomerate to run?"

"I'm on vacation," she said. "Even queens need breaks. I was touring the world with my old crew when I caught wind of your situation. Hawaii, correct? I'll have you there in three days or less— like a Prime delivery."

"That sounds great," Annabeth said. "But… how did you know we were going there?"

Hylla looked confused. She scratched her head, just under the brim of her hat.

"I saw it on the broadcast, of course," she said.

All of us exchanged looks.

"What broadcast?" I asked.

Hylla turned sideways. She pointed back onto her boat, and I noticed it wasn't quite time-accurate to the sixteen hundreds. Right under the helm, someone had set up a 65-inch flatscreen TV. Three rough looking pirates were sitting on chairs in front of it, watching Hephaestus TV, the gods best (and only) channel.

Nothing much was happening. The word 'Live' blinked in the corner. It seemed to be a stream from the inside of a car, one that nobody was in.

"Hold on a second…" I said.

I squinted. Sure enough, I knew that shag carpet. I recognized those ugly seats. That dark, miscellaneous stain by the door? I made it. It wasn't just the inside of an empty car. It was the inside of our empty car.

"Has that been on the entire time?" Annabeth asked, dumbstruck.

"The entire time?" Hylla said. "I don't know what that would be, but it has been airing for the last four days. And what a show it has been!"

I tuned her out as she raved about how much fun we were to watch. Four days. That was the whole time we'd been in the car, everything since it saved our lives in the midwest onward. 

It wasn't like we didn't suspect anything. The car had been supernaturally convenient, and had anyone ever heard of an engine that ran off sex instead of gas? But we searched the entire car, each of us. We hadn't spotted anything dangerous or overly suspicious. Even Artemis gave it the all-clear.

Oh, gods, Artemis. My eyes widened.

"Apollo's going to kill me," I said.

"You truly weren't aware?" Hylla asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Of course not!" Valentina said. "Do you think I would've acted like that if I knew I was on camera? I would've tried so much harder to show it my good side!"

Clarisse didn't say anything, but she did growl and walk toward the car, cracking her knuckles. I don't know what she was planning, but considering violence was her solution to most problems, I expected a broken window at least.

Before she'd taken more than a few steps, the car's engine roared to life. Its headlights flickered on. We looked at each other, but no, all of us were still standing together. I even held up the key to show it was with me.

Which didn't stop the van from squealing away into afternoon traffic, cutting off drivers and honking its horn.

All of us watched it go.

"Well that was strange," Hylla said.

"Strange like a secret camera watching you fuck for days straight?" I asked.

"Of course not," she said. "That's not strange, just underhanded. But a car driving without a driver? That's strange. Even we Amazons only have a handful of those."

Annabeth was rubbing her face. "I guess it all worked out," she muttered to herself. Looking up, she met Hylla's eyes. "You can really get us to Hawaii?"

Hylla just smiled.

"As assuredly as a worker can go without a bathroom break!"

O-O-O

The Queen Ann's Revenge II (named after the ship I stole and sunk in the Sea of Monsters) was an upgrade on its namesake. It was bigger, better equipped, and it had a TV. The TV was the big one. Even if it only had a few channels, it went a long way to not making it feel like we'd crawled a few centuries back through time.

The crew was smelly, and definitely needed a better dentist if they wanted to hold onto the teeth they had left, but they were nice enough. I got to formally meet Blackbeard. How many ten year old boys dream about doing that?

Technically, we'd met before, but Edward Teach was much nicer this time. It probably helped that he wasn't coming off an extended stay inside a guinea pig cage. Or, you know, watching me run off with his ship. 

"Listen lad," he said, slapping me on the shoulder with a grimy hand and looking at the girls behind me. "You arrrrr a man after my own heart!"

Turns out the ancient son of Ares had fourteen wives when he was in his prime. I hoped we could figure out this curse before I ended up that way.

Hylla gave us the whole tour— the bottom deck where they kept the cannons, the unnaturally modern bathrooms, a fully-stocked kitchen, and our private quarters.

While the others settled in, I wandered back on deck. I wanted to experience as much of that ocean air as I could, even if we were going to be at sea for the next few days. As I stood leaning against the railing by the stern, Hylla joined me.

She'd ditched her hat, but the rest of her outfit was the same. She looked exactly like an older Reyna, with the same serious dark eyes and regal features. I knew she wasn't to be underestimated in a fight. It took some serious chops to turn Blackbeard into your subordinate, not to mention ruling the warlike Amazons.

"Kinzie will be sorry she missed you," was the first thing Hylla said.

"I'm sure," I said. "Tell her I said hi. You know, whenever you see her again."

Kinzie was Hylla's bodyguard, one of the subordinates I met first, and a girl made no secret about the crush she had on me. Hylla chuckled.

"I will do that," she said. "I can't imagine she will be very happy with me. First I push my responsibilities on her and run off for a break, then I come back with the news that I ran into you. She might even try to stab me. But she will miss, of course, because I am the better fighter."

If there was a way the Ramirez-Arellano sisters differed, that was it. Both were scary tough. Both were born leaders. But Hylla was much prouder, more willing to brag about her achievements when the time came. I didn't mind it. If you pulled off the things she had, I figured you had every right to tell people as much.

The wind was whipping into the sails, propelling us forward. Absently, I willed a few ropes to snap into new positions, turning the boat slightly to orient us better. I molded the current, letting us cut through the waves with an extra bit of oomph.

"Handy," Hylla marveled. "Are you interested in a job as a deckhand?"

"Maybe if things really don't work out after college."

She sighed. "A shame. Edward was really taken with you."

We cut through the waves. It was open ocean under us now, and looking back, San Francisco was nothing but a speck.

"There is someone after us," I warned Hylla. "Echidna—"

"Is chasing you with an army of her children. I saw."

"Oh. Right. I kind of forgot you've been stalking us virtually for the last few days."

"We'll outpace her," Hylla said firmly. "My ship will not let us down. Nothing Echidna tries could stop us!"

My eyes widened. I dropped my head, banging my forehead against the wood railing. Hylla jumped, looking at me like I'd turned insane.

"Why did you have to phrase it that way?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Hylla put a hand across her chest. "It hardly matters how I say it. Nothing could go wrong now."

"Like that!" I whipped my head back up, making her jump for a second time. "You're saying bad phrases!"

"How can a phrase be bad?"

"Because they tempt the Fates! Those nosey old women listen to everything, and they care about these things! If you say, it must've been the wind, it wasn't the wind. If you say nothing can go wrong, something will go wrong. If you say, is that all you've got, it won't be. This stuff matters!"

"You're being superstitious," Hylla said. "It's all in your head."

A great groaning noise cut off my reply, as if someone had started stirring the ocean around like one great mug of hot chocolate. At the same time, a shrieking noise ran underneath it, faint and grating. I lost control of the current. Clouds collected ahead of us, while a twenty-foot wave rose into sight.

Hylla only had time to scream, "Brace yourselves!" at the crew before it broke.

I clenched my hands into fists and did all I could to weaken the wave. One thin slice the width of our boat opened up, and we punched through it. The crew still slid around across the deck, but it was better than capsizing.

When we reached the other side, I realized that wave was the least of our worries.

The source of it was easy to spot— or maybe I should say it was hard to miss. A gaping mouth lay in our path, already sucking in everything for a half-mile in every direction as it readied a second blast. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, it wasn't alone. The top third of a craggy mountain somehow, impossibly, was floating not far away, with three long dragon-like heads sticking out, like a hermit crab in its shell.

I turned to Hylla as Riptide formed in my hand.

"This is your fault," I informed her.

She scowled.