Percy Jackson and the Curse of Lust

I was ready to slice that monstrous hand off at the wrist. But rather than try to crush my head like I expected, it just pointed.

"Man!" yelled the cyclops.

"Monster!" I yelled as my own surprise bubbled over.

The cyclops's lone eye dipped down to my still unzipped pants, his pointing finger dipping a moment later. "Small penis!"

This time, I pointed back at him.

"Asshole!" I said.

"Mean!"

"Sensitive!"

This was the scene Annabeth and Lou burst onto.

"Ugly girls!" said the cyclops, shrinking away from them.

"...What?" Annabeth asked. 

I laughed, and when she glared at me, I shrugged.

"I'm just happy that I'm not the only one who got this treatment."

The cyclops was a huge figure, and not nearly as awful to look at as many of his brood. His face was more like Tyson's, broad and square but not grotesque, with white teeth instead of the usual yellow. He was wearing basketball shorts and a white tank-top that wasn't quite big enough for him. By far the strangest thing was the oil rubbed over his muscular arms and calves. Under the moonlight, it made them glow almost silver.

Annabeth moved first. She had bad blood with cyclopes, and even though she worked it out with Tyson that grudge hadn't gone away. She drew her dagger and pulled her yankees cap on, fading from view.

The cyclops turned to me with renewed energy. "You help me! Make her stop!"

"Why would I want to do that?" I asked. "And why are you asking me to make her stop?"

"Because you're a man!"

"Huh. Now that just feels sexist."

Seeing I wasn't moving, the big guy panicked and bolted.

I wasn't used to monsters running away. Usually they stuck around and fought, even if it was to their last breath. But this one wanted no part of that, turning his huge frame and barreling away through the woods. 

I didn't think too much of it until I realized how far away he'd already gotten. The cyclops hurtled through the woods way faster than he had any right to at that size. Every time he passed a tree he'd push off of it, girthy shoulder muscles straining as they propelled him forward.

But we couldn't let him get away. From that oily skin that glowed in the dark to his monstrous vocal chords, to the brutal look of disdain in his eyes as he looked at my manhood… he fit every criteria given to us by the nymphs. And now, watching him flee incredibly fast, he matched the last clue too.

I was certain about it. This was the monster the nymphs sent us after.

"Stop him!" I said.

Lou said something and threw her hands up. A moment later, dry ground turned to thick mud in the cyclops's path. He charged through it with natural power, but even he was slowed for a few seconds.

The moment he broke free, something hurtled through the air. A bronze knife appeared from nowhere, flying past and leaving a cut on the monster's glistening calf. It wasn't nearly enough to vaporize him, but he quickly pulled up with a limp, slowing down even more.

That was more than enough of an opening for me to catch up.

I was on him before he could pull away. As he looked back over his shoulder, I brought Riptide's hilt down past the hands he raised protectively, smashing his temple as if it were a punching bag.

He slumped forward, his eyes closing, and we all caught our breath. Lou cast another spell and vines slithered off a nearby tree, wrapping around the unconscious monster.

"Nice work, team," I said.

Annabeth appeared next to me.

"You're dick is still out," she said, picking up her knife.

I hastily zipped up my pants.

"Not anymore."

"Hey, I have a question," Lou said.

We turned to her.

"They nymphs definitely said they wanted him brought back to them, right?"

"That's right," Annabeth said.

"So… how do we get him there?"

We went silent as we all considered it. Slowly, they turned toward me.

"Well crap," I said.

-

"Just… a bit… more…"

For about the thousandth time my fingers slipped off the oiled-up ankle they were fighting to grip. The cyclops's leg thudded onto the ground. I nearly screamed.

"If I have to keep this up for fifteen more feet—" I started.

Annabeth cut me off, silently pointing ahead. Right in front of us was the road, our swanky lovemaking-powered ride sitting there in the dark. Clarisse leaned against the hood keeping a hawk-like vigil. When she caught sight of us, she cupped her hands around her mouth.

"THEY'RE BACK!" she bellowed.

I saw the nymphs hastily peel themselves out of their trees. Giggling to each other, they halfway tripped over their own feet as they rushed out to greet us.

When they reached the edge of the road, their features stretched in shock. I smiled proudly, putting my hands on my hips, ready to bask well-deserved compliments and, more importantly, have the road cleared so we could drive far, far away.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?"

I pulled up short as all four of them rushed over to us. They pushed me away from the cyclops, and I stumbled back, too surprised to brace myself. Each of them dropped onto their knees, rubbing different parts of his body and cooing soothing sounds.

"You told us to bring the monster to you!" I said.

The nymphs glared at me.

"Larry's not a monster!" said one.

"He just has a few monstrous qualities," said another, stroking his upper thigh.

"Larry? You gave the cyclops a name?"

"He came with one you sick fuck!"

Clarisse had wandered over and settled her hands on her hips. She stared down at the scene, seeming slightly befuddled. Finally, she said, "I guess you aren't about to clear the road, huh?"

"We had a deal!" said one of the nymphs. "You haven't followed through! This was all for Larry's sake, and now you've knocked him out while that awful beast still roams free!"

In the woods, something screamed.

It was high-pitched and not quite human, like a chicken that got its tail feathers stepped on. Lou Ellen perked up, tearing her eyes off of where they'd been staring dumbfoundedly at the irate nymphs.

"What was that?" Annabeth asked.

"Sounded like somebody getting stabbed," Clarisse said… hopefully?

Lou grabbed a branch off the ground, raising it like a bat. At the same time, her eyes darted around the dark woods around us.

"I cast a few spells earlier," she said. "Little things to warn us if anything got close to the car. That was the alarm sound."

"Which direction?" I asked.

"…all of them?"

A cold, dry breeze cut through the humid summer air. Bushes rustled. Branches swayed. More than a dozen glinting arrows appeared from all sides, still notched in their bows.

Don't move!" said a girl's voice. "If you try to run, before you know it you'll have an arrow so far up your— Annabeth? Percy?"

I winced. Holding my hands in the air so that none of the newer Hunters got any ideas, I faced Thalia Grace, Lieutenant of the Hunters of Artemis and one of my closest friends. I couldn't remember a time I was less happy to see her, which was crazy, because as much as I considered her a friend she could annoy the Hades out of me.

"Hey Thalia," I said. "I don't suppose you'd listen if I asked you to walk back into the woods and put a few states in between us?"

She ignored me completely. "Clarisse is here too? And… Sorry, I don't actually know you."

"It's fine," Lou rubbed her toe in the dirt. "I'm not that famous."

"Ah! It's her!" The nymphs shot to their feet, jabbing their fingers at Thalia. "She came herself! Take her down! Gauge out her eyes!"

Thalia's Parka glittered brightly in the moonlight. Her blue eyes didn't look hostile now, but I'd been on the end of more than enough glares to know just how fierce she could make herself look. As a hunter she was unnaturally fast, and when she got worked up, her voice could be just as bad as her eyes. Nestled around her head was the mark of her Lieutenant status: a gleaming circlet of silver.

"You mean that's the monster you wanted us to take care of?" I asked.

"She chased off poor Larry!" said one of the nymphs. "She put an arrow straight into one cheek of his beautiful butt?"

Thalia looked at them, recognition dawning. "You're those nymphs that snapped at me after I saved you a few days ago. You should be grateful. You'd be cyclops chow if it wasn't for me. He already had you at his mercy when I stumbled on you in the woods."

"The only part of us Larry would eat is between our legs!" shouted the nymph with a pretty rude gesture toward her crotch. "And you have no idea how good he is at it!"

"You slept with that thing?" Thalia asked, her face twisting in revulsion.

The nymph dropped to her knees. I guess Larry was having a pretty good dream, because something well over a foot long was straining his loose basketball shorts. The nymph wrapped her hand around the shape, waving it back and forth under the fabric. "Jealous?" she asked.

Thalia looked like she might hurl, but more importantly, she was distracted. I couldn't outrun the Hunters in a forest. I just didn't stand a chance. But if I could get to the car…

I took off at a sprint. I'd explain everything to Thalia. Later, when it was safe. For now, I had to get away. We couldn't let the curse activate.

As the nymphs rambled on, extolling the virtues of Larry the Cyclops's girthy cock in far more detail than was necessary, the Hunters stood almost frozen. It was pretty much the antithesis to the maidenhood they swore themselves to. No wonder gods were always chasing after nymphs. Those green-skinned girls fucked.

A few Hunters shouted as I made my break for it, loosing their arrows. I sliced them away without looking. The others ran after me, following my lead.

"Wait! Stop!" Thalia called after us, but it fell on deaf ears.

I wrenched open the door and jumped in the driver's seat. The forest was still in our way, but we'd just have to hit a u-turn. The others had piled into the backseat, Clarisse landing on Valentina who had sprawled out with Emily in the back to get some sleep. Ignoring the squawks from the girls, I wrenched the key around and yanked the parking break. Our tires squealed as the car jolted into motion.

Just as quickly we stopped dead. The tires went on shrieking even louder, but we weren't moving. A girl had appeared in our path with bright red hair. She was dressed the same as the Hunters, with eyes that perfectly matched her parka. She wasn't bothered about being in the path of our van. One of her feet rested on the fender of our ride, holding it in place even as the engine tried desperately to accelerate.

"That isn't allowed, Perseus Jackson," she said. "The two of us must speak."

I gulped. I reset the parking break and turned the key upright again, letting the motor die. Taking a deep breath, I patted the center console behind me, staling to work up my courage.

Then I stepped outside, as ready as I could be to face Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt.