One Piece: Dream of Immortality

Hoofboy paced back and forth on the hooves for which he was nicknamed.

He chewed on his long, dirty fingernails, ignoring the fact that they tasted quite foul in favor of the very minute relief the action provided to his frayed nerves.

He had been putting this off for a week now, wracked with indecision on whether to do so at all. Ultimately, he could only accept that there was no hiding what happened for very long.

In fact, the day of the Fire Festival was sure to be the very last day he could conceal this matter, and it was tomorrow!

If he simply waited, his death was certain. However, if he brought it up before then, his death was almost certain!

Was it better to bet on the slim chance of his survival or to savor the few extra days of life he could keep for sure if he kept his mouth shut?

The question wasn't one he ever thought he'd have to give an answer to, and most unfortunately the answer didn't come to him quickly.

The worst part was that he spent what was likely the final days of his life as an anxious mess because of that question, thus negating any point in prolonging the inevitable in the first place.

So here he was, the day before he would be found out for certain and summarily executed, standing in front of the door to Kaido's personal quarters.

Hoofboy took a deep breath to steady his nerves. It didn't work.

He knocked.

"Come in," the deep, somewhat slurred speech of his captain rang out from the other side.

Hoofboy nearly fainted on the spot.

"K-Kaido-sama…" Hoofboy opened the door and peeked inside like a child who knew they were in trouble before their parents did.

"You're… Horny-boy?" Kaido asked, squinting his eyes at him.

"Hoofboy, Kaido-sama," Hoofboy corrected in as inoffensive a tone as he could manage.

"Right, whatever," Kaido guzzled down half a bottle of rum, the other half dribbling down his chin and chest. "What do you want?"

"It's about the treasury, Kaido-sama…" Hoofboy started and swallowed hard before he said, "I-It's… empty."

The supposedly most unkillable bastard in the world blinked at him a few times in silence. A silence so quiet that Hoofboy briefly entertained the possibility that Kaido had shouted at him so loudly that he'd got deaf.

"What was that? I misheard you," Kaido said.

Hoofboy had to fight every one of his instincts to flee as fast as he could, regardless of how pointless it would be at this juncture. Those who didn't know Kaido personally might have taken his statement at face value, but Hoofboy knew that what Kaido had really said was-

"You better not have said what I just heard you say."

The pressure emanating off of Kaido that increased with each passing second would ensure that even those who had never heard of him knew what he really meant in short order.

"The treasury is empty. Down to the last gold doubloon, silver tael, and Beri," Hoofboy squeaked out at a higher octave than he knew he was capable of.

Hoofboy decided not to say anything about the note left behind by the thief. The one that insinuated that Kaido's hyper-macho attitude was overcompensation for a disproportionately small part of his anatomy.

Kaido chucked his empty bottle in his direction so fast he couldn't track it with his eyes. It smashed on the wall next to his head and splashed him with razor sharp shards. He was too frightened to even flinch.

Kaido stood, trudged over to him, then gripped his diminutive head betwixt his meaty fingers and lifted him up to eye level.

"Explain," Kaido ordered.

"I-went-to-do-the-weekly-inventory-of-the-vault-this-morning-and-found-it-completely-empty!" Hoofboy rattled off quickly. A little too quickly judging by the way Kaido's grip on his head tightened.

Hoofboy feared that this was it. He would die by head squishing. Not the most glorious way to go out, but it was better than being eaten by Big Mom. Oh, gods… Big Mom was in Wano!

Instead he was unceremoniously dropped and hit the floor with a thump.

"Find it," Kaido's eyes pierced into his very soul through his own. "If everything isn't back in the vault by sundown tomorrow, I'll make it your tomb."

Hoofboy scrambled to his hooves and raced away without another word or a look back. He cursed his own indecisive nature, because now he had to find the thief when the trail was a week old! Stupid!

'I never should have given up my boring accounting job for a life of adventure!' Hoofboy thought, tears streaking down his face.

…

Kaido watched the fool run away.

If he wasn't in such a drunken good mood, he would have reduced him to a smear on the floor.

That wasn't the best choice of action here, though. He was apparently loyal enough to risk delivering such bad news directly to Kaido, for one. Such loyalty was hard to come by in a crew ruled primarily through fear, such as his Beast Pirates. He was also the only one with any context regarding the theft, so killing him would set them back on finding it even further.

"Queen!" Kaido shouted loud enough for his voice to carry throughout the whole of Onigashima, and his conqueror's haki with it.

Oops, he was slipping into a homicidal mood. Can't have that… yet.

He heard stomping in the distance which quickly arrived at his open door.

"Yeah, boss?" Queen saluted him, like he was some goody-two-shoes marine.

Kaido guffawed at the sight, much to the relief of his left hand man. A stupid joke was always a good way to keep his mood where he wanted it.

"That idiot accountant lost all my treasure," Kaido spoke when he had recovered.

Queen's jaw dropped and eyes bulged in comedic fashion.

"That's impossible! Nobody could break into the heart of Onigashima, rob us blind, and leave without anyone noticing!" Queen doubted.

"Check it yourself, then. Just make sure my money is back where it belongs before the festival," Kaido ordered, this time without the threat of a painful death should he fail.

Queen nodded. "It was probably that brat! Nobody else knows the layout well enough to pull this off!"

Kaido figured that made sense. It was easy to forget how sneaky Yamato could be, what with how direct he was in confrontation.

"Make sure Linlin doesn't find out about this," Kaido turned and went back to his drinks.

…

Cherry sat with the drinking brothers and Yamato. They tried to tell her that it was a "boys only" type of deal, but they couldn't stop her. They elected to pretend she wasn't there instead of forcing the issue.

She just wanted to sit and relax for a bit, so it didn't bother her at all. She took the time to root around in her pockets while having a modest amount of liquor.

"Hm?" Cherry touched something she didn't recognize.

Pulling it out, it was an ornate treasure chest just big enough to sit in her lap.

"You gotta be kidding me," Cherry popped it open under the curious gazes of the boys.

The devil fruit stared back at them.