NPC’s Guide to Conquering the 2D World

I leaned back in my chair, my thoughts swirling as I stared out the window.

The sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting faint patterns on the desks. Aomine Daiki's existence was ignored and thus I was free to set whatever personality I wanted.

For now, I'll go with the pitiful loner. In a sense I was in a similar situation to Hikigaya, the only difference was that I didn't have a rotten expression adorning my face.

The faint chatter of classmates filled the room, but I paid it no mind. Yumiko's exaggerated laugh caught my attention for a moment.

She was the queen of the class huh…?

It wasn't hard to see why.

Hikigaya was two seats away from me. He seemed to be sleeping but his eyes were certainly lingering on Hayama's group. It was kind of pitiful knowing what had happened to him.

Though, I wasn't one to care.

I had my own matters to deal with.

…

It was recess and with a half-filled Club Change Form I headed to the faculty office.

The faculty office was quieter than I expected. Teachers sat at their desks, some typing away on their computers while others flipped through stacks of papers. Hiratsuka-sensei was easy to spot, leaning back in her chair with a cigarette between her fingers, though she wasn't smoking it.

"Sensei," I called, stepping closer.

She looked up, her sharp eyes narrowing slightly before recognition dawned on her face.

"Aomine," she said, setting the cigarette down. "What is it? Did you already decide on a club?"

"Not yet," I admitted. "But I was hoping you could recommend something."

"Oh?" Her interest seemed piqued, the light in her eyes was certainly piercing, had she looked up my information already?

"Since it's a peaceful club you want I could recommend the literature club. Is that fine?"

"I suppose so." But that would be a problem so I showed hesitation, "Would it be easy to make friends there? I was wondering if there was a club that required the students to work together but didn't demand a high skill set."

The Service Club had not been popularised yet. I should be fairly early in the plot.

Hiratsuka-sensei seemed to be hesitating and I could understand why. A variable like me might have unknown consequences for the club.

In essence, the club was made by Hiratsuka-sensei to help Yukino who had adopted a cold icy attitude due to getting bullied in middle school. Hikigaya had a similar problem and as such she forcefully inserted him into that club.

Now, if Hikigaya had already joined the club, what Hiratsuka-sensei needed was a bridge that could help in the communication between Yukino and Hikigaya since they were like fire and ice.

While I was musing, Hiratsuka-sensei seemed to have made up her mind. She placed one leg over the other and snatched the Club Change Form.

"Follow me after class today. I have the perfect club for you."

I didn't say much and simply bowed in thanks before leaving.

…

I slipped out of class the moment it was finished and quietly waited for Hiratsuka-sensei. She didn't take long to exit and looked me up and down before nodding.

Interestingly enough she didn't move towards the supposed club she was telling me about. She remained silent and stood in place as if waiting for someone.

Ms. Hiratsuka stood waiting after homeroom, arms crossed and drawn up to her full height, looking exactly like a prison guard. A military uniform and a whip would have suited her perfectly.

Soon she saw someone trying to run away. She announced, "Hikigaya. It's club time," and began walking toward him.

So that's what it was.

She was waiting for Hikigaya.

"Let's go," she said, reaching out to take his arm. When he dodged her grab, her arm shot out again.

"Um, you know, on the grounds that a school education values students' autonomy and promotes their independence, I think I really must object to this show of force." Hikigaya stammered and shot me a glance before ignoring me.

"Unfortunately, school is actually a place where you're trained to conform to society. Once you go out into the world, your opinion means nothing. Get used to compulsion now." Her fist flew into his stomach with a penetrating thud, knocking the wind out of him. Taking advantage of his immobility, she grabbed his arm. "You know what'll happen the next time you try to run, right? Don't cause any more trouble for my fist."

Wait, she really just punched him like that? Granted she slowed down at impact but the damage should still be there especially considering we're teenagers whose bodies aren't fully developed yet.

"You've already decided to punch me again?" Hikigaya asked.

Once they started walking, Ms. Hiratsuka opened her mouth as if just remembering something. "Oh yeah. If you run away again, I'll declare your competition with Yukinoshita forfeit, period, with additional punishment tacked on for good measure. Don't fool yourself into thinking you'll be able to graduate on time." Her heels clicked on the floor as she strode beside him.

"Um, I'm not gonna run away or anything, so I'm okay on my own. I mean, I'm always alone anyway. I'm totally fine on my own. I can't relax if I'm not on my own."

"Don't say such lonely things. I want to go with you." She gave a sudden—verging on kind—smile. It was completely different from her usual leering smirk, and this abrupt departure from the norm was striking. "Plus I have to guide poor little Aomine to the club, I certainly can't trust you with that task."

"Don't act like I'll get lost or ditch him midway!" Hikigaya complained before shooting me another look, "Hello… Are you being forced to go along with this demon's request as well?"

The air went cold as Hiratsuka-sensei glared at Hikigaya, "No one besides you is deserving of punishment. Also, Aomine will be joining the Service Club as well. Don't you think it'll be fun with a new member?"

"Life isn't just about fun. If it were, there wouldn't be any sad Hollywood movies. There is such a thing as finding pleasure in tragedy, you know."

"Classic Hikigaya. Many young people have a distorted worldview, but you take it to a pathological level. It's like that special affliction kids get after their first year of high school… You have a full-blown case of second-year head swell." She beamed at him as she diagnosed his condition.

Second-year head swell?

"Wow, that's kind of mean, treating me like I'm diseased. And what the heck is 'second-year head swell' even supposed to mean?" Hikigaya retorted.

"You like manga and anime, right?" she asked, ignoring his request for an explanation.

"I guess I don't hate them."

"Why do you like them?"

"Well…they're part of Japanese culture and recognized as a form of pop culture we can take pride in on a global level, so it would be unnatural to not acknowledge their relevance. The market for it has expanded, too, so they're also important from an economic perspective."

"Mm-hmm. So what about regular arts and literature? Do you like Keigo Higashino or Koutarou Isaka?"

"I read them, but frankly, I prefer their work from before they got popular."

"What light novel imprints do you like?"

"Gagaga and Kodansha BOX. Well, I don't know if the latter counts as an imprint or not. What's with the interrogation?"

"Mm-hmm… It's just as I expected—and I mean that in a bad way. You've got a serious case of second-year HS."

"Like I said, what the heck is that?"

"Second-year head swell is just what it sounds like. It's a frame of mind common among high school students. They think that being twisted is cool and have a tendency to parrot ideas popularized on the Internet, like 'Get a job and you lose!' and the like. They claim they were fans of popular authors 'before they got famous.' They disparage things everyone else loves and applaud the obscure. What's more, they look down on their fellow nerds. They wield twisted logic while simultaneously projecting an aura of having achieved a bizarre sort of enlightenment. In a word, they're dicks."

"... I'm a dick?" Hikigaya was speechless.

"Depends but don't worry, I'm not insulting you. This is called tough love."

"You didn't have to degrade me so much in front of a new member." He muttered and Hiratsuka-sensei simply chuckled looking back at me, "You wouldn't mind being friends with Hikigaya right, Aomine?"

"I would be glad to," I extended a hand towards him and Hikigaya seemed surprised, he looked at me suspiciously before shaking my hand.

"See! I told you it would be fun."

Hikigaya seemed to mutter something to himself which both I and Sensei ignored.

We reached the club door and Hiratsuka-sensei turned to me. "The club leader is a bit cold but she's a nice girl." Hikigaya made an exaggerated face at that which prompted another glare from Sensei.

She ignored him and continued, "Don't take her words to heart and state your request once I'm gone. I hope you enjoy your time here."

Saying that she left both Hikigaya and me alone in front of the door. But only a few steps after she turned her head, "Ah by the way you said you wanted a club that had the members working together right? This club does exactly that. Enjoy."

With that, she disappeared.

"She's certainly quirky," I commented and Hikigaya brightened at my comment.

"Isn't she? Such a pain in the ass, trying to insert herself everywhere even when unnecessary."

I nodded and he seemed happy I wasn't disagreeing with him.

Hikigaya then looked at the door and sighed.

He slid the door open and I was greeted by quite a beautiful sight.

A girl was reading a book in the slanting rays of the setting sun. Flawless visage. Flowing black hair. She was simply gorgeous.

"Were you so anxious to win that you brought a request with you?" She looked at Hikigaya with complete disdain.

The air of a superior looking down on a janitor. That was the feeling I got looking at the interaction between them.

"I wonder why you're so conceited to make assumptions while fully believing them. Wouldn't it be embarrassing for you if I were to say this guy is completely unrelated to our bet?"

Despite his lengthy rebuttal Yukinoshita simply ignored him and turned to me. Her voice was weirdly cold as if she were forcing it. "You are?"

"I'm Aomine Daiki, a student of Class 2-F. A new member of this club. Hiratsuka-sensei told me I could join."

"Huh? She's really dumping all her problems here…" she whispered to herself before glaring at me, "Why'd you leave your previous club to join ours? Do you even know what we do?"

Hikigaya seemed to be somewhat amused as he sat down in his seat while looking at us, as if glad he found another partner in dealing with this girl.

"I was bullied in the Basketball Club so I left. I also have trouble making any friends so I asked Sensei to find a club that had few members who cooperated with each other." I paused and looked at her deeply, "I'm sorry if I'm troubling you."

Perhaps because of my situation Yukino's lips twitched. Her eyes very faintly softened as she stopped questioning me. "Alright, take a seat."

I sat down in between Hikigaya and Yukino. Neither minded my seating position.

Yukino turned her head towards me and exclaimed, "Haves giving things to Have-nots out of the goodness of their hearts is known as volunteering. Giving aid to developing nations, running soup kitchens for the homeless, and letting unpopular guys talk to girls… Lending a helping hand to people in need. That is what this club does."

"A volunteer group that helps others solve their problems, is that it?" I asked curiously and Yukino's lips twitched once again.

"Exactly! Spot on!" Hikigaya proclaimed as if happy with how simply I had condensed her explanation.

Yukino turned her attention back to Hikigaya. "As for you, stop slouching. You're setting a bad example."

Hikigaya sighed but didn't bother to correct his posture. "Yes, Your Highness."

Interesting duo.

"You must be really kind, Yukino-san. I mean someone like you seems popular so leaving your friend group and deciding to help people is really admirable."

Yukino was stunned by the sudden praise but her eyes instantly transformed into a glare as Hikigaya started laughing.

"Friends… hahahaha…"

I made a confused face as Yukino replied.

"You can ignore him, Aomine-kun. Creepy rotten-eyed loners like him are weird and it's better to keep your distance from people like this."

"Hmph! Don't act all saintly, why don't you tell him the truth?"

"What truth?"

"The truth is that no one is friends with a snarky and arrogant girl like you. You're no different than me." Hikigaya seemed to be vexed by Yukino's attitude.

Yukino wasn't fazed by his remark, "I seem to understand now. You seem to be equating inability to make friends and not wanting friends. This is the stark difference between an inferior being like you and me."

"Yeah right…." Hikigaya couldn't be bothered to respond and simply slumped back into his seat.

Coincidentally, at the same time, someone else entered the room.

"Yahallo!"