Now, You Miss Me.

31.

With her meeting with Dante postponed, Serenity arranged to meet with Clagen first. Anna, the caretaker, was already aware of this meeting for the castle renovations.

“The castle renovations will be discussed first between Lord Clagen and myself, and then we will submit the decisions to you for approval, Miss Serenity. Today, you and Lord Clagen need to decide on the overall atmosphere of the castle.”

Anna was in charge of the repairs and materials for the old rooms in the castle. Serenity had the chance to think about how to change the old atmosphere of the castle. Anna had asked for Serenity’s help, admitting that her own taste might be outdated compared to current trends and the preferences of the contemporary nobility.

“This is the list of items you need to choose today. Lord Clagen will assist you with your selections.”

“Yes, I understand.”

Anna handed Serenity the list, which included curtains, bedding, and artworks to hang in each room.

“You may choose the artworks at the upcoming festival. Each gallery will be showcasing their best works, so the quality will be excellent.”

“A festival?”

“Yes, it’s an annual festival held between spring and summer in Artera. Artists display their works on the streets, perform music, and captivate the people. It’s one of my favorite days of the year.”

Anna’s gentle voice and smile conveyed her sincere affection for the festival.

‘Will Adele’s brother be participating?’

Serenity thought of Paber, who had been sketching by the lakeside, and nodded. It would be enjoyable to see other artworks, and it seemed like a good opportunity for her as well.

“Lord. Clagen will accompany you throughout the day, but…”

Anna hesitated, looking troubled. She then gave Serenity a stern warning.

“It would be wise not to get too close to Lord Clagen, Miss Serenity.”

Serenity was surprised.

It was the first time someone openly spoke ill of Clagen.

‘Clagen hasn’t been rude to Anna, has he?’

Serenity was curious about why Anna was warning her against Clagen.

“May I ask why?”

“Lord Clagen hides his emotions well and is naturally adept at winning people over. I’m afraid you might get hurt, Miss Serenity.”

“Me?”

Anna had a precise understanding of Clagen.

‘Is it her long experience as a caretaker?’

But it was an unnecessary concern.

“That won’t happen.”

Serenity shook her head.

“He is quick to understand people and knows how to use that to his advantage. That’s why I’m cautioning you.”

Anna’s honest opinion clearly showed she was on Serenity’s side. If Serenity had not lived as Julie Liv, this advice would have been invaluable.

‘If I had someone like Anna, perhaps I could have avoided the cycle of giving everything, hoping, being disappointed, and getting hurt repeatedly.’

Serenity felt a pang of bitterness.

* * *

Clagen, well-dressed, greeted Serenity. His elegant attire was his usual workwear. He looked as if he were sculpted from glass, an intellectual man.

Clagen’s golden hair gleamed brightly. His blue eyes, gazing at Serenity, sparkled like jewels.

“You’ve arrived.”

“Yes, let’s get to work.”

Serenity didn’t ask about his well-being. Clagen, amused by her businesslike attitude, guided her to the carriage. He expected this treatment, but it was always refreshing to see Serenity’s manner.

‘Such open hostility, quite unlike Julie.’

But the connection with Julie seemed credible. Knowing so much about her, and occasionally, Serenity’s actions reminded him of Julie. Despite their different demeanors, Serenity often evoked memories of Julie.

Serenity and Clagen boarded the carriage, sitting diagonally, avoiding direct eye contact.

Serenity focused on the view outside the window.

“You seem to prefer the scenery over my face,” Clagen joked, laughing.

Serenity closed her eyes, disliking the idea of doing what Clagen suggested.

Upon arriving at the shop, Serenity and Clagen disembarked while the coachman waited. The shop owner, standing outside with an eager expression, immediately bowed deeply when Serenity alighted. Her visit seemed to bring immense joy.

“Thank you for coming, Miss Serenity! It’s an honor to show you my work!”

“It’s nothing.”

“It really is. I can’t express how happy I am that you’re here.”

“…”

Serenity, overwhelmed by the continuous thanks, felt almost embarrassed. Clagen, observing her flustered demeanor, smiled. Her contrasting reactions to him and others were amusing.

‘She reminds me of Julie in moments like these.’

Her tone, gestures, and even the way she seemed flustered by others’ kindness mirrored Julie.

“Let’s go inside.”

Clagen gently interrupted the owner’s praise.

“I’d like to look at the products.”

“Of course, please come in.”

Serenity, relieved, entered the shop. Inside, various types of curtains hung, showcasing a wide range of colors and textures.

“You can choose different ones for each season. Please select the colors you prefer. Do you have a favorite color?”

“A favorite color…”

‘A favorite color of mine.’

Serenity pondered.

Answering questions about herself was always difficult. Learning about her own preferences was unfamiliar territory.

But she didn’t dislike it.

“These are sorted by color. Please choose the shade you like, and I’ll match the fabric according to the season.”

There were curtains in every color, from red to bright yellow to blue.

“I’ll take this one.”

Clagen’s eyes widened briefly at Serenity’s choice, a slight smile flickering and then vanishing. He remained expressionless, knowing Serenity disliked pretentiousness.

Serenity’s first choice was an olive green curtain. It wasn’t too dark or too light; the green hue felt calming, which she liked.

“A splendid choice.”

The shopkeeper left briefly to fetch a book of fabrics to show Serenity various textures for each season.

Clagen, who had been quietly waiting beside Serenity, spoke up.

“You have the same favorite color as Julie.”

“…”

Taken aback by the unexpected comment, Serenity was momentarily speechless. Clagen continued, explaining as if he understood her surprise.

“When she attended the salon, she often ended up wearing green dresses, if not at first, then always by the end.”

“I heard she never chose her dresses.”

“She seemed more accustomed to not getting what she wanted. But seeing her always gravitate towards green, I understood.”

Serenity was surprised that Clagen knew about a preference even she was unaware of. She had expected Clagen to know her character, but not to this extent.

Clagen spoke softly, almost hinting.

“It seems you didn’t know. Julie didn’t tell you everything, did she?”

“You didn’t hear that directly from Julie, did you?”

“Sometimes seeing is more accurate than hearing. Especially for someone like me, who’s quick to notice things.”

“…”

Serenity was again at a loss for words.

The shopkeeper returned, handing Serenity the book of fabrics. Serenity clutched it tightly.

“Then you must have known well.”

This confirmed it for her. Clagen’s keen perception would never miss it, especially not now.

“What do you mean?”

“How desperate Julie was.”

Now it was Clagen who was at a loss for words. His hand, which was reaching for another book the shopkeeper handed him, hesitated in mid-air.

“You knew so well and yet you used her. Or maybe because you knew so well, you were able to use her. Just like you now, Lord Clagen.”

Serenity’s voice was calm. It felt more like stating a fact than expressing emotion.

“I admit that using Julie was wrong.”

“…”

“I also admit that there was an intention from the start. But it wasn’t always that way. This isn’t an excuse, but my true feelings.”

Serenity let out a bitter laugh.

“And that’s not an excuse?”

Could his initial deceit be changed by later sincerity? No.

Serenity had no way of knowing when his attitude shifted from falsehood to sincerity.

Clagen fell silent again, pondering his response. His grip tightened on the book, the veins on his hand standing out. After a moment, he exhaled and spoke.

“It is an excuse. But I only did what I knew. I’m used to being used and using others.”

“…”

“My parents taught me that, and so did my friends. I never fully trusted that someone I had known for such a short time would genuinely care for me.”

The ever-present confident smile vanished from Clagen’s face, revealing his true self.

“Miss Serenity, I’m worse than anyone Julie has ever known, but that’s the only way I’ve known to survive. There’s no excuse for that.”

The always imposing Clagen suddenly seemed small.

‘…Strange feeling.’

Clagen, now with a somber expression, handed Serenity the book. He shrugged.

“If I talk too much, I’ll only lose more points. I’ll restrain myself.”

Clagen naturally shifted back to discussing the fabric choices, recommending thicker materials for winter. Serenity quickly refocused on the book.

This conversation had given her a deeper, albeit conflicted, understanding of Clagen.