Chapter 1
I thought I lived quite well.
Well, how well could it be? From when I entered elementary school, I did well in both studies and sports.
As a result, I was surrounded by friends, and that scenery remained unchanged through middle and high school.
Once my grades came out, I gritted my teeth and studied harder, eventually hitting the jackpot during the college entrance exam, getting into one of the top engineering universities in Seoul.
Though the university I entered was tougher than I expected due to the intense assignments and classes, I think I managed to enjoy it in my own way.
Going on MTs, hanging out with my department’s people, pulling all-nighters on assignments with friends… I’d say I’m at least in the top 1%.
But why?
I looked into the mirror.
Long black hair, black eyes, a small face, and cherry-like lips.
Have I shrunk about 10 cm from my original height? Yet ironically, the clothes I’m wearing fit my body perfectly.
“Ah.”
A delightful, no, incredibly pleasant voice flowed from my lips.
“Oh.”
That voice was so good it made me involuntarily gasp.
“Hmmm…”
I crossed my arms, intentionally making sounds, wanting to hear it more.
“Is this a dream?”
I woke up and found myself turned into a woman.
And not just any woman, but a very pretty one with a fantastic voice.
***
It’s embarrassing, but I once dived deep into lucid dreaming.
In my foolish adolescent fantasies, I tried to fulfill my creepy desires in my dreams.
But thanks to that experience, I knew several ways to check if this was a dream, and I tried all the tricks I knew, only to conclude that this state must be reality.
“I’m losing it. What is this?”
And the strangest part was that despite this room clearly being mine, it felt oddly different.
My wardrobe wasn’t full of my male clothes but packed with women’s attire, and I was even wearing women’s underwear.
Is someone messing with my brain? In this nonsensical situation, I quickly unlocked my phone to check various things.
“Ha… what the hell?”
Where did all my male friends go? They were completely gone, and in their place were conversations with girls I’ve never seen before yet felt strangely familiar with.
Moreover, the group chat that should say [S University Computer Science Class of 22] had changed to [G University Design Class of 22].
“Ahhh! Damn it!”
As soon as I saw that, curses spilled out of my mouth uncontrollably.
Did I just lose the chance to attend S University’s computer science department, which I worked hard to get into while bleeding from my nose during my senior year?
No way, this has to be a dream, right?
The profile picture on my KakaoTalk, which once showed me with friends, had turned into a photo of a woman wearing a black hat, sleep pants, and holding a can of beer on the side of a convenience store.
…Looking at it like this, she’s really pretty.
She has that strong early-to-mid-20s beauty vibe, but thinking of it as my face calmed the anger that was bubbling inside me.
And then.
“Ugh…”
A sharp headache assaulted me as unfamiliar memories flooded into my mind.
“Ah, ah…! Agh!”
The headache was so intense that I stumbled to the bed, collapsing, and when I opened my eyes again, a vast store of memories resided in my head.
“Damn, I was a guy? No, am I a woman?”
I was in a complete state of confusion.
***
I don’t know which one is original, but I was male.
Now, I’m a woman.
It would be too easy to dismiss one side as a delusion; both are vividly clear, with the male memories being even more pronounced, yet now I reside in a female body, so there’s a rough balance.
My name is still Kim Soo-hyun.
I went to the same schools as before, elementary through high school.
The difference is that the paths have diverged a bit?
So this world’s Kim Soo-hyun, the female version, was what you would call… that otaku? A total nerd? About that much.
I might look like I’d chew gum and have a tattoo, but I got through school rather normally. To be precise, I was somewhat of a social butterfly who bridged the gap between the typical girls and the otaku girls.
After all, girls tend to like strong sisters, don’t they? It’s a bit questionable to say out loud, but from the perspective of the boys, she was someone they could never confess to, while from the girls’ perspective, she was more of a cute friend one wanted to get close to rather than a rival.
So I guess it led to having no romantic experiences. Is that a good thing?
If I had romantic experiences with boys, perhaps the male side of me would be nauseated.
…Does that mean I’m not going to date for life?
Putting those thoughts aside, the problems at hand, aside from becoming a woman, are two.
One is that I can’t do the new design major I’ve switched into.
I remember it, but I was originally someone far from anything related to design.
So, how should I put it? If my original state was black paint, it feels as though white paint has come in, turning it grey? I tried it as a trial, but compared to the skills of the female Soo-hyun in my memories, my designs came out poorly.
It might improve with practice, but, well… it seems I have no desire to do this, as I don’t have the intention to pursue design.
The other issue is that my friends have changed?
Fortunately, my parents are the same, but rather than my original friends, completely different girls have crowded into my KakaoTalk.
While I didn’t have female friends, these different ones… No, the friends I just knew by name or had a few conversations with from school have become my close friends.
[Hyejeong: What are you doing!]
Even now, look, a message has come.
Hyejeong… in my male memories, she was just a girl from my class, but in the memories of Kim Soo-hyun, the female version, she’s actually a fun, loyal, and all-around good friend.
For now, I put off my response and searched for a cigarette to clear my confused mind.
“Eh, what’s this?”
But looking in my coat and on my desk, there were no cigarettes to be found, and I suddenly recalled that female Kim Soo-hyun didn’t smoke.
In my male form, I learned to smoke as a freshman, but female Kim Soo-hyun hadn’t learned.
“Sorry. But since it’s my body, it shouldn’t matter, right?”
Guess I have no choice. I have to go buy some.
Who said addiction is a matter of the brain, anyway?
Now that I think about it, no, addiction is a matter of the heart.
Throwing on a coat and pulling down a black cap, I headed outside.
Fortunately, my studio apartment was in the same location as when I was a guy, so I knew my way around, and now that I’ve shrunk to about 170 cm, I walked through the surrounding scenery from a strange viewpoint and spotted the convenience store right away.
‘Isn’t this a cliché?’
At that moment, a scene from female Kim Soo-hyun’s memories surfaced.
The protagonist, transformed into a woman, visits a convenience store, and the clerk is startled by her appearance…
Wait, why did she watch something like that?
Tsundere? Hopeless romantic stories? I clicked my tongue at female Kim Soo-hyun, who must have indulged in those genres.
‘Honestly, to an insane degree.’
Also, she’s delved into various mangas, animes, and even Japanese VTubers, to the point where she hasn’t missed a single corner of that otaku world.
She even got into drawing while reading anime during middle school.
It feels somewhat like Kim Soo-hyun’s dark evolution?
Is “dark evolution” the right term?
When I compare the lives of male Kim Soo-hyun to female Kim Soo-hyun, I’d throw in my lot with male Kim Soo-hyun’s life, however…
Having watched Japanese anime since elementary school, delving into light novels in middle school, and enjoying VTubers in high school, it seems like female Kim Soo-hyun had a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.
Well, with looks like this, it’s hard to imagine she wouldn’t.
While I was lost in thought, I arrived at the convenience store, secretly anticipating the clerk’s reaction as I opened the door.
Who was the clerk here again? From my memories, I think it was just an ordinary guy…
‘Oh…’
“Welcome!”
Contrary to my expectations, the clerk was a girl.
And not just any girl, but a very pretty young female clerk.
“Ah, yes, hello. I’ll have one Mild Seven, please.”
She seemed shorter than me, with warm and inviting vibes, a stark contrast to the cool feline look associated with female Kim Soo-hyun.
“Sure~ Could you please show me your ID?”
“Here it is. Oh, and can I also have a lighter?”
Her cheerful smile was just as pretty, and if I were male Kim Soo-hyun, my heart would be racing, even thinking about her long after going home.
But what… now that I’m a woman, right?
I exchanged polite remarks, collected my cigarettes, and stepped outside.
“Whew… cough! Ack!”
As soon as I got out of the convenience store, I lit up a cigarette and took a big puff, but because it was my first time, my throat tightened, and tears sprang up.
“Cough! Crap! Ow…”
The taste had abruptly dropped, so I tossed the butt on the ground and shoved the cigarette roughly into my pocket.
“Damn… cough! Ow…”
‘Gotta take it slow.’
Otherwise, I might as well quitting entirely. Mumbling in frustration, I returned home.
The outside air felt quite chilly, and as I stepped inside, warm air wrapped around my body.
[Hyejeong]
By the time I got home and lay on the bed, my phone vibrated with a message.
“…”
Lee Hyejeong.
She’s a pretty student who knows how to dress up, a friend of female Kim Soo-hyun.
She’s also a G University student like myself, and evidently, she’s in dance.
After mentally organizing how I usually treated Hyejeong, I answered the call.
“Hello?”
[Su-hyun~]
The moment I picked up, a high-pitched, lively voice hit my ears.
But strangely enough, it didn’t feel awkward.
“What’s up?”
[Do you need a reason to call?]
“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
I found it hard to understand how calling should need a reason, but it seemed to make sense from female Kim Soo-hyun’s memories.
[By the way, why didn’t you check your KakaoTalk yesterday?]
Yesterday?
As I pulled out my phone and checked the time, I noticed the date had changed.
“Ah, I think I was tired and slept all day.”
It seems I lost consciousness after gaining the memories of female Kim Soo-hyun for quite a while. Realizing that made me gradually feel hungry.
[You slept all day?? What were you doing yesterday??]
“Yesterday? Um… I couldn’t sleep, so I did a bunch of things and stayed up late.”
[You probably watched anime or read novels, didn’t you? Honestly, is that stuff really fun?]
…What kind of life did female Kim Soo-hyun live? But given the many debts in her memory, I can’t wonder how she still has friends.
I actually wondered why she still had friends at all; she seemed like quite the hermit.
[Did you eat?]
“No, not yet.”
[Then why don’t you come out? Let’s grab some food.]
“Okay. What are we having?”
Even though I said it wanting to get close, a surprised noise came from the other end.
[What? For real? No backing out?]
“Hmm? Where are you?”
I can see why she’d react like that. Female Kim Soo-hyun usually found any excuse not to go out, even for something as simple as eating together in the neighborhood.
[I’m at home. I’ll get ready, so come out in 30 minutes!]
Home? Oh, if it’s Hyejeong’s house, it’s nearby. It makes sense that we don’t eat out more often.
She said to come out in 30 minutes, so what should I do in the meantime?
After a moment of pondering, I opened my phone to recall what female Kim Soo-hyun typically did.
Watching anime… reading novels… um…
An odd point was that the female Kim Soo-hyun had watched everything from shoujo to shounen without discrimination.
She even frequented online communities, thankfully not focused on a specific interest but more of a quiet observer.
On top of that, she used social media a bit too.
While she didn’t post frequent pictures on Instagram, she mainly interacted on the platform “Blue Bird,” which has a reputation for being harmful.
Having spent so long cooped up at home, she probably tried anything out of boredom.
‘…Then should I just go outside?’
Based on female Kim Soo-hyun’s memories, she didn’t seem to have any traumas preventing her from going out and had a good time back when she did. She simply didn’t go out.
Seems she was just the introverted type.
Well, frankly, it’s not hard to understand.
‘I read manga too.’
Back in middle school, I read a few volumes at a comic shop when an older guy took me there. Even as an adult, I sometimes visited manga cafes.
There’s a wide variety of things to enjoy at home.
If male Kim Soo-hyun primarily read black-and-white comics from the 90s and 00s, female Kim Soo-hyun focused on the latest animation—a bit of a generational gap in taste?
‘We’re the same age though.’
Anyway, while I was lost in thought, I entered the “Blue Bird” app installed on female Kim Soo-hyun’s phone.
The majority was just illustrations from posts, but female Kim Soo-hyun’s drawing skills were undoubtedly impressive. So much that she garnered quite a few likes, comments, and shares.
According to female Kim Soo-hyun’s memories, receiving this kind of attention was really welcomed.
And the next thing I found…
“…Hmm.”
There were traces of a heated argument with a user who had a Sailor Moon profile pic.
-Aren’t we just commodifying young women too much?
ㄴ Your mom, haha
ㄴ Don’t you have any upbringing? Why use insults?
ㄴ Your mom lol
ㄴ Sigh, it’s because of this you get criticized
ㄴ I’m a woman, though? Just like your mom, haha
ㄴ Pffft
…Seems more like random insults than an argument?
It seems female Kim Soo-hyun took pride in her artwork. Normally, she only posted art, but the only time she ever ended up writing was when someone disrespected her work.
It’s no surprise…
[Artisan who disses those who disparage her work.jpg]
That kind of thread spread on Blue Bird, and female Kim Soo-hyun proudly kept a screenshot of it.
While I momentarily thought about this confusing woman named Kim Soo-hyun, I realized I was running out of time and hastily applied some basic makeup before heading outside.
…I intended to just go out, but the memories of female Kim Soo-hyun suddenly tugged at my ankle.
Dressed simply in a grey hoodie and black slacks, I stepped outside and spotted Hyejeong walking towards me from a distance.
She looked stylish in an ordinary white T-shirt and blue jeans, topped off with a beige cardigan, and waved her hands energetically when she saw me.
“Soo-hyun!”
Had it been during my male years, that nickname would have earned her a punch, but now it didn’t feel much at all.
“Hyejeong, you’re early.”
I waved back casually, and immediately noticed Hyejeong’s confused facial expression.
Oh no, was that too stiff? To be sure, our different sexes confirmed this.
“Again, are you using what you learned from the internet?”
Aha, female Kim Soo-hyun seems harsher and more straightforward than I thought.
As I recalled those memories, female Kim Soo-hyun loved to stay home but wasn’t shy at all.
If anything, she had a candor like Kim K-Cola’s personality?
Plus, she was a very pretty girl, knew how to dress well, and had a lovely voice.
No wonder she maintained friendships despite not going out much.
As we walked side by side, I caught sight of my reflection in the window.
Even though I was casually dressed in pants and a hoodie, it looked remarkably fashionable, like an airport photo of a celebrity.
Seems my abilities and tendencies are working separately?
Had I had a personality that preferred going out over staying in, I might be living a truly astonishing social life by now?
“So what are we eating?”
“How about that?”
At Hyejeong’s question about what to eat, I absentmindedly pointed to a pig’s blood soup restaurant that had been my go-to place back when I was male.
In an instant, I panicked a bit, but Hyejeong nodded her head.
“Sure, it’s been a while since we had soup!”
Thank goodness she liked pig’s blood soup too.
Ding~
Hearing the familiar sound of the bell, we entered the restaurant, which had a nice, clean wooden decor.
“Welcome! How many people are you?”
“Two, please.”
As I sat down and browsed the menu, I ordered the special pig’s blood soup I always used to get.
“Pig’s blood soup special, please.”
“Yes~”
“Can you really finish that?”
As Hyejeong questioned my special order, I furrowed my brows for a moment before realizing: Of course, there would be a significant difference in eating capacity between a girl and a guy.
Furthermore, I had gone from being a solidly built adult male to someone slender.
“Just a little hungry.”
After all, I hadn’t eaten for almost a whole day. Surely I could manage that much?
“I’m fine with a normal portion.”
Having placed my order, we chatted until the food arrived. Female Kim Soo-hyun was inherently a homebody with not much to discuss, and since I couldn’t talk about my past male experiences, I simply listened to Hyejeong share her stories.
“Did you hear what Yoon-jae said? He told me…”
The Yoon-jae she was mentioning is Hyejeong’s boyfriend. They’ve been dating since high school after meeting at a cram school, so it’s been about five years now?
While I was intrigued hearing about various tales—school-related incidents, project troubles, or when she dealt with difficult customers at work—my phone began to vibrate.
Beeep~ Beeep~
Seeing an unknown number, I hesitated for a moment but answered the call, and a young man’s voice came through the phone.
[Is this Kim Soo-hyun’s phone?]
“Who is this?”
[Ah, it’s me, class president Kim Chae-hoon. Why didn’t you show up today?]
Kim Chae-hoon? G University is not the same college male Kim Soo-hyun attended, so I had to rely on female Kim Soo-hyun’s memory.
Trying to recall the mundane memories of university life, he appeared just as a loud guy with blonde hair.
“Ah, I couldn’t make it because I was tired.”
[Tired? What were you doing yesterday?]
I mumbled a vague response, planning to brush off the school issue and think about it after I woke up, but this dude was persistent.
Were we this close? In my memories, we were merely distant acquaintances, yet asking if this was Kim Soo-hyun implies he must have been reaching out to me for the first time today.
“Who?”
At that moment, Hyejeong, observing the phone call closely, asked.
“Class President.”
“Your major?”
“Indeed.”
I replied to Hyejeong, before hanging up, and what I saw was Hyejeong staring at me with an astonished look.
“What’s up?”
“Is it okay to just hang up with a guy like that?”
“Oh, I was thinking of dropping out anyway.”
“What??”
Dropping out as soon as I saw the design department?
The university was definitely not the same caliber as the one I originally attended, and the major was one I neither cared for nor had the ability to excel in.
For some reason, I felt a strong assurance that I would live the rest of my life in this body.
If that’s the case, shouldn’t I quickly revise my life plan?
I’m still only 21. I haven’t even been to the army yet.
Truthfully, it feels like… I can do whatever.
“Well then, what will you do?”
“I don’t know… maybe I’ll just study again?”
“You?”
The memories surged back to me, and as I thought about studying for the college entrance exam again, nausea swelled within.
“Yeah, I guess repeating studies sounds pretty terrifying.”
“Right? And you’re going to be doing internet broadcasting, right? What’s happening with that?”
“What?”
Internet broadcasting?
That was news to me. As I tilted my head, certain memories surfaced.
Typically, I watched VTubers in my room and felt drawn by the prospect of sponsorship income.
Though I loved staying in, I wasn’t shy and seemed to have some drive.
I bought a microphone, facial cam, and even an avatar.
What?
Did I really buy those?
I opened my phone and went on Coupang to see the delivery set for today’s dinner.
I was so caught up in recalling past memories, that I just realized the update on recent memories had slipped my mind.
“What do you mean? Didn’t you say you applied for the audition and everything?”
“I did??”
“What? Were you drunk back then?”
“No… Audition… yeah, I did, didn’t I?”
…Where was this all leading to? I wanted to grab my aching head and scream, but for a brief moment, a wild thought crossed my mind.
Honestly, female Kim Soo-hyun had a pretty amazing voice. Even while speaking, I found myself admiring it since it still felt new.
Moreover, I was male, and female Kim Soo-hyun is deeply immersed in the charismatic otaku industry.
So, I couldn’t help but consider it.
I trembled over the mad idea of me becoming that.
When I thought of past female Kim Soo-hyun’s memories in genres where a male transforms into a female, the protagonist almost always ended up doing internet broadcasting.
“Hah… Hyejeong.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I think I figured out what I want to do moving forward.”
“What?? What do you mean?”
“I want to be an idol.”
And not just any idol, but a 2D world idol.