Not ABOUT NOW

 I lay on my bed, my heart heavy in weary. The incident that happened this afternoon stayed green in my head. I pressed my thighs together recalling it but winced with a long sad hiss due to the pain. It was because of this that I feigned weakness. Mum had to bring my food to me on the bed. I found it hard to look her direct in the eyes after the shameful act i committed.

A whimper escaped my lips as the memories of my conversion with mum made its way into my mind. She was educating me on sex and why I should never engage in them. During one of the converse, I remembered asking her if someone like my age back when I was 13 and had my first menstruation could produce eggs. She laughed but replied nevertheless that those eggs could be fertilized if sperm finds it. Noticing my confusion, she explained further that males produce spams instead of eggs and they caused a woman to get pregnant. I was terrified hearing it. I asked her if someone as old as me or Daniel produced them and she answered that both can.

 "But sweetheart doesn't mean you shouldn't play with your brother, He knows you're his sister and won't ever think of it. Nevertheless never I mean ever let yourself fall a Victim of sexual intercourse Of your age. These things are for adults and I mean married couples not little kids like you, hmm? If you get involved in it, it comes with lot of consequences, including harsh emotional damage. I don't want you being in that shoe, I want my little girl happy, not depressed." She said, cupping my cheeks.

That wasn't the only time she spoke to me about it. As I grew older, I started feeling embarrassed when she spoke to me about it but I trusted myself to my core never to disappoints her. I made a promise to her right were she was with me that l would never do any of the sort but here I was lying so depressed on my bed with the promise I made to my mother broken.

I quickly wiped the tears that slipped out of my tear duets with shaky fingers, My room Seemed darker, the Sound of my digital clock louder than it should, Then I heard my door creak open, exposing the head of my brother

 "Still awake? He asked but stepped in before i responded. Switching on the light, he forced a smile on as he glanced my way.

 "What do you want?" I asked in the most normal voice i could muster. He dragged the plastic chair on steel legs close to my bed, his Elbows rested, on his knees and his fingers intertwined together.

 Sighing, he shock his head." Umm... I know that i've been hard on you these past few months, I - I was just being on the lookout for you I know what I did and you were right to call those girls innocent because they weren't wrong falling for me. I was a jerk playing their heart like a game. I'm trying, i'm trying so hard to stop. It's just this hard." He said, running his hand over his hair and down his face 

 I stared at him with so much emotion whirling through me. "Those girls. Did they lose something to you? "I asked but he got confused. 

 "How many of them did you sleep with? I asked, my eyes starting to water. 

 He quickly licked his lips, his eyes to the ground. "from my senior high school, it's been only six, nothing more than that. I usually didn't keep a girl for too long. These days i don't really do it as before. When I noticed you liked that guy, I was scared you'd end up like the girls. Maybe I was too hard on you, perhaps he was a good guy after all. Nothing like me".

 Once he said that, the tears i've been suppressing fell out but my brother was quick to catch it before I could hide it. He furrowed his eyebrows in concern and suspicion. 

 "What did I say wrong?" He asked but i quickly wiped away my tears, holding my bedsheets to myself.

"What did he say to you? " He asked, but I was not willing to say anything. Grabbing my shoulders, he shook me to speak. "What the hell did he say to you?! " He said within clenched teeth. 

 "He didn't say anything, please me leave alone. Go away. "I pleaded, the freely falling heavier than they were. tears freely 

 "Not until you say something." He said. pulling me up to sit. I winced involuntary, David paused, staring at the bedsheet over my legs. He released me, taking a step back. "What did he do to you? He asked in a calm malignant tone. I was scared to speak.

 "Talk to me. What did thet bastard do to you!? "He grabbed my shoulder again, talking through gritted teeth. With no reply from me apart from whimpering, he got the answer he needed. He slammed his fist against the bed close to me causing me to jerk

 "I warned you Talia. I did. Why you fall my hands now? I didn't believe you to be fucking stupid but you are, you are you hear me?!" I sniffled, my face wet with tears. All I remember was how excruciating painful the experience was, it was nothing compared to the kisses he tricked me with.

 David breathed to calm himself. "Okay did you use protection?," He asked. 

 "He-he said he did, "I answered meekly. 

 "He said? And did you check?" He asked again but I didn't he asked again but I didn't answer 

 He put his hands at the back of his head

 "He wouldn't let me go even when I pleaded, "I said amidst tears.

 "But you still let him in so that's one and the same thing. You fucked up sis". With that he stormed out of the room leaving me to wallow in my pain alone.