No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode 25

Ryuseong is not a good person. He cannot forgive you for ruining the world.

He cannot do that. 

However, thanks to being the head of the Hanra faction, he was able to admire goodness and developed the belief that he could kill monsters but not humans, a conviction he did not lose despite all the hardships he faced before the regression.

But when facing you,

‘Everything I had crumbles.’

You destroyed his world. You ruined it, trampled it, mocked it, and insulted it. You scorned his affection atop the corpses of everything he loved. He may not have cared about his own death, but he cannot forgive you for destroying the world. What was the first thing he resolved to do when he regressed?

He vowed to kill you.

From the countless tragedies that unfolded after graduating the academy, the bitter war with monsters – even in the midst of that, you shamelessly destroyed his conviction to avoid killing humans at all costs. That’s how you ruined his goodness.  

And yet, he still admired goodness, and knew to draw the line – he could not kill you now when you were still innocent and had committed no crime.  

Until you gave birth to destruction, he would not kill you. And he would become your watcher. 

That was his resolve, but…

“…You bastard. You ruined me.”  

Why do you seduce him? Why do you break down his efforts to uphold goodness and shatter his restraints…

‘To make me want you.’

His desire was possession. Domination.

Not love.

The vulgar feeling of wanting to torment you, insult you, defile you, and ultimately kill you like you did. The arrogance of wanting to grasp your life or death in his hands.

But you cannot be possessed. That’s the kind of person you are. Rather than be dominated, you would die.

So he wants to kill you. Destroy you. He cannot resist being seduced by your gaze and foolishly submitting, so he wishes you were dead instead, unable to forgive himself.

So he states clearly:

Just as you cannot be possessed, he too is not someone who can offer himself to you. No, perhaps even more firmly than you, he cannot dedicate himself to you.

“It would be better if the world perished entirely……”

Even when he closes his eyes, your voice still echoes.

His virtuous friends died.  

How could he do the same?

Hae Yuna, Lee Hyang, and Shin Myohan, everyone from Hanra faction, the guild members, his father……

You killed them all. 

You led the black mist and incited the monsters to push humanity towards destruction.

They all died trying to save the world.  

You don’t know what he had to endure to avoid killing you.

He cannot kneel before you.  

He has shouldered too many lives. Faced too much death.

Too many lives you killed.

So he fears being seduced by you. He’s afraid of being captivated by someone unforgivable like you, to the point of abandoning everything. Therefore…

‘Would it not be easier if I killed you?’

The thought idly crossed his mind makes him despise himself to hell and back.

“…..”.

Ryuseong knew how far he could descend. He knew how ugly a person taking the name of ‘revenge’ could become. His conviction of not killing means simply ‘only’ not killing.

How despicable is someone who thinks they can punish a fellow human.

Death is a clean ending. But there are myriad drawn-out ways to torment the living.

Ryuseong did not want to desecrate humanity. He did not want to confirm his own baseness in that way. The moment of trampling your traumatized self was enough.

He had to draw a line again.

“…So I don’t kill you…”

The monster who once destroyed the world silently lies with closed eyes like a corpse.  

Faint traces of blood vessels under the eyelids.

Under that deathly pale skin must slumber bright azure eyes. Does your small mind still scheme to destroy the world?

But as the dim dawn glow touches your profile,

You seem so utterly defenseless.

Ryuseong relaxed the vice-like grip that made the white bones of his hand protrude. Remembering the soft draping feel of your robe, he slowly bowed his head and placed his ear to your chest.

He heard a heartbeat.

Ryuseong did not kill Cassice Demillang.  

He did not destroy the still-innocent embryo of a monster.

You were alive.

Only then did it seem he could sleep.

***

Waking at dawn, the first thing I checked was if anything untoward had happened, but it seemed not. 

I wonder, was that your conscience at work? Or were you simply waiting for me to make a move?

Happily finishing my shower, I blurted out a thought while looking at the full-length mirror without filter:

“My lips are chapped because of you. How will you take responsibility?” 

For some reason, the silently watching Ryuseong then approached me. Oh, planning another stern act? You must have enjoyed it too, right? It’s not like the nurse will walk in here. As I debated whether to close my eyes in anticipation, he just looked down at me without making a move.

It was no different from yesterday’s replay, so I immediately got the feeling.

This guy has no intention of kissing me. He just wants to stare, huh?

‘But is he going to space out right in front of me?’

Don’t mess with me, bastard.

“It’s not chapped, it’s swollen.”

“Regardless, you inflicted an injury on me, did you not? You must take responsibility.”

“If I monopolize you, I intend to take responsibility.”

“Haha, how interesting.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Not out of anger, but sheer disbelief.

Wasn’t that whole discussion over yesterday? 

You demanded ownership or monopolistic rights, and I refused. You said if I didn’t give exclusive rights, you’d only allow kissing, so I agreed.

You were clearly seduced.

‘Honestly, wasn’t what we did yesterday almost the whole deal anyway?’  

You said we’d only kiss, yet tried to go all the way in the end, didn’t you? I didn’t intend to let you take full control either.

After doing as you pleased, you bring up monopoly and exclusivity again?  

‘How should I treat this ungrateful bastard to get the rumor that I thoroughly broke him in?’

In the mirror, the angled illusion made it seem like our bodies were rather entwined, with me only in a robe adding an ambiguous vibe.

Our gazes meeting through the mirror made us look like lovers.  

But that was wrong. I have no intention of playing the romance game with Ryuseong or ceding control! If he kneels before me, sure I’ll indulge him, but seriously dating him? While roleplaying romance is possible, his eyes don’t seek that.

I can clearly tell that much.

“Don’t let it bruise your ego that you can’t have me. But I’m just not the type to settle down with one person, sorry.”

“…..”

But there is one thing I’m curious about Ryuseong.

At a glance, you don’t seem intent on dating me either, so what’s with this possessive desire? Of course, you don’t need love to want possession, but still.

They say even if you hate or despise someone, you can still want to pin them down and possess them.

‘Oh, so is that why those who scorned me were helplessly seduced?’    

It seemed a plausible hypothesis.

‘Then there’s a chance Ryuseong could also fall for me.’

This change in perspective brought a glimmer of hope. Right. A few more kisses to set the mood, then I’ll take the top position!  

But Ryuseong callously crushed my hopes with one sentence. As he started unbuttoning, making my heart race in anticipation, he suddenly draped his shirt over me and said:

“Indecent exposure.”

Hey, your abs are the bigger indecency here compared to my slim build, aren’t they? 

“And you, don’t even think about kissing me again.”

“Pardon?”

Wait a minute.

My ominous premonition came true. As Ryuseong put on a black robe over his bare torso, I grew flustered and anxiously cracked my knuckles.

“What do you mean? After all that happened before, why are you suddenly saying this?”

Right, you thoroughly ravaged me according to your desires, so what are you saying now? I even let you brutalize my lips, so what? Look in the mirror and tell me.  

Can’t you see? Right now, you’re looking at me with an almost predatory hunger to devour me whole. Those azure eyes burning bright like ghostly blue flames. While desiring me like that…..

“I don’t wish to debase myself any further.”

…Hey, hold on! What nonsense is that! After bruising my lips, how can you just say that! I couldn’t understand what he was talking about at all. When was he ever debased? If you want to debase yourself with me, just go ahead!  

I grabbed his wrist as he tried to leave, pulling him back to face me.

But the expression he wore was one I couldn’t comprehend.   

“……”

What kind of look is that? Is it anguished? Or joyful? He seemed like someone who had fulfilled something, yet also like he had lost everything. The only clear thing was the sheer density of emotion made hasty judgments impossible.  

Without realizing it, my grip went slack. I didn’t understand the words, but I could sense it – Ryuseong was serious. If I ignored his warning and entwined tongues, it felt like something would be ruined.  

I didn’t know what kind of pondering he went through alone, but he seemed solemn about it. Still, being who I am, I reflexively had this thought upon hearing his warning:  

‘…He’s really not going to be easily seduced, is he?’

And the second thought that followed:

‘Oh… what do I do? I really love the debased stuff……’

Confirming my personality level makes the protagonist’s life seem newly pitiful. The original was bleak enough, so how did someone like me end up possessing him and suffering through this?  

But I do tend to quickly tire of the obedient types who easily cede control. So in that sense, you refusing me oddly appealed to me.  

“Um, I humbly wish Ryuseong the best of luck?”

Fighting?