No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode 102

Adult Ryuseong was walking over, his whole body steaming, his eyes almost like those of a reaper from the netherworld. 

‘Holy shit.’

If I begged for my life now, would he spare me? But no matter if it’s fake, baby Ryuseong’s kiss was so cute. Should I just close my eyes tight and let him kiss me on the lips once before getting beaten up?

As soon as this thought occurred to me, I lowered my eyes and pretended I had never encountered the real one, but adult Ryuseong cruelly approached and grabbed baby Ryuseong by the scruff of the neck and threw him away brutally…!

“You, you…! What are you doing!”

“You’re the crazy one, aren’t you?”

“No, do you have to be so cruel to a little kid? I’m not crazy. You just have a nasty personality, don’t you?”

…Judging from the Cassice-like way of talking that’s not very good, it seems the Jeong Ian persona and imitating Cassice Demillang are still difficult to coexist.

Is it because I’ve become sincere in this world that I now find it difficult to easily bark like I did at the time of possession? 

Or is it because of that bastard Ryuseong, just because of that one thing, that the way I as a human being view the world has changed, like the humming of high tones and the warm and soft coloring of colored pencils, overflowing with endless brilliant light. They say beauty is incomparable, but those brutal eyes glaring fiercely at me now……

Should I be honest? I almost pissed myself. Fucking scary. Shit.

“That’s a monster! A demon! Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s human and warm! It will gently lure you in and devour you, I tell you!”

Come to think of it, I remember learning in class that named demons can pretend to be human. 

It’s difficult to distinguish who is a named demon, except they abnormally wish for their own deaths and dream of culling the human population.

So everyone was confused whether Ryuseong, rescued from the wilderness, was human or not. Fortunately, a shaman called Mansin read the unique name given to Ryuseong and settled the controversy. The shaman who read the handwriting of the World Tree engraved on the soul from birth was Shin Jeonghwa, the grandmother of Shin Myohan……

‘That must be the family that Cassice Demillang put in a request to exterminate vampires.’

Thinking about it, I felt determined to wrap up that job too.

But that’s not what’s important right now.

“You’re the one who needs to come to your senses! That kid looks exactly like you, so should I not be captivated and give in?!”

“What…?”

I shouted loudly and immediately knelt down on one knee in front of the growling little Ryuseong who had been thrown away again, lowering my body and smiling slightly as if to say it’s okay to approach slowly, reaching out my hand just a little.

Still, baby Ryuseong couldn’t let his guard down. 

Is it because he’s adorably cute?

“It’s okay. It’s alright.”

I know it’s irrational. There’s nothing good about getting attached to a demon. The best love a demon can give is obvious. I felt it earlier too. Baby Ryuseong will try to kill me by devouring me. Putting me in his stomach as meat will be the demon’s love. It will be an expression of becoming one. Still, just because that child looks like Ryuseong, and above all, just because he’s pretending to suppress his own desires……

I didn’t want to kill him right now. If someone asks, it might be different, but, well. At least for now.

I wanted to be with him a little longer. I know this is really stupid.

‘If I say it feels like embracing you when you were young, would you laugh?’

Fuck. I’m sorry for being stupid, Ryuseong.

But I sufficiently read in print that you suffered when you were young. And I empathized, resonated, projected myself, and came to love you as a character. That childhood appeared before me.

Isn’t this a bit too much? No matter what, this is too cruel to me who loves you.

But I can’t stop trying to reach out my hand. Just because it’s you.

Even if you try to devour me, it’s okay…

After looking at me sadly for a moment, Ryuseong gritted his teeth and growled, forcibly suppressing his temper.

“…It’s not approaching you because it’s being wary of me. It recognizes its own superior version.”

I narrowed my eyes, feeling unpleasant.

“Is that advice? Or a threat?”

“Please fix your temper. Don’t interpret what others say maliciously.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Handle it like an animal. Just hold the food in your hand like before… Don’t snatch it away or play around, just give it. That’s all you need to do.”

“That’s all I need to do?”

“Yes. That’s all.”

Ryuseong was speaking with a somewhat disturbed expression, and reading sincerity at that very point, I did as he said. I held jerky in my pale hands half-frozen from the cold and reached out to him. I thought it would be okay to feed him jerky now since I gave him bread before. And little Ryuseong, after watching adult Ryuseong warily, rushed towards my hand at a speed so desperate that it was hard for my eyes to keep up.

There was a fierce crunching sound. I couldn’t tell if he was chewing and swallowing the jerky or pushing it down his throat. When I was surprised and tried to control his eating speed by tightly gripping the end of the jerky, adult Ryuseong threw baby Ryuseong for some reason. For a very brief moment, in the fleeting scene, it seemed his even teeth were exposed between his teeth.

“What is it this time! Why do you keep throwing the child…!”

“There’s something like that. Just give the jerky again. This time, don’t stop.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Why do you keep throwing the child? It’s unpleasant so speak properly!”

“…Because no one knows that monster better than I do.”

When I looked at him demanding further explanation, Ryuseong gazed at little Ryuseong with sunken blue eyes. 

It was a gaze as dark and quiet as the deep sea.

“That monster might bite off and swallow your fingers. So don’t treat it softly.”

Only then did I realize that the teeth that had been briefly exposed were aiming not at the jerky but at the joints of my fingers.

“Don’t adore it or give it affection. If it’s because it resembles me, do that to me.”

“I’m already giving you devoted love.”

“Then why are you feeding that thing?”

As if understanding the nuance of the conversation, baby Ryuseong, who had only been growling without speaking, fiercely rushed at adult Ryuseong. Honestly, I couldn’t read a single moment of their confrontation. But I saw the result.

When I came to my senses, baby Ryuseong was brutally trampled by adult Ryuseong, with a knife stuck in his abdomen.

“…!”

My eyes widened, too shocked. But it seemed useless to express emotions at this point. I tried to smile neatly while suppressing the criticism of cruelty that was trying to burst out. Green blood was flowing from baby Ryuseong like a demon, and by this point, it seemed proven that adult Ryuseong could definitely control baby Ryuseong. That’s why I managed to ask.

“Mr. Ryuseong?”

And when I quietly called him, Ryuseong turned to look at me. Adult Ryuseong seemed to be trying to stop if I told him to stop. So, as if focusing only on my command like a loyal dog, but as if hoping I wouldn’t stop him, smiling a little sadly…

“You asked why I’m feeding it, right?”

Fortunately, Ryuseong nodded. And I spoke, thinking I don’t even know what I’m saying.

“The child says he’s hungry.”

Ryuseong looked at me as if he had been hit several times. A vulnerable expression rarely flashed across his face.

I thought maybe I might be like that too. There is an uncrossable river between a pink plastic spoon and a sand-covered corpse in the wilderness, but hunger, the stabbing hunger in the organs…

“I know what it’s like to be hungry.”

“…Cassice.”

“How can I do nothing?”

Ryuseong no longer focused on stabbing baby Ryuseong’s belly. He pulled out the bloody knife, shoved it haphazardly into the sheath, and walked straight to me.

I let my body surrender to his touch as he hugged me tightly with his long, thick arms, and slowly leaned my ear against his chest. The sound of his pounding heart pleasantly resonated through my body. Thump thump. Proof that he’s alive…

I don’t deny that one day, a certain hand scraping the pot was joyful. Some days I was happy because a lot of rice grains were stuck, and some days I was happy because I could fill my stomach with scorched nurungji. I don’t want to reject the fact that such things were pleasant and made me happy. I just think it would be nice if no one lived like that as a human being. Surely while I live well-fed, someone in Africa or the Middle East is suffering.

But I am someone who has experienced the maximum pain that can be experienced in 21st century South Korea outside the book. I am an extraordinary person whose character setup might be rejected by an editor for being excessive if this were a novel. Because I am such a person, wouldn’t these words reach you? Can’t I say this to you who has gone through all the hardcore trials a fantasy novel protagonist can face? Only we who have suffered to death in our respective positions.

“I fed you carbohydrates until now, and protein, so now I’m going to feed you something warm.”

“…Will that be the case? Will that be good to do?”

Only we can understand each other’s words.

“After that, I’ll hug you the warmest in the world.”

“Hug me first. Me first.”

So maybe I’m not alone.

“Yeah. Let’s kiss too.”

“Me first.”

“Okay. You first.”

Even if the language is so miserable and wretched, I want to enter your rib cage.

Then you will definitely let me in.

“I’ll kiss you.”

A memory that flashed by in a moment while turning a page of a book embraced me.

As if never wanting to let go again, tightly.

However, if all of this could end as happily as a dream, my life wouldn’t be reality.