New Beelzebub in Hazbin Hotel

The grand halls of the Goetia mansion echoed with the distant ticking of a clock. The stillness was calming—rare in a home where nobility and chaos often collided. Stolas sat at the kitchen table, savoring his tea, letting the weight of his responsibilities fall away for just a moment. No summons, no contracts, no family drama.

But peace, as always, was fleeting.

Riiiiing. Riiiiing.

The sharp buzz of the phone shattered his tranquility. Stolas set down his cup with a sigh, walked over, and picked up the receiver.

"Yes, who is it?" he asked, already bracing for bad news.

"Hey, Pandemonica, is this thing working?" came a voice, grumbling like they were fiddling with the phone's buttons.

Stolas's feathers bristled. He knew that voice. He cleared his throat. "Yes, my Lady, it is working."

"Ahh, hey, how's my favorite birdy doing?" said the unmistakable, sly voice of Beelzebub, queen of gluttony. Her tone was nonchalant.

"I am well, my Lady. What can I do for you?"

"Glad you asked," she replied, voice full of mischief. "I need you to watch someone for me. They're a bit… energetic. I figured they could use some fresh air, and hey, you've got that big house."

Stolas felt his heart sink. Babysitting. He could hear the warning bells already. "Who exactly are you sending?"

"Just a small trio," she said sweetly. "Their names are Cerberus. Real sweethearts. Three girls, lots of energy, love to play. Figured they could keep your daughter company. Win-win, huh?"

Stolas stiffened. Cerberus? As in, THE Cerberus, guardians of Gluttony ring? Notoriously known for causing pure chaos wherever they went?

"You're sending… them?" he asked slowly.

"Yup! I already told them to follow your scent. They've got the zoomies right now, so they'll be there in a flash. See ya, birdy! Byeee~!"

Click.

Stolas stood frozen. Zoomies. She said zoomies. His feathers ruffled. Before he could even process it, he heard the distant rumbling of feet. Not footsteps — stomping. Fast, heavy stomping.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"...Oh no…" he muttered, eyes darting toward the front door.

The front door practically exploded inward as a mass of wild, manic energy burst through it. Stolas was thrown to the ground as three identical girls tackled him with a force that could crush bones. His face smacked the floor, and the world spun.

"We found him! We found him! We found him!" they chanted, their voices layered like a chorus.

"Let's play! Let's play!"

"I call first lick!"

"No, I do!"

Suddenly, his face was drenched in wet, slobbery licks from all three of them. They barked and giggled, their tongues like whips of chaos. Three sets of tails wagged uncontrollably.

"Are you—" lick "—Cerberus, I presume?" he managed to choke out as he finally pulled himself away, wiping his face dry with his sleeve.

"YES, YES, YES! WE'RE CERBERUS!" they barked in unison, jumping up and down.

"Please, stop running up the stairs—no, don't touch that! It's expensive!" Stolas's feathers fluffed in agitation as the trio sprinted through the house, leaving claw marks on the polished floors. They knocked over vases, tore up curtains, and somehow ended up on the chandelier.

Stolas sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "I suppose they'll do less damage if I get them out of the house…"

He picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number. After a few rings, a raspy voice answered.

"What do you want, Stolas?" It was Blitzo, his favorite little imp.

"Hello, Blitzie!" Stolas's voice was unnervingly cheerful. "How would you like to accompany me and a few guests to Loo Loo Land? It'll be fun! We can spend some quality time together and have some fun."

There was a long pause. "I'm hanging up."

"Wait!" Stolas shouted. "I'll pay triple your usual rate!"

"…Make it quadruple, and we'll talk."

"Done."

As Stolas hung up, his eyes turned to his daughter, Octavia, who had been silently watching from the kitchen. Her gaze shifted to the chaos of Cerberus running around the house like a pack of wild beasts, knocking over furniture and toppling everything in sight.

"...Dad," she said flatly. "Who are they?"

"Guests, my dear. They're called Cerberus."

"...They're barking."

"Yes, well, they are hellhounds."

Before Octavia could retreat, she suddenly found all three Cerberus girls stopping dead in their tracks, staring at her. Their eyes lit up like they'd spotted a new toy. Their tails started wagging so fast they were a blur.

"NEW FRIEND!" they barked.

Octavia's eyes widened. "No, no, no—"

"GET HER!"

All three pounced at once.

"AAAAAH!" Octavia shrieked as they tackled her to the floor. One grabbed her arm, another her leg, and the third hugged her like a stuffed animal. They started tugging on her hoodie like it was a chew toy.

"GET OFF ME, YOU FREAKS!" Octavia thrashed, but their grip was iron-clad.

Stolas turned the corner and sighed. "Girls, unhand my daughter, please."

"But she's soft! We like her!" one of them said, still hugging Octavia.

"Let me go, or I swear I'll make you regret it!" Octavia growled, thrashing harder.

"Girls. Now." Stolas's tone was sharp, and they instantly released Octavia.

She shot them a glare, her hoodie pulled over her head like a turtle retreating into its shell. "I hate them already."

...

The family arrived at Loo Loo Land, an amusement park that looked like it had been thrown together with leftover parts from a carnival. Screaming demons on rides filled the air with noise, and the smell of fried food hung thick.

"Alright, girls, burn off that energy!" Stolas declared.

"Rides! Food! Games!" Cerberus screamed, charging ahead.

"NO! Stay together!" he called after them.

It was useless. They were already gone.

Blitzo, leaning on a popcorn stand, watched with an amused grin. "I see you brought the whole circus with you, Stolas."

"They're Beelzebub's guests, not mine."

"Sure, pal. Tell yourself that."

...

At the bumper cars, Cerberus was unleashed. They each drove their own car, teaming up against one unfortunate soul — Octavia.

"GET HER!" they chanted, circling her car like sharks.

"I'M NOT PLAYING!" she yelled, slamming into reverse.

"Then you're easy prey!"

SMASH! One hit her from the left.

CRASH! Another from the right.

"I'm going to feed you all to dad's plant!" Octavia bellowed, jamming the controls.

They howled in laughter, wagging their tails.

(End of a chapter)