Neo Soul King Yhwach

Timeskip - Ten Minutes Later, Living Room

Zelretch sighed deeply, his demeanor a mix of resignation and amusement.

Zelretch: Why did we have to buy these plastic chairs instead of sitting on the sofa?

Zaegar's response was sharp and unyielding, his tone laced with disdain.

Zaegar: Because Bitch, You're not allowed to touch my sofa or any of my stuff in general.

Zelretch attempted to appeal to their long-standing friendship, but Zaegar remained unmoved.

Zelretch: You allowed her but not me? Come on, we're old friends! You just met her!

Zaegar's retort was cold and uncompromising.

Zaegar: If she's anything like you, I'll just throw her and the sofa out with her and replace it with a new one. You should be honored I'm even looking at you.

Zelretch's response carried a hint of resignation, acknowledging the futility of their banter.

Zelretch: You just will not let that go, won't you?

Zaegar: You know what you owe me, motherfucker.

Meanwhile, both females in the room watched as Zaegar regarded the elderly gentleman with a look of frigid scorn. Said the gentleman raising his hands in a placating gesture.

Zaegar turned to one of the females. In a way, she was the complete opposite of his Mistress in terms of appearance. Red eyes, tall, and with quite the physique.

He snickered at Emi, who immediately saw his intent and tried to murder him with a glare. Said glare was then directed at the old Magician.

Emi: Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, the Second Magician and the Wizard Marshall of the Mages Association.

Zelretch: Ah, it's a pleasure, young miss. I believe we haven't met. But before that, my condolences.

He said this while pointing a look at Zaegar. Emi nodded sagely.

Emi: I appreciate it. 

Zaegar: Fucking bitches, go to hell the both of you.

Emi: Let's skip the pleasantries, then. Why are you here?

Zelretch: It's rather impolite to ask a question without naming yourself first.

Emi: Fine. My name is Emi. As you can see, I'm the Master of the dumbass beside me. Before I asked the question, I didn't think you knew my Servant of all people.

Zelretch: Yes, I do know him. It's, er, a complicated issue.

Zaegar: It really isn't. He's just a sleazy asshole who can't follow through on his word.

???: Mmm-Hmm. You just described him perfectly.

Zaegar: Ha! I like her. Who's she?

Zelretch: Like myself, she was also intrigued by the situation. Her name is-

???: I have a mouth, Kischur. 

Zaegar's smirk widened, matching the newcomer's playful demeanor.

Zaegar: My condolences.

The newcomer returned the gesture with a smirk of her own.

???: I appreciate that.

Zelretch: Turning my words against me so soon? Give me a break, you two.

The newcomer introduced herself with a hint of mischief.

???: Arcueid Brunestud. Arcueid, if you want to keep it simple. It's a pleasure.

Emi: Right. May I ask why the White Princess of the True Ancestors is with you?

Zelretch: You know who she is, hm? You must be quite knowledgeable.

Emi almost snorted at the colossal understatement. 

Zaegar: She's a princess? Of what? 

Emi: Dead Apostles.

Zaegar: So she's the only one left since they're dead, you mean?

Emi: Have you ever heard of the term vampire?

Ophis: (sarcastically) Oh, OF COURSE! Vampires! Just what this already cursed club lacked!

Zaegar: Oh, goodie, we're dealing with vampires now. You don't look like you're in a blood rage, are you a vegan vampire?

Arcueid: Vegan vampire. Huh, that's a new one. If you mean that I don't fancy drinking blood, then I guess I am one.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Great! All we need is a shirtless werewolf and an emo teen and we have the Twilight formula. Dead apostles are fucking lame.

Zelretch: ...Did you forget that I am also a Dead Apostle?

Zaegar: And the title of "Lamest Vampires Ever" that dethrones Twilight goes to what universe? This one!

Arcueid: Now hold on; let's not get too hasty in our judgments. Kischur might be the shame of all Dead Apostles everywhere-

Zelretch: Arcueid...

Arcueid: -but that doesn't mean that they are lame. Most of them are, but there are exceptions.

Zaegar: Trust me, In the future We'll deal with cooler vampires. This is not one of these cases.

Emi: This is getting way off-topic. Can we just focus? 

Fou: Fou, fou, kyu!

Both Zelretch and Arcueid stared at Fou, who stared back. Then, the small being proceeded to ignore them and scratched his ears.

Arcueid: How, or why, is this being here?

Emi explained Fou's presence with a hint of bemusement.

Emi: Apparently, he was assigned to watch over the Foreigner. Surprisingly well-behaved for a being of his nature.

Zelretch: Foreigner? Yh- Zaegar, are you a Servant in the Holy Grail War?

Zaegar: Duh.

Zelretch: How did she manage to summon YOU of all beings? You're not even a Heroic Spirit. ...Actually, you're not even heroic at all.

Zaegar: I dunno, she must be kind of awesome in her own way. Then again, she's a fucking chuuni with a flair for BDSM, so I've got mixed feelings.

Emi: How many times do I- Forget it.

Zelretch: Very well, then. Also, speaking of the murderer of humanity-

Zaegar: Say no more, old man. I've got it covered.

Zelretch: No, Zaegar, we're not going down that path.

Zaegar: Maybe you're not, but I sure am. Can't let a good opportunity slip by.

Zelretch: Arcueid and I didn't come here just to exchange pleasantries.

Zaegar: Cut to the chase then. Talking to you drains my energy, so if I suddenly decide to end this conversation by snapping your neck, you'll understand.

Zelretch: Fair enough. Firstly, are you familiar with the Counter Force?

Emi: Yes, we are.

Zaegar: Never heard of it, and frankly, I don't care.

Ophis: Sounds like some supernatural mumbo jumbo... or a cheesy superhero team name.

Zelretch: One of you knows—what?

Ophis: Sup?

Zelretch: Ophis, the Infinite Dragon God. What a delightful surprise.

Ophis: Hi.

Arcueid: Infinite Dragon God? Who's that?

Ophis: (sarcastically) I dunno, but you shouldn't start looking at the only cape in the room with an eye that's currently looking at you.

Arcueid: Ah... Well, I've seen stranger things. 

Ophis: Yeah, and I've seen better things, but we can't have the nice things, right? Keep talking.

Zelretch: Right. The Counter Force is, in summary, a safety device created by the world itself. It's divided into two types: Gaia, the will of the planet to survive, and Alaya, the collective unconscious will of humankind.

Yhwach: ...

Zaegar: ...

Zelretch sighs.

Zelretch: One is the Earth, and the other is mankind. 

Zaegar: Yeah. Quick Question: Why the fuck does anyone care about that?

Zelretch: Because frankly speaking, the world is in danger and it's pretty much your fault.

Ophis: (sarcastically) What did he do THIS time?

Zelretch: First of all, young lady, why were you trying to summon him?

Emi: I wasn't. It was an accident that got in the way of what I intended to summon.

Zelretch: Which was...?

Emi: I'll keep that to myself, thank you. I suppose my summons had a part in what appears to be total annihilation.

Zelretch: It did. When you summoned Zaegar, a chaotic entity from a different realm, Gaia deemed him as an extraordinarily dangerous threat due to his immense power. 

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Well, dooming a world just by being awesome, where have I heard that one before?

Zelretch: Nothing on the planet could be enough to eliminate this threat. So Gaia, well... it asked for help from other planets.

Zaegar: So Gaia out here calling the Milky Way hood on Us.

Fou: Fou, fou, fou!

Zelretch: Indeed. The planets responded to Gaia's will. The Ultimate Ones are coming, and as much as I hate to admit it, the world needs you to combat them.

Zaegar: There's that title again. Ultimate Ones. What are those?

Zelretch: Before I tell you more, I need to make sure you're on board with this plan.

Zaegar: Let's see... Saving YOUR world... Not looking pretty appealing right now.

Zelretch sighs.

Zelretch: What a shame. I was just about to tell you that killing the Ultimate Ones is impossible.

Zaegar: Come again?

Zelretch: You heard it clearly. They lack any concept of damage or death, making them virtually unkillable by normal means. 

Zaegar: Yeah, bullshit. Everything can die, no exceptions... except that one version of Queen Elizabeth II clad in a Nokia suit of armor with Flex Tape bandages, but that's a work in progress.

Ophis: Excuse you, Thats the motherfucking rub-

Zaegar: Oi, shut up, that's a different problem. I wanna kill that problem with my fists, so there. Anyway, you get my point.

Zelretch: Would you like to test that theory?

Ophis: Hook, line, and sinker.

Zaegar: Throw in what you owe me times ten and I'll have those Ultimate Ones dead by the end of the week.

Zelretch: Ten times?!

Zaegar: Yeah, you're right. It's too unreasonable. Fifty times.

Zelretch: But-!

Zaegar: NO BUTS OLD MAN.

Zelretch: Fine! 50 times the amount!

Zaegar smirks.

Zaegar: Deal.

Arcueid: You two look like you have some interesting stories to share. I want to hear them.

Zelretch: We can do that after we're done laying out the variables. I know all of the previously said because Arcueid herself can be classified as an Ultimate One.

Zaegar: ....

Yhwach: ...

Emi: Foreigner, don't try to kill her just to prove your point.

Zaegar: Oh, come on, I just promised to kill the Ultimate Ones! We've got one right here!

Zelretch: You know you're talking about killing someone in front of the target herself, right?

Arcueid shrugs

Arcueid: I'm used to it by now.

Zelretch: Arcueid, if you may.

Arcueid: Yes, yes. Alright, then. Since the term "Ultimate One" gets pretty old when one uses it too much, we'll use the designation "Types" from now on. Like Type-Moon, for example.

Zaegar: Moon? Damn, I just missed the moon not too long ago. Hold on, I'll kill it real quick.

Emi: There's no need. Type-Moon, AKA Crimson Moon Brunestud, who was also the King of Vampires, is already dead. Zelretch killed him thousands of years ago.

Zaegar: You killed the moon AND the vampire king? Did you post an announcement on Twitter while you did that?

Zelretch: It was exactly 1699 years ago, so no. If I did, I would've done it under my personal hashtag, #BetterThanBlue.

Zaegar: Why blue?

Zelretch: Because everyone knows that I'm better than the Fifth.

Arcueid: Ignore that, he's just jealous.

Zaegar: Wait, 1699 years ago... we're in 1994?!

Emi: When do you think this was, dumbass?

Zaegar: A time when someone your age would look like an actual adult, but we can't have the nice things, huh?

Emi: Why you-?!

Zaegar: Pipe down, pint-sized. Let the adults handle this.

Emi: Last I heard, you were—

Zaegar: MOVING ON, if she's a Type... which one, again?

Zelretch: They once called her Archetype-Earth and it kind of stuck since.

Arcueid: I made it stick. I liked it.

Zaegar: Neat. So, why doesn't she deal with this? Why don't YOU deal with this, fucker, you killed the actual vampire king, who was a Type.

Zelretch: Defeating Brunestud was a pyrrhic victory. I can no longer access as much power as I did back in that day, so my strength, although formidable, would be lacking against the incoming threat.

Zaegar: So, in simpler terms: you need to git gud.

Arcueid: Give him some credit. He teleported Brunestud to a parallel world and dropped the moon on him. That kind of power is a one-time thing.

Zaegar: Only once? I've seen beings toss galaxies around like toys... Specifically mechs, but you get my point. What about you, Draculaura?

Arcueid: I'm currently using a third of my powers. If I used any more, I'd be forced onto what you call a "blood rage", and I wouldn't be much in control of my actions. Plus, it's too much work.

Zaegar: Wow, an actual vampire I'm starting to like. The mind boggles. Fine, then. Tell me a summary of the Types and when the party should start.

Arcueid: Ultimate Ones are, as the name implies, the ultimate lifeforms of each respective planet in the solar system. The nearest one to arrive, Type Venus, will most likely descend into orbit in no less than a week.

Emi: (Mental Link) ...I see. I'll detail you later.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Root knowledge, huh? 

Emi: (Mental Link) Knowing everything but you has its perks.

Zaegar: Where will it land?

Zelretch: Most likely wherever the main threat is, meaning wherever you are.

Zaegar: Okay, then. I'm dealing with this war and now I'm gonna kill some planets. Heh, business as usual.

Zelretch sighs wearily.

Zelretch: Well, things are certainly easier now that we have your help.

Emi: You seem to trust Foreigner.

Zelretch: Do you think Gaia would request help from other planets if it had any suitable candidates to deal with this threat?

Emi: Hmm.

Zelretch: I have more questions, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. 

Zaegar: You're not staying here. Draculaura can stay, though. Anyone who mocks you is a friend in my book.

Arcueid smirks mischievously.

Arcueid: Heh, looks like I get the comfy accommodations while you hit the road. Tough luck, old man.

Zelretch: I planned for that, however. I have business with a few others, so I'll leave Arcueid to your care.

Zaegar: Yeah, get the fuck out of it, I've got a bowling alley to test.

Without anything else to say, Zaegar soundly punched Zelretch out of his living room, out of his house, and out of his neighborhood.

Arcueid: Aaaaand he's gone. Is this what you call a "Home Run"?

Zaegar: Yup.

Emi: Why didn't you tell me you knew someone from this world?

Zaegar: I didn't know he lived here. Now that I do, he'll live in constant fear of what I can do to it. Serves him right.

Emi: Why exactly do you hate him so much?

Zaegar: Alright, listen up.

(Flashback starts - EXE Planet)

Zaegar Pov

Pathetic.

The bodies were knocked all over the ground, thrown from side to side like shattered rag dolls, mechanical pieces in every direction, some in small fragments, others in whole parts, it is correct to say that this was a war field, and by the way of things, a war with one-sided slaughter.

The drops of blood dripped and dripped, so much silence allowed the echo to be the main source of sound that was present throughout the place. Amidst the chaos, I stood, holding a curious object in my hand, indifferent to the carnage around me.

The object, a grotesque amalgamation of black and purple with five eyes, seemed insignificant compared to the destruction it lay amidst.

Zaegar: I... expected more coming from the planet of someone who killed Great Red... really...

With a disdainful flick, I cast the decapitated head aside, and its value diminished in my eyes.

Zaegar: Guess it's time to pack this up, send it off to Yhwach with a cheeky note. "You're welcome." That should do it. Work's done... or is it? Who knows.

The Chaotic one left any doubts aside and just decided to close his eyes, wanting to observe a more interesting situation.

Zaegar: Been on this rock for over a month now. Yhwach's probably been bulking up. Took too long with these ExE pests the old relic sent me after. Time to head back... Damn it. Looks like I'll have to deal with that red bitch myself.

As Zaegar closed his eyes, ready to teleport away from the scene of destruction, a sudden surge of magical energy disrupted his concentration. His senses snapped back to attention as he realized he wasn't alone.

Zaegar: Oh, Interesting.

Opening his eyes, Zaegar found himself face-to-face with a figure that radiated an aura of immense power. It was a man, elderly yet exuding a sense of authority and wisdom that demanded respect.

Zaegar: Who the fuck are you?

The man regarded Zaegar with a calm expression, seemingly unfazed by the chaos surrounding them.

Zelretch: Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, the Second Magician and the Wizard Marshall of the Mages Association. Pleasure's all mine, I suppose.

Zaegar: Pleasure, huh? Somehow, I doubt that.

Zelretch picked up the object Zaegar had tossed aside, examining it with keen interest. The elder magician turned it over in his hand, his gaze scrutinizing every detail of the grotesque amalgamation.

Zelretch: Hmm, fascinating. Such craftsmanship, yet wielded with such destructive force. Quite the paradox, wouldn't you agree?

Zaegar watched with mild amusement as Zelretch examined the object. He couldn't help but chuckle mockingly at the magician's attempt to understand the chaos he had caused.

Zaegar: So, old man, you're telling me you're the big shot magician around here? And you're intrigued by that little trinket? My, my, times really have changed.

Zelretch glanced up from the object, his expression unfazed by Zaegar's mocking tone.

Zelretch: Oh, I assure you, Chaotic One, my interests are as diverse as the stars themselves. And as for this mess, I can't help but wonder... Did you have a hand in causing it?

Zaegar smirked, his gaze meeting Zelretch's with a hint of amusement.

Zaegar: Who else but me would have the audacity to stir up such chaos? But you already knew that, didn't you?

Zelretch chuckled softly, his eyes gleaming with a mixture of amusement and curiosity.

Zelretch: Indeed Well, then, since we seem to share an appreciation for chaos, how about we continue our conversation over a drink? There's a little bar not too far from here where we can discuss matters in a more... relaxed environment.

Zaegar raised an eyebrow, considering the proposal for a moment before smirking.

Zaegar: Sure, why not? I could use a drink after all that excitement. Lead the way, old man.

Timeskip - Local Bar

Zelretch: You really don't feel a thing with these drinks, do you?

Zaegar: Nah, everything here's like water to me. I stick to the 101% stuff for a kick.

Zelretch: Hah! Just had a crazy idea, but it's probably madness.

Zaegar: Madness is my middle name. Lay it on me.

Zelretch: It's just a passing thought, but considering your resilience to intoxication, I pondered the notion of pushing you to your limits with pure alcohol.

Zaegar: How much are we talking about?

Zelretch: No clue. You're the expert on pushing boundaries.

Zaegar: Alright then, how about we aim for something truly outrageous?

Zelretch: Such as?

Zaegar: Ever wondered how much alcohol it would take to replace all the water on a planet?

Zelretch: Now that's thinking big. Where are we headed?

Zaegar: To a world where every drop of water is a shot waiting to happen. Ready to join the adventure, old man?

Zelretch: Adventure? Count me in.

( End of Flashback )

Zaegar: 330 trillion gallons of 101% alcohol in one sitting. Took me a damn week, but I powered through. By the time I was done, he vanished, probably realizing I was actually pulling it off. I tracked him down and gave him a beating that put him in a coma for a month. Couldn't kill him until the payment came through.

He retold this tale with a completely straight face and devoid of any emotion but total annoyance and sincerity.

Not even Emi, the girl who knew everything, had an answer to what she just heard. She just stared at him, dumbfounded. Arcueid shared this sentiment before she broke into a fit of giggling.

Zaegar: ...Oi, Creepy Mistress, stop looking at me like that. I thought we established that you weren't gonna be creepy regarding me.

Emi: That was stupid. You're stupid. This whole Grail War has been nothing but complete stupidity.

Zaegar: A war you willingly joined, Stoopid.

Arcueid: Ha! He said you were interesting, but you're actually hilarious! I think I'm actually going to enjoy being here.

Emi: Just make sure to stay out of our way. 

Zaegar: (Mental Link) You're agreeing to this?

Emi: (Mental Link) Why do you ask?

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Your whole thing was to destroy the world. What brought this change of heart? 

Emi froze at the question. She looked to the side, avoiding his piercing gaze. Her tone suddenly shifted to a conflicted one through the link.

 Emi: (Mental Link) I... I do want that, but... It's complicated...

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Is it?

Emi: (Mental Link) Yes, it is! They can't destroy the world, because then... I won't be able to...

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Hey, cool it. No need to say something you don't wanna. Sorry if I crossed a line, I was just a tad curious.

Emi: (Mental Link) No, you had the right to ask as a Servant. Look, I'll... tell you when we get to know each other. Does that sound fair?

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Got it.

Arcueid: Is everything alright? You both suddenly went quiet and the mood became, well... 

Zaegar: If you say the mood became moody, I swear to King that I'll kill you on the spot.

Arcueid: Huhu, you thought the same joke, so who's really at fault?

Emi: ...You.

Arcueid: Well... That's rather mean.

Zaegar: And the No One Cares Award has a winner! Fuck off, lame vampire. Mistress, I challenge you to a bowling game, which I'll eventually win, but it's no fun playing alone.

Emi: Hmph. I'm looking forward to shutting you up, then.

Fou: Fou, fou!

Both Master and Servant stood up and left to wherever the bowling alley was. Arcueid simply smiled in amusement before she became a tad nostalgic.

Arcueid: (In thought) I wonder how Shiki's doing these days. Ah, that was a fun time. Oh, well. This should be fun, too.

Scene Break - Fuyuki City

Zelretch winced as the pain from the punch radiated through his jaw, but he shrugged it off. After all, he had anticipated such a reception.

In fact, it went smoother than he had anticipated.

Zelretch: (In thought) The Holy Grail War, hm? Nearly two centuries since the first one. Time certainly flies when you're preoccupied.

He briefly reminisced about the inaugural Holy Grail War, a blood-soaked conflict among magi that ultimately ended in futility. Memories of the three young magi who initiated the Heaven's Feel ritual flickered through his mind.

Recollections of the Servants from that epoch lingered:

Saber: A warrior-queen destined to destroy all civilizations.

Archer: A legendary bowman whose final arrow divided the land.

Lancer: A tragic woman who was doomed to kill everyone she loved.

Caster: A scientist who became the father of modern alchemy.

Rider: A king amongst kings whose radiance was as powerful as the sun itself.

Assassin: An angel of death whose existence was poison itself.

Berserker: An unparalleled swordswoman who sought a world filled with maternal love.

Each of them was extremely powerful in their own right. Zelretch doubted that he, the second Magician, could match the majority of them in combat at his current state.

Well, that was enough of the past. He looked up and realized he had found himself at his destination.

Zelretch: (In thought) Well, Nagato's descendants did not pull their punches when it came to luxury.

With a wave of his hand, he dispelled a portion of the Bounded Field surrounding the mansion. If there was someone inside, then it was better if he announced himself rather than incite a confrontation.

Zelretch: Tokiomi Tohsaka! You probably know who I am with my unique and wise tone of voice, and I have business with you! 

He hummed a random tune as he waited for a response. Soon enough, the front door opened. Zelretch regarded the current Tohsaka head with a critical eye as he took a respectful bow.

Tokiomi: Wizard Marshall Zelretch. It is the utmost honor to have you here.

Zelretch: I do like good-mannered people. You might be wondering why am I of all people here, correct?

Tokiomi: Your arrival was a definite surprise, yes. 

Zelretch: Well, then I might as well just keep bringing in the surprises. See, I'm here for a silly little task that would require your help.

Tokiomi: Of course. What would that be?

Zelretch: A complete ceasefire of the Holy Grail War until further notice.

Just as he expected, Tokiomi did a double-take at this before he composed himself immediately.

Tokiomi: Coincidentally, we are indeed at a ceasefire in order to solve a problem with two Servants that are proving to be too much of a threat to the city and the Moonlit World itself.

Zelretch: You are? Then that makes things easier.

Tokiomi: If I may ask, what is the motive of this notion?

Zelretch: Oh, just the imminent apocalypse that will most likely happen in less than a week. Nothing of importance, really.

He couldn't suppress the chuckle that was caused by Tokiomi's understandably baffled reaction. He shook his head before he became serious.

Zelretch: Unfortunately, this is not my usual jesting. We should discuss this matter immediately.

( Emi's Flashback )

???: Don't leave me, please! Just stay awake!

???: Why... are you crying... Big Sister? You shouldn't... cry...

???: No, no, no! Stay awake! You're strong, Kosuke, so PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!

???: It's okay if I go to sleep... You're perfect, Big Sister... No one will really mind if I'm gone...

???: I need you! Please, you're the only one I have left!

???: Haha... That makes me happy... I'm sorry... for being a bother...

???: Kosuke?!

???: Don't worry... I'm just going to sleep... for a bit...

???: Kosuke?! Kosuke?! KOSUKE!!!

...

...

...

???: Why? Why was this world so cruel to you? Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY?!

...

...

...

???: This world truly is a hell... I'll destroy it...

...

...

...

???: Everything must end... I will create a new one... for you...

...

...

...

???: I'll create a new world... in which you won't have to suffer... a world where you'll be happy! forever and ever!

...

...

...

???: Ehehehehehehe... EHEHEHEHHEHEHEHAHAHAHZAHAHA

( End of Flashback)

???: OI BITCH, THERE'S A LIMIT ON HOW CREEPY YOU CAN GET! WAKE UP, DAMN IT!

She opened her eyes, almost hyperventilating. The visage of her Servant was enough to calm her down.

Emi: ...Foreigner? What time is it?

Zaegar: 3 a.m., you fucking nutcase. Crazy as hell, Bitch.

She couldn't help but acknowledge the extreme hypocrisy in his complaints, but then again, he wasn't wrong either.

Zaegar: Damn, the auto-subwoofers were set to wake you up at this hour, but you already beat them to it. You must've had one hell of a nightmare.

Emi: How... How did you know?

Ophis: (In thought) He consumed Baka-red, devouring not just him but also the very concept of dreams. That's how he knows about dreams, and everything else related to them.

Zaegar: You were laughing and crying while you slept. Seriously creepy stuff. Like, Doki Doki levels of creepy.

Ophis: (In thought) Or maybe not. I don't know anymore He's crazy.

Emi: ...

Zaegar: Wanna talk about it?

Emi: ...Later.

Zaegar: Right. Well, I'm going to totally not set the subwoofers to another time and just go to sleep. 

He muttered to himself, a mischievous grin dancing on his lips.

Zaegar: Almost had a brilliant plan there. Shame it didn't pan out... What do you think, Yhwach?

Yhwach: ...

As Zaegar stared at the broom with the fake balloon head of Yhwach attached to it, he couldn't help but burst into laughter at the ridiculous sight. The broom, with its makeshift face, seemed to convey an exaggerated expression of distress, its bristles swaying slightly as if in response to Zaegar's amusement.

Zaegar: Oh man, look at you, Yhwach. You look like you've seen a ghost... or maybe realized you're just a broom with a balloon head.

He chuckled to himself, shaking his head at the absurdity of the situation. Even in the dim light of the room, the fake Yhwach head seemed to stare back at him with a comically exaggerated frown.

Zaegar: You know, for a broom, you're surprisingly expressive. Maybe I should take you with me as my new sidekick. Yhwach the Broom, ready to sweep away evil with his... bristles of justice?

Emi: Hey... Foreigner... Zaegar?

Zaegar: What's up, shorty?

Emi: Could you... uh... stay here for a bit?

Zaegar rolled his hollow eyes, understanding her request.

Zaegar: Yeah, sure.

Without hesitation, he conjured a recliner chair and placed it beside her bed. Sitting down, he pulled out one of his crossword puzzles.

Zaegar: There. My loner skills come in handy once again. You can doze off while I entertain myself with word games. Let's see... nine down...

She relaxed as he continued to speak in a calming tone. His voice was eerily alluring, but perhaps it was her perception of the moment.

Before she knew it, she drifted into a peaceful slumber.

Timeskip - A Few Hours Later

The Master and Servant duo were discussing their plans with their newest guest. The vampire princess was pouting in a rather undignified manner.

Zaegar: Alright, Draculaura-

Arcueid: Arcueid.

Zaegar: That's what I said, Marceline. Now shut the fuck up, we've got business to do in town.

Arcueid: Can I go?

Zaegar: To hell? Yeah, go there. It's fun this time of the year. Trust me, I know.

Arcueid: But I want to go! There's nothing to do here because you won't let me near the fun things to do!

Zaegar: You stay the fuck away from my bowling alley, my alcohol fountain, and my ice cream. Actually, stay away from my things in general. You're lucky I'm allowing you to live here.

Emi: Actually, she can be useful in covering more ground and entertaining herself while staying out of our way. You can just tour the city and see what anomalies you can find.

Arcueid: So gathering information is my rent, as they say?

Emi: I suppose. Then again, you'll have to babysit Primate Murder if he decides to stay home.

Fou: Fou, fou!

Emi: Or not.

Zaegar: Don't worry, I installed a defense mechanism to the house. I made it on the fly with just a gallon of ice cream, root beer, antimatter, and some sprinkles.

Emi: ...I'm sorry, can you repeat that list?

Zaegar: Yeah, I should've used flammable jelly, but noooooooo, I just COULDN'T have fun, huh?!

Emi: Foreigner, take out the antimatter.

Zaegar: But why?! It's just a few... uh...

Emi: Grams?

Zaegar: Uh, how much is that in Michael Bay terms?

Ophis: He used 1000 tons.

Fou: Foooooou!

Emi: Right. Remove it.

Zaegar: You don't sound surprised.

Emi: Of course not. Antimatter isn't that hard to make. 

Arcueid: ...It isn't?

Ophis: It really isn't. We managed to make it by accident when this crazy creature couldn't find the uranium and had to improvise a substance of mass destruction.

Zaegar: Because I just COULDN'T have fun with Fuckyounium, huh?!

Ophis: Hey, it was a self-imposed challenge, don't go bitching about it like a whiny little bitch.

Emi: ...Correction: It's not that hard to make for me and a few others.

Arcueid: And who are you, exactly?

Emi: I'm Emi, and, well, let's say I know a lot of things.

Arcueid: Do you?

Emi: How about we ask a certain boy with Mystic Eyes about that? Or maybe we should ask a certain acquaintance of yours. What was his name? Roa? It's such a shame that you didn't get to finish him off. The Count of Monte Cristo helped you with that issue.

For once, Arcueid stopped smiling and eyed Emi with a critical eye. Zaegar merely let out a loud "HA!" as she simply smirked at her.

Emi: Now, if you excuse us, we'll be on our way. 

Zaegar: The first stop is the pub! Oh, right, you're you.

Emi: What's that supposed to mean?! I'm older than you!

Zaegar: Oh, really? Don't you want your bedtime story like a few hours ago?

Emi: T-That was just a one-time thing, shut up baka!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Right. I'll be sure to bake some cookies and milk to help you sleep, okay?

They exited the mansion with Emi's shout of frustration being the last thing heard. Arcueid contemplated this for a few minutes before she made her way out as well.

She knew that the girl wasn't what she appeared to be from the start, but this was rather unprecedented.

She vaguely wondered what a certain Magician was up to. Probably being his usual lame self.

Scene Break - Fuyuki Church

Zelretch: ACHOOO!

Tokiomi: Gesundheit, Lord Zelretch.

Zelretch: Thank you. Now to discuss the matter with the actual supervisor of the war. If everything goes well, we should make it official in a few hours.

Timeskip - Later, Fuyuki City, Riverside Park

Zaegar didn't really mind escorting Emi as long as he got to see what Fuyuki City had to offer for entertainment. 

Then again, he was banned in 15 of the pubs and there weren't many of them left (How was it his fault that the bar conveniently combusted when he was there?). He dreaded the idea of being blacklisted in the arcade and the amusement park.

He really wanted the night to fall, since that's where the fun started. Because he just couldn't have his fun in the daytime, since the "Mages Association" Emi was wary of would take action. How boring.

Emi: Foreigner?

Zaegar: What now bitch?

Emi glares and then sighs.

Emi: ...Well, uh... W-What do you say if we, uh, started talking?

Zaegar: Man, if you were more awkward you would actually ascend into godhood. Alright, who's first?

Emi: You.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Servant Foreigner, Zaegar "Angry Matthews" at your service all the way from another world.

Emi: Can you not be sarcastic right now?

Zaegar: Nope.

Emi: Fine, then! I'll ask questions myself and vice-versa, is that clear?!

Zaegar: Shoot.

She lost almost all of her bravado at that moment. She tried to look aloof, but he saw the look of excitement on her face. She wasn't used to asking questions, since she knew the answers before she even asked.

Emi: How exactly did you answer my summons?

Zaegar: I was just about to devour that stupid fucking light before I felt a tug. Blah, blah, blah, creepy stuff, I'm here now. How does that even work?

Emi: If the summoner doesn't have a catalyst, they summon the most compatible Servant. I thought it would be Angra Mainyu, but...

Zaegar: You didn't find the gold, but you found the diamond. Why'd you want to summon that Angry Matthews guy?

Emi: Well... I would tell you that I wanted to destroy the world, and I still do, but it's... complicated. 

Zaegar: So, Tell me? How'd you gain your cheat code?

Emi: Cheat code? Oh, that. I was born with it. 

Zaegar: You from a superfamily or something?

Emi: No. The Enishi family... isn't that remarkable.

Zaegar: So, you basically hit the jackpot by accident?

Emi: Don't make it sound like it's a good thing.

Zaegar: It isn't?

Emi: It's not. For me, there are no such concepts as 'surprise', 'don't know', or 'looking forward'. Ever since I was two years old, I know everything. I'm a genius, but do you know how unsatisfying it is to accomplish something when it doesn't even require any work? How disappointing things like knowing what birthday presents you'll get before you even see them are? Every action, every question, every thought. I know it all.

Zaegar: Hmm.

Emi: It's boring. It's. So. Boring. Why do you think I'm creepy? Slipping into insanity is far better than living such a boring life.

Zaegar: You haven't looked that bored these days. At least that's how I see it.

Emi: That's because of you! Why do you think I kept you instead of dismissing you, Foreigner?! I don't know you, and I don't know anything about you! I can finally feel emotions! Happiness, sadness, anger, embarrassment, and most of all, curiosity! Finally... I feel like I'm my own person. Not an avatar of the Root... I finally feel like I'm someone...

Zaegar: Then what happens when I'm gone?

Emi: W-Well... I-I'll just have to keep you as a familiar! I-I have infinite mana, so I can keep you by my side forever! A-And who knows, maybe I'll introduce you to him, and then you'll understand!

Zaegar: Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea what kind of Pandora's box you're opening. If you think you can bind me like some obedient pet, you're in for a rude awakening. I may be a Servant, but I'm nobody's slave. The moment you try to chain me down, you'll see a side of me that'll make you wish you were never born. And trust me, you don't want to push me to that edge.

Emi: ...

Tears ran down her face as she didn't answer. She didn't need to, since she knew what would inevitably happen. 

He mused over his options of comforting her, scarce as they were. It wouldn't sit well with him if she began acting all gloomy now that they were in the middle of it all.

Zaegar: ...Look, before I tell you something, I'm gonna ask this one. Who's "He"? You've been talking about this one boy and then you go silent. I'm guessing it's a bad memory.

Emi: I don't... want to talk about it.

Zaegar: Trust me, it does wonders if you talk to someone about it. Maybe it won't change anything, but it'll give you some peace. Then again, that's if you trust me enough to tell me.

She looked at him with a conflicted expression. She looked around to see if anyone was listening aside from himself, his cape aka Ophis, and Fou, both of whom had been silent throughout the exchange. 

After a heavy sigh, she made up her mind.

Emi: His name is Kosuke Enishi... My little brother. Unlike myself, he was born with a mediocre aptitude for magecraft. This led to... disparity.

Zaegar nodded. He could see the problem with that issue right away. The difference in talent between siblings could lead to disaster.

Emi: Our mother died giving birth to him, and our father, he... changed because of it. He had returned to the mindset of a magus to cope with the loss and he gave all of his attention to me. I didn't ask why, because I knew what he truly felt...

Zaegar: ...He blamed your brother for your mother's death.

Emi: ...Yes. The fact that I was a genius and he was below average only helped to incense his hatred. I didn't care for him at all... until I was finally allowed to see him in person.

( Emi's Flashback )

She stood in that dimly lit room, alone. 

No. Not alone. There was someone with her.

There was a crib in the center of that room. The room was rather ugly and undecorated. The father did not even care to give the toddler a proper room.

Why was he here anyway? She knew what he looked like, even though this was her first time meeting him.

She walked closer until she stood beside the crib.

There he was. An innocent baby, sleeping soundly.

She was jealous.

He looked so peaceful. So full of emotion, even though he was asleep.

Father did not care about him. he was born mediocre. he killed her mother. 

Why should she allow this creature to live? he would live a life of misery. It was easier to end his suffering before it even began.

But the baby suddenly opened his eyes... and his tiny arms reached up to her hands. When they touched, the toddler cooed. 

Emi found herself smiling back without even knowing it.

( End of Flashback )

Emi: From that moment, I began to raise him by myself, since I knew Father wouldn't bother to do so. Despite knowing Father wouldn't care, I did it anyway... How cruel is that? Knowing that the merciful way was to simply end his suffering before it even began, and yet I selfishly decided to let him live through it.

Zaegar: Hmm.

Emi: I was both Kosuke's sister and mother figure. I taught him everything. It was easy since I knew everything from the start. Father made himself scarce and only limited himself to cordial greetings and buying the necessary things for him, like food. Despite that, Kosuke loved Father. He didn't deserve that.

A snarl found its way into her face. She abhorred talking about her father, and Zaegar couldn't blame her for what he was hearing.

Emi: Five years passed, and things only got worse. When we discovered that my brother was below average in talent and had poor quality Magic Circuits, Father began to act out. I... I don't want to talk about what he said or what he did.

Zaegar: Then don't. Take it easy.

Emi: Despite it all, Kosuke still loved Father. Then, I found out about the effects... he began hallucinating.

Zaegar: Of what?

Emi: ...Of our dead mother.

( Emi's Flashback )

Kosuke: Come on, Big Sister, we have to hurry up!

Emi: Yes, yes, I know you're hungry. In a jolly mood today, hm?

Kosuke: Yep! Mommy says that I have to hurry up or the food will get cold!

Emi: ...Who?

Kosuke: Our mommy! I see her everywhere I go, so she takes good care of me. She's so pretty, just like you!

Emi: ...Kosuke, when did this...? This started a week ago, and you didn't tell me?

Kosuke: That's because she tells me not to talk to you, but I don't think that's a good thing, so I'm being kinda naughty!

Emi: ...What else does she tell you?

Kosuke: She says that I should give up on li-... something? I don't know.

Emi: ...

Kosuke: Big Sister? Where are you going?

Emi: I'm going to have a talk with our dearest Father

( End of Flashback )

Emi: ...I knew. I knew all along what was happening, and I still let Kosuke suffer through it. I was jealous of him for not bearing this... this curse. The moment he told me, however, I just... snapped. I don't regret what I did, but what came after...

Zaegar: Again, if you don't want to say it, then don't. You're clearly straining yourself there.

Emi: No. There's no turning back. I have to.

Zaegar: ...Fine. Go on, then.

Emi: Kosuke was 6 years old when he began hallucinating about Father as well. They told him he was a mistake. They told him I was the perfect one. They told him to give up. It crippled his mental state. I tried to cure him. Believe me, I tried everything. EVERYTHING. But what he had was a curse. A curse that originates from the Age of Gods.

Zaegar: I'm guessing it's something that even you couldn't cure.

Emi: It is. I know everything about it, but the number of my Magic Circuits is subpar. I am not compatible with the Age of Gods and I can't use magecraft from that era. Father had been researching curses and was actively giving up his lifespan in order to power a special curse on Kosuke. He hated him to that extent.

Zaegar: Sorry for asking so bluntly, but is he alive?

Emi: ...At his current state, it would be better if he were dead.

Zaegar: What happened?

Emi: The curse ate away at his mind, and he tried to take his own life. Several times. I stopped every attempt without hesitating, despite being jealous of him. Then came the screams. The curse was slowly corroding his Magic Circuits, rendering him in a state of constant agony. That's where I made a decision.

( Emi's Flashback )

Kosuke: ...Big... Sister...?

Emi: ...Don't worry, Kosuke. It'll be like a long sleep. You won't feel anything.

Kosuke: Sleep... That sounds... nice...

Emi: It is nice. Don't worry, Big Sister will be with you. When you wake up, I promise you'll be happy.

( End of Flashback )

Zaegar: ...You put her in some sort of coma to halt the curse until you could cure her, right?

Emi: ...Yes. The Clocktower holds records of the Enishi family, and if they find out what I truly am, they'll stop at nothing to capture me. Kosuke isn't safe.

Zaegar: Oh, so that's why you wanted to avoid them. 

Emi: ...That's when I had a bright idea~!

He frowned at seeing the deranged smile again emerging on her face. She was crying freely as her tone became manic.

Emi: I'm going to destroy this world that brought suffering to him. I'm going to kill every. Single. Thing. And then, I'm going to remake it. I'm going to make a world where Kosuke-kun doesn't have to suffer just by being born. If I make a wish upon the Grail to make my Magic Circuits beyond even a homunculus, I'll be able to do it! Even the Counter Force won't be able to stop me! If I die afterward, then it's completely fine, as long as Kosuke gets to be happy! I'm a horrible person, right? I deserve to die for being so petty, right?!

Zaegar stared with an unreadable look. Her smile slowly vanished as she refused to look at him out of fear of what he would say.

Zaegar sighs.

Zaegar: Well, first things first, congrats for being strong enough to tell that. 

Emi: I'm not strong. I'm not even human at my core. 

Zaegar: Really? If you weren't, you wouldn't feel those emotions you felt. Love, hatred, jealousy, anger, and despair. Don't you think that feeling all of that when I wasn't around made you a human being? You didn't know those emotions because you forgot what they were like. So much for knowing everything.

Emi: ...

Zaegar: And about your goal... Well, you've got good intentions, but don't you think it's a bit of a dick move to reset everything because of that? I know I'm not one to talk, since I normally kill things for petty reasons, but still.

Emi: Then... what am I supposed to do? 

Zaegar: Well, isn't this just a bucket of sunshine? Haven't had to play Hero since actually never, but screw it, might as well dust off the old cape. Alright, I'll lend you a hand.

Emi: What are you saying?

Zaegar: I'll stick around with you and help you with that issue. Hell, I'll get the Grail if you need to... Well, not that I wasn't gonna win anyway.

Emi: You... You will?

Zaegar: Yeah, why not? Plus, this whole thing's been a wild ride, and it's about to get even crazier. But, before we dive in, let me drop a little wisdom on you.

He squatted down to her eye level, placing a hand on her head and giving her a wry smile.

Zaegar: Life might seem dull, but sometimes you gotta embrace the chaos. People are all about seeking thrills, whether it's riding a rollercoaster, conquering a mountain, or just sharing a laugh with someone close. You've got all the knowledge, now it's time to live a little and experience it all.

With a mischievous grin, he snatched her hand, propelling them both forward at breakneck speed along the roadside.

Zaegar: Anyway, let's get goin'. The first place to start is the rollercoaster at the amusement park. Luckily, I'm not banned from the local pub over there, so double the fun. We could use it before the party really starts, you know? 

Emi: (In thought) This world... It's always been boring... It's always been dark... But now...

Zaegar: The alcohol's calling for me, and any man worthy of respect doesn't deny the call for alcohol!

Emi: (In thought) Now, it's so much brighter... Because I have a ray of light with me...

Zaegar: Well, of course. I usually lighten up your day just by existing, as it is for everyone who meets me.

He didn't even need to look at her to know she had a massive blush on her face as she immediately cut off the mental link.

Zaegar: (In thought) Wonder what's that old bastard up to? Tch, he better be saving up my money.

Scene break 

Zelretch: ACHOO! My word, of all times to catch a cold, it had to be this one. So, do we agree on the proceedings?

He gave a pointed look to the supervisor of the current war. Risei Kotomine hid his emotions rather well as he nodded without fuss.

He looked to the side and saw a younger priest standing not too far from them. Something about that executor didn't sit well with Zelretch.

Well, whatever it was, it was less important than this.

Zelretch: Then, it's settled. Shall we begin?

Scene break - Later, Fuyuki Riverside 

Perhaps Foreigner... No, perhaps Zaegar's statement about knowing and experiencing held some truth. The amusement park wasn't a bad experience for Emi.

She did not want to repeat the rollercoaster, however. Zaegar accidentally (or so he claimed that jerk) tweaked the system for the ride to go thrice as fast. 

Needless to say, there were many injured in that event.

Ophis: Good thing they decided to chase us out because they thought the furball was a stolen plushie.

Fou: Fou?! Fou, fou!

Zaegar: You do look like a plushie... Hold on, is that Rider over there?

Emi looked in the same direction. She raised an eyebrow as it was indeed Rider in the distance. He was crouching at the riverbank, and he didn't look particularly thrilled with whatever he was doing.

Emi: It is.

Zaegar: Neat, let's bother him. OI, RIDER, WHATCHA UP TO?!

The King of Conquerors perked up and looked at them. He stood up and gave a friendly salute.

Rider: Oh, Foreigner! Fancy seeing you around these parts!

Zaegar: Nah, not really. Just taking my Mistress to the amusement park and all that. What's up with you?

Rider: My Master sent me forth to collect "samples" of the water in this river. Can you believe it? Me, the King of Conquerors collecting water of all things?

Ophis: Could be worse. You could be babysitting an overpowered manchild 24/7.

Zaegar: Yeah, sucks to be you, huh? You should really give that kid a reality check or he's gonna die.

Rider: Your Master doesn't look older than him, you know.

Emi: Oh, come on!

Zaegar: That's like comparing heaven and earth. Trust me, this creepy chuuni here packs a mean, uh... I wanna say punch, but I'll just say she packs a mean spell. Yeah, mean spell.

Rider: Well, on the flip side, what do you think of this incredible garment? I have the whole world at my chest!

The four of them weren't impressed by Rider's casual getup, which was simply a pair of jeans and a white shirt with the words Conqueror at the chest area along with a crude map of the world.

Zaegar: And here I thought you were someone cool.

Rider: What does that mean?!

Zaegar: Whatever. I'm guessing you're not allowed to go a few rounds with other Servants.

Rider: No can do that. I've got to wait until night falls for that. Collecting water, seriously? What is even the point of that?

Zaegar glanced at Emi, who simply nodded to herself. Of course she knew what Rider was doing.

Emi: You're collecting traces of magecraft within the water. You're doing it at different points of the river to track down the culprit.

Rider: Oh? So that's it. Who might I be tracking then?

Emi: Unless there's another unknown magus, and there isn't, it's most likely the work of Caster.

Zaegar: Really? Man, I thought he would be at the pub since I found the Master next to it. Can you sense the path?

Emi: Yes.

Zaegar: Let's kill Caster, then.

Rider: Right, I'm coming with you.

Zaegar: You are?

Rider: Well, since I was doing it to track down Caster, I might as well see this through. Not to mention that I can't personally forgive Caster's actions.

Zaegar: And the Command Seal bounty?

Rider: I don't much care for that. The boy's busy with something else, and it's a win-win for everyone.

Emi: Suit yourself. Follow me, then.

The temporary allied Servants followed Emi as she easily traced the remnants of magecraft through the riverside. 

Soon enough, they passed in front of a sewage pipe of considerable size. Emi stopped right in front of it.

Emi: The traces stop here.

Rider: Then the path leading to Caster leads inside this irrigation channel, right?

Emi: Most likely. If we enter, we'll be going right into Caster's workshop. And the workshop of a magus is where they are at their most powerful.

Zaegar: Pft, it'll be a breeze. Two Servants, especially ME, are gonna storm the place. Rider, are you ready?

Rider: What a foolish question! Iskandar is always ready for battle! Except when he's playing video games, of course!

With an arc of lightning, Rider was clad in his battle armor. His Noble Phantasm, the Gordius Wheel, suddenly arrived behind them and their owner jumped into the chariot.

Zaegar: You sure your kid's okay with this? Don't want you suddenly backing out.

Rider: Eh, I'll just tell him I'm still collecting supplies... Like I did just now.

Zaegar: Dope. This'll be a fun experience, huh?

Emi: It might. Normally, battles in the Holy Grail War take place in the night, according to the rules... But no one really cares about the rules, so we're not going to follow them.

Zaegar: Aww, you're learning from me! 

Fou: Fou, fou!

Rider: Hm? Is that a Phantasmal on your shoulder?

Zaegar: Nah, it's just a plushie.

Fou: FOU!

Zaegar: A plushie with a really advanced AI.

Ophis: Can we quit the bullshit and just kill Caster already?

Emi: Agreed. Let's go.

And they set off. Emi knew what awaited them, but as Zaegar had said, being in the middle of it instead of simply knowing would perhaps change her perspective.

Either way, this day wouldn't be boring at all.

Scene Break - Unknown Location

The sky was beautiful.

He remembered only a blood-colored sky, but here, it was a clear blue. It made him speechless the first time he saw it.

He knew why he had manifested here, but that didn't mean he couldn't admire the beauty of this world before it withered away.

They were coming.

The Counter Force had finally allowed him to manifest. He was the perfect individual for this task.

Maybe his world had ended by their hand, but if he could protect this peaceful world with the beautiful sky, then he would do so without fail.

He supposed it was an honor that he was chosen for this particular role, but he didn't think he deserved it.

True, he had repelled these threats in a distant time, but was he truly worthy of such a title?

No matter. It would not benefit him if he questioned about it.

Grand Servant or not, he had a mission to complete.

Scene Break - Fuyuki Church

Risei Kotomine cleared his throat. He was being watched by his co-conspirator, his son, and most importantly the Wizard Marshall of the Clock Tower. He began the announcement, as his son nodded at him, signaling the presence of the familiars.

Risei: Once again, I announce all the Masters in the Holy Grail War. By my power as the overseer, I am declaring a complete armistice between Masters, including Caster and Foreigner. In addition, a reunion between each Master shall be hosted at this church at nightfall.

He looked to the side. Zelretch simply nodded at him.

Risei: Due to a sudden development, a representative of the Mages' Association has arrived with urgent matters. Tonight's meeting shall be supervised by-

Zelretch: Now, now. If you word it like that, no one will actually believe you, Mr. Kotomine. Here, allow me.

He stepped forward with an air of calmness. Risei simply nodded and stepped back, allowing Zelretch to take his place. He cleared his throat and spoke out loud with a jovial tone.

Zelretch: Greetings and salutations, Masters and/or Servants! Yes, it is I, your friendly Magician Zelretch. Since no sane person wouldn't be skeptical about this sudden development, I've decided to address you myself... Assuming each Master is sane in the first place, one can hope, am I right?

He coughed. In what seemed like an instant, the mood turned serious as the Magician focused on the matter.

Zelretch: As you heard, there will be a complete ceasefire in this war until further notice. Why, you ask? All will be revealed at the meeting held at nightfall. Each Master may bring a Servant for security matters, but there will be no internal conflicts from now on. This situation is very much life-or-death for all of us, and if we do not take matters immediately, the consequences will be cataclysmic. Be ready, and please, do try to behave when you get here. Announcement concluded.

He nodded to himself after sensing the familiars leaving. Tokiomi and Kirei stepped out of their spots and reunited with them at the center.

Zelretch: I apologize for hijacking your precious war, Risei, but what's coming is much more important.

Risei: If I may be so bold to ask, what exactly is coming?

Zelretch: Have you heard of aliens? 

Risei: ...No. Why?

Zelretch: Hmm. Tokiomi?

Tokiomi: It is my first time hearing that as well.

Zelretch eyed Risei's son with a questioning look. Kirei stoically shook his head in the negative, making Zelretch sigh.

Zelretch: Oh, boy. We have a lot to work on here.

Scene Break - Fuyuki City, Street

Waver Velvet couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Waver: T-T-The Wizard Marshall?! He's here?! In Fuyuki?! 

Even so, a sense of dread filled Waver. If the legendary Second Magician, who was known to be rather secretive, was indeed here in person, what was going on?

Waver: W-What if he knows that I stole that relic from Lord El-Melloi?! I'll probably die if he says something about it!

Well, that was a bit too farfetched, he reasoned with himself. The Wizard Marshall wouldn't be here with such a small goal in mind. No, if Zelretch was here, then it had to be very serious.

...Something very serious indeed.

Waver: (Mental Link) Rider? Rider? RIDER!

Rider: (Mental Link) Ow! I'm here, boy, no need to scream! Mental screams are the worst kind of screams!

Waver: (Mental Link) Whatever! Did you finish collecting the vials?

Rider: (Mental Link)  Who do you think I am? My Agility is unmatched with my Gordius Wheel, such a task was trivial!

Waver: (Mental Link) Uh, good job, then. Listen, something came up. I'll tell you the details when you meet me back at the house.

Rider: (Mental Link) Oh? You sound serious. I'm sure it will be interesting. 

Waver: (Mental Link) Where are you right now?

Rider: (Mental Link)  Hmm... Well, I'm a terrible liar anyway. I'm currently on my way to Caster's lair.

Waver: (Mental Link) ...What?

Rider: (Mental Link) I said-

Waver: (Mental Link) I know what you said... RIDER!

Rider: (Mental Link) Now, hold on, boy; this isn't as risky as you may see it. I'm currently with Foreigner and his Master-

Waver: (Mental Link) WHAT?! WHY?! THEY'LL KILL YOU!

Rider: (Mental Link) No, they won't. In fact, they were just enjoying their day when we coincidentally met. Foreigner's Master, who is indeed a talented magus, discovered a route to Caster's lair. And who was I to forsake such an opportunity? Trust me, with this alliance, we shall terminate Caster once and for all!

Waver: (Mental Link) It doesn't even follow the rules! It's supposed to be at nighttime!

Rider: (Mental Link) Boy, I think you've seen enough to know that pretty much no one cares about the rules. Even then, I can't let a monster like Caster roam free to do as he pleases.

Waver: (Mental Link) But-

Rider: (Mental Link) Just believe in your Servant, boy, for he is none other than Iskandar!

Waver was conflicted. On one hand, the sudden alliance could very much kill Caster and perhaps get the Command Seal bounty (Then again, he guessed that was currently null with the recent announcement). On another hand, Foreigner and his Master could easily turn on Rider and escalate the situation.

He thought of a viable strategy. He had one not too much after. It would be a waste, but better to have a calculated risk than a reckless plan.

Waver: (Mental Link) ...Only if you promise to tell me if they attack you. If so, I'll summon you with a Command Seal.

Rider: (Mental Link) I give you my word. Wait for me at our base, and prepare my video game!

Waver: (Mental Link) ...Fine.

He sighed. This Holy Grail War was nothing like he had expected. If he survived to tell the tale, then the first thing he would do is leave Japan and never look back.

At least, that's what he guessed Rider would do. Move on and not look back.

Scene Break - Einzbern Castle

Saber eyed her Master and her ward with a critical eye as they assessed the announcement. Kiritsugu exhaled smoke, and Irisviel looked worried.

Saber: This Zelretch fellow, do you know him?

Irisviel: Not personally, but almost every magus in the world knows who he is, even myself. Wizard Marshall Zelretch, is the second individual to reach True Magic.

Saber's eyes widened. She herself had seen many forms of magecraft, especially from a certain scoundrel that served as her mentor (Though he was referred to as a Magician), but not True Magic itself.

Irisviel: Kiritsugu?

Kiritsugu: It doesn't look like we have a choice in the matter. If someone of his caliber is here in person, then the matter must be very serious. Whatever contingencies we bring will most likely be sensed, and we'll risk becoming a target by not assisting.

Irisviel: I see...

Kiritsugu: But, this also presents an opportunity. Maiya, prepare a miniaturized camera. We'll use the meeting to get a read on the enemy's true faces and formulate strategies based on their tactics and personalities.

Maiya, who dutifully stood at the side, nodded and left the room. Saber had to admit that this was indeed a valuable opportunity to gather intel on the other Masters, but it was also a massive risk.

But her main question was: What were the cataclysmic circumstances that required a Magician to get involved?

Scene Break - Fuyuki Alley

Kariya slumped to the side of a wall. The parasites were draining his life force, but he had to power on through nonetheless.

Kariya: (Mental Link) A Magician...? Why is someone like that here? Whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. Damn it, Berserker, you even lost with those weapons I had to buy for you? 

A growl echoed through his mind. Kariya begrudgingly acknowledged the mad knight's point.

Kariya: (Mental Link) Fine, I guess what happened was too much for even you to win. If we want to win against Archer or Foreigner, we'll have to pick them off separately. Until then, you should stay in astral form to save as much mana as possible.

Berserker grunted in begrudging agreement. The mad knight was surprisingly insightful when he wasn't under Madness Enhancement. True, the skill would magnify Berserker's overall prowess, but with Kariya's condition, keeping the black knight in constant madness would only lead to a faster death.

Kariya: (Mental Link) It looks like we've got no choice but to attend this meeting and see what they want, though... Zouken probably knows about it, too.

He mused over his options. If he assisted in the meeting, Berserker would... well, he would live up to his class' name if- no, when he crossed paths with Saber.

Kariya: (Mental Link) You'll need to behave. I know you want to fight against Saber, but-

Berserker roared, as Kariya had expected. His battle with Saber would be non-negotiable in every way unless he used a Command Seal (most likely two of them) to reign him in.

Then, he had an idea.

Kariya: (Mental Link) Wait... Chances are that the Magician wants something out of us, right? Maybe... Maybe I can ask him to help me save her in return?

The Matou family had gone off the radar, and he knew enough to know that the Clocktower did not tolerate unknown variables. With the right push, they would investigate further, and maybe, just maybe, they would uncover the horrible truth to the world.

It seemed like a ridiculous plan, and it probably was, but he had to try.

Scene Break - Abandoned Safehouse

Lancer gazed at the critical condition of his Master with saddened eyes.

Kayneth had fallen unconscious after the almost fatal attack he had received. But the damage was simply too much for the man, and Lancer thought that dying would be beneficial for someone in his state.

Sola-Ui: I've been able to regenerate his organs, but his Magic Circuits are destroyed. It's a miracle he didn't die on the spot.

Lancer shot a pointed look at his lord's fiancee, who looked appropriately distressed at Kayneth's condition... or that was what she sought to portray.

Sola-Ui: He will live, but he will never be able to use magecraft again. For a magus of the Clocktower, that amounts to not living at all.

Lancer couldn't disagree with her. A magus of Kayneth's status losing his magecraft would be devastating to him and everything around him, most likely his family.

Sola-Ui: You've been silent, Lancer.

Lancer: I am in disgrace for allowing my Master to be reduced to such a state. I do not believe my words are required at the moment.

Sola-Ui: No, this isn't your fault, it's his. It just proves that the Grail War was too much for him.

Lancer: Mistress Sola-Ui, I beg you to not speak ill of my Master.

Sola-Ui: I'm not! It's a simple truth, Lancer! Even you know that Kayneth is essentially useless as a Master. It's a miracle that I am the one providing you with mana.

Lancer: I am grateful for that, and I do not doubt that Kayneth will heal thanks to your talents. 

Sola-Ui: So you'll still serve him, useless as he is?!

Lancer: Yes. 

There was no hesitation in Lancer's answer. She seemed to be quite distraught by this fact... until she resumed her cold facade at an unnatural pace.

Sola-Ui: I see. But I can't speak for Kayneth himself. 

There was a tone in her voice that Lancer did not like. But it wasn't his place to protest on such petty things.

Sola-Ui: Save our strength. You will have to assist the church with a reunion between Masters.

Lancer: A reunion?

Sola-Ui: I'll tell you the details later, for now, I need to focus on healing Kayneth.

Lancer: As you wish.

He dispersed into astral form while pondering this sudden development. Why would there be a reunion between enemies in a war?

Such an event would only lead to disaster.

Scene Break

Emi nodded to herself. She would have relayed the message right away, but there were... complications with that issue.

Zaegar: ♪ I'M GONNA TAKE MY HORSE TO THE OLD TOWN ROAD, I'M GONNA... RIIIIIIIIIDE UNTIL I CAN'T NO MORE! ♪

Rider: Gahaha! That's the spirit! Singing always raises morale on the battlefield!

Namely, the fact that it was currently too loud to even speak, since Zaegar had taken it upon himself to become the next "Monster Murdering Diva" (No, she couldn't make sense of it), and Rider only enabled this behavior.

The fact that she was the sanest out of them would have been hilarious to some, but to her, it was extremely taxing.

Zaegar: Hey, Mistress, check this out! This is practice for when I set fire to the sun!

Yhwach: ...

Emi: You're STILL on that?!

Ophis: You're still surprised at this point?

Fou: Fou, fou!

She waved her hand, conjuring a defensive Bounded Field around Rider's chariot to protect them from Zaegar's arsonist tendencies. Then again, with how grotesque Caster's monsters were, it was a fitting choice.

Emi: Just a few dozen meters until Caster's lair. Be ready for anything.

Rider: Right you are!

Zaegar: Speed the fuck up, then! Up to twenty!

Soon enough, the Gordius Wheel arrived at an open space, which they guessed was the central hub of Fuyuki's Sewers. There were rays of sunlight that illuminated the space.

Zaegar and Rider suddenly fell silent. 

Rider: Young lady, you should turn your eyes away right now.

Emi: ...It's too late for that.

She knew all along. She knew what awaited them at Caster's lair, but to see it in person was an entirely different experience.

An experience that she took no joy in.

Zaegar: No one's here.

His tone mirrored hers. It was entirely devoid of emotion. His hollow mask, usually full of mischief and cockiness, was anything but that.

He suddenly brought his hand up to effortlessly catch a punch from Rider directed to his face. The King of Conquerors looked... not angry, but extremely annoyed.

Zaegar: I didn't know one of your titles was King of Suicidal Morons, Logan. What's up with you?

Rider: Sorry, but seeing you both unmoved by the sight made me want to instinctively punch you.

Zaegar: That's because I've seen worse. Much, MUCH worse. At this point, I'm desensitized to this. 

Emi, for the first time, shuddered. If he had seen worse sight than... this, so much that he didn't feel anything by seeing it, then she dreaded to know what those experiences were.

Zaegar: Quit your bitching and lend me a hand here, will you? There's something to be done here.

Rider: ...On that, we can agree.

Zaegar: Sorry, Mistress, it's gonna get a tad noisy here.

She nodded silently. Fire and lightning roared to life as they were ruthlessly unleashed in a massive burst of energy.

She simply had to turn away from it all. To ignore it like she always could have. But she didn't.

She had done it before, and she would never do so again.

Timeskip

They exited the sewers not too long after. Zaegar and Emi hopped off Rider's chariot.

Zaegar: That's gotta slow the bastard down a few notches.

Rider: At least I'm glad that the boy didn't have to see that. Someone his age shouldn't bear witness to that sight. Speaking of which, are you doing alright, young lady?

Emi: It's pretty foolish of you to ask if your enemy is doing alright, Rider.

Rider: Well, we were temporary allies until now, so of course I'm going to ask that.

Emi: I'm fine. We have work to do.

Zaegar: Work? Man, that's an evil word. Almost as evil as responsi... respon... 

Rider: Responsibility?

Zaegar: Yeah, that. In any case, see you later, then.

Emi: Literally.

Rider: What do you mean by that?

Emi: Go to your Master and he will give you the details. 

Rider: I really don't like cryptic responses. At any rate, farewell!

Emi: Are you seriously going to take off into the sky in broad daylight?

Rider: Ah. Right.

He dismissed his Noble Phantasm and battle armor and walked away in his casual clothes. Zaegar and Emi went the opposite way.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Well, that was a stellar journey, huh?

Emi: I don't think you should be joking about this. But who am I to judge?

Zaegar: Eh, when you've seen what I've seen, things like that are just statistics.

Fou: Fooou?

Zaegar: Am I THAT apathetic? Yeah, pretty much. Don't feel good about it, don't feel bad about it. I just don't care. That said, Caster's gonna be praying that I kill him when I get my hands on him.

Ophis: Right. Let's put that aside for a bit and see what's the "work" we have to do.

Emi: There's been an announcement of a temporary armistice. The Masters have to reunite at the church tonight.

Zaegar: I'm gonna guess this is about our little alien problem?

Emi: It is.

Zaegar: Well, this oughta be interesting.

Emi: And, well... I'm sorry for lying. I knew that Caster wasn't there, and yet I led you to that place anyway.

Zaegar: that's alright. It was an experience, wasn't it? Now you've seen the good and the bad. That's life for you. Anyway, let's-

Fou: Fou? Fou, fou! Fou!

Zaegar: Hmm?

He gave a minimal pause in his step before he resumed as if nothing had happened. On his shoulder, Fou had perked up before mimicking his action.

Emi: What?

Zaegar: Nothing, just felt something off.

Fou: Fou.

Ophis: Yeah. Sort of like someone putting an ice cube down the back of your shirt. Pretty damn annoying.

Zaegar: You both felt it too, huh? Weird. Mistress?

Emi: I didn't.

Zaegar: Hmm. Any idea what it is?

Fou: Fou?! Fou, fou!

Ophis: What do you mean by "We're not supposed to feel that way"?

Fou: Fou! Kyu!

Zaegar: Only beings like you can feel that way? What the fuck does that mean?

As they were trying to understand Fou's frantic yapping, Emi searched for an answer. She had none since it was directly related to Zaegar himself.

Despite herself, she smiled. Curiosity was a wonderful feeling for her.

Zaegar: Whatever, furball. Yo, Mistress, how do you feel about a certain kind of entrance?

Emi: What kind?

Zaegar: The Zaegar kind.

Scene Break - Nightfall, Fuyuki Church Entrance

Zelretch looked down at his pocket watch. It shouldn't be long before the Masters would show themselves.

A part of him felt like he should treat this seriously, and another felt like he should just take some popcorn and see how the reunion would have gone without him.

Suddenly, his phone (He was centuries old, but even he knew the wonders of technology) began ringing. Once he saw the ID, he raised an eyebrow and answered.

Zelretch: Well, I didn't think you were tech-savvy enough to handle a phone, Arcueid... Yes, everything is going smoothly on my end, how are you?... What kind of adventure?... Ah, I see. Good for you. Excuse me, I really have to look good for this greeting. I'll see you later.

He ended the call with a shrug. Apparently, his surrogate granddaughter had saved a little girl, who coincidentally was a magecraft apprentice, from a vicious end. He would ask for details later.

He perked up once he heard the crack of lightning. 

???: AAAALALALALALALAIEEEE!

Zelretch: (In thought) Ah. The first to arrive. 

From the sky descended an antique war chariot led by two bulls that were most likely Phantasmal Beasts. Riding the chariot was a large, boisterous man and a boy who looked to be hanging on for dear life.

Rider: Iskandar, King of Conquerors has arrived!... Oh, no one's here. What a bummer.

Waver: I told you so!

Zelretch: Well, that's rather rude. I'm right here, you know?

He casually waved at them. The Servant, who he guessed was Rider, blinked and then returned the gesture. The boy, for his part, looked mortified.

Waver: I-It's him! It's really him! The Wizard Marshall!

Zelretch: Hello!

Rider: Oh, so you are the famed Magician that the boy was blabbering about. I'm going to take this opportunity and offer this: Join my army, Magician!

Zelretch: I'm afraid I'll have to pass. This old man is pretty much burned out. Heck, I was done 50 years before you were born.

Rider: Haha! If you managed to live until this point, then it means you surely have persevered through the hardships of ages. Not to mention, you're a true Magician. World conquest would be much easier with you amongst our ranks!

Zelretch: If you say so. Mr. Waver Velvet, was it?

Waver: Y-Yes, sir!

Zelretch sighs.

Zelretch: Someone so young shouldn't have to participate in such a bloody conflict, but alas, what's done is done. Please wait until the others arrive, if it's not much of a bother.

Rider: Not at all. I even brought wine for the reunion!

Zelretch: Good man. Fortunately, our second guest has arrived.

From the road leading to the church, a lone figure arrived. Zelretch frowned slightly, immediately seeing that the man was far from healthy.

The man slowly limped forward, and every step looked to be very painful to him. He looked up from under his hood, and Zelretch saw that half of his face was deformed.

Kariya: ...So, you really are here after all. 

Zelretch: Young man, though this was an urgent matter, I think your condition is far worse. What happened to you?

Kariya: It's... It's nothing. Really, it's nothing important.

Zelretch saw a glint in his eyes, and he knew that he wished to talk with him. He wondered why he didn't say it out loud but realized that perhaps he was being watched.

Zelretch: I see. Your Servant?

Kariya: He's in astral form. It really drains me to keep him materialized.

Zelretch nodded, guessing what Servant it was. The Berserker of the First War, motherly as she was, had more or less the same problem.

Zelretch: I see. 

Rider: So he's Berserker's Master. He's in quite a deplorable condition.

Waver: Yeah. Something's wrong with him.

Zelretch: If you wish, you can wait inside. It's quite comfy, despite being a church.

Kariya: I'll just... sit somewhere and watch, thanks.

He realized that this man was the Master of the Makiri family not too long after he sat down. He would chat with him privately to see what this was about. He knew it wouldn't be pretty.

He shook his head as the next guest arrived. Good thing they were punctual.

The next Master was a woman. Judging by her walking motions and her fashion style, she was no doubt related to the Clocktower (Magi in general were uptight jerks, so it wasn't hard to notice).

She was accompanied by a good-looking fellow with two spears, no doubt Lancer. He looked ready for action, yet quite conflicted about something.

If this Lancer was anything like the Lancer of the First War, then Zelretch could only hope this one met a peaceful end.

Zelretch: Ah, good night, my fair lady and... Lancer, right?

Sola-Ui: Yes. It's an honor to meet you in person, Lord Schweinorg. I apologize, but I am not Lancer's original Master.

Zelretch: Oh?

Sola-Ui: My fiancee, Kayneth, is not fit to fight in the war due to... complications. Thus, he resigned the role of Master to me.

Zelretch: Hmm. Do you have complaints about your new Master, Lancer?

Lancer: None.

Zelretch: Right. If so, please stand by until the others arrive.

Sola-Ui: As you wish.

She shot a pointed look at Rider's Master, with the young man trying to make himself invisible to a hilarious degree. Lancer, for his part, sent a curt nod to Rider, to which he returned with a salute. They walked not too far from them and settled to look from beside a wall.

Zelretch: (In thought) Who else is left... Assassin is already here, so... Archer, Caster (who probably won't come), Saber, and you-know-who. No, wait...

Zelretch: You know you can just step out and say hello, Archer.

???: You have the gal to address one such as I so casually. Do not think yourself above your place, Magician.

The ever-so-haughty voice came from above. Zelretch merely rolled his eyes as the golden Servant materialized at the edge of the church's rooftop.

Rider: Oh, even you came, huh? This must be pretty serious.

Kariya: Tokiomi's Servant...!

Archer: I ask you: Who permitted you to look up at the heavens, where the king dwells? Keep your heads low, mongrels.

Zelretch: Remember the armistice, Archer. We're not here for conflict, so I beg you to hold back until this is over.

Archer: Hmph. What foolishness.

Zelretch once again rolled his eyes. If he wasn't acquaintances with Zaegar of all beings, he would think Archer had the biggest ego he had ever seen.

He had thousands of years of experience dealing with egotistical people, so this was hardly anything new.

???: Apologies for my tardiness, gentlemen.

Speaking of which, there was Nagato's descendant coming after his Servant. To his credit, he looked as elegant and good-mannered as always.

Kariya: Tokiomi Tohsaka!

Tokiomi: Kariya Matou.

Zelretch: Now, now, I see that you both have bad blood. Because saying each other's full name out loud obviously inquires about bad blood, heh. Jokes aside, please put your differences aside for the time being.

Tokiomi nodded without fuss, while Kariya slowly sat down but was pretty much murdering Tokiomi with his eyes and mind. Well, such was a sudden truce between enemies.

Zelretch: Now to wait for the last few guests, one of which is arriving... right now! Convenient, don't you think?

Two figures emerged from the road. One male and one female. The latter was walking in front of the former in a protective stance. There were two remaining Masters to arrive, so these were...

Zelretch: Ah. Saber and her Master.

The Servant of the sword was clad in full battle armor, while her Master quietly followed behind her while smoking a cigarette. His eyes darted around. Zelretch knew the man was making strategies and formulating plans even at that very moment.

Zelretch: So, you are the famed Magus Killer, correct?

Kiritsugu simply nodded while inspecting the Magician. Zelretch wasn't going to judge the man, since the Moonlit World wasn't black and white.

Rider: Hey, Saber! Long time no see!

Saber: Indeed. Lancer.

Lancer: Greetings, King of Knights.

Zelretch didn't even bat an eyebrow at this. This was the same case with the Saber and Berserker of the First Holy Grail War.

Either historians were ludicrously blind, or the Throne of Heroes had a very warped sense of humor. 

Kariya: Grrgh...!

He looked at Kariya, who appeared to be in quite the turmoil.

Zelretch: Is everything alright?

Kariya: Y-Yeah... Berserker is just being a pain, but that's how it is usually... Just don't mind me..!

Zelretch: Right. Thank you all for coming here on such a short notice. I think we've all noticed who's left out of everyone since Caster clearly won't come.

Something immediately struck Zelretch. If someone like Zaegar was last to an important meeting where first impressions were pretty much everything...

Zelretch: (In thought) ...Oh no.

???: OH, YEAH! GUESS WHO, FUCKERS?!

He immediately facepalmed as a familiar voice echoed through the area. He didn't dare look up as music suddenly started resounding.

Zelretch: (In thought) Right, this is what we're doing now...Fine, then...

Zelretch: Everyone, please direct your gazes to the sky and know that I had no part in what is about to happen.

Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help but look up along with everyone else.

Ah, there it was. A large blimp with a rather odd choice of words is portrayed in colossal bold letters. 

ZAEGAR THE MADLAD, BITCHES!

Zelretch wondered if it was too early to hope that... That wouldn't happen.

Rider: Uh, what is happening?!

Waver: W-What the hell?!

Archer growls.

Archer: Again with this tomfoolery?! The nerve!

Saber: What in the world...?

...Nope. It was too late.

Zelretch: Please watch out for the... ah, rain.

Even the more serious of the Servants and Masters were dumbstruck by this event, except for Archer, who looked thoroughly pissed off.

Dildos were falling on the church. 

No, you didn't read that wrong.

From the blimp, a hatch opened. The music became even louder as an object dropped at borderline terminal velocity right at the ground.

It was Zaegar himself, grinning like a maniac while cradling his Master along with him. She was screaming. He was laughing.

Zelretch: You should probably take some steps away from the crash zone.

And they did, despite the sheer ridiculousness of what was happening. Only a few seconds, aaaaaaaaand...

KA-BOOM!

Zelretch: And that makes everyone.

From the dust cloud and the mild-sized crater created by the impact surrounded by the... objects (At this point this was no holy ground), they both emerged unscathed.

Zaegar: Are you ready for this?! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR IT?!

Ophis: Let me guess-

Zaegar: WASSUP YOU BITCHES! THAT'S RIGHT, I'M BACK.

He gently laid his Master down before he began to go into a massive rant about how awesome he was, to which everyone just stared dumbfounded. 

Meanwhile, Emi looked completely done with this life. Zelretch honestly pitied her for having to deal with him on a daily basis. (Man forgot about Yhwach the one who suffered the most. )

Zelretch: ...The doors to the church are open if you don't want to make sense out of this any longer than you should.

Everyone soundly entered the church without any hostility or fuss whatsoever.

Scene Break

That was a rather... striking display.

But it was also helpful, ridiculous as it was. The scale of the stunt aided him in tracking them down.

Six powerful signatures beyond human comprehension. Servants.

Perhaps it was a stroke of luck that almost all of them were gathered at the same place, making his mission easier.

There were three individuals, aside from the six, that greatly concerned him.

One was silent, yet all-encompassing. A never-ending void of possibilities connected to the origin of everything.

One was caring, yet hiding unspeakable power deep within. Something that would unleash cataclysm if it were to be left alone, but through the ages learned to appreciate the world.

One was absolute and otherworldly. Wild and unpredictable, constantly growing stronger. Far beyond the other two, an existence with infinite power over its own self.

Emptiness. Acceptance. Eternity.

The first was fated to be erased by the world itself, yet still walked the very earth.

The second and the third, although dormant, would have been his enemies in other circumstances.

Yes, he would exercise caution with them, but they were ultimately smaller than his primary mission.

It was almost time before the first of them arrived, so every second counted.

Indeed, it was a Servant gathering, so it was fit that he should introduce himself. 

Scene Break - Fuyuki Church

The Servants and Masters had taken seats at different booths of the church. Every pair was sitting together, save for Saber, since Kiritsugu had taken to watching from a reasonable distance, and Tokiomi, since Archer was, well... Archer.

A door opened and everyone saw Assassin's Master, Kirai Kotomine enter the hall. He simply nodded at everyone stoically before taking a seat.

But before that, his gaze met Kiritsugu's, making both of them twitch before ignoring one another.

The host of the meeting, Zelretch, who stood before everyone, cleared his throat and began the reunion.

Zelretch: Well, then. Ignoring what happened outside-

Zaegar: Oh, please, you'll never forget about it.

Emi: Zaegar, shut up.

Zelretch: I would once again like to welcome you here and apologize for such an unprecedented event. I would've staged some catering, but apparently, SOME people are that uptight.

He shot a pointed look at the overseer of the war, who didn't react in the slightest.

Zelretch: Now, you might be wondering some questions: Why are we here? Why are we not killing each other? What the fuck is wrong with Foreigner? The first two will be answered right now, and I don't think you want an answer with the third one, since we'll be here all night long.

Zaegar: Some people just can't appreciate awesomeness in its purest form.

Zelretch: So, I'm not going to mince or sugarcoat anything when I say this: I've gathered you all here because the entire world is in apocalyptic danger.

Waver: W-W-What?!

Kariya: That's got to be a lie.

Lancer: It isn't. 

Saber: Yes, he is not jesting.

Sola-Ui: H-How so, Lord Schweinorg?

Zelretch: Well... Frankly, it's all Foreigner's fault.

All eyes turned to Foreigner, their expressions a mixture of disbelief and disdain.

Zaegar: OI YOU BITCH! PUT ME UNDER THE BUS, WHY DON'T YOU?!

Zelretch: Allow me to elaborate. See, the young lady who serves as Foreigner's Master summoned him purely by accident. He's not a Heroic Spirit, but a living being from another world.

Rider: Yeah, that makes sense. 

Ophis: Like you wouldn't believe.

Zaegar twitched. Sure, he wasn't a Heroic Spirit, but damn it if he hadn't done more heroic things than any of these idiots combined times one billion.

Zaegar: (In thought) Nooooo, destroying the Boku no Pico universe was a bad thing, Zaegar! You can't just sacrifice quadrillions of lives just for something that petty!" The Mimihagi said. Fuck's sake, people these days will commit genocide over getting fucked over by democracy.

Emi: (Mental Link) What are you even talking about?!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Don't worry about it. Just know this: Do you think the porn industry is the biggest entertainment industry in the world? Wrong, it's American politics.

Zelretch: Quite. Now, if he were a Heroic Spirit, then this wouldn't have happened since the Counter Force would have simply dematerialized him on the spot, but as we all know, things aren't that easy.

For some reason, Saber looked like she understood this issue more than the other Servants, but Zelretch paid it no mind.

Zelretch: You see, Gaia, the will of the Earth, deemed Foreigner as an extreme threat to itself. Gaia saw humanity as too dangerous to live just by Zaegar's presence alone, but it had no way to combat him... So, instead, it called for help from other planets.

Saber: And they... responded?

Zelretch: Correct. Every planet in this solar system deployed what we dub the Ultimate Ones, which, as the name implies, are the ultimate lifeforms of their respective worlds. 

Tokiomi: If I may ask, how can you be certain that this is true?

Zelretch: Ever heard of the name Arcueid Brunestud?

Everyone shook their heads, except for, surprisingly, Kirei and Kiritsugu. The latter was the one who finally spoke after being silent.

Kiritsugu: The White Princess of The True Ancestors.

Zelretch: Right you are. She's what they call the Ultimate One of the Earth, and is directly linked to Gaia, which was useful to figure this whole thing out. Her progenitor, Crimson Moon Brunestud, was an Ultimate One himself. I already dealt with that one, by the way.

He could see each Master nodding. That story wasn't exactly private.

Zelretch: Now to get to the point, the Ultimate Ones, or Types, will be arriving right at the location of the main threat, which is Zaegar himself.

Waver: They're going to land here?! In this city?!

Zelretch: Yes. 

Rider: I see. I'm guessing you want us Servants to give you a hand in dealing with this issue, right?

Zelretch: Correct.

Rider: That sounds... utterly ridiculous, but also interesting! Count me in!

Lancer: We wouldn't be Heroic Spirits if we didn't agree to fight to save the world. 

Saber: I agree. I shall fight.

Zelretch: Caster is, well, Caster. Assassin is hidden in the shadows, so what say you, young priest?

Kirei: If I must, then I shall.

Zelretch: Archer?

Archer: What nonsense. The world itself saw fit to erase such a parasite by any means necessary. If such an end was warranted by the will of the world, then they shall meet their end as such.

Zaegar: Figured you of all people wouldn't step up. So much for the King of HEROES.

Archer: Be silent, mongrel. It is the duty of the one and only king to decide who qualifies as a hero, and who does not. I recognize none of you.

Zaegar: So you, Mr. True Hero, would just let humanity die?

Archer: You must be willing to die if you dare to question me so.

Zaegar: That's a double-edged sword you've got there, and you've got the sharper end pointing at you.

The situation was escalating at an alarming pace. Zelretch figured this would happen, so he moved as a mediator.

Or he would have done so, but he noticed something odd.

Zelretch: Hold that conversation for a bit. It appears that we have an unintended guest.

Tokiomi: An intruder managed to bypass your Bounded Field?

Zelretch: Yes. 

Saber: A Servant?

Zelretch: Most likely.

Zaegar: Caster. Let's kill him.

Zelretch: That would be rather impolite. They're currently heading towards the door, and they don't look like a Caster to me. Besides, I don't think anyone would target 7 Servants at the same time.

Zaegar: Excuse me?

Zelretch: Correction: I don't think anyone sane would do that. Let's wait until they enter, which would be... right now, in fact.

Just as he said that the doors to the church opened, allowing their unintended visitor to enter the hall.

The first thing everyone noticed was that the figure was not Caster.

The second thing they noticed was that it was a Servant.

The third thing they noticed was that this Servant was extremely powerful, even from a glance.

???: My apologies for the sudden arrival. I trust this gathering pertains to Servants. If so, I'm in the right place.

Tokiomi: (In thought) What?! A ninth Servant?! 

Waver: (In thought) Oh, come on! ANOTHER one that no one knew about?!

Sola-Ui: (In thought) How did they remain hidden all this time?!

Emi: (In thought) ...I see. Interesting.

Risei: As the overseer of this war, I demand that you state your class and how and why you were summoned.

???: I have no Master. I manifested independently.

Rider: Hoh? Independent manifestation? Is that even possible?

Solomon: I am Grand Caster, known as King Solomon, the King of Mages.