Neo Soul King Yhwach

Author's Note:

Well, well, well... where do I even begin? Technically, this chapter isn't meant to be out this late, but hey, better late than never, right?

So here we are—December 5th, 2023. This is the day that Neo Soul King Yhwach first saw the light of day. But back then, it wasn't even called that. Nope, it went by the title A Quincy's Tale in the Walking Dead. Not quite as catchy, huh? Eventually, after a lot of changes, some twists and turns, and my own insane ramblings, it evolved into Neo Soul King Yhwach. And wow, what a ride it's been.

I bet you've noticed—this story has been through a lot in just a year. New arcs, new worlds, a plot that's shifted and evolved, and even a full reboot. It's honestly kind of surreal to think about. When I first started, I never expected this to turn into what it is now. I never imagined it would grow so big, or that I'd meet so many amazing readers, make new friends, or find myself so deep in a story that keeps changing and growing.

But here we are, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

And to celebrate all that, I've put together this special chapter just for you. Yeah, YOU. Because without you—yeah, you're reading this right now—this whole thing wouldn't exist. You're the reason it keeps going, the reason it gets better with every word.

Side note: This chapter is packed with lore and hidden Easter eggs, so let's see if your brain can catch them all. And for the newcomers who haven't read the original—fair warning, you might get lost. But don't worry, it'll all make sense in time.

Welcome to Shattered Memories. Let's enjoy this one... because who knows where we'll go next.

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Yhwach stood still, the shotgun steady in his grip as he pointed it directly at Lee Everett's forehead. The expression on his face was a picture of utter detachment—calm, almost clinical. He took one measured step forward, lowering the barrel until it was just shy of Lee's head.

Lee froze, his breath hitching in his throat. His mind raced, trying to process the surreal moment. He stammered, "L-look, man, I don't know who you are or what you want, but I'm—"

Before he could finish, Yhwach reached out with his free hand and touched Lee's shoulder. A sudden warmth surged through Lee's body, spreading from the point of contact. He gasped, eyes wide, as the pain in his leg evaporated. The gash closed before his eyes, leaving pristine skin behind.

"What the—" Lee began, his voice trembling with a mixture of awe and fear. "Who are you?" His voice cracked. "What did you just do to me?"

But before Lee could say more, an explosive force rocked the air. His head burst like a ruptured melon, splattering blood, bone, and brain matter across the ground. Yhwach didn't flinch. His gaze remained impassive, his white trench coat splattered with crimson droplets, as he observed the result.

A voice snickered in his mind. [Well, that's one way to make a first impression! Really gives 'mind-blowing' a whole new meaning, eh, Yhwach?] Zaegar snickered, his tone laced with dark humor. [Could've just introduced yourself, but noooo, you had to go all doom and gloom deity on the poor guy.]

Yhwach's eyes narrowed slightly, his voice a cold whisper. "Shut up, Zaegar."

Zaegar pouted internally, the mental equivalent of crossing tiny dragon arms. [Well, fuck you too, then.]

Ignoring his inner hollow's antics, Yhwach felt a surge of knowledge flood his mind. Lee Everett's memories, his experiences, his emotions—all of it became his. A college professor. A murderer. A man with a past steeped in regret and anger.

"Interesting," Yhwach murmured to himself, stroking his chin as his thoughts swirled. He would have pondered more, but a guttural groan pulled his focus.

The officer.

Yhwach turned to see the man's body twitching, his movements unnatural and jerky. His skin had turned a sickly gray, and his milky white eyes stared blankly. The groan came again, deep and primal. The creature's mouth opened, revealing discolored, broken teeth.

Zaegar piped up immediately. [Looks like this guy drank a gallon of bleach—hell, he probably bathed in it. Get it, Yhwach? Bleached?] He burst into a fit of laughter.

Yhwach raised his hand, forming a glowing arrow of spiritual energy. Without hesitation, he fired, the projectile piercing the officer's head. The body collapsed, finally still.

Zaegar tutted. [Talk about overkill, you dumb fuck. You could've just punched his head clean off. But no, you had to go full Quincy over here, wasting precious energy.]

Yhwach didn't reply, sensing movement in the brush behind him. He turned to see another figure stumbling into view—a woman. Her skin was gray, and her eyes were the same ghastly white as the officer's. She moved with the same jerky motions, her lips curled into a snarl.

[What the fuck? Did we wander onto the set of Zombie Apocalypse: Bleach Edition? Seriously, who let Halloween come early? I didn't even have time to make a costume!] Zaegar snarked.

"Silence, Zaegar," Yhwach said coolly, as more figures emerged from the forest. Their groans filled the air, a cacophony of hunger and death.

The humor in Zaegar's tone didn't waver. [Oh, sure, let's just ignore the fact that everyone around here looks like they've been 'bleached.' Admit it, it's a killer pun.]

Yhwach ignored him, taking stock of the situation. Zaegar's voice broke through again, this time with a tinge of urgency. [You might wanna head uphill and hop that fence. Unless you wanna hang out with your new bleach buddies.]

Yhwach sighed but followed Zaegar's advice. With calculated precision, he dashed toward the fence, leaping over it effortlessly. He landed in someone's backyard, the dull thuds of the creatures attempting to breach the barrier still echoing behind him.

In the distance, gunshots rang out. The walkers immediately shifted direction, drawn to the sound. Yhwach used the brief reprieve to scan his surroundings. A house stood before him, complete with a pool and a treehouse. His eyes narrowed as he approached a sliding glass door.

Peering inside, he saw a living room—empty, quiet. A dining table and staircase were visible, but no sign of life stirred within. A blinking light on a table in the hall cast an intermittent glow, faint but noticeable.

Zaegar broke the silence. [Cozy little place. Think they have snacks? I mean, you've had a busy day—You died to an emo and a prisoner, met your creepy dad or uncle at my place, got dropped here, headshot here, soul munching there. Bet you're starving.]

Yhwach's reply was curt. "Enough."

Yhwach's gaze remained steady as he ignored Zaegar's latest jab. The sliding glass door gave way easily with a soft click as he pushed it open, his shotgun raised and ready. The house was eerily quiet, save for the faint hum of the answering machine light blinking in the hallway.

Zaegar chimed in. [Relax, Yhwach. There's no one alive in here. Unless you count the rats, but I'm sure even they'd find you boring.]

Yhwach remained silent, stepping carefully into the house, his grip on the shotgun firm. The faint scent of something metallic lingered in the air, mingling with the stale odor of disuse. His boots barely made a sound as he moved toward the source of the blinking light. The answering machine sat on a table in the hallway, its glow casting faint shadows on the walls.

Without hesitation, Yhwach pressed the button.

"You have three new messages." The automated voice intoned.

The first message began cheerfully, a woman's voice carrying a friendly warmth.

"Hey, Sandra! This is Diana. Thank you so much for taking care of Clementine for us! I'm calling to let you know that we'll be staying in Savannah for a little while longer. Ed had an altercation with some crazy guy in an alley. He might have gotten an infection or something. He's in the E.R., but it shouldn't be more than a few days. Tell Clementine we love her!"

Yhwach glanced toward a fallen photograph near the phone. The frame lay face down, its glass splattered with dried blood. He picked it up, brushing off the grime to reveal the image of a smiling family—a mother, a father, and a young girl.

Zaegar piped up again. [Oh, the happy family trope. Let me guess—dead parents, scared kid. Can't wait to see how this one plays out.]

"You have two new messages."

The same voice returned, but now tinged with panic.

"Oh my God, Sandra! It's chaos out here! The city is on lockdown, and Ed's condition is getting worse! Listen, when you get this, leave the city and take Clementine with you. I need to get back to the hospital. Please let me know you're safe!"

Zaegar chuckled darkly. [The only chaos they should've been worried about was me, not gonna lie. But hey, they seem to have managed their own downfall just fine.]

Yhwach remained expressionless, though his gaze lingered on the answering machine.

"You have one new message."

The last recording was heartbreaking, the woman's voice trembling with desperation.

"Clementine, baby… if you can hear this, call the police! That's 9-1-1! We love you! We love you…"

The message ended abruptly, leaving a heavy silence in its wake.

Zaegar broke the quiet. [Welp. They sure hired a shitty babysitter. Also, since you've already offed an officer—even if he was 'bleached'—are we, uh, technically criminals?]

For the first time, Yhwach seemed mildly intrigued by Zaegar's question. "Zaegar, think for a moment. We just arrived in this world. The officer was already deceased, reanimated into—"

[Zombies,] Zaegar interjected, cutting him off. [They're called zombies, dipshit. Haven't you read a book or watched a movie?]

Yhwach's brow furrowed. "Zombies are fictional. A childish concept meant to entertain the masses."

Zaegar laughed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. [Oh yeah? Well, explain that 'fictional' officer you just took down, you pompous ass. Bleached or not, they're zombies, bitch.]

Yhwach ignored him and turned toward the kitchen. The floor was slick with dark stains, and he took careful steps to avoid slipping.

Zaegar chimed in, mocking as ever. [That's ketchup. Totally ketchup. Go on, taste it, Yhwach. I dare you.]

Yhwach ignored the comment, focusing instead on a plastic cup filled with water by the sink. He drank without hesitation, the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.

[Wow, Mr. 'Careful and Calculating' is drinking random house water. What's next? Poison? Alcohol? Oooh, or maybe it's an aphrodisiac? That'd be hilarious.]

Yhwach immediately spit out the water, and Zaegar cackled. [Calm down! I was just screwing with you.]

Yhwach's icy tone returned. "Your juvenile antics grow tiresome."

Looking out the kitchen window, Yhwach noticed the treehouse again. His thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched voice emanating from a drawer.

"Daddy?"

He swiftly opened the drawer to find a walkie-talkie. Raising it, he spoke. "Hello."

The voice on the other end hesitated. "You're not my daddy."

Zaegar chimed in instantly. [No shit! I don't remember you banging anyone or leaving to get milk, so yeah, definitely not Daddy.]

Yhwach's reply was curt. "No, I am not. Who are you?"

"I'm Clementine," the voice answered.

Yhwach frowned slightly, realizing she was likely still in the house. "Where are you?"

"In the treehouse."

Zaegar burst out laughing. [Oh great, we've gone from god-king to babysitter. What's next? A tea party?]

Yhwach's piercing gaze shifted to the door that stood slightly ajar. Beyond it, a small face peeked through, framed by a curtain of tight curls. Clementine's big, innocent eyes met his, and a tiny hand emerged, waving enthusiastically.

"I can see you. Can you see me? I'm waving at you right now," she said cheerfully, her voice a stark contrast to the grim silence of the house.

Yhwach's expression remained utterly blank, as though carved from stone. Zaegar's voice chimed in with gleeful sarcasm.

[Oh, come on, Moody! At least wave back, you heartless psycho.]

Before Yhwach could retort, his right hand moved of its own accord, raising stiffly in a mechanical wave. His brows twitched, and he quickly regained control, forcing his hand back down.

"Do not ever do that again," Yhwach growled under his breath, his tone cold and commanding, his eyes narrowing in irritation.

Zaegar only snickered. [What's the matter, Yhwach? Afraid of showing a little humanity?]

Oblivious to the exchange, Clementine beamed down at him. "I hid up here when they came. I don't think they can climb, so they can't get me."

Yhwach tilted his head slightly, his tone even and calculated. "That was… a wise decision."

The silence of the house was suddenly shattered by a rhythmic thump-thump-thump. The sound reverberated through the walls, growing louder with each impact.

[Well, look at that, we've got guests! Think they're here for the tea party too?] Zaegar's tone was dripping with mock excitement.

Yhwach's lip curled slightly in annoyance, but before he could reply, Clementine's small voice broke in, tinged with worry. "What's wrong?"

"Is there anybody else here with you?" Yhwach asked, his voice as calm as ever, though his hand gripped the shotgun tighter as he began creeping toward the noise.

Clementine hesitated. "There was Sandra, my babysitter, but she...oh no..."

"Stupid brat," Yhwach muttered under his breath.

[You said it, buddy,] Zaegar added with a sardonic laugh. [Though I gotta say, this Sandra sounds like a real charmer. Let's go meet her!]

Rounding the corner into the kitchen, Yhwach froze momentarily as his gaze fell upon the source of the noise. What was left of Sandra shuffled toward him, her pale, decomposing frame moving with unsettling jerks and twitches. Her twig-thin arms reached out hungrily, and her mouth gaped open, revealing yellowed, rotting teeth.

Sandra wasn't home anymore. But her body still was.

[Well, shit,] Zaegar quipped, amusement lacing his tone. [Looks like the babysitter really let herself go. Think she's still up for a chat?]

Yhwach's frown deepened as Sandra lurched forward suddenly, her rotten mouth opening wide, the stench of decay filling the air. Zaegar's voice cut through the tension. [Here's a tip: destroy the brain.]

With practiced precision, Yhwach swiftly kicked Sandra away, sending her crashing into the wall with a sickening thud. The impact cracked the plaster and bent her neck at an unnatural angle. Without hesitation, Yhwach pulled his hand back and swung, his fist connecting with Sandra's head, sending it cleanly from her shoulders. Her body collapsed in an instant, her movements reduced to nothing.

The grotesque head of Sandra's lifeless body rolled to the side, finally still, as Yhwach lowered his arm. The room settled into an eerie quiet, broken only by Zaegar's smug voice.

[See? I told you that'd work. Classic brain-removal technique. Efficient, clean—well, sorta.]

Yhwach didn't take his gaze off the lifeless form of Sandra, now completely devoid of any trace of humanity. He spoke flatly, his voice dripping with disdain. "Didn't you say no one was here?"

Zaegar snickered. [Correction: No one alive. Zombies are dead, not alive. There's a difference, Your Majesty.]

Before Yhwach could retort, the sound of the sliding door being thrown open cut through the kitchen. He turned sharply to see a small figure standing in the doorway, clutching a hammer with trembling hands. Her wide, fearful eyes locked onto him, darting briefly to the headless corpse slumped against the wall.

Clementine's voice wavered as she pointed the hammer at him. "Did you… kill it?"

"Yes," Yhwach replied, his tone cold and indifferent as he set the shotgun down.

"Good," Clementine murmured, her posture shrinking in on itself. She clasped her hands together as if trying to make herself smaller. After a long pause, she stammered, "I think she was a… m-monster."

Yhwach studied her with a calculating gaze. "No, not a monster. She was already dead. There is a difference."

Zaegar immediately chimed in. [Oh, come on! They're zombies, you motherfu—]

"I'm not calling them zombies," Yhwach cut in sharply, his irritation flickering across his usually composed expression.

Clementine's brow furrowed in confusion. "Who are you talking to?"

Zaegar seized the moment, his tone dripping with mock sincerity. [Oh, she's curious! Go on, introduce me. I'm dying to make a first impression—no pun intended.]

Yhwach, visibly irritated, muttered under his breath, "I'm not introducing her to you, of all people."

[People,] Zaegar gasped theatrically. [You wound me, Yhwach. But fine, do it! I'll lend you some reishi and Reiryoku. It'll be fun.]

Yhwach's frown deepened, but he relented, returning his gaze to Clementine. "There is...a voice in my head," he said with measured precision, his tone betraying faint distaste.

Zaegar's voice rang out in mock cheer. [Hello, I am totally not a voice in your head.]

Yhwach's eyes narrowed. Please be quiet, he thought sharply.

Clementine hesitated, holding her hammer tighter. "You're really serious, aren't you?"

Yhwach sighed. "Unfortunately, yes."

[The fuck do you mean 'unfortunately?'] Zaegar grumbled. Ignoring him entirely, Yhwach returned his focus to Clementine. "You've been all by yourself through this?" he asked.

Clementine's cheer faded, her expression crumpling. "Yes… I want my parents to come home now…"

Yhwach's reddish-brown eyes bore into hers, There was no pity in his eyes, no softening of his features as he replied. "Your parents are dead."

Clementine's expression crumpled, her small body trembling as the words sank in. Tears welled in her eyes, but she bit her lip, trying to stifle her sobs.

Zaegar's voice cut through the emotional weight of the moment. [Damn, Yhwach. Ever heard of sugarcoating? Kid's already traumatized, and you're out here dropping truth bombs like a cold-hearted bastard.]

"I see no purpose in false hope," Yhwach muttered under his breath, ignoring Zaegar's derisive laughter.

Clementine sniffled, her small hands clutching the hammer tighter as she stared at the ground. "But... I heard them. They said they'll come back…"

Zaegar chimed in, laughing darkly. [Oh, bravo! Way to comfort the kid, your Highness. Next, why don't you tell her Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy aren't real while you're at it?]

Yhwach muttered under his breath, "You grow more insufferable by the second." Turning his attention back to Clementine, he softened his tone ever so slightly, though it retained its cold precision. "If they were still alive, they would have returned to you. Denying the truth will only hinder you."

The little girl's lips quivered as she looked up at him, searching his face for any sign of reassurance. "What do I do now?"

Zaegar piped up again, his voice laced with sarcasm. [Oh, I dunno. How about adopting her? You can be her big scary zombie-slaying step-daddy. Yhwach the Babysitter—has a nice ring to it.]

Yhwach ignored him, crouching slightly to meet Clementine's gaze. "You will need to survive. That is all that matters now."

Clementine hesitated, her small fingers loosening their grip on the hammer. "Will you keep me safe?"

Zaegar laughed. [Oh, she has no idea who she's asking, does she? Yhwach keeping someone safe? That's rich.]

Yhwach's voice was calm but firm. "As long as you remain useful, I will ensure no harm comes to you."

Clementine didn't entirely understand his words, but there was something in his tone—a promise, that made her nod slowly.

Zaegar's voice lingered in Yhwach's mind, smug and mocking. [Congrats, Yhwach. You've officially become the weirdest parental figure in history. I'm so proud.]

Yhwach ignored him and stepped back, keeping his weapon ready. Sometime later, Clementine appeared, carefully climbing down the treehouse ladder. She reached the ground and looked up at him, her eyes wide with trust and fear.

"Now what?" she asked.

Yhwach looked down at her, his expression unreadable. "Now we survive."

Zaegar chimed in. [Oh, this is gonna be fun. Let's see how long Daddy Yhwach can keep her alive without turning her into Quincy bait.]

Yhwach said nothing, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. The sound of approaching groans spurred him into motion. With Clementine close behind, he led her away from the house and toward whatever awaited them in this new world.

Scene Break

The soft glow of warm lamplight bathed the apartment, Yhwach sat in a plush leather armchair, a steaming cup of tea in hand, seemingly unbothered by the escalating absurdity before him. A thick tome rested on his lap, its pages delicately turned by his graceful fingers. 

On the low coffee table sat Zaegar, a pint-sized dragon with scales resembling jet-black armor and a sarcastic glint in his reptilian eyes. His presence alone was enough to make most uneasy, but it was his sharp tongue that truly stole the spotlight.

Across from him, Issei Hyoudou and Freed Sellzen sat on a couch, their expressions ranging from bewilderment to incredulous disbelief.

"I have several questions," Freed blurted out, his wide eyes darting between Zaegar and Yhwach.

Issei, though no less shaken, nodded in agreement. "Yeah, uh, same. Starting with... how?"

Ddraig voice echoed from within Issei. [I'm more concerned with the fact that he isn't lying about being from another world.]

Zaegar rolled his eyes dramatically, leaning back on his haunches. "What? Let me finish telling my story before you all lose your collective minds."

Yhwach didn't look up from his book, taking a slow sip of tea. "Please, by all means, continue," he said with the barest hint of sarcasm.

Zaegar smirked, his tail flicking in amusement. "As I was saying, after we left the house, we ran into two idiots—Shawn Greene and Chet. Or, as I like to call them, Dumb and Dumber."

Freed raised a finger to interject, but Zaegar snapped his tail in the air. "Quiet. You'll get your turn to speak when I allow it."

Freed frowned but said nothing, his arms crossed indignantly.

Zaegar resumed, his tone theatrical. "So, we made it to Dumb's farm, where we met his daddy, Hershel Greene—whom I lovingly dubbed Dumbdelore. The old man had wisdom written all over his face, but let's be honest, it didn't save him from being... well, dumb."

Issei couldn't help but chuckle nervously, though he quickly glanced at Yhwach, who seemed entirely detached from the conversation.

Zaegar continued, undeterred. "We stayed the night at the farm and, as a gesture of goodwill, I taught Clementine some choice swear words. You know, to prepare her for life's harsh realities. The next morning, we were rudely awakened by a mustachioed man named Kenny, or as I like to call him, Boat Fetisher."

Issei raised a hand. "Wait, what?"

Zaegar ignored him. "He came with his wife and kid. Oh, and that kid—don't get me started. That little brat made me want to claw my own ears off. Reminds me of you, Freed."

Issei turned to look at Freed, who was now inching toward the door in an attempt to escape the conversation. Zaegar's tail shot out, wrapping around Freed's neck and yanking him back onto the couch.

Freed let out a strangled "Harder," earning a wide-eyed stare from everyone.

Zaegar recoiled slightly, his expression one of mock disgust. "Whoa, Freed. Didn't know you were into that. Keep your kinks to yourself, buddy."

Freed shrugged, an unrepentant grin on his face.

Zaegar cleared his throat dramatically, shifting the conversation back on track. "As I was saying, that kid got on my nerves so much I nearly made Yhwach obliterate the world just to shut him up. But alas, I restrained myself. Mostly because I didn't want to deal with cleaning up the mess."

Just then, the door to the kitchen swung open, and Raynare stepped into the room, a bowl of popcorn in hand. Her eyes took in the scene—the dragon on the table, the bewildered guests, and Yhwach calmly reading amidst it all.

"Bad time?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as she popped a kernel into her mouth.

Zaegar grinned, baring tiny rows of sharp teeth. "Perfect timing, actually. Grab a seat, Raynare. You'll love this part."

Scene Break

The classroom in Beacon Academy buzzed with an uneasy energy as students fidgeted in their seats, some whispering nervously while others stared down at their desks, trying to avoid drawing attention to themselves. The source of their discomfort stood front and center: Zaegar, perched on the teacher's desk.

"I SAID TAKE YOUR FUCKING SEAT, YANG!" Zaegar bellowed, his voice bouncing off the walls as his tail slammed against the desk for emphasis. "DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY, YOU BITCH?"

Yang Xiao Long paused mid-step, her golden hair cascading over her shoulder as she rolled her eyes. "Great. Zaegar Presentation Day. Just my luck," she muttered, her tone laced with sarcasm. Reluctantly, she slumped into her seat, already regretting her decision to show up.

Ruby nudged her sister with a whisper. "Do you think he'll go easy this time?"

Yang snorted. "Doubt it. We all know what happened to Cardin and Jaune."

The rest of the class collectively winced, and a few brave souls exchanged sympathetic glances. Everyone knew better than to openly complain about Zaegar's presentation day. After all, Cardin and Jaune had made that mistake once. Nobody knew the specifics of what happened during their "detention" with Zaegar, but when they emerged pale, trembling, and unable to form coherent sentences, the message was clear: Never provoke the hollow.

Professor Yhwach sat calmly at his desk, sipping a steaming cup of tea and flipping through the pages of an ancient tome. His unreadable expression gave nothing away, but when he finally spoke, his tone carried its usual blend of cold authority and mild irritation.

"Zaegar, if you could refrain from further disruptions and begin your presentation," Yhwach said, not looking up from his book, "it would be... appreciated."

Zaegar let out a dramatic scoff, turning his snout upward. "Appreciated? Oh, forgive me, Professor," he sneered, his voice dripping with mockery. "Didn't realize this was your class. I thought it was my stage."

From the depths of Yhwach's mind, another voice chimed in—a smoother, more cynical tone belonging to Kūgo Ginjō. [Zaegar, when's the last time you ever listened to anyone? Let the man enjoy his tea in peace for once.]

Zaegar's tail flicked with smug satisfaction as he responded through their shared mental link. [Never, Ginjo. And Ozzy's lucky I've been so patient with him and his second-rate academy. If I wanted to, I could burn this whole circus to the ground before lunch.]

Zaegar shot a glance at the room, his amusement growing as he noted the students' growing discomfort.

Weiss Schnee straightened in her seat and cleared her throat. "Professor Yhwach, is this—" she gestured toward Zaegar with thinly veiled disdain, "—really necessary?"

Yhwach's eyes flickered up from his book, his gaze briefly meeting hers. "You will find, Miss Schnee, that necessity is subjective. Endure it." His tone was dismissive, yet heavy with an unspoken command that left Weiss speechless.

Yang muttered to herself, "I swear, detention wouldn't be half as bad if it weren't for him."

Zaegar's sharp hearing picked up her words. He turned to her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Careful, Sunshine. You're not too big for detention. And believe me, you'd hate it even more than your little blonde boyfriend over there." He jabbed a claw in Jaune's direction, making the boy sink lower in his chair.

The class collectively winced, waiting for Yhwach to step in. Instead, he calmly took another sip of tea, his unreadable expression giving nothing away.

Zaegar stretched his tiny wings dramatically. "Alright, kids, settle in! It's time for the most educational part of your week—my presentation!"

A collective groan rippled through the classroom, but no one dared to speak up.

Ginjo's voice returned to Yhwach's mind. [You're just going to let him run wild, aren't you?]

Yhwach's gaze remained fixed on his book, Letting Zaegar run wild is not a choice. It's a necessity. Zaegar sharpens their resolve and tests their limits. If they survive it, they'll be better for it. If not... then they weren't worth the trouble to begin with.

Zaegar's tiny wings flared out dramatically as he stood at the front of the room, tail swishing with excitement. His beady eyes scanned the class, a sly smirk curling around his sharp teeth.

"Hello, and welcome to my presentation on why you should go fuck yourself," Zaegar announced with theatrical flair. "Spoiler alert: It's because you are a piece of shit that no one likes."

The room was dead silent, the students' faces were a mixture of confusion, discomfort, and offended. Zaegar, however, seemed completely unfazed, basking in the shock he had induced.

"But why are you a piece of shit?" he continued, pacing back and forth like a seasoned orator. "Were you raised this way? Or were there unfortunate circumstances to blame?" Zaegar paused, looking around the room with a scornful eye. "No. You're just terrible. 100% of the population wants you to go fuck yourself. That's right, EVEN YOU want you to go fuck yourself. So what are you doing here? Go on, go do it."

A nervous laugh rippled through the class, but no one dared speak up, too afraid of provoking the tiny terror on the desk.

Zaegar raised a claw dramatically, his eyes narrowing as he locked onto Blake, who was visibly squirming in her seat. "You may be asking yourself, 'Does all this hatred represent a weakness on my part? Could it be that nobody deserves to hear the words 'go fuck yourself' because every single human and Faunus being on the planet is a worthwhile and valuable member of society?'"

Zaegar grinned, exposing his sharp teeth. "Hell No! Go fuck yourself."

The class collectively winced, and a few chuckled nervously, unsure whether they should laugh or look terrified.

Zaegar paused for effect, his tail flicking with mischief. "In conclusion, I want you to know that I don't really mean anything I'm saying here. I think you're all great people. Ultimately, I don't want you to go fuck yourself." Zaegar leaned forward, a gleam in his eyes. "Just kidding. Go fuck yourself."

A chorus of groans echoed through the room, but no one dared argue. Zaegar's tiny dragon form was as intimidating as it was absurd, and everyone in the room knew it was far safer to just ride out the storm.

Yhwach, who had been silently sipping his tea the entire time, allowed a faint, barely perceptible smirk to play on his lips. "Well done, Zaegar," he said without looking up from his book. "Your presentation was... enlightening."

Zaegar puffed out his chest, clearly pleased with himself. "Thank you My Besto Frendo. I know how awesome I am." He turned back to the class, his eyes gleaming. "Now, if you're all done bitching and moaning about how offended you are, we can get back to actual learning. Or you can leave. Your call."

Scene Break - Prison Realm

Inside the confines of the Prison Realm, Zaegar floated lazily, Gojo Satoru floated beside him, his posture uncharacteristically slumped, his face marked with exhaustion and frustration. His white hair was a mess, and his once indomitable energy had long since been drained. The Prison Realm had worn on him, gnawing at his sanity day by day, hour by hour. Zaegar's incessant rambling had only made it worse.

Zaegar, however, was unfazed. His mind was too quick, too volatile to be bothered by the silence or the weight of imprisonment. "So, after I gave my presentation, I continued with the story," he began casually.

Gojo's eye twitched. "I really don't want to hear this right now, Zaegar," he muttered under his breath, the weight of his imprisonment sinking deeper into his bones.

Zaegar, oblivious to Gojo's breaking point, grinned, his sharp teeth gleaming. "Did you know that Boat Feitsher let Dumbdelore's son Dumb die?" he continued, dragging out every syllable with gleeful malice. "Which made Dumbdelore go alpha male apeshit on us, telling us to get the fuck out of here. To which I made Yhwach give him a middle finger as a fuck-you, old cunt."

Gojo clenched his jaw, his fingers curling into fists. He knew Zaegar had a tendency to rant, but this was beyond annoying. Zaegar didn't care that Gojo had been tortured by his own thoughts for what felt like an eternity in the Prison Realm. For Zaegar, this was just another twisted game, an endless loop of nonsense.

Zaegar stretched his wings, his tiny form expanding and contracting with every breath. "Anyways, we reached Macon, went into a drugstore—I kept telling Yhwach it's a drug store, there should be a shit ton of drugs, we should get washed and shit—but Yhwach was like, 'Nooo, my glorious goat Zaegar, we can't! We need to be a role model for Clementine.'"

Zaegar let out a huff of disgust at the memory, his eyes flickering with amusement. "I said, 'Fuck you,' and controlled his body. Burned Clementine and everyone else that was there and murdered Boat Fetisher's shit son 99 times just for shits and giggles. It was a fun time, Gojo. You should've seen it. And then, I finally used a Cero to eradicate that whole universe, but not before turning the entire universe into alcohol and drinking it up. Safe to say, it was a fun timeline. Would go for it again."

Zaegar's voice, high-pitched and smug, kept bouncing off the walls of the Prison Realm like a maddening echo. "Oh, and by the way, Gojo, the way I saw it, my actions were totally justified. But you know, no one ever appreciates me. Always the one to save the day and no applause. It's fine though; I don't need it. I know I'm that awesome."

Gojo's jaw clenched as Zaegar's words drilled into his skull. He had tried to block them out at first, hoping that maybe Zaegar's constant rambling would tire itself out, but that was never going to happen. It had been days—weeks?—of being trapped with this tiny, insane creature who never shut up.

"Shut the fuck up," Gojo spat, his voice hoarse from the weeks of frustration.

Zaegar paused mid-sentence, looking down at Gojo with an exaggerated look of surprise. "Oh? Did you finally find your voice, Mr. Infinity?"

Gojo's blue eyes narrowed, his normally carefree demeanor completely shattered by the monotony of Zaegar's presence. His heart raced, his mind frantic, his exhaustion now boiling over.

"I've had enough," Gojo snarled, his voice trembling not with fear, but with a raw anger that had been building up for far too long. "I've been trapped in here for... I don't even know how long… with you, spouting this insane bullshit, just for you to beat me and laugh. Non-stop. Non-fucking-stop!"

Zaegar stopped mid-flap, his head whipping around to look at Gojo, his tiny eyes wide with amusement. "What was that, White Goose? Did you say something? Was that... anger I heard? Ooh, you've finally snapped! Took you long enough, huh?"

Gojo's breaths were shallow, his chest heaving as his cursed energy flared wildly, crackling around him. "You think this is funny? You're sick. You've been torturing me with your insanity for... for how long now?"

Zaegar's grin widened. "Well, well, Albino, looks like you finally found your voice. I was beginning to think you'd just float around here, crying in silence like a good little sorcerer. But hey, what do I know? I'm just a hollow who enjoys breaking people."

Gojo's hand clenched into a fist, his cursed energy growing unstable around him. His mind was racing, trapped between the reality of his imprisonment and the overwhelming desire to do something—anything—other than be subjected to Zaegar's madness. "I don't care if you're a goddamn dragon or the devil himself. I won't stay quiet anymore. And you can't—"

Before Gojo could finish, Zaegar darted forward with unnatural speed, floating in front of him with a wicked smile. "You won't stay quiet? Oh, Gojo, that's adorable. You really fucking think you can escape this prison? Your best friend sealed you in here. And now? You're just stuck with me. And guess what bitch? I've got stories to tell. You're not getting out of this until I'm done with you."

Gojo's anger reached its peak, his cursed energy roaring around him like a storm. "This isn't over, Zaegar. You might think you're untouchable, but I will get out. And when I do—"

Zaegar cackled, his laughter echoing through the Prison Realm. "When you get out? Oh, Gojo, I'd love to see that. But until then, you're stuck with me and my charming company."

In this prison, it was no longer about breaking the other. It was about who could survive the longest.

And for the first time in his life, Gojo Satoru wasn't sure if he could.

Scene Break - A Whole Different World

The air in the large, bustling kitchen of Yhwach's base also known as Schatteninsel was thick with the smell of simmering stew and sizzling meat. The soft clatter of pots and pans echoed as a team of cooks worked tirelessly to prepare meals for the growing recruits. But one particular figure stood out: Zaegar, perched on the counter like an absurdly small dragon, his tiny wings fluttering slightly with each breath. In front of him, the Four Kings—four birds who had escaped Mariejois—stood frozen.

"And then I fucking told him, 'No, you dense piece of shit, it's my solar system now.' Froze the whole goddamn thing down for good measure. A fucking masterpiece, if I do say so myself, You see, No one appreciates the brilliance of chaos. I am, without a doubt, the most underappreciated entity in existence." He cackled, slamming his claw against the counter, sending a pot rattling to the floor.

The Four Kings had all paused in their work—unsure of whether to laugh, scream, or just take off in a panic. The first King, finally recovering his composure, was the first to speak, his voice rough with disbelief.

"...Did you just say... you burned Clementine? And then—what was it? Murdered a kid a hundred times?" His voice was strained, not sure if Zaegar was exaggerating, or if this was somehow, disturbingly, real.

Zaegar, who had been contentedly grooming one of his tiny claws, glanced at the First King and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, grow some balls, Colonel Chicken. You heard me right. One hundred. Fucking. Times. And guess what? The kid deserved every one of 'em. Little shit thought he was clever being a foreman—he wasn't." His grin widened, showing an alarming amount of teeth for something so small. "The Cero at the end was the cherry on top."

The Second King, more composed but still perplexed, set down his feathered hands and looked at Zaegar with a mixture of incredulity and caution. "You... incinerated entire universes, Zaegar. You do realize the scope of that, don't you? The logistics alone—"

"Logistics?" Zaegar cut him off, laughing so hard he nearly rolled off the counter. "Fuck logistics! Logistics are for people who have a pencil fetish and spineless cunts! I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want. And you know what? It's fun. You should try it sometime, Feathers."

The Third King looked like he was about to vomit. "Zaegar, this isn't just reckless. It's... it's psychotic! People's lives—whole worlds! What's wrong with you?"

Zaegar's eyes narrowed, "What's wrong with me?" He leaned forward, his slitted eyes locking onto the Third King with chilling intensity. "What the fuck's wrong with you, Private Pigeon? You think the universe plays fair? You think it gives a shit about your noble little ideals? Newsflash: being 'good' makes you a target, and targets get fried." He leaned in, his voice dropping to a hiss. "And I fucking enjoy it."

The Fourth King, barely holding it together, suddenly exploded in a burst of laughter. "Hahahaha! He just—WHAT?! Burned them and then—HA! You're insane, Zaegar!" His laughter grew more and more hysterical, tail feathers flaring out wildly. "What kind of lunatic does that!?"

Zaegar's face twisted into an amused smirk, leaning forward with a gleam in his eye. "Oh, Rico, you poor thing. You're just jealous you didn't get to join in on the fun. Come on, the whole thing was a masterpiece."

A long, tense silence followed his words. The first King was the first to recover, straightening his posture and turning back to the stove, though the shock in his eyes had not entirely faded. "I'm not sure what kind of 'power' you think you have, Zaegar, but you're pushing things too far. We have a responsibility here. To Yhwach, to the crew." His voice was firm but edged with caution.

Zaegar's expression shifted, but only slightly. He tilted his head, eyes narrowing in a way that made it clear he wasn't used to being questioned. "Responsibility? Oh, how cute. Let me tell you something about responsibility, buddy. I am the responsibility. Whatever Yhwach wants to do, I'm there. Hell, I'm the one who makes sure things actually happen." 

He raised a tiny claw as if pointing at them all. "Without me? You wouldn't have gotten out of Mary Geoise in the first place. You'd still be locked up in your little birdcage." He jabbed a claw in their direction, his grin feral. "And don't think for a second that I won't remind you every goddamn day."

The Second King sighed, shaking his head. "You're impossible."

"And you're boring!" Zaegar shot back with a sneer. "You should be thanking me. Without me without my chaos without Yhwach, your lives would be even more pathetic."

The First King exchanged a weary glance with the Second, both silently agreeing that Zaegar was a force they could neither control nor contain. "We'll see about that," the First muttered, turning back to the stove.

Zaegar smirked, stretching his wings. "Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that, Colonel." With a sudden leap, he shot toward the window, shattering it with a triumphant roar of laughter as he soared off into the distance.

The remaining Kings stood in stunned silence for a moment, staring at the broken window.

"...We're really doing this, aren't we?" the Third King muttered.

"Another Thursday," the Second replied grimly, returning to his work.

Scene Break

The sun filtered gently through the leaves of the forest surrounding the Hidden Leaf Village. Team 7 stood in a small clearing, the quiet hum of nature filling the space between their introductions. Kakashi Hatake leaned casually against a wooden post.

"Alright," Kakashi began, his tone as laid-back as ever, "why don't you all introduce yourselves? Likes, dislikes, dreams for the future... hobbies, that sort of thing."

Naruto Uzumaki threw his hand up first. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I love ramen—especially the kind at Ichiraku's! I hate waiting for it to cook, and my dream is to become Hokage and have everyone acknowledge me!"

Sakura Haruno followed, her voice slightly hesitant but growing more confident. "My name is Sakura Haruno. My likes are... um... well..." Her gaze darted to Sasuke, her cheeks turning pink. "My hobbies are... things I like."

Kakashi sighed internally, not bothering to comment. "And dislikes?"

"Ino-pig!" Sakura declared with sudden enthusiasm.

Finally, it was Sasuke Uchiha's turn. He crossed his arms. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I don't like much of anything, and I hate a lot of things. My dream—or rather, my ambition—is to restore my clan and... to kill a certain someone."

 The group fell silent. Kakashi was about to speak when—

"Hey, kids! Wanna hear a fun story? Or maybe go on a nice, cozy adventure?"

The voice, casual yet brimming with manic glee, came from nowhere and everywhere all at once.

Naruto jumped to his feet, his blue eyes darting wildly. "What—who said that? Where are you?"

Sakura gasped, clutching her chest as her gaze whipped to Naruto. "Naruto! Was that you?"

"No way, Sakura! That wasn't me!" Naruto protested, his voice cracking slightly.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, his Sharingan almost activating out of instinct. "Someone's here," he muttered, his voice low and edged with caution.

The voice chuckled, low and mocking. "The Uchiugger is right. Points for the broody one."

All four turned toward the sound, their heads snapping upward. Perched casually on a tree branch just a few feet away was… something.

It looked like a lizard—a tiny, bizarre creature with shimmering black scales that seemed to absorb the light around it. Tiny wings flapped idly, keeping it balanced as it regarded the group with slitted, mischievous eyes.

"What the hell is that?" Naruto blurted, pointing a trembling finger.

Sakura's eyes widened as she whispered, "Is that… a summon?"

Kakashi tilted his head slightly, his visible eye narrowing as his thoughts raced. A summon? Maybe... but whose? Is this an enemy ninja's doing? Why didn't I sense it before now?

"Quit thinking too hard on it, Albino 2.0," the creature said lazily, its voice laced with amusement. Its tail flicked back and forth like it was sizing him up. "Man, I really miss him. I guess you'll be his replacement, eh?"

Kakashi blinked, taken aback. "Albino... 2.0?"

"Yep! The resemblance is uncanny." The creature spread its tiny wings, mockingly gesturing toward Kakashi's silver hair. "I mean, you've got the whole hair thing going on. Very Gojo-esque."

The group stared in bewilderment.

"Gojo?" Naruto asked, scratching his head. "What's a Gojo?"

"Not what, kid. Who," the creature corrected, its tone dripping with faux patience. "An absolute legend, that guy. Albino Supreme. But you, 2.0, you're close enough. You'll do. Barely. but anyway, what's the deal, kiddos? Training? Bonding? Or are you planning to reenact the tragic backstory club over here?" Zaegar pointed at Kakashi Hatake.

Naruto stepped forward, his fists clenched. "Hey, who are you calling 'kiddo,' you weird... lizard thing?!"

Zaegar let out a theatrical gasp. "Lizard thing? Oh, how original! You must be the smart one of the group." He glanced over at Sakura, his eyes narrowing in mock scrutiny. "Wait... no, it's probably you, Pinkie. Or is it Mr. Emo over there?"

Sakura turned bright red, whether from embarrassment or anger wasn't clear. Sasuke, on the other hand, stayed silent, his eyes fixed on the strange creature with an icy calm.

Kakashi finally stepped forward, his voice steady but edged with curiosity. "You still haven't answered the question. Who—or what—are you?"

Zaegar leaned back with a sly grin, his tail curling around the branch. "Oh, me? Just your friendly neighborhood chaos enthusiast connoisseur specialist expert, culinary super doper genius, Name's Zaegar. And Well..." His gaze flicked to Naruto, then Sakura, and finally Sasuke. "Let's just say I was bored, and you lot look like the perfect entertainment."

Kakashi's hand moved toward his pouch, his stance subtly shifting into a defensive position. "Entertainment, huh? I think you'll find we're not so easily amused—or amusing."

Zaegar let out an exaggerated gasp, placing a tiny claw on his chest. "Oh, Albino 2.0, that's adorable. But trust me..." He spread his wings wide, the sunlight bouncing off his black scales, giving him an almost ethereal glow.

"You've just met entertainment."

A shrill, unfamiliar ringing sound pierced the air, halting everyone in their tracks.

Naruto froze mid-step, his expression twisting in confusion. "What the heck is that sound?"

Sakura tilted her head, her brow furrowed. "It's not coming from us. Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed as he scanned the clearing. "Not me. But it's... persistent."

Zaegar groaned, rolling his glowing eyes dramatically. "Ugh, of all the times..." He reached behind himself and pulled out what appeared to be a scroll—though its surface shimmered with strange glyphs and pulsing lights.

"What is that?" Sasuke asked coldly, his guard still up.

"Modern convenience, you emo-extra," Zaegar replied dismissively. He tapped at the scroll awkwardly, muttering under his breath. "How does this shit even work across worlds? Seriously, this multiversal tech is more temperamental than Yhwach when someone eats the last pickle."

The group blinked at him in collective confusion, but before anyone could ask further questions, a deep, authoritative voice emanated from the scroll.

"Zaegar," the voice said, icy and deliberate, "I trust you have a valid reason for skipping the recruits' combat drills after lunch. Again."

Zaegar groaned louder, throwing his tiny arms in the air. "Man, screw you, old man! I didn't sign up to be a combat instructor! I'm a food specialist! There's a huge difference!"

Kakashi and the team exchanged bewildered glances. "Combat instructor? Food specialist? What's he even talking about?" Naruto whispered.

"Quiet, Naruto," Kakashi murmured, his tone tense.

The voice on the scroll remained calm, but there was an audible edge of irritation. "Regardless of your self-imposed title, you have responsibilities. Where are you, Zaegar?"

Zaegar rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, party pooper. I'll head back soon." With a dramatic sigh, he closed the scroll, which vanished into thin air—or rather, into a peculiar pocket dimension in his lower posterior region.

The entire group stared, wide-eyed and horrified.

"Did... did he just put that thing in his—" Sakura began, her voice trailing off in disbelief.

"Where else am I supposed to store it? Get over it, Pinkie," Zaegar said, snapping his claws. "Now, where were we? Oh, right!" His grin returned, wicked and brimming with anticipation. "Since fun is off the table, let's cut to the chase. Time for all of you to die! Yhwach needs ninja souls for his collection."

Zaegar raised a claw, a sphere of crackling red energy forming at its tip. The sheer intensity of the Bala sent a shockwave rippling through the clearing.

Kakashi activated his Sharingan, stepping forward to shield his students. "Stay back, all of you!"

But before the attack could fully manifest, the world around them began to distort. Everything went blindingly white, erasing the forest, the Hidden Leaf Village, and even the planet itself in a massive explosion.

When the light subsided, Zaegar floated above a scorched, barren wasteland—Earth reduced to ash. He glanced around, his frown deepening. "That wasn't even a Cero! I held back so much! How the fuck are these people this fucking fragile?"

He sighed, muttering, "Bunch of glass cannons. What's the point of these souls if they just break?"

On the moon, Toneri Ōtsutsuki stood in stunned silence, watching the Earth's destruction unfold. Around him, the remaining members of his clan stared in disbelief, their serene composure shattered.

"Could it be... an outside force?" Toneri's father murmured, his voice heavy with dread. "Have other Ōtsutsuki discovered this planet?"

A voice rang out from behind them, casual yet dripping with menace.

"Whatcha think about the fireworks?"

The clan spun around to find Zaegar lounging on thin air as though it were the most comfortable throne in existence. He gestured dramatically to the desolate wasteland below. "Pretty impressive, right? Magnificent in its simplicity. A real chef-d'œuvre of destruction."

Zaegar stretched lazily, his wings folding back against his sleek, shimmering body as he addressed the stunned Ōtsutsuki clan members with a tone of mock curiosity. "Oh, come on now, don't be shy! I just wiped out an entire planet, and all I get are blank stares? Rude. I'd at least expect some applause—or maybe a little groveling."

Toneri, still reeling from the sheer scope of the destruction, managed to stammer out, "W-Who... are you? What are you doing here? How did you—"

Zaegar waved a claw dismissively, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Boring! Questions, questions, questions. You people always have so many questions. Look, kiddo," he said, pointing a claw at Toneri's chest, "the 'who' doesn't matter. What matters is the 'what.' And the 'what,' in this case, is that your precious little planet is toast, courtesy of yours truly."

Toneri's father, his face pale but his voice steady, stepped forward. "You dare mock the Ōtsutsuki clan? Do you know who we are? What we're capable of?"

Zaegar snorted, clearly unimpressed. "Oh, I know exactly who you are. Big, bad aliens with delusions of godhood. You're a dime a dozen. Trust me, I've burned down better—and prettier—than you." He leaned forward, his slitted eyes glowing ominously. "But hey, if you want to test your 'capabilities,' be my guest. I've got time for a quick round of target practice."

The gathered Ōtsutsuki members exchanged uneasy glances. Even for them, who had witnessed and caused their share of destruction, the sheer scale of Zaegar's power was incomprehensible. Toneri clenched his fists, his eyes filled with a mix of fear and determination. "You destroyed this world for what? Entertainment?"

Zaegar chuckled, a low, dangerous sound that sent chills down their spines. "Bingo! Give the kid a prize. And as for why..." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Let's just say I had a bad day. Happens to the best of us."

Before anyone could respond, Zaegar's face twisted into an exaggerated expression of mock realization. "Oh, wait! I forgot something." He held up a claw, and with a flick of his wrist, the sky above them darkened. The swirling energy of a massive Cero began to form, casting an eerie light over the desolate remains of Earth. "I think I missed a spot. Gotta clean up properly, you know?"

Toneri's father stepped forward, his voice filled with desperation. "Wait! If you're so powerful, what do you gain from this senseless destruction?"

Zaegar rolled his eyes, groaning dramatically. "Ugh, you people always ask the same boring questions. Why this, why that? How about why not? Look around—nothing left to conquer, no annoying ninjas whining about 'bonds' or 'destiny.' Just peace and quiet." He spread his arms wide, as if presenting his masterpiece. "Isn't it beautiful?"

The elder Ōtsutsuki's jaw tightened. "You've destroyed a potential resource for our clan. Do you have any idea the consequences of—"

"Blah, blah, blah," Zaegar interrupted, waving a claw dismissively. "Do you people ever shut up? Consequences, resources, politics—sounds like a you problem." His grin returned, sharper this time. "But hey, if you're so concerned about consequences, let's speed things up. How about I turn your clan into dust next?"

The Ōtsutsuki present stiffened, and several began to subtly prepare their chakra, though they were unsure if they could match the power of the being before them. Toneri's father narrowed his eyes. "You're a fool if you think you can challenge the Ōtsutsuki Clan."

Zaegar burst out laughing, the sound unnervingly gleeful. "Challenge? Oh, you've got it all wrong, big guy. I don't challenge—I erase." He flexed his claws, a faint glow beginning to build at their tips. "Wanna see?"

Without waiting for a response, Zaegar unleashed a Cero, obliterating the moon in a flash of energy. As the debris scattered, Zaegar turned his back to the devastation, pausing for a moment. Then, with an audible fart, a shockwave erupted, disintegrating the remnants of the Earth and moon entirely.

Scene Break – The Pure Land

A soft luminescence filled the infinite expanse of the Pure Land, where the souls of the departed gathered. Ethereal, tranquil winds wove through the infinite plain, dotted with small glowing orbs that represented those awaiting their final rest.

Yet today, that peace was shattered.

In a sudden burst of light, countless figures began to materialize, one after another. Naruto Uzumaki blinked, disoriented, as he found himself standing amidst an ocean of faces he recognized. His teammates, mentors, rivals—everyone he had ever known during his lifetime in the Hidden Leaf Village and beyond—stood scattered across the vast landscape.

Sasuke Uchiha appeared beside him, his gaze sharp and suspicious as he scanned their unfamiliar surroundings. Sakura Haruno stood a step behind them, her hands clutched together nervously. And Kakashi Hatake, his Sharingan still active, took a cautious stance, his senses on high alert.

"What is this place?" Naruto asked, his voice echoing faintly. "And why is everyone... here?"

"Where the hell are we?" the Raikage growled, his deep voice cutting through the murmurs.

"This... this is the Pure Land," whispered Minato Namikaze, his brows furrowing. "But... why are we all here? And why together?"

Kakashi rubbed his masked chin thoughtfully. "It's unusual, to say the least. if we're here... does that mean—?"

"We're all dead," Sasuke finished grimly, his voice low.

Before anyone could respond, a sharp cracking noise echoed through the space. The sky—if it could be called that—rippled and fractured like shattered glass. Out of the crack stepped a small, winged figure, its black scales gleaming ominously. The silence was deafening as all eyes turned to the interloper. Zaegar floated lazily in the air, arms crossed and tail swaying behind him, wearing a smirk that radiated pure mischief.

"Que pasa, mis amigos?" Zaegar greeted, his voice dripping with unrestrained glee. He paused dramatically, surveying the crowd. "Oh, wait, right. You shitfaces don't know Spanish. My bad." He waved a claw dismissively. "No worries, I ain't going full-on Spanish Inquisition on ya fucks. Not yet, anyway."

The crowd stared, dumbfounded.

"Who—what are you?" Minato demanded, stepping forward as his hand hovered near a kunai.

Zaegar cackled, folding his arms smugly. "Don't worry, kiddos, this time I ain't going full-on Spanish Inquisition on you fucks." He paused, tapping his chin as if reconsidering. "Actually, that would be fun... but no. I've got bigger fish to fry."

Naruto stomped forward, his fists clenched. "Hey! You! What's going on here?! What did you do to us?!"

Zaegar turned to Naruto, his grin widening. "Oh, you'll love this part, Blondie." He spread his tiny arms theatrically. "I accidentally vaporized your pathetic little planet."

Gasps rippled through the crowd, though Madara merely raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"What?!" Naruto bellowed. "How do you 'accidentally' vaporize a planet?!"

Zaegar shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, it happens. You know, you start with a little Bala for laughs, and suddenly—BOOM! Whole planet goes kablammo. Happens more often than you'd think. A real occupational hazard."

Kakashi stepped forward, his voice calm but deadly serious. "You've destroyed countless lives. What do you intend to do now?"

Zaegar let out a long, theatrical sigh. "You mortals are so dramatic. Look around, Cyclops—no one's dead." He gestured at the sprawling expanse of the Pure Land. "You all skipped purgatory, so you should be thanking me. Saved you a lot of paperwork."

Shouts erupted from every corner of the endless expanse as everyone—heroes, villains, civilians, and shinobi—screamed at Zaegar in fury.

"You've destroyed everything!" shouted a civilian, her voice trembling with rage.

"I had plans, you reckless bastard!" bellowed Orochimaru, his voice laced with venom.

"You've doomed us all, you winged pest!" Danzo snarled, his single eye blazing with hatred.

Zaegar floated lazily in the air, yawning theatrically. He raised a claw, ready to retort with some snark, but the sheer volume of voices drowned him out.

"SHUT UP!" Zaegar finally roared, his voice amplified by a crackling energy that rippled through the crowd like a shockwave. "FUCK YOU, AND FUCK WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA SAY!"

Silence fell, albeit briefly.

Zaegar's lips curled into a wicked grin. "Matter of fact—let's throw them fucking hands!"

Without warning, Zaegar lunged into the sea of people like a black streak of death, his claws glowing with an ominous energy. He tore through the masses in a whirlwind of chaos, slicing, dicing, and outright annihilating them by the tens, then hundreds, then millions. Blood soaked the once-pristine ground, turning the serene landscape into a grotesque battlefield.

Madara and Hashirama, unfazed by the carnage, exchanged a brief look of understanding. "We're ending this," Hashirama declared.

Madara smirked, his Sharingan blazing. "Finally, something entertaining."

Seconds later, the battlefield was unrecognizable—a wasteland of corpses and obliterated souls. Zaegar sat atop a mountain of corpses—some recognizable, others reduced to nothing more than indistinct remains. He casually slurped a thick black substance from a cup made of a hollowed-out skull. "Ugh," he grimaced, spitting it out. "Black Zetsu tastes like ass. Never again."

As he wiped his mouth, Zaegar's sharp ears caught a faint sound behind him. He turned, his eyes narrowing as he came face-to-face with it.

The Mimihagi floated ominously, Its single eye bore into Zaegar, unblinking and accusatory.

Zaegar glared, baring his fangs in a snarl. "Oh, great. You." He stood, stretching his wings menacingly. "What the hell do you want, you crusty pile of divine shit?"

The Mimihagi remained silent, but its presence alone was enough to send a pulse through the corrupted Pure Land. Zaegar growled low, flexing his claws. "Don't just stand there like you're important. You know I've been cleaning up Yhwach's messes for millennia, and I don't need you showing up to make it worse."

The Mimihagi didn't respond, only tilting its floating form slightly, as if mocking him. Zaegar's patience snapped.

"Oh, you think this is funny, huh? Fine. Come at me, you eldritch jackass. Let's settle this right now!" His wings flared as he prepared to attack.

Zaegar's wings froze mid-flare as the sound of a voice—so calm, so effortless—reached his ears. His eyes narrowed, and he turned sharply, his claws flexing instinctively, but the words stopped him in his tracks.

[Zaegar, calm down. You've had your fun,] Ophis' voice rang out, [I believe His Majesty prepared you that special coconut cocktail you've been asking for.]

Zaegar blinked, his fury momentarily halted as his mind processed her words. His tail flicked behind him, a rare sign of indecision. "The funny thing is..." Zaegar started, his voice lowering to a dangerous tone. "I know you're both playing me." His wings flared, and his body tensed as he looked back at the Mimihagi, his gaze turning venomous. "But you're right. I've had my fun. For now."

The Mimihagi, still hovering unnervingly nearby, made no move to speak, but Zaegar's eyes never left it. His smirk returned, sharp and threatening. "Utter one more word and no dragon or being alive will be able to fix what I do to you!" His words cut through the air with venom.

For the first time since Zaegar had met the Mimihagi, The creature did something that made Zaegar pause—a single, slow motion that made his smirk falter.

The Mimihagi raised its middle finger.

Zaegar blinked in utter disbelief, his mind temporarily short-circuiting at the sight. His jaw tightened as he looked at the Mimihagi, completely caught off guard. The audacity of the Mimihagi, that damned, silent thing, raising its middle finger as if mocking him—it was enough to send any creature into a frenzy.

[Zaegar, wait, wait, wait! Don't attack it!] The sound of Ophis' voice reached him, but it barely registered in his mind.

Zaegar's tail lashed behind him, his fangs bared in a snarl that could rip through mountains. He was beyond reason, consumed by his fury. His wings flared wide, casting a shadow over the battlefield.

"This son of an unloving mother, you see him?" Zaegar growled, his voice raw with frustration. "I HATE HIM! I can't take this no more!" His fists clenched tighter, a crackling Reiatsu building up as his body surged forward.

[Zaegar, NO!] Ophis shouted, her voice tinged with panic, but it was futile.

Zaegar lunged at the Mimihagi, his claws extended, eyes blazing with unchecked wrath. The force of his movement stirred the air, sending a shockwave rippling through the corrupted landscape.

And just as his fist shot forward, the world seemed to twist, the ground beneath him fracturing as time stretched and cracked. "ZAEEEGAR YESSSSSSS!" Zaegar's laughter rang out with manic glee.

Time slowed.

His fist was inches from the Mimihagi.

And then, in an instant, everything fractured.

_______________________________________________________________

Here's a little something to lighten the mood. Yep, it's Zaegar rocking a Christmas hat. Who knew the madman could pull off a holiday look, right?

I'll catch you in the next chapter. Until then...

Zaegar: "Pfft, look at me—does this hat make me look festive or just like I'm about to ruin everyone's holiday? Anyway, don't get too comfy, next chapter's gonna be a rollercoaster. Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times! and don't forget to grab some popcorn while you're at it."