NOVEL NEXT Chapter 5 – Give me A Sign
Caleb looked out at the sprawling view before him and sighed for what must have been the hundredth time today. Normally he'd have been sitting here simply to enjoy the spectacular view that lay before him. He would have most likely brough a few sandwiches with him to nibble on while he let his mind wonder, or maybe he'd have brought his sketch pad with him to practice his landscapes for a bit, or better yet just used his phone to take a few picture to remember the place by.
But today was different.
Today he didn't couldn't be bothered to enjoy the beauty of the picturesque scene of sprawling trees stretching as far as his eyes could see, the different shades of greens on full display, nor could he be bothered with the marvels of life that were the few forest creatures that had taken a moment to quench their thirst at the river that snaked its way through the forest.
No, today his mind was too preoccupied to be distracted with other minor thoughts.
He'd spent the last two days simply thinking. Over and over again the conversation between him and Jackson had been replaying in his mind. Every word, every syllable had seemingly been seared into his brain and no matter what he did he couldn't stop them from finding a way to occupy his thoughts.
Two days spent stumbling around town trying to make sense of his own miserable existence, to find a reason as to why he should keep going, something to give him an excuse to keep fighting. Yet he didn't find it.
He really was alone. Something he'd already knew, but hadn't really given much thought to. He'd always taken pride in the fact that he didn't need others to get by, that his handwork and effort was enough. He hadn't had an easy life, it was practically hell on earth, but he was proud that he had fought back, that he'd survived.
His survival had been enough for him. But now he had to ask himself the question, what was he surviving for?
Eighteen years of torment. No one helped him even when he begged and pleaded. His parents who should have loved him unconditionally were the first ones to turn their backs on him, his mother firstly, by one day simply leaving town never to be seen or heard from again, and his father second by constantly taking his frustrations out on Caleb who's emerald eyes seemed to remind him of Caleb's mother. Caleb didn't know if he had any other family and even if he did, he was sure that they wouldn't have been any better than the ones he already knew.
His school life hadn't been much better as teachers and students alike seemed to view him as a lost cause. No matter how hard he studied or how often he tried to ask questions in class, teachers were more likely to ignore him or would kindly ask him to be quiet. To other kids he was the weirdo who came to school with patch filled clothing and worn-out sneakers. He hadn't managed to make a single friend and if anything he seemed to have made an enemy in the form of Jackson Withers.
He was alone. No friends, no family and no community. He had been barely holding on to his sanity, being put out on the streets had almost finally broken him entirely, but when he'd stumbled upon the Naruto series he'd managed to hold on. If Naruto had managed to deal with the hatred of an entire village and still fought on then why couldn't he? But he had been mistaken. There was a very clear difference between Naruto and him. At least Naruto had a few people who looked out for him, at least Naruto had someone who offered out their hand to him when he was in the mist of his disappear. But there was no one there for him.
Caleb sighed once more, glancing around as he affirm his decision. He was sitting on the outer ledge of the large bridge on the outskirts of town. It was the main way for people to head to and from the big city a few hundred miles away and today Caleb was planning to use it to go on a journey of his own.
He reached for his backpack and pulled out the coil of rope that he had bought earlier that day. He quickly tied the rope around his ankles ensuring that no matter how much he might thrash around against the bindings that they wouldn't come loose, before tying the other end to the sizable rock that he'd found at the side of the bridge. He clenched his trembling hands so tightly that his nails drew blood but the pain helped him to focus on tying the knots securely.
The small voice at the back of his head kept screaming out to him to stop, that there had to be another way, a better way to deal with everything; but Caleb quickly ignored it. he knew that if he kept listening to it he wouldn't be able to muster what little courage he had left to follow through with his plan.
Finally finished with his preparations, Caleb took his backpack and gently placed it against the railing of the bridge. Inside was a change of cloths, his pocket knife, jacket, and the last few hundred dollars to his name tucked into his wallet. Hopefully who ever was lucky enough to find his things would be able to put them to better use. It would be a waste for him to take them with him afterall.
Caleb took a deep breath before picking up the rock with the rope attached to it. He took a step towards the edge of the ledge and looked down, something he really should not have done. The sight of the rushing waves below seemed to extinguish all of the courage he had built up and he stumbled backwards from the ledge. His stomach lurched with unease and his vision swam as his breath hitched in his throat. Why was this so hard? He'd already decided to end it all today. He'd come to terms with his reality so why couldn't he do it?
Caleb clenched his teeth as tears started to stream down his face. The rock fell from his hands as they started to tremble once more, but Caleb kept standing there trying to get air back into in lungs. Why was this so hard? Why was he hesitating? There wasn't anyone who would miss him, there wasn't anyone who would come looking for him. There was absolutely no reason for him to hesitate now. Not when he was so close to release. Not when he was finally going to escape from the pain and the hurt and the suffering. So why was he hesitant now?!
Caleb opened his mouth and an anguished scream tore through his throat. The tears kept flowing as he was wracked by sobs that seemed intent on breaking him from the inside. Caleb lay curled up on the ground until the sobs finally subsided. He wiped his eyes in his shirt and stood to his feet once more. Composed once more Caleb did the one thing he hadn't done in years.
He prayed.
"G-God... I don't know if you're real.... I-I don't know if you even know that I exist. I doubt it since you've never once answered any of my prayers before, but at this point I don't think it matters all that much." Caleb raised his head at looked to sky as he screamed to the heavens.
"I'm tired of living this life and I want it to end! So if my life has meaning, if my life is worth saving, if there is any reason why I shouldn't end myself right here and now, then I need a sign! I don't care what it is, just send me a sign and I'll keep going! Please!...If there is a higher power, some being who can decide that my life can serve a greater purpose other that to be tormented for the rest of my life then please show it to me!"
Tears once more fell from Caleb's eyes as he continued to beg and plead for a sign from a higher power with all that he had. Eventually he fell to his knees panting and hugging his chest as simply breathing seemed enough to cause him pain. His aching throat that had been rubbed raw from his mad ravings stung and he wanted nothing more that to find something to drink but he sat there on the ground on the ledge of bridge and waited. He wasn't sure what would happen now, but at least he truly had done everything that he could have done. All he could do now was wait.
Several hours went by and as each one of them went, Caleb's heart dropped further and further into a pit of despair until there really wasn't anywhere left for it to go. He sat there for five hours with the sun beating down on him, and the wind raging around him as he sat waiting for something, anything out of the ordinary that would show him that there was something out there that recognized his existence.
But there was nothing.
As if to mock him, there wasn't even a hint of traffic that came through the bridge while he had been sitting there. No cars filled with families heading to the beach, no busses heading to the city filled with passengers, not even a delivery truck seemed to have passed by. What should have been a pretty busy road had become silent for five consecutive hours.
Caleb closed his eyes and the most dazzling smile graced his face. It seemed that he had received his answer.
Caleb got to his feet and once more hugged the large rock to his chest. This time there was no small voice at the back of his head urging him to stop. It seemed that every fibre of his being had finally managed to accept that there really wasn't a place for him in the world anymore. He shuffled closer and closer to the edge of the ledge, the wind once more whipping against his face as the sight of the raging river once more greeted him. Caleb closed his eyes for what would be the final time before bracing himself to jump-
A slight tug on his right pants leg pulled him out the trance he had seemingly been in. He thought he had been mistaken until once more the tugging sensation returned. Slowly, Caleb turned his head towards the ground and his eyes widened in amazement at what he saw. There, with his pants leg clenched in its teeth was a pure white puppy. Its white fur almost seemed to be glowing in the sunlight with how white it was, and though they both were standing on a dusty bridge not a speck of dust seemed to cling unto the small ball of white fluff.
As he kept staring at the small pup, it seemed to notice he had stopped and it unclenched it teeth before looking back at him. Caleb sucked in a breath as he stared into a similar pair of emerald eyes to his own before flinching slightly when the pup barked at him. He took a step back and noticed the small pup had started wagging its tail. Completely confused Caleb placed the rock onto the ground before crouching towards the small pup. He slowly reached out his hand and to his surprise it walked up and started sniffing his hand before rubbing against him.
A warm feeling that he had never felt before started to swell in Caleb's chest as he kept staring at the small pup before him before he quickly pulled back his hand. The pup, now without a hand to rub against, ran up to Caleb and started rubbing against his legs, barking from time to time and jumping at him. Caleb sat there in silence as the small pup continued to play around him before he closed his eyes and started laughing. Small chuckles at first before evolving into full blown laughter as once more tears flowed once more.
Caleb scooped up the small pup into his hands before bringing it up to his face. The small pup once more stared at him with its head tilted to one side before jumping unto Caleb and lapping at his face. Caleb could only smile at his new friends anticks before pulling the pup into a hug.
"Thank you..." Caleb whispered. thanking what even God had sent him his sign.
Now he knew that his life was still worth living. There was still something out there that acknowledged his existence no matter how minor it seemingly was and for that, he would be eternally grateful.
They had even sent him a friend, someone who he could truly live for. Someone that he could rely on and that relied on him.