Naruto: I Became Orochimaru's Apprentice

The last thing Teriyaki remembered was dozing off on a stack of old Naruto mangas after binging half the Chunin Exams arc for the second time. He'd meant to study for finals — truly — but somehow "one more chapter" turned into three volumes, and next thing he knew, his forehead was glued to a panel of Orochimaru licking his lips. He'd tried to stop himself, but his body collapsed from exhaustion and the last thing he saw was the flick of Orochimaru's tongue.

That was, apparently, how his life ended. Because when Teriyaki opened his eyes, he wasn't in his messy bedroom anymore.

No, he was lying flat on his back, staring at a damp stone ceiling, while the air smelled suspiciously like chemicals, wet snakes and bad decisions.

"Oh, good. You're awake."

Teriyaki shot upright, nearly dislocating something in the process. Sitting gracefully across the room — draped in that iconic pale robe, golden eyes gleaming like a pair of smug cat headlights — was Orochimaru himself.

Teriyaki's brain short-circuited immediately. "I'm dead. I died. Why are you here? I'm in a lab? Don't tell me..."

Teriyaki acted the fool, it would be bad if Orochimaru caught onto his act. "Why do I have no memories? I'm not in hell, right?"

Orochimaru tilted his head, smile stretching just a bit too wide. "Hell? No, no. If anything, you've been given an extraordinary opportunity. You cannot be older than seven, yet your curiosity is making me infactuated with you already. Perhaps my snakes will have to remain hungry tonight... As with your memories, I just found you in a nearby forest. Perhaps you were infected with a type of amnesia. Your guess is as good as mine."

Teriyaki finally took stock of himself. Small hands. Skinny stick-like arms. He was a kid — maybe seven years old — in some mismatched rags, sitting in what could only be described as a scientific lair.

There was a broken table, a wall of shelves full of ominous jars, and a faint hissing sound coming from somewhere he did not want to investigate. All around test tubes filled with ominous bubbling liquids had been smashed onto the floor, this was the kind of place even the maddest of men wouldn't enter.

"I—what—how?" Teriyaki's voice was small and squeaky, which was extra humiliating given the circumstances. Everything was happening so fast, his mind was overheating.

Orochimaru rested his chin on his hand. "I found you in the woods near one of my more... experimental labs. I was going to feed you to the snakes."

Teriyaki froze. "Feed me to the—?!"

"But then," Orochimaru continued smoothly, "I noticed something. The way your chakra coils responded, like wet clay ready to be shaped. A perfect blank slate. You're just what I've been waiting for, the catalyst for my future experiments. Oh, we will be getting very close my boy."

Teriyaki had no idea what his chakra coils were doing, but that sounded like the worst compliment imaginable considering the way Orachimaru was licking his lips right now. Judging from Orachimaru's appearance it must've been way before he appeared in the manga, he would have to find out later the exact time period he was in. He speculated Naruto and Sasuke were probably still in the academy right now.

"So, naturally," Orochimaru gestured with a languid hand, "I decided not to waste a potential asset. You live — for now. Tell me your name I assume you remember that much, I'll need it before I begin my experiments. We don't have time to waste, I have far more intriguing matters elsewhere."

Teriyaki exhaled in relief. As long as Orachimaru left, he could be at peace. God knew what Orachimaru would do if left alone for too long with him. 

"My name is Teriyaki."

"Ah. Like the food, my oh my. That name is intruiging, I wonder do you know where your parents are? Not that I would permit you to see them again." Orachimaru began licking his lips for the 10th time.

Teriyaki had still not gotten used to it, in fact his face was entirely green in disgust. He shook his head slowly, making sure Orachimaru understood he had no parents in this world, no friends and no allies. In other words, he was just a child alone in a lab with Orachimaru. This was one of his wildest nightmares to date.

Teriyaki could only stare. "Uh, am I still your snake's dinner?"

"Don't be dramatic," Orochimaru purred. "I already have thought up many better uses for you. This is not a place where you should feel at harm. This is not going to be the place where you die, young Teriyaki."

It wouldn't be, Teriyaki hoped, he didn't want to waste his second life in his favorite manga by being spawnkilled by Orachimaru. Orachimaru began fiddling with his hair, feeling up and down as if he was some sort of cat.

With that, Orachimaru smiled widely, thinking to his other targets.

"I will have to leave now, boy. When I return I expect greats things from you. To be frank, you look like a younger version of myself. Pale, full of untapped potential and perhaps that's what brought me to save you. You could've died in that forest..."

'And now I'll die here...' Thought Teriyaki with a tearful look in his eyes.

He blinked out, an afterimage forming that sent shivers down Teriyaki's throat.

Life in the Lair:

The first few days were nightmarish. Orochimaru's lair was a winding labyrinth of dark tunnels, weird smells, and snake-themed décor. His bed was a stone slab. The food was mostly suspicious stew that Teriyaki suspected had previous residents inside based on the missing finger nails he found inside

Upon asking Orachimaru, who insisted he call him Master, he recieved a strange response.

"Master, what is in this stew? It doesn't taste like beef or pork, or even like an animal stew?"

Orachimaru merely pointed at a nearby photo, framed in shattered glass. Inside it was Orachimaru smiling with his arms around the shoulders of two young students.

"That's what happens to students who don't listen, now go and eat your stew boy. I have some experiments for you in the afternoon."

Unsure whether he was eating a bad joke or the remains of some poor ninjas, Teriyaki decided the best course of action would be to imagine it was neither and simply a home-made beef stew.

"Just imagine the floating pieces of roast meat, the smooth texture of cooked carrot, the warmth of a stew made with love and-."

An eyeball floated up to the top of the stew, causing Teriyaki to accidently drop the plate on the ground.

A deafening shatter resounded through the lair, Teriyaki looked around nervously. Thankfully it seemed Orachimaru was already gone, on another escapade already.

The next days went by relatively tamely.

Every time Orochimaru called for him, it was either to:

Inject him with something and take notes. Explain a horrifying ninjutsu technique in excruciating detail, as if to traumatize the poor child. Stare at him for an uncomfortable amount of time while saying nothing but occasionaly licking his lips.

The only other thing Orachimaru seemed to do was investigate him, asking whether he truly was an orphan or if he truly didn't know his family name.

Teriyaki struggled to play the part of a 7 year old child, especially knowing his life was on the line if he failed. The entire time it felt like a monster was breathing down his neck, his life was always at risk and the prospect of having to escape Orachimaru's grasp seemed hopeless.

And yet... Teriyaki survived. Mostly because he knew this was the Naruto world, and if he played his cards right, he could actually learn some powerful jutsu. Sure, his teacher was a manipulative snake creep, but the man could was still powerful and in the manga he had even taught Sasuke and other sound four members.

Teriyaki wasn't sure what this new body was capable of, but surely Orachimaru could bring out some sort of potential.

The first time Teriyaki attempted a jutsu, Orochimaru watched him flail through the hand signs like a broken puppet.

"Pitiful," Orochimaru sighed. "Your chakra control is abysmal. Your form is embarrassing. Are you sure you're not some form of defective clone? Now that I think about it, you look perhaps a little too similar to me. Are you an accidental clone?""

"You said I was a regular boy yesterday, and I've never had any kind of ninja training. Your expectations are too much, Master." Teriyaki snapped, before realizing he probably shouldn't mouth off to the man with poisonous snakes up his sleeves. Luckily, having the apperance of 7 year old came with it's benefits, Orachimaru didn't seem to feel that offended despite his harsh tone.

Instead, Orochimaru only flashed that thin, dangerous smile. "I see. A fresh mind. Untainted by shinobi dogma. How delightful." He licked his lips, causing Teriyaki to wince. 

'When will i get used to that?' Teriyaki thought as his face irked.

"Listen, child. I have already, in my mind, crafted a multi-step plan to turn you into something... Interesting. Once you grow older and your body develops I will be able to fully attune you, and this plan will come into action. Until then, you will act as a servant and learn Kinjutsu from me. Is that understood?"

My nod only went so far as an inch down.

"Yes, Master. That sounds-. Great."

"No need to sound so down, I believe if things go according to the plan you will soon have some very special friends. Now, go to sleep, a good subject must remain at optimal health."

That night, as Teriyaki lay on his cold stone slab, staring up at the damp ceiling, he tried to process everything. He was a 17 Year old trapped in a seven year old's body, locked in a snake lair, apprenticed to the most creepy and unhinged villain in the verse.

He could still feel snake scales in his hair from where Orachimaru had been rubbing it earlier. He really felt like privacy was a myth in this place where he had to sleep with the door left open.

And yet, somewhere beneath his feelings of doom and exhaustion, he felt there was a spark of potential waiting inside him, or rather this body. Orochimaru might be a lunatic, but he was a powerful lunatic. 

If he survived the upcoming experiments, there was hope indeed.

"Step one: Don't die," he muttered. His words felt empty, given the fact he was soon to be thrown into a world of hellish experiments run by the heartless snake villain whom he had always hated in the Naruto manga.

Who didn't hate him?

Orochimaru.