Naruto: I Am Uzumaki Naruto!?

After school, I waved goodbye to little Hinata with a smile.

Instead of heading home, I took the back road leading to the Uchiha district, which sat at the very edge of Konoha.

Unlike the Hyuga clan, whose estate was smack in the middle of the village, the Uchiha clan had been shoved to the outskirts. Sure, their compound was huge—probably the size of dozens of football fields—but that didn't change the fact that they were basically exiled in their own village.

Standing at the gate, I glanced at the massive residences and muttered to myself, "I wonder how much I can sell these for…"

With that happy thought, I knocked on the door.

A moment later, it creaked open, and a beautiful woman in a kimono stepped out.

She had kind, motherly eyes, but there was a subtle tension in her expression.

"So, you're Uzumaki Naruto?" Uchiha Mikoto asked gently.

I beamed. "That's me, Mikoto-aunt! Please take care of me!"

Mikoto sighed inwardly.

She had just learned that one of her sons had gambled away his elder brother, and the other had lost someone else's house.

Now, the poor woman had been forced to step forward and handle the fallout.

Leading me inside, she brought me to the living room, where the atmosphere was downright oppressive.

Uchiha Fugaku sat with his arms crossed, looking like he wanted to commit a felony.

Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Itachi, and Uchiha Sasuke huddled together, avoiding eye contact like guilty children.

The unfortunate Uchiha clan member who had lost their home was sitting stiffly, his face a perfect mask of despair.

As soon as I stepped inside, the Uchiha present all twitched in unison.

You actually came!?!

At least give us a few days to figure something out!

They all turned to look at Uchiha Fugaku, silently screaming:

You're the patriarch! Do something!

Uchiha Fugaku's face darkened even further. After a long sigh, he finally spoke.

"Naruto… do you really have to move in so soon?"

I chuckled.

"This place is spacious and beautiful, much better than my current house. Of course I want to move in right away."

The room fell into a heavy silence.

Mikoto, ever the peacemaker, knelt down and gently ruffled my hair.

"Little Naruto," she said with a warm smile, "this all happened so suddenly. Uncle and Aunt weren't prepared. Could you give us some time?"

Fugaku's face turned red.

As a grown man, having his wife negotiate on his behalf was a little embarrassing.

I nodded cheerfully. "Alright."

Fugaku and the others visibly relaxed.

But then I smiled and added, "Since Mikoto-aunt asked nicely, I'll wait a bit… but when are you paying me back the 200 million ryo?"

The air froze.

Fugaku's eye twitched.

Shisui and Itachi turned to Mikoto with pleading looks, as if she were their last hope.

Mikoto let out a weary chuckle. "Naruto, that's a very large amount… could you give us some time to gather it?"

Of course, I already knew the truth.

The Uchiha clan was broke.

Or rather, most ninja were broke. Missions paid decently, but money flowed out just as quickly. Savings? What savings?

I wasn't expecting to actually get cash from them.

That's why I came prepared.

Taking out a book from my ninja pouch, I set it on the table and smiled.

"Alright, let's make it easier. You don't have to pay 160 million of it—on one condition."

Fugaku and the others perked up.

I turned to Shisui and Itachi.

"You two need to help me sell this book I wrote."

Shisui and Itachi glanced at each other, a little unsure.

I continued, "As long as you sell 500,000 copies in the next ten years, the debt is forgiven."

Shisui and Itachi's faces lit up.

"That's it? Leave it to us!" Shisui declared.

"Consider it done," Itachi agreed.

Mikoto picked up the book, flipping to the cover with interest.

"Taimanin… what a unique title," she mused.

"I didn't know Naruto was a writer! Let's see how it is."

She casually opened the book.

And froze.

Her face turned bright red.

The color spread from her cheeks to her ears, then down her neck.

With a muffled gasp, she clapped a hand over her mouth and ran out of the living room.

Fugaku, Shisui, and Itachi were stunned.

"…What just happened?" Fugaku muttered.

Shisui, suddenly suspicious, grabbed the book and started flipping through it.

Itachi leaned over to read as well.

And then—

Shisui: "…"

Itachi: "…"

Both of them went completely silent.

Then their hands started shaking.

"W-Wait… this is…"

"This is…"

Their faces were a mix of shock, disbelief, and something that looked an awful lot like horror.

Compared to this, Icha Icha Paradise was a children's bedtime story.

The most terrifying part?

A six-year-old had written it.

Itachi's face darkened further.

His mother had read this.

His. Mother. Had. Read. This.

I ignored the impending existential crisis spreading across the Uchiha living room, calmly took my 40 million ryo, and left.

As soon as I was gone, Shisui and Itachi slumped into their seats, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"…We're dead."

"…We're so dead."

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