My Younger Sister Was My First Love

3. The ominous feeling is always

“Ah… that’s…”

Should I say it?

Should I just let it go?

Is there a reason to confess to someone who has forgotten about me, ‘Hey, little brother! I actually had feelings for you deep down and got rejected, and I cried and cried!’?

It didn’t seem like there was a reason to ruin the good atmosphere with my own hands.

“We were in the same class at the academy for a bit.”

Honestly, I thought that if I threw out this topic, she might remember, but…

“Ah! That’s right! Wow… I thought I must have done something weird to you back then~.”

Instead, Jihee was treating me like it was no big deal, and the emotional scar inside me seemed to be getting deeper.

This was the trigger that made me study hard.

She, who had inspired me to get into Korea University, didn’t even remember me.

Is this right?

No, even if I was a nobody, it shouldn’t be like this!

Was my confession really that insignificant?

I suddenly wondered if my appearance had changed so much that she couldn’t recognize me, but I had been keeping the same hairstyle for years.

My height hadn’t even increased by 4cm since high school.

It’s a change in appearance that’s laughable, not even worth rationalizing.

“Huh.”

My mouth, which couldn’t handle the incoming reality, let out a strange exclamation.

“Why…? Did I say something weird before…?”

It was a tone filled with anxiety.

If I had this kind of conversation back then, I would’ve been ridiculed to the moon and back.

“No, no. I heard it from Mom, that I’m preparing for the re-take.”

I tried to change the subject, wanting to escape the trauma of my past.

“Right. This year’s CSAT was a real killer. Dad said I should try again.”

“I felt that way while re-taking the exam, but some people actually fit in better at the re-take academy than at school.”

“Really? I’m just not good at sitting still, so it’s hard for me to focus.”

This X guy.

Whenever Jihee smiled, I felt a sentiment that I shouldn’t have as a sibling.

And honestly, it wasn’t the right timing to be smiling either!

We’re having a conversation in front of a re-taker, and why is she smiling at her oppa like that!

I want to be cool.

I need to be cool.

With that kind of negative attitude, I should be saying things like “Ugh, what a waste.” “Yeah, you’ll never make it to a top university.” That’s how you become a real sibling.

But amidst all this, the frustration of not being understood, of being lost, rose up in my throat.

Ah… Mother…

I started to resent the mother who had pushed me into this situation.

“Oppa, you got into Korea University.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you help me with my studies sometimes?”

Jihee looked at me with a shy glance, fiddling with her fingers like a timid girl.

So this was it?

The reason she was being nice to me.

Our little sibling wanted to receive “free, legal, private tutoring services” from me?

It seemed like I could understand the context of her kindness, and my heart felt at ease.

It wasn’t like she was asking me to teach her K-pop dance or something; it was just studying. Whatever.

For someone who had been buried in books for nearly four years, asking me to tutor her for the CSAT wasn’t a difficult request.

“Yeah. If you don’t know something, bring it up. I’ll take a look at the practice questions and almost know it all.”

“Oppa, you’re really amazing. You’ll know it right away if you just take a look?”

Jihee pulled her chair closer, moving in one step further towards me.

If this conversation wasn’t with family, I would’ve been really happy.

It was like a manga storyline or something.

[A normal high school student who’s devoted to studying gets praised by the school’s top beauty]

The title is great too.

“Unless it’s really ridiculous or too old, it should be fine.”

“Wow. What was your CSAT score, Oppa? You can tell me since you got in.”

“Ol 1st place.”

“The best! Oppa!”

Although I knew he was trying to flatter me, praise still had a sweet taste to it.

“You don’t have to try that hard. I’ll help you with your studies properly.”

“Oppa seems more vain than I thought? You don’t seem to like receiving compliments either?”

“Sorry. I’m just a bit shy.”

As he apologized, scratching his cheek, Jihee’s face seemed to flush even more.

A little… like a girl who’s fallen in love?

I couldn’t quite grasp why he was acting like this.

“I like it more!”

“Huh?”

“I think ‘oppa’ is too much of an insider title.”

Hmm… This seemed to be a story about an ideal family image rather than about me as a person.

“Do you have some expectations from the title ‘oppa’?”

Her lips curled up mysteriously as she asked.

“No? I like oppa just the way he is?”

She laughed it off, but I didn’t believe her.

That’s just how it was.

If that were really true, she wouldn’t even remember me.

* * *

Now, we’re a full-fledged family of four.

A new life has begun.

“Good morning! Junho!”

This was the hardest thing to get used to.

“Hello.”

“Eh? Who says ‘hello’ to their family?”

Grandpa’s overly friendly attitude was exhausting from morning till night.

His exaggerated gestures also made me want to shrink away.

Although I wasn’t close to grandpa yet, I wondered if I could follow his pace as time went by.

I wasn’t confident at all.

“What should I say then?”

“Just a normal ‘good morning’ would be fine.”

“…I’ll try it later.”

As I passed by the living room, mom was preparing breakfast.

Now, we had four bowls.

Mom had mentioned that cooking for four was a bit more challenging than cooking for two, so I snuck in to help her.

“Junho, are you up?”

“Yes.”

I naturally opened the rice cooker and grabbed a spoon.

“Where are you going today?”

It was a question that wasn’t particularly special, but it somehow made my heart ache.

“…… See you later.”

Although I gave the same answer every day, saying I wouldn’t go out was becoming increasingly embarrassing.

However, unlike when I lived with my mom, I wasn’t going to spend the whole day at home, not speaking a word.

Because, besides me, there was another living being in the house that my mom and dad had left behind.

“Go wake up Jihee.”

“Okay.”

I put down my spoon and chopsticks and knocked on Jihee’s door.

“Jihee, lunch.”

Among the many awkward actions, this one felt somewhat natural, like an older brother’s behavior.

About two minutes passed.

-creak

The door opened from the back, and Jihee, wearing a light green pajama with no pattern, came out of her room.

Her eyes were still sleepy, but she showed off her flawless beauty without any shame.

“Did you sleep well, oppa?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have a dream?”

“No.”

“Ah, just a minute. I’ll go brush my teeth and come back.”

Why do it if I’m going to eat anyway?

After saying goodbye to my mom, Jihee quickly brushed past me and went to the bathroom, not coming out for a while. When she finally emerged, her hair was neatly styled, and she looked refreshed.

“Do you want me to help with anything?”

“No, no. Jihee, go sit down. I’ve done everything. I’ve done everything.”

Unlike my awkward relationship with my dad, my mom and Jihee seemed very close.

My mom was a lovely woman who couldn’t resist Jihee’s charms, and Jihee was quite affectionate towards our mom.

After observing them for a few days, I found one strange thing: Jihee’s attitude towards my dad.

How should I put it? Beyond the difference between “dad” and “mom”, it was…

Yes.

Jihee treated my dad with a similar degree of formality as I did.

It didn’t feel like a family at all.

Not because they fought a lot or were overly formal, but the opposite.

Their conversations were so formal that it felt like a business transaction.

Since I wasn’t close enough to interfere in their family matters, I was watching their relationship with interest, like an observer.

“I’m done!”

At my mom’s call, all four of us sat down.

The seating arrangement was the same as the first day we met.

Our dining table had become fixed, like a formal meeting place.

“Jihee, don’t you have to go to the academy later?”

Mom seemed to know every detail of my schedule, just like she knew Ji-hui’s daily routine.

“Yes, it’s 11 am. I have English academy today too.”

“English is on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Is math every day?”

“Yes, and exploration subjects are only on weekends.”

“But don’t you think it’s better to take a comprehensive course instead of a single subject course if you want to prepare for the re-take? You have a lot of subjects to cover, don’t you?”

“Uh… I don’t think I need to take Korean literature seriously. I’ve always been first in class for Korean!”

What an enviable talent.

From my perspective, Korean literature was the one subject that didn’t correlate with my grades and study time.

Of course, I eventually got first place in the national exam, but last year, I struggled with Korean during every mock test.

“You’re amazing~ Even Jun-ho had a hard time with Korean.”

“Aww, but I’m not as good as oppa~.”

Ji-hui gave me a sly smile, looking up at me.

“Those who are naturally good at Korean just keep doing well.”

I nodded in agreement.

“By the way, how’s the company thing going?”

Mom changed the subject, seemingly worried about the old man’s reaction.

“Ah, I’ll let you know as soon as the results come out. I think it’ll be handled well, though.”

“Don’t worry about it, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve already told them, so unless they specifically call me out, nothing will happen.”

What kind of conversation was this?

It seemed like Ji-hui could read my mind, as she directly asked the old man.

“What’s going on, Dad?”

“There’s a possibility of being sent abroad, and the company suddenly brought it up.”

“Even high-ranking officials like Dad can be sent abroad?”

“It’s actually more necessary for department heads, and Dad somehow ended up on the candidate list.”

Although the probability was low, I briefly imagined what would happen if the old man left home.

Would our mom, who had barely succeeded in remarrying, have to separate from her partner again?

Or would she follow the old man abroad?

In any case, Ji-hui had to prepare for the national exam, and I had already registered for college, so it would be impossible for the whole family to move abroad.

But no matter how I thought about it, it seemed like a no-go for a remarried couple to live separately, especially when they had only been married for a few months.

People got remarried because they were lonely, after all.

If Mom stayed here alone to take care of us, it would be like she was shouldering all the responsibility without any joy.

-Woohoo-

The old man’s phone rang, and he went into the living room, leaving us to continue our small talk about hagwons and star tutors.

About 10 minutes later, a shocking piece of news spread to us.

“…The headquarters appointed me as the LA branch manager?”

The old man’s face was distorted in a mixture of emotions.