My Younger Sister Was My First Love

chapter 20



20. Mental Illness Diagnosis

At some point, my algorithm started showing me a type of video I had never seen before.

[Real Brother-Sister Moments: Are You Still Human?]

[Interfering with My Brother on a Blind Date!]

[What’s My Brother’s Reaction When I Buy Him a Gift?]

All of these were my responsibility.

I wanted to understand things I hadn’t experienced through indirect experience.

With tears and effort, I could get into Korea University, but I couldn’t have a 1-year-old younger brother through effort.

So I studied with the mindset of a scientist exploring the unknown.

How do real siblings interact?

How do they react in certain situations?

Although there were artificial parts due to editing, my conclusion based on various video materials was:

“It’s different from the start, in their gaze.”

True siblings.

Especially with brothers, the way they looked at their sisters was often like looking at a chimpanzee in a cage.

It was mechanical and indifferent.

They didn’t treat their sisters like superior beings, and instead, found them annoying.

Of course, the sisters were the same.

When dealing with their brothers, they often looked at them like pitiful monkeys, and sometimes didn’t even see them as human beings.

That was the ideal sibling relationship that Jihee and I should strive for.

But as we were, we didn’t know where to start or what to do to achieve that.

It was a bit difficult to suddenly become like that.

Could I walk around in my underwear with a straight face in front of Jihee after a shower? (x)

Could I fart loudly and laugh next to Jihee? (x)

It was impossible to mimic the actions in those “real sibling moment” clips.

If I were to encounter Jihee in her underwear after a shower, I would probably burst into tears and clutch my heart.

I knew myself well.

That’s why I didn’t overestimate myself.

Just feeling this soft, gloomy feeling was enough.

-Ding-ding-ding.

“Oppa.”

The knock on the door sounds.

As I open the door, Dong-saem-nim comes in with a bright smile, making himself at home in my room.

He’s wearing a large, white oversized boxy t-shirt.

Below that, he has on short, beige-colored shorts.

This is the usual style he maintains at home.

“Why?”

“Didn’t we agree to play that game together?”

Dong-saem-nim naturally flops down on my unmade bed.

I’m getting used to this kind of thing too.

“A little? Are you on level 7 now?”

“Ugh, I’m on level 8. Why are you still on 7, oppa?”

“When did you play so much?”

“Was it just before bed that you played a lot?”

I’m not really into games.

They don’t help with studying.

It’s not like I’m going to become a pro gamer just because I’m good at it.

I’ve even thought that games are a waste of life, saying bad things about them.

“I’ll play some more later.”

“Take a screenshot at level 10 and quickly propose to me.”

“……Is there even such a function in the game?”

“If you press the ‘I want to get married’ button, that’s a proposal. What’s the big deal?”

Even thinking about it carefully, this conversation is way too out of line for siblings.

“Hmm…… But if we get married, wouldn’t that be Ince#st?”

It was a casual remark, but…

“……Uh?”

There was no response.

As I turn my head towards the bed, Dong-saem-nim…

“Why are you like that?”

“Uh…? Ah, no?”

His white face had turned bright red.

It was as if he had heard something too embarrassing to bear.

The expression “he turned beet red” wouldn’t even suffice to describe Dong-saem-nim’s face.

Why is he like that?

“Ah… Did I say something wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Ah, no? Not at all? Really not at all?”

“Then why are you like that? Does it hurt somewhere?”

As I take a step forward, worried, Dong-saem-nim lets out a “euua” and quickly retreats backward.

“……I’ll leave.”

Dong-saem-nim rushes out without even listening to my response.

The sound of footsteps hurriedly approached, followed by the sound of the door closing.

What’s going on…?

I want to get married in the game with you, but do you hate the word “Ince#st”?

It’s a problem that Jihee became a Ince#stuous couple there and is still enthusiastically pursuing it.

I thought I had said something wrong, so I shook my head repeatedly.

Sigh.

I’ll apologize again when we eat later.

It seems that even jokes require good timing.

* * *

The world is ridiculous.

I never thought the word “Ince#st” would directly come out of my brother’s mouth.

I locked the door and still felt my heart pounding clearly.

Except when talking to Sehwa, I had never used that word with anyone.

But when that word came out of my brother’s mouth…….

– Thud, thud –

I couldn’t help but toss and turn on the bed.

My mind still uncalm, I took out my phone and called Sehwa for no reason.

After a short ringtone.

[Hello?]

[Sehwa! Are you available to talk now?]

[Of course! It’s Jihee. What’s going on? You’re not supposed to be studying right now, are you? You’ve been neglecting your phone lately.]

[That’s true, but…].

My brother usually doesn’t come out of his room during my study time.

He’s never entered my room before.

So, I sometimes do other things…….

[Just a minute.]

I put down the phone and approached my brother’s door again.

“Hmm…! Hmm…! Brother!”

“What?”

“I need to make a call to my friend!”

When the door opened, my brother looked down at me with his characteristic expressionless face.

I always feel that Junho’s default expression has a bit of a cold side to it.

His personality is round and smooth, but the content is completely different.

“Why do you need my permission to make a call?”

“Because the conversation might take a long time. It might go past your study time.”

“Then you can make up for the lost time later.”

He seems to be greatly unconcerned.

“Got it.”

Good. This should block any potential misunderstandings.

I went back into my room, feeling relieved, and leaned my back against the headboard of my bed.

[ Came! ]

[ What did you do? ]

[ I got permission from Oppa to call you. ]

[ Puh-uh. So, you’re treating me like a master at home, huh? ]

[ 7th grade isn’t a person, you know. You can’t help it with study time. ]

[ But you’re amazing too. Oppa said you’re really studying hard, which you never did before. ]

[ ……You recommended it, didn’t you? If you want to seduce Oppa, start by studying hard. ]

Jihee’s advice had a significant impact.

We naturally spent more time together, and sometimes I even accepted her unreasonable demands, citing my student status as an excuse.

[ So, Jihee, what’s up? You called me, didn’t you? You even got permission from Oppa. What did you want to talk about? ]

A memory from a little while ago flashed back, and I couldn’t help but let out a sly laugh.

[ Listen. I told you about playing games together recently, didn’t I? ]

After briefly explaining the situation, I finally reached the highlight.

[ Yesterday, you said you might fall for me, and today, you’re saying Oppa is teasing me, asking if it’s Ince#st! ]

My voice grew louder with excitement.

……But I’m sure no one outside heard it. My room is quite far from Oppa’s.

[ Oh~ looks like you’ve gotten really close, huh? You’re even making jokes like that? ]

[ In my opinion, this isn’t something to drag out. It’ll be game over by summer. ]

[ Are you going to confess? ]

[ Ah, are you crazy? Why would I confess! ]

It’s Oppa who’s changed so much, as if he can’t live without a younger sibling, who should confess to me!

[ Hm……but your Oppa doesn’t seem like the type to confess easily. ]

[ What’s up. If you look at what happened in middle school, you can estimate. It’ll be soon. ]

[ But back then, you weren’t family, so it was easy. On the contrary, someone like Oppa with his personality would never confess easily. ]

According to Sehwa’s explanation, the obstacle between us two was the ‘new mom’.

Kind-hearted Junho Oppa would never confess first, considering the new mom.

[ Sehwa. ]

[ Yeah? ]

[ Just watch. ]

Sehwa may know a lot about romance and have read many pure comics, but I’m the specialist here.

I’m familiar with the clichés of romantic relationships.

[ Ew, you’re ruining it. Stop it. ]

[ I’m not ruining it. And Oppa likes me, doesn’t he? ]

[ You’re not always stuck at home now. What if there’s a girl at university who catches his eye? ]

The pleasant atmosphere turned cold with Sehwa’s words.

[ ……It’s already happened, so stop it. ]

[ Really? Oppa doesn’t seem like that, but he’s surprisingly capable? ]

[ Ah, I don’t know. It seems like he had a friend in the past or something. ]

I even remembered the name clearly.

Park Min-ju.

That was definitely her name.

[Is she pretty?]

[…What?]

[Ji-hee, is that you?]

[Don’t lose! Don’t give up!]

[It’s a development that’s as deep as a tear-jerking drama, where the only older brother I have is taken away and I’m left crying…].

Ahh, I’m such an otaku.

Feeling like I’ve reached my limit, I hung up Se-hwa’s call and sat down quietly at my desk, flipping through my book.

I needed to calm down and focus on my studies now.

This subject was English!

At least English was more manageable than math.

I thought that if I could just memorize a certain amount, it wouldn’t be much different from Korean.

The issue was that there were still too many unknown words.

English was a subject that was more like a social study to me, requiring memorization.

My brother told me to memorize 50 words a day…

How could the number 50 be preceded by “just”?

“Gratitude, sneak, conceal.”

I murmured the words to myself for about two hours, like a mantra.

I finally emerged from my room, later than I should have.

The living room lights were off.

My brother was still holed up in his room, just like today.

Why didn’t he come out of that small room when I wasn’t even one of the adults who went out and about?

If it were me, I would’ve been watching TV in the living room every day.

I knocked on the door and went into his room to give him my final report for the day.

“Hyung, I’m done with my studies.”

“Good job.”

My brother was lying on his bed, but I didn’t even look at him, just fiddling with my phone.

I had bragged to Se-hwa about how we got along, but…

I felt a little hurt by his cold treatment.

“Give me food.”

“Okay, I’ll give you some. Just a minute.”

His gaze was still fixed on his phone.

“What’s so urgent? Are you texting someone?”

My brother got up and showed me his screen.

“I reached level 11.”

“Ahh, what’s up with that? Were you playing games?”

“You told me to.”

My slight resentment melted away faster than the summer snow.

Ah. So cute.

I wanted to give him a big hug, making that expressionless face turn bright red.

“But I think this is harder to do than I thought, without spending money.”

“Hmm?”

“Yeah. The difference between spending and not spending is huge.”

“Mm… let’s just do it for now and worry about it later. I’ll treat you to a meal. Come on.”

Oppa scratched his head and headed to the kitchen.

I followed him, feeling a little fluttery as I gazed at his back.

“Ah, right.”

“Why?”

Oppa turned around, re-heating the stew he had left from lunch.

“Sorry about earlier.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I said something weird.”

For a moment, I didn’t know what to say, but I quickly caught on.

“Hey, it’s not because of that, is it?”

“It seems like you’re unhappy about something.”

Unhappy? What’s there to be unhappy about when there’s nothing to eat?

Ugh… Ah, but what should I say in response?

It didn’t seem like the best idea to openly say it’s okay.

Maybe it would be better to just let it slide.

“Mm… I didn’t think much of it, but why? Do you really dislike it that much, Oppa?”

I thought I could subtly see into his subconscious like this.

As expected, it’s me, Lee Ji-hee.

I was right on the money.

I thought he would say something like “It’s hard to say it’s okay” or “Of course not,” but…

“It’s impossible. No way.”

A short and concise answer.

What followed was a faint, almost imperceptible murmur.

“If you’re being serious about that, you’re crazy.”

I felt like crying.


Tip: You can use left, right, A and D keyboard keys to browse between chapters.