chapter 182
180. continue (2)
Come to think of it, this is the first time I’ve been to someone’s grave.
The tombstone was small and shabby. Not a single flower was left at the side of the grave covered with a sarcophagus. Marion stared blankly at the gray tombstone. Then, hesitantly, he put down a white flower he was holding in front of the tombstone. Putting down the flowers and getting up, Marion saw the inscription on the tombstone.
Emile Borden, of the Baron Borden family, sleeps here.
A tombstone with only one sentence. With only the ointment and name written on it, the tomb of Emile Bordaeng was prepared far away from those of other knights. Marion thought it was rather fortunate. It reminded me of when I heard about his death.
—
“It’s hard to say what.”
Hugo Verne, who delivered Emile Bordain’s will, put on a puzzled expression. And after accepting the will, Marion put on a complicated expression. The paper that read ‘Dear Marion’ seemed to have been locked with a padlock. I didn’t dare to open the envelope and read the letter inside. Beyond this, he was not prepared to face the words of Emile Bordain. Marion set the envelope down on the table.
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
Marion couldn’t answer. My mind was dizzy. Since the person concerned was already dead, he couldn’t grab his collar and ask why he did it. Leaving Marion in anguish, Hugo Verne calmly continued.
“Emile Bordain was not a man worthy of being called a patriot. He was even less of a person who would bow down and be loyal to someone.”
“… Captain, you have a sharp eye for people. See through to the essence of the person you had a brief conversation with.”
It was a sharp voice. Hugo let out a wry smile and shook his head. He had no intention of bringing Bordenga’s pain into his own mouth, and he had no intention of forcibly recalling Marion’s dark past and bringing it before her eyes. The only thing he asked Hugo before going back to Leon Benning was to deliver the letter. Emile Bordain would not have hoped for Hugo’s defense at all.
“yes. It won’t be a problem for me to say anything. I will leave it to your judgment.”
The promise was kept. Hugo bowed to Michel, who was watching them from behind, and left. Michelle watched Marion. Even if it wasn’t so, the white face was tired enough to be called blue. It seemed that what Marion needed more than anything else was time to think.
“I have work, so I’ll go and see the Marquis and Count Agon for a while.”
At Michelle’s words, Marion hurriedly rose from her seat.
“Sit down. I have something to share with the two of you closely, so please wait here quietly.”
“Haona, Your Highness.”
“If you want to ignore my consideration, you can put the envelope down and follow me.”
Marion bowed her head, unable to resist Michelle’s words. Michelle left the room with a small smile on her lips. The escort knights soon caught up behind her. Marion slumped in her chair, feeling weak. The seal of the will followed Marion’s field of vision like a pupil. She picked up the envelope again. I checked Emile Bordain’s handwriting, which read ‘To Marion’, over and over again. Marion’s index finger squeezed through the gap between the envelope and the seal.
Emile Bordain is dead, and he sits here.
It was the decisive reason why Marion couldn’t open the envelope. The dried wax of the seal was ripping at a very slow pace. Marion raised her head and saw the scenery outside the window. The sky was not obscured by clouds. There, the sky was not flowing.
Marion looked down at the envelope again. The seal was about to break. Marion lifted her index finger slightly, and the envelope opened, revealing Emile Bordain’s will.
—
Emile Bordain did not force anything on Marion. In the will, there were no words to forgive or not to forgive. It was just a story about how a man named Émile Bordin lived and why he made that choice. In response to the pain that Marion had to undergo for dozens of years as a result, Emile Bordain left these words.
‘Maxim should take good care of you. I had neither the strength nor the ability to do so. I regret that all I left you with are memories stained with scars.’
A bitter taste spread in Marion’s mouth again. It would have been better if I had just been able to convince myself that I was unlucky and move on. Marion took out a handkerchief and wiped the stain from the inscription.
“It’s a lonely place.”
It wasn’t until yesterday that I got in touch with Bordenga. The previous nine days were purely the time it took for Marion to harden her heart. The brothers did not come to see Marion. Their share in Marion’s pain was not small. But Marion did not resent them. There won’t be much to see in the future. There was no one to gain from resenting and hating them.
Marion’s mother, who came alone, cried while holding Marion. My mother, I wondered if maybe I would see her a little more often. Marion said goodbye to Émile Bordain one last time.
“I’ll come visit you sometime.”
Footsteps were heard. It was a familiar sign. Marion turned her head to look at Theodora, who was about five paces away.
“… hello.”
Theodora bowed slightly to Marion and greeted her. Theodora took a couple of steps closer. Her eyes checked the name engraved on the tombstone and returned to Marion’s face. The two were speechless. Marion’s voice suddenly came to Theodora, who was thinking about how to speak first.
“Thanks for your efforts. You received the medal, congratulations.”
Marion gazed at the new glittering gold medal over Theodora’s uniform. The shape of a lily was engraved into the medallion, the highest honor in the kingdom. However, Theodora shook her head as if she was not happy with her medal.
“It is a shameful medal. Even if the whole family perishes because of treason, His Highness says he won’t hold me accountable.”
Marion gave a small smile.
“No one will hold you accountable.”
“… Even though my family ruined your life?”
“Thanks to that, I was able to meet Maxim.”
Marion shrugged as if it didn’t matter. Theodora glanced at Marion’s left hand. A ring that shines blue on the ring finger. Marion felt Theodora’s gaze but did not try to hide the ring.
“There’s still a lot left to tell, right?”
Marion’s eyes were deeply focused on Theodora. Theodora nodded. He will no longer turn around or try to run away from the reality he is facing. Marion nodded as if she was okay. Theodora let out a small sigh and turned around and walked out of the cemetery.
“All I can do is quietly let go.”
I wanted to be the first to visit him after hearing that he had woken up, but I don’t think I would ever want to leave his seat if I saw his face.
“I won’t be able to visit you for a while.”
You have to monopolize it as much as you lack later. Marion thought so and puffed out her cheeks a little.
—
“Is it okay if I call you sister?”
Theodora was speechless for a moment. The voice that came out to answer was caught in the throat once and for all. Christine, who happened to meet in front of the hospital, was looking at herself with an impudent expression. How the hell am I supposed to answer that question? Theodora slowly backed away from Christine, who pressed her face closer.
“I don’t deserve to be called that title by you.”
“… Do you still remember those words?”
Christine asked in a puzzled voice. Theodora frowned slightly. There would be no reason for this person to be so friendly all of a sudden. Christine looked closely at Theodora’s embarrassed face, then smiled and withdrew.
“just joke. How long have we been talking like this?”
“That is a peculiar joke.”
Theodora sighed and turned her head. The hospital in the royal capital was prosperous. There were no critically ill patients, but all the wards were filled with people suffering from the effects of the war. No one likes to say that the hospital is prosperous. Even if you are the director of a hospital.
“Everyone is considerate of the captain.”
Christine gave off a slightly envious look.
“I don’t need to do this.”
Theodora sighed, and Christine opened her ax eye and argued with Theodora.
“There may be people for the leader, but at least I am doing this for my seniors. Marion probably does too.”
Christine looked at Christine’s index finger thrust into her chest with a twisted smile. Christine, who was avoiding Theodora’s gaze, wandered around, as if not knowing how to end her words, and then fell away from Theodora.
“That, so. Don’t be fooled by misunderstandings. Because he hasn’t said anything yet.”
Theodora smiled bitterly as she looked at Christine, who turned her head away from her face.
“How long have you been waiting here?”
“I didn’t wait long enough to be asked that question.”
Christine nodded as she sighed.
“I envy you, Captain.”
“Yeah?”
“I envy the fact that you were the first person I met, the fact that you were the person I spent the longest time with, and that even though we broke up, we were destined to meet again.”
Christine stared straight at Theodora.
“I won’t say I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t even want it. Being shameless.”
Christine clicked her tongue slightly.
“There is no such thing as giving up on seniors. It’s only now that the captain monopolizes the seniors, so please enjoy it to your heart’s content.”
After saying something like a third-class villain, Christine hurriedly walked away. Theodora stared at her long flowing blonde hair. I couldn’t tell Christine. Actually, you were envious. The fact that he watched over him during his absence, the fact that he was the one who took care of him when he was weak.
You have to get used to facing these feelings.
Theodora entered the hospital entrance. The clamor of people in the lobby subsided in an instant. A soldier with a bandage on his head, a knight with a broken arm, or their family. Theodora could feel their eyes fixed on her. Each emotion was in their eyes. envy, fear, anger, favor, vigilance. Some people exchanged incomprehensible glances with each other, and some whispered words among themselves. Theodora didn’t want to listen to them.
“What are you visiting for?”
the receptionist nurse asked. Her eyes glanced at Theodora’s medal. The nurse didn’t seem to know who Theodora was. Theodora cleared her throat and asked the nurse.
“Maxim Appart, may I see you?”
Maxime Apart. The nurse muttered the name and then began to read the list of patients. After a while, the fingers that were going through the list stopped. The nurse looked up and looked at Theodora. Her gaze changed to resemble that of everyone else in the lobby.
“You can go to Room 301.”
Theodora shook her head and returned to the steps of the hospital. No. 301, No. 301. Theodora muttered Maxim’s hospital room in her mouth and slowly climbed the stairs one step at a time. The noise in the lobby fades away. Theodora was standing in the hallway on the third floor, looking at the path leading to Maxim’s hospital room.
What should we talk about?
Theodora thought as she took a step. I didn’t adapt to the fact that I had a lot of time. you can say anything Words that could not be said, words that should be said.
sorry, maybe, thank you
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No, it was better not to talk. Just the thought of being connected to him in the same space, Theodora was satisfied. Theodora approached the door of the hospital room, which was firmly closed. The feet that stopped at the starting point moved. The hand holding the sliding door moved slowly.
drooling.
The pungent smell of herbs stung my nose. I must have left the window open, and a chilly wind blew through the entrance. The bed by the window in the spacious hospital room was covered with a curtain. Every time the wind blows, the curtain fabric repeats moving closer and further away from the bed. Along with him, the shadow reflected on the curtain appeared and disappeared repeatedly.
A familiar hand gently grasped the edge of the fluttering curtain. As if Theodora was opening a sliding door, her hand slowly began to pull back the curtains. A shadow appeared through the curtain. Pale complexion and dry lips, the clear outline of the face thinned during the recovery period, and sharp golden eyes.
Maxim looked at Theodora for a moment, then closed his eyes and smiled.
“come in.”
Theodora realized then that she was still standing against the doorway. Theodora blushed slightly and nodded as she entered the hospital room. Has the distance with Maxim ever seemed so far away? The distance of only ten steps away seemed to be so far that it was frustrating. I took five more steps. Only then was Theodora able to see Maxim properly.
yes. It was that kind of face, Maxim.
The angry look on his face during the final battle with Leon Benning and the sorrowful look on his face when he had to leave someone else behind were all Maxim. But to Theodora, that person was always a man with a detached smile.
“Why are the windows open when it’s cold? Too bad.”
“It’s frustrating just lying in the hospital room. Opening the window made it less stuffy.”
Theodora bruised Maxim for nothing and walked to the window. Maxim shyly scratched the back of his head. As the window closed, the fluttering curtains calmed down. Maxim looked sadly at the window sill. Theodora pulled a chair by the window sill and sat down. Just looking at that face made me want to cry and hug or get angry. Theodora bit her lower lip subtly so Maxim didn’t notice.
“Just lie down. They say it’s frustrating how long they’ve been conscious.”
“Can’t you open it?”
“No.”
Theodora gently pressed Maxim’s shoulder as he tried to get himself up. Maxim, unable to resist Theodora’s touch, lay down on the road bed. A bandage was visible between Maxim’s slightly parted collar. Theodora could still recall the blade that had pierced Maxim’s chest.
“Does it hurt?”
Maxim flinched slightly at Theodora’s finger.
“it’s okay. Of course it hurts to touch it, but the doctor says my recovery is very fast. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to turn mana without difficulty?”
“… Are you okay now?”
“Except for not being able to adjust to being circulated too well, that’s fine.”
Maxim put a hand on his left chest. Theodora could finally feel the flow of chi circulating in the space of the room. It was very weak, but it was the movement of mana slowly rising from Maxim’s heart. Theodora widened her eyes in surprise, and Maxim laughed, baring his teeth like a boy.
“… this much now? If you ask me to pull out the aura, I think I can pull it out. Although it will take some time to raise the level to the level of the candidate days. Other than that everything is healthy.
Maxim twitched his wrist. Aside from a penetrating wound through the heart, there were no visible injuries. Maxim turned his shoulder around as if he was deliberately trying to emphasize that fact.
“I don’t know what they’re doing leaving a man with all his limbs intact here. I can go about my daily life without help.”
“Are you saying that to piss me off?”
At Theodora’s barbed words, Maxim glanced sideways at her.
“… sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
I’ve felt this way before. Theodora let out a small sigh. When Maxim showed such a puppy-like attitude to the occasional minor mistake, Theodora could not get angry even in situations where she would be angry. The atmosphere got a little awkward. For a while, the time of staring at the hem of her clothes continued in silence.
“What happened?”
At Maxim’s question, Theodora raised her head.
“… Quite a lot happened. Who do you want to hear from?”
“Let’s hear from you first.”
At Maxim’s answer without hesitation, Theodora smiled.
“All the lands and powers of Count Benning are gone. The property was returned to the national treasury, and the retainers suddenly became unemployed. I think most of the people who used to stay in Beninga will probably leave the kingdom.”
“Among you?”
Maxim’s voice was worried.
“Nothing happened. My punishment wasn’t even mentioned at the meeting. I even received a medal. The title has also been renewed. as a baron.”
Theodora lifted the medal from her chest and showed it. Maxim looked at the golden medal with admiration.
“Nice.”
“After you are discharged from the hospital, you will have to wear five or six medals like this. This is not the time to admire me.”
At Theodora’s criticism, Maxim frowned.
“I don’t like attention.”
“How did such a person win the martial arts competition?”
The two laughed at the same time. Theodora recalled the names of people who were related to Maxim one by one.
“Christine took the lead in cleaning up the remnants of black magic. All of the dark magic research materials have been disposed of, and now all that remains is to chase down the dark magicians who must have been scattered all over the kingdom.”
“Those old ladies, was anyone still alive? I thought Leon Benning ate them all up. Or get caught during the purge of the last mage tower.”
Theodora shrugged.
“The black magicians who were captured told me that there are still living black magicians. I fell for the temptation of commuting my sentence.”
“Be poisonous too.”
“I guess I didn’t want to die in prison.”
“Christine must be busy too.”
Maxim said he was curious about the next news and his eyes lit up. Theodora laughed and began to tell people their stories one by one.
“Mr. Marion has been promoted from maid to secretary of Her Highness, First Princess. The Baron Borden family has produced great talent.”
“Secretary’s office… ?”
Maxim opened his mouth stunned. Unbeknownst to him, his fiancée had become a figure at the center of power in the palace.
“Wouldn’t it be possible to aim for the position of chief secretary after more time? Your Highness is quite fond of it.”
“It went up there before I knew it.”
Maxim’s proud heart was revealed in a voice full of laughter. Theodora continued to tell me about her recent situation in a slightly sullen voice.
“I heard that several nobles are already nervous about trying to line up. Marion is sending all the nobles who visit her back.”
“That’s Marion again.”
Maxim nodded.
“Adeline is looking for records of her former self. What kind of person were you, what was your original surname, and where was your hometown?”
The curse disappeared, but Adeline’s memories, which were messed up, did not return. Adeline chose to try to get him back rather than be frustrated by the memories that didn’t return.
“… I wish I could help.”
At Maxim’s words, Theodora nodded heavily.
“Princess 1 is busy. It is impossible to ascend the throne without a proper transition process, so it seemed that the coronation ceremony could only be seen in the spring. Until then, Count Agon will take care of the government affairs as the highest minister.”
The horse is in charge of the government affairs, in fact, it will take on the postwar and postwar cleanup, and after the cleanup is over, it will only play the role of assisting the first princess who will become the king. Maxim sympathized with Count Agon in his heart, but he himself would not care at all.
“The first prince left the capital.”
Maxim raised his eyebrows. It was not surprising. Louis would have made the right choice to protect his sister.
“… You could have stayed in the royal capital.”
“You know that. The fact that His Highness the 1st Prince couldn’t put such a burden on Her Highness the 1st Princess.”
“right.”
Aside from the relationship between the military and the gods, Maxim and Louis were close friends.
“Still, I might be a bit disappointed.”
“I think he left a letter for you, but Her Highness, the 1st princess, will deliver it to you later.”
Maxim silently nodded. Louis, who has been through a lot and has become stronger, will be able to get through it well no matter where he faces.
“I think Captain Hugo will still serve as the captain of the 1st escort. The person himself rejected it, saying that his right arm was cut off, saying that it was not as good as it used to be, but in the end, he took over.”
“Honestly, I don’t have the confidence to win perfectly even if that person were to deal with me with only one left arm. I am humbled to say I can’t.”
Maxim replied in a grumbling tone.
“And the knights of the 1st Guards, including Dennis and Charlotte, will keep their positions. Everyone will welcome you when you return.”
“Who are the dead?”
Theodora looked at Maxim in silence. As if he would not forget those he lost, Maxim had a resolute expression on his face.
“He was buried in the National Cemetery, and a separate memorial will be erected. If you visit later, they will be happy too, right?”
Theodora continued to tell people what they were up to. Maxim listened to Theodora’s story, sometimes answering and sometimes being surprised.
“The Jackdaw Knights are temporarily disintegrating. Most of the knights belonged to the escort knights. It wasn’t that no one quit at all.”
“Sir Paola turned down a position in the Order of the Escort, I think he intends to become a drill sergeant. He seemed to have become quite close with Instructor Pierre. Oh, by the way, Instructor Pierre’s reinstatement has been confirmed. You’ll be back at the academy soon.”
“Sir Leone joined the escort knights. I’m trying to help Christine get rid of the warlocks.”
“The Margrave refused Her Highness’s request to stay in the capital and returned to the uninhabited land. Externally, he was known as a person who supported the first prince, so he couldn’t have stayed in the capital. I think it was wise to go back before you gossip.”
They filled the gap between each other with the stories of others. Their world, which had changed so much that it was difficult to return to its original state, began to build from scratch. It can never be the same as back then. Theodora and Maxim were vaguely aware of that fact. But does it really need to be the same? The important thing is that we can face each other like this.
After hearing all of Theodora’s story, Maxim quietly closed his eyes. It seemed like they were trying to organize their back stories one by one. Even after Maxim opened his eyes again, he was silent for a while. He just stared straight into Theodora’s eyes and smiled a little.
“Now what?”
“What are you doing?”
“me.”
Maxim pointed to himself. Then he slowly turned his finger towards Theodora. Maxim’s fingertips seemed to transmit strange waves to Theodora’s heart.
“and you.”
My heart rate raced. Theodora took a small breath at the heartbeat that hadn’t come for a long time and felt unfamiliar. Still, Theodora’s gaze did not leave Maxim’s. I wondered if I had closed the window for no reason. Theodora swallowed dryly.
“What do you want to do?”
Theodora’s words trembled as she asked the question. Theodora was afraid to hear the answer to this question. He was afraid that what he wanted would be different from what Maxim had hoped for, that Maxim’s answer would reappear in a form he did not want to think about, and that even if that happened, he would not be able to resist the sentence that would be imposed on him.
“again.”
again? Theodora flinched at the feel of Maxim’s hand in hers. Theodora realized that she had closed her eyes involuntarily. But I was afraid to open my eyes again. She just desperately clung to the feeling of her hand in order not to let go of Maxim’s warmth.
“I want to start over.”
Starting out was hard. Theodora knew it, and Maxim knew it too. It was because their first time was a moment that had already passed, and a first time could not exist for them who faced each other again.
“No, I want to continue talking with you.”
So, connect.
Even though Maxim’s road and Theodora’s road were twisted, broken, and twisted, they were connected. It never broke, Maxim said. Maxim’s hand, which held Theodora’s hand, grew stronger. Theodora opened her eyes. Beyond the blurred vision, I saw Maxim’s smiling face.
“Now you see me, Theodora Benning.”
“… Fool. That’s what I said.”
Theodora laughed. A single tear flowed down his cheek. Maxim’s hand touched Theodora’s cheek. Theodora shed a few more tears as she felt Maxim’s gentle touch on her eyes.
“Answer?”
Maxim asked. Theodora took Maxim’s hand, which was placed on her cheek.
“yes. I also.”
Our stories become one again here.
“Keep going, keep going.”