My Ex-Girlfriend Regrets Dumping Me

11 – Terminal (1)

ㅡ Sigh

The sound of pouring water into a transparent glass seemed loud.

A quiet song echoed in the store, but Jia and I didn’t say a word to each other.

After ordering pasta and the waiter disappeared, we continued in this state.

The reason for the tense atmosphere was only one.

It was because Jia and I were concerned about what had happened with Hayeon earlier.

“…Hey…Oppa. Are you okay?”

Jia glanced at my stiff face, subtly showing concern.

I tried to control my expression, but it wasn’t easy.

I felt unjust in a situation like this, especially on what was practically the first date with Jia.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

It wasn’t really okay, but I couldn’t keep up this atmosphere.

I forced a smile on my face, trying to appear cheerful.

Jia seemed to sense a change in the atmosphere and asked me.

“Can I ask why you acted that way earlier?”

“…”

“Oh, if it’s a difficult story to tell, I’m sorry for asking. hehehe.”

As I hesitated to answer, Jia laughed awkwardly and put on a guilty face.

It was a long story to explain everything to her.

It was irrelevant to her and just a boring story of my lament.

I didn’t want to bring up bad memories and be stupid, especially when we were trying to keep the good atmosphere going.

I gave a brief explanation to Jia.

“…Well, it’s just that we’re not really on good terms. I looked a bit upset, didn’t I? I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s okay. It was a bit scary earlier… but I’m sure you have your reasons, oppa.”

“It’s a relief that you understand.”

As I smiled and let it go, Jia also smiled slightly.

Yeah, how long am I going to be like this?

If I continue like this, it will be too disrespectful to the person in front of me.

“But oppa, we’re not that close yet, are we?”

“Yeah.”

“If oppa feels like getting it off his chest, you can tell me. I’m good at keeping secrets and listening.”

Jia looked at me with affectionate eyes as she spoke.

Honestly, it wasn’t an easy thing to say to someone I met less than a month ago.

I could see Jia’s kindness.

“Girls often share their secrets like that. Of course, I’m not forcing you to.”

“Thank you for thinking of me. But it’s okay.”

It wasn’t a matter of feeling better by telling someone.

If I had talked to Jin-ho about it, then my heart should have been lighter at that time.

Even now, when I think about it, I feel a sharp pain in my heart.

The wound of betrayal would be something I had to carry for the rest of my life.

“It’s just a bit hard to talk about.”

My leg hurts.

How long had she been sitting in the middle of the street, hesitating?

In the end, Hayeon couldn’t overcome the throbbing pain in her tired legs and struggled to get up.

People passing by had been giving her strange looks since earlier, but such things weren’t important to her.

“…He’s gone.”

The fact that Gunyul left without even looking back was even more agonizing for her.

Something like this happened on the first day of school too.

She couldn’t fathom how much her heart had ached when she returned home alone back then.

“…Do I really despise myself now?”

The words were painful as they escaped her lips, squeezing her heart tightly.

Gunyul hating himself was unbearable pain for her.

Of course, everything stemmed from her own stupid mistake and actions.

“Who am I to have any rights? A shameless woman.”

Words of self-blame flowed out of her mouth viciously.

Having berated herself countless times, this wasn’t anything to concern her anymore.

The image of Gunyul’s wounded eyes just now flashed through her mind.

Thinking she made him like that, a sense of guilt surged in her, causing her limbs to tingle.

She had shed too many tears that now they didn’t come out at all.

There were classes in the afternoon today, but she simply didn’t feel like attending them.

Even if she went, she would just while away the time absent-mindedly.

Hayeon forced her body to move and headed towards her studio apartment.

.

.

.

.

With trembling fingers, she pressed the door lock and stepped inside her humble abode.

The darkened house felt even more empty today.

Despite the fact that her current place was larger than her previous studio apartment.

Back then, it was a small 5-square-meter room, yet it felt like it was filled with something.

Perhaps it was because he was always there with her.

Daughter

Green bottles filled inside a black plastic bag made a sound as they clashed.

On the way back, the soju she picked up and paid for at the convenience store was in her hands.

If she didn’t drink alcohol, it seemed that her current gloomy mood would not go away.

“No alcohol or smoking is allowed. You know that without me telling you, right?”

“…Ah, I don’t know.”

Her doctor’s advice when she was discharged comes to mind.

…If you’re going to die, then die.

But soon she shook her head and shook it off, and placed the soju on the table.

Then she sat down and started to untwist the cap without a glass for the soju.

“…Sigh.”

The repugnant smell of alcohol pricked Hae-yeon’s nose.

Hae-yeon couldn’t drink alcohol and was close to hating it. She only drank wine or cocktails.

She couldn’t stomach the strong smell of alcohol in soju or beer.

But today was different.

Because she didn’t drink it because she liked alcohol in the first place.

She just wanted to forget everything.

She just wanted to put it in like a sleeping pill to forget this dirty feeling.

“…Ugh.”

A bitter taste filled her mouth.

Hae-yeon began to empty one soju bottle after another like that.

“How did I end up like this?”

Was it when she had poured about two bottles when she had to endure feeling sick?

As the strong sense of drunkenness settled in, the flames of Hae-yeon’s withered emotions began to flare up again.

After being discharged, she didn’t like being home alone most of the time.

The reason was simple.

If she was alone, one of two emotions would come to her.

One was regret.

And another one is depression.

She sometimes went for walks or went shopping just to avoid feeling such emotions.

“…Sob… Sniff…”

But now, having drunk alcohol, she had no control over her emotions.

At this point, even the string of rationalization that should have comforted her own reasoning had crumbled.

“…I’m sorry… Yool… I’m really sorry…”

The words she should have said when she met him.

Hayeon despised herself for not even being able to say that one word properly.

And to forget that, she raised her glass of soju to her lips again.

*Sigh*

Unknowingly, Hayeon leaned her head on the desk, tears streaming down her face.

And before she knew it, her mind grew hazy, and she involuntarily closed her eyes.

*

When Hayeon was young, her favorite fairy tale was “The Prince Riding on a White Horse.”

The story was very simple.

A princess who had endured a difficult life was rescued and lived happily by the Prince riding on a white horse.

Looking back now, it was a childish and unrealistic story.

“Did you like it that much, Hayeon?”

“Yeah!”

She had asked her mother to read it to her numerous times, and she even cried when the fairy tale book ripped and fell apart.

She didn’t know why she was attracted to that story herself.

She simply thought it would be nice if someone like the prince in the fairy tale appeared in her life.

That was the extent of her vague thinking.

“Hey! You guys, don’t bother her! If you don’t want to get scolded by me.”

So when Gunyul first met her in kindergarten, she thought to herself.

…He’s like a prince from a fairy tale.

The first meeting was casual, but the density of time that followed was far from light.

“I… It’s okay. Stand behind me quietly. Go away! Bad dog!”

Protecting herself from a dark and fierce dog but getting hurt in the process.

“Well then… Hic… Of course… Sniff… I’ll keep staying by your side.”

The scene of embracing her while shedding tears and mucus together at the funeral home was still vivid in her mind.

Geon-yul was the only pillar Hayeon could rely on.

She had no place to lean on even for her parents, he was her only ally.

And he was always there for her when she was struggling, like a prince coming to rescue her.

Perhaps he was her own hero.

It wasn’t difficult for her to start liking Geon-yul.

Even as she grew older, her feelings for him didn’t change, but she was too embarrassed to express them openly.

After they started dating, it became even more so.

She just conveyed her thoughts with the words “I love you.”

So, when the conscription notice arrived, Hayeon didn’t waver at all.

Because she had never thought of meeting any other man besides Geon-yul.

She simply believed that they would be together like this for a lifetime.

Graduate from college, get a job, and get married.

And she believed that such a life would bring her the most happiness.

“…Hae-yeon, how do you think it’ll be for you when I go to the military?”

“Well, you’ll probably miss me. Feel lonely.”

“Is that all? Don’t you want to meet someone else… anything like that?”

“That’s nonsense. Instead of worrying about that, just take more breaks or come out more often. Silly.”

So, Geon-yul’s worries were unnecessary concerns for her.

We’re just temporarily parting ways until we meet again.

After all, we’ll be together until we die. Two years is nothing.

It was unthinkable for her to waver.

She couldn’t understand why Geon-yul was grateful to her to an extent that she couldn’t comprehend.

But the premonition came to Geon-yul before he enlisted.

“…Strange.”

To always appear good in front of Geon-yul, Hayeon managed her weight.

But she wasn’t the type to gain weight easily, so she never forcefully dieted.

So, losing about 5kg on the scale all at once was something even she couldn’t understand.

But she didn’t think much of it.

“Is the part-time job you recently changed to too difficult?”

“It was too much for her, so she thought it was better to let it pass.

With the recent overlapping exam period, she was also tired.

She had always lived without any major problems, so she didn’t think she would suddenly suffer greatly.

So, when her aunt suggested going together for a health check-up, honestly, it was a bothersome thing for Ha-yeon.

[‘Ha-yeon. Your aunt’s company is offering a family health check-up this time. Would you like to do it too?’]

[Uh… It’s okay…]

[No, try it once. Nowadays even young people are not healthy. You haven’t had a health check-up before. Do it this time.]

[Okay, I got it.]

Even though they spoke so much, what was the point of refusing?

She simply thought it was her aunt’s nagging.

She wondered why her young self would have any illness.

But that health check-up, which she was pushed into, completely changed her life.

“MRI scan result, uh. Unfortunately, Seo Ha-yeon is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”

“…Cancer?”

“Yes. And it’s probably close to stage 4 from stage 3. To explain it in an easy way, it’s terminal.”

As soon as she heard those words, cold sweat started flowing down.

It was something she had only heard in dramas, and now it came to her.

She was sitting on the chair, but she could feel her legs shaking.

Even though she had no medical knowledge, she knew that late-stage cancer was dangerous.

“…H-How dangerous is it? What will happen to me? Doctor?”

The doctor who declared her pancreatic cancer let out a sigh as if it were difficult to speak.

And then he delivered even more shocking words.

“If you start the anti-cancer treatment immediately, you may have about one year. If you don’t, maybe about six months.”

22 years old.

At an age when she should enjoy her youth more than anyone else, she became a ticking time bomb.