Multiversal Friendship System

The moment Souta heard that voice, his expression lit up.

Because he instantly recognized it.

Not because he was familiar with the speaker's voice, but because in the entire Monogatari universe—

Only one man had the catchphrase: "You seem to be in high spirits. Did something good happen?"

Come to think of it…

Did this guy seriously just show up at the most convenient moment?

Had he been watching the whole time?

Souta pocketed his phone, turned around, and—

Sure enough, a middle-aged man in a loud Hawaiian shirt was walking toward him.

The man wore earrings, wooden sandals, and had an overall eccentric appearance, with a perpetually smug expression.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was just some shady guy who went around hitting on people.

This was Meme Oshino.

Souta eyed him and asked:

"You know me?"

"I heard about you from Kiss-Shot."

Meme pulled a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket, put one in his mouth—

—but didn't light it.

Was he just trying to look cool?

"To be honest, I'm really curious about you. After all, you're the guy who told Kiss-Shot—

—that you would turn her back into a human."

Souta could almost hear the unspoken words in Meme's bemused gaze—

"Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?"

Souta couldn't help but be curious:

"How much do you actually know about me?"

"Not much, but…"

Meme pinched his cigarette between his fingers, flashing a lazy smirk:

"I do know that you're an 'otherworlder.'"

His eyes gleamed mysteriously, as if he could see right through Souta.

And his expression?

For some reason…

It absolutely reeked of condescension.

It made Souta really want to chuck a phone at his face.

After a brief pause, Souta decided to test him.

Or rather—mess with him.

"Oh, so you know I'm from another world?" Souta mused.

Then he smirked and continued:

"Then that means you also know that my world is the 'real' world—

—and that this world is nothing more than a fictional story."

"That there are countless other fictional worlds like this one."

"And that you yourself are nothing more than a fictional character."

Meme Oshino: '…'

Hold on.

Did I just hear something absolutely insane?

"Whoa, whoa, Souta-kun…"

Meme waved a hand, his usual smug grin faltering.

"You're not seriously telling me… that all of that is true… are you?"

Meme Oshino rarely showed surprise.

That was because he understood the supernatural beings of this world.

Whenever something strange happened, it was always linked to some kind of oddity—and thus, it all fell within the realm of his "common sense."

So, he never found things surprising.

But what Souta just said… was way too absurd.

"I… am a character from a fictional work?"

Meme Oshino asked, genuinely intrigued.

If anyone else had said this, he definitely wouldn't have believed it.

But Souta was a recognized "otherworlder," someone Kiss-Shot herself had acknowledged.

His words carried weight.

Souta nodded seriously:

"Yep. I even know what happens to you in the future."

"You end up falling in love with your old classmate, Kaiki Deishu."

"Kaiki, out of love for you, undergoes gender reassignment surgery."

"Eventually, the two of you have a child."

"And you name your kid 'Moo-Moo Oshino.'"

Meme Oshino: '…'

Alright.

Clearly, that was total bullshit.

Meme wasn't mad—just slightly surprised.

Souta didn't seem like the type to joke around with strangers.

And yet, this was their first-ever meeting.

So… did that mean his whole "fictional character" claim was real?

Meme thought for a moment.

Then he decided to set the topic aside for now.

He could always ask about it later.

Glancing past Souta, Meme smirked knowingly:

"Looks like you're in a bit of trouble, Souta-kun."

"If you're struggling to get Kiss-Shot's limbs back… I might have a suggestion for you."

Meme Oshino, the Negotiation Expert

In the end, Meme handled the negotiations.

After Souta accepted his suggestion and let him talk things out with Guillotine Cutter…

He successfully got Kiss-Shot's arms back.

As for the other two hunters?

They didn't even need negotiations.

Dramaturgy was a coward—he had already agreed to return Kiss-Shot's right leg.

And Episode?

After a few more system-phone smashes to the face, he shut up and complied.

Like some kind of masochist—

—all it took was a good beating.

But Guillotine Cutter…

That guy was a holy man—a priest.

He hunted vampires because of his faith and mission.

He was like a stubborn, unmovable stone in a filthy toilet.

Even if you tortured him, he might never break.

So the fact that Meme Oshino had actually convinced him?

Souta was seriously impressed.

Meme's negotiation skills were something Souta genuinely envied.

If he had even half of Meme's skills, back in the Baccano! world, he wouldn't have gotten into a fight after barely exchanging two sentences.

By the way—

On the way to retrieve the limbs, Episode was being a little shit.

Clearly still holding a grudge, he kept running his mouth—

"This is so freaking hilarious."

"Super funny."

"Ultra funny."

Every time he said something stupid, Souta—

—smashed his face in with the system phone.

So his forehead never stopped bleeding.

If he wasn't a half-vampire, he'd probably be dead already.

Honestly?

Souta was starting to love using his phone as a weapon.

It just felt incredibly satisfying.

So when they finally retrieved all of Kiss-Shot's limbs and parted ways with the hunters…

Souta glanced at Episode one last time.

With just the faintest hint of regret.

Episode—

instinctively clutched his head.

A full-on Pavlovian response.

The Next Morning

Souta and Meme walked back toward the abandoned cram school.

The two of them were relaxed, casually chatting as they walked.

Each carried a Boston bag—

Inside?

Kiss-Shot's arms and legs.

As they walked, Souta kept thinking about how to get Kiss-Shot's heart back from Meme.

At first, he had planned to negotiate.

But considering how terrible he was at talking, he'd probably end up fighting instead.

He was already debating whether or not to use "ZA WARUDO" on Meme—

—when Meme himself brought up the topic first.

Meme reached into his Hawaiian shirt pocket and pulled something out.

Not a cigarette.

But a beating, crimson heart.

"It's about time I gave this back."

Meme casually tossed the heart toward Souta.

Souta caught it immediately, eyes widening in shock.

"…You're just handing it over?"

"Well… originally, I wasn't planning to."

Meme shrugged, lazily explaining:

"After all, my job is to maintain 'balance.'"

"If Kiss-Shot regains her full strength, and those three vampire hunters come after her again—

—she'd probably kill them without a second thought, wouldn't she?"

"That would throw off the balance."

Yeah.

That was his original reason for stealing her heart in the first place.

Because the hunters and Kiss-Shot weren't on the same level—

—the fight would be unbalanced.

Honestly, Souta thought this whole reasoning was kind of bullshit.

But at the same time—

This was Meme Oshino's entire job.

"So then… why are you giving it to me now?" Souta asked.

Meme sighed dramatically and said:

"Because, my guy…

—you just completely shattered my understanding of the world."

Meme Oshino sighed—

A rare sight indeed.

During the process of retrieving Kiss-Shot's limbs, Souta had grown increasingly frustrated with Meme constantly pestering him with endless questions.

So, he had casually dropped a few details about the real world and the concept of fictional worlds.

Was that what made him change his mind?

Meme then spoke:

"Since you have the ability to travel between fictional worlds, I figured… even if I don't return the heart, you'd just take Kiss-Shot to another world and find a way to fix everything there, right?"

"That's correct." Souta nodded.

Of course, he had no intention of doing something that troublesome in the first place.

If Meme had refused to hand over the heart…

"Then refusing to give it back would be meaningless, and I'd only end up making an enemy out of you, huh?"

Meme flashed a carefree smile.

"You mentioned it before, didn't you?"

"You said you were going to make Kiss-Shot just like you—someone who doesn't need to eat humans to survive."

"I like that resolve of yours, kid."

"So, I don't mind giving you a little push in the right direction."

After saying that, Meme suddenly stopped walking.

He glanced up ahead—

The abandoned cram school was now only a few dozen meters away.

"Well, my job here is done. I won't be going any further, kid."

Meme handed his Boston bag over to Souta.

Souta took it, then sincerely said:

"Thanks. If it weren't for you, I probably would've had to put in a lot more effort to get all of these back."

"Haha, don't mention it, don't mention it."

Meme patted Souta on the shoulder.

Then, as if something had just crossed his mind, he asked curiously:

"By the way, kid… if I had refused to return the heart, what were you planning to do?"

"Were you really going to leave this world and look for another solution?"

"Nah. That would've been way too much of a hassle."

"Oh? Mind telling me what you would've done?"

"I would've stopped time for a few seconds, knocked you out with my phone, grabbed the heart, and bolted."

"After all, it's not like you can travel between worlds."

"Even if you wanted revenge, you'd never be able to find me."

"Simple, right?"

"…"

[Sexy Kiss-Shot.jpeg]

PS: Spent all afternoon editing chapters, so only one extra update today.

If you guys have any suggestions, feel free to DM me.

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